I Quietly Quit Drinking Almost a Year Ago – Here’s What I’ve Learnt About Sober Socialising

You’re about to be swimming in a deluge of content about Dry January and the benefits of kick-starting the year without alcohol. After the annual December indulgence, millions of Brits decide to give their minds, wallets and livers a booze-free break for thirty days - and I’m all for it.

But this is not really about that. I stopped drinking earlier this year (almost by accident, really), but I’m not here to preach about the health benefits or the joy of hangover-free Sundays, and I’m certainly not qualified to offer medical advice. There are some brilliant experts out there who are far more knowledgeable about alcohol and sobriety than me, and if it's something that you're struggling with, I've included resources below. But what I can offer is my own personal experience of navigating the often grittier bits that come with adjusting to an alcohol-free life.

I'm also acutely aware of sounding sanctimonious or rehashing the well-documented mental health benefits (there are many, and I feel them!). But there are also other parts of the sobriety puzzle that can feel a little uncomfortable, especially when you've used alcohol as a protective shield throughout your adult life. It's learning how to socialise again, without alcohol to buoy you; it's throwing yourself into sober dating and not relying on a drunk buzz to give you confidence; it's finding ways to enjoy holidays and big birthdays without a celebratory tipple.

I've Skipped Alcohol For 12 Months - And Swear By These Non-Alc Alternatives For Sober Socialising

Why I Stopped Drinking

It feels important to explain why I finally decided to take a break from drinking. When I say the decision was almost accidental, it really did feel that way; that lingering, foggy-headed kind of hangover that's manageable but miserable had started showing up after fewer and fewer drinks.

And, once the physical discomfort had subsided, the next two days would be spent squirming in the increasingly firm clutches of hanxiety. All of this for a couple of margaritas felt wildly unfair. And so, in what would become my final drink-induced dazed state, I decided I'd stop drinking for a little while. That little while has almost been a full year.

Now, this isn't to say that I'd cultivated a perfectly healthy relationship with alcohol up until this point. Or that it was easy to just stop. I'd tried before, many times, and it never lasted longer than a couple of months. I was an enthusiastic binge drinker in my teens and twenties, and even wrote about getting a fibroscan to see if I'd damaged my liver. Whether I'd earned it or not, I'd often wake up mortified, feeling like I'd lost control, and vowing to quit.

This time, though, I wasn't putting pressure on myself to stop forever, and it wasn't hinging on shame. I just wanted to feel good and not hungover so that I could spend time doing the things I love - hot yoga! Reading! Costume making! - instead of wasting two days watching an endless mental slideshow of every embarrassing thing I've ever done.

And somehow, this time, it stuck. And that quiet decision to quit drinking actually ended up expanding my life in so many ways.

The Surprises of Sobriety - and How to Handle Them

A lot of people ask me similar questions - do you feel socially awkward? Is dating weird? Will you ever drink again? Do any non-alcoholic drinks actually taste good? (To that point, yes, they do - and I've listed some of my favourites below).

So here's everything I'd tell someone who's considering quitting drinking.

1. Adjusting to sober socialising can feel overwhelming

Weddings, holidays, big birthdays - when your default has always been to celebrate loved ones with alcohol, or bask in the sunshine with a cocktail in hand, it can feel really unusual doing it all through a sober lens. But before you jump to the more daunting social engagements, build up your confidence and sober socialising muscle slowly through the smaller meet-ups. Dinners with friends, pub quizzes, work drinks - I'd give myself an hour cap as a mental safety net, and if I was feeling really self-conscious or unsettled, I'd give myself permission to just tap out.

I also found myself getting frustrated that it didn't always feel easy. Sometimes, without alcohol to mask it, anxiety would creep up on me, and I'd feel totally overwhelmed by everything happening around me. I can still get waves of it now despite the fact that, nine times out of ten, I'm totally fine socialising sober.

But one of the worst things you can do is force yourself to stay to prove a point to yourself (or anyone else) - I've tried that, and it always left me feeling depleted and rubbish. You'll find the balance between challenging yourself and pushing yourself too far, so take your time, and, like most things, the more you do it, the more confident you'll feel.

2. Dating changes - but then it gets so much better

Until this year, I'd never been on a sober first date. In fact, I'd have choked at the thought. Over the years, in my various pockets of singledom, first dates were always drinks and dinner/mini-golf/insert first date activity here. If there's one way to settle the nerves of two strangers who want to emit something resembling confidence, it's starting the night with a drink.

What happened when I started dating sober was - interesting. I decided to be upfront about it while chatting on dating apps, and was surprised that it didn't bother a single person I matched and met with. I also realised that, with the right people, it didn't feel awkward at all. That in itself felt surreal, given that I'd spent years convincing myself that the only reason I was so relaxed, and funny, and flirty, was because I was tipsy.

However, what sober dating will do is make you realise with impressive speed whether the person opposite you is actually for you. There's no glass of Picpoul to soften you into thinking that you're getting along just great, and maybe they are kind of charming, and maybe you would see them again? Sorry. The truth of your compatibility will be impossible to ignore, and it'll be laid out in full view.

So, yes, there will be some very awkward dates. And yes, every now and again you will find yourself leaving after an hour because carrying the conversation feels excruciating. But that is a good thing. You'll stop wasting time with the wrong people and end up dating some very lovely people instead. These are the people you don't need a drink with to have a good time. And you'll find these gems a lot quicker, too.

3. You might not save as much money as you'd expect

One of the biggest shocks came when I ordered my first non-alcoholic pint in a local pub. It looked like a pint, it tasted like a pint - and it cost me like a pint. Even the barman, who had just returned to the UK after travelling, double checked the till to make sure that the price was right.

A lot of people ask if I've saved money from quitting alcohol, and the answer is yes and no. In a lot of pubs, most of the alcohol-free wines and beers aren't far off what you'd pay for their fermented counterparts, and there will be some bars that charge an eye-watering £10 for a mocktail. However, I tend to drink a lot slower now and so end up at the bar far less.

I'm also usually heading home at a decent hour, too, and walking or getting the bus instead of stumbling into an Uber. I also forgo the drunk Deliveroo and the necessary hangover supplies from the Co-op the following day. So additional drunk costs have been slashed, even if I have to pay through the nose for an alcohol-free Paloma.

4. There are SO many more alcohol-free options than you realise

This genuinely came as a pleasant (and very welcome) surprise when I stopped drinking. The idea of going out and sipping endless glasses of orange juices didn't appeal to me at all, but I had no idea just how many pubs and bars stock a decent range of alcohol-free beers, ciders and sparkling wines. In both Brighton and London, I've found local spots that pour 0% pints, and while travelling in Greece, Spain and Australia I was amazed by how many restaurants created delicious alcohol-free cocktails. At BST this summer, there were stalls giving out 0% gin tins. I even did a full 'wine' tasting experience in Corfu. So if you're worried about limited options, don't be - the selection may feel smaller at first, but there are far more options than you probably realise.

5 best alcohol-free alternatives I've tried this year

Giving Dry January a go, or just keen to mix things up a little this year? I've extensively tested pretty much every non-alcoholic alternative on the market and the below are the best of the best.