Consider this an ode to the most incredible man in Hollywood (/New Cross).
THAT TIME WHEN SHIA LABEOUF STARRED IN A NARCISSISTIC GOGGLEBOX
Watch Shia LaBeouf watching Shia LaBeouf
Watching Shia LaBeouf watching Shia LaBeouf isn't exactly the way we anticipated spending our Wednesday afternoon, but that was probably just because we didn't know we had the option.
Shia LaBeouf's latest art installation features (unsurprisingly) Shia LaBeouf - this time, as he watches all of his own films back-to-back over the course of three days - streaming the whole thing live over the internet. And wearing the kind of coat you'd most commonly wear while navigating a route to the North Pole.
It raises a lot of questions - like whether anybody ever refers to Shia LaBeouf by just his first name, how many hours we can spend watching him watching him on the live stream without our boss realising, and whether it wouldn't just be easier to ask the cinema manager to turn the heating up.
Oh, and how much he's paying the camera man apparently nestled between his knees.
THAT TIME WHEN SHIA LABEOUF WAS AN ACTUAL CANNIBAL...
People throw the phrase 'best thing on the internet' around willy nilly. But that's clearly because they haven't watched this.
Written, directed and narrated by singer-songwriter Rob Cantor, starring choir boys, classical string orchestra, ballerinas and some aerial silks, it's the musical interpretation of a campfire horror story. If the campfire horror story featured a Hollywood superstar, a recently-sharpened axe, and a bear trap.
OK, OK, maybe it's not the best thing on the internet. But it's certainly the weirdest.
THAT TIME WHEN SHIA LABEOUF DRESSED UP AS A PAPER BAG
Presumably tired of wearing a face full of make up for the red carpet, Shia LaBeouf swapped cover-up for covering up when he donned a paper bag at the 2014 Berlin Film Festival - before wearing it for a series of press interviews over the following days.
Apparently he was making a statement about celebrity culture.
He definitely didn't wake up with a spot on the end of his nose.
THAT TIME WHEN SHIA LABEOUF MADE NEW CROSS FAMOUS...
... after apparently head butting a bartender in the Hobgoblin pub, and being subsequently thrown out.
(Incidentally, this may or may not have been the first time that anybody ever went into the Hobgoblin pub in New Cross. We really can't be sure.)
THAT TIME WHEN SHIA LABEOUF DECIDED TO GET MOTIVATIONAL
THAT TIME WHEN SHIA LABEOUF MADE SIA APOLOGISE
After Shia LaBeouf starred in Sia's music video for Elastic Heart alongside 12 year old Maddie Ziegler, critics lambasted the singer for the film's 'triggering' portrayal of a young girl dancing with a much older man - and eventually she took to social media to apologise.
'I anticipated some 'paedophilia!!!' cries for this video,' Sia wrote on Twitter. "All I can say is Maddie and Shia are two of the only actors I felt could play these two warring 'Sia' self states...I apologize to those who feel triggered by 'Elastic Heart.' My intention was to create some emotional content, not to upset anybody.'
THAT TIME WHEN SHIA LABEOUF GAZED AT A MOTORCYCLIST
blink, man.