Oh, good. Glad we've cleared these up.
Words by Jadie Troy-Pryde
Relationships are bloody complicated. We never know if we're getting it right or not, we're all guilty of having these common couple arguments, and don't even get us started on the whole awkward rigmarole that goes with terrible first dates - most of us are just worrying about this one thing when having sex with someone new.
So in order to perpetuate that dated saying that is now ingrained in our minds, it seems that men really are from Mars, and women - well, we're not.
Guys around the world took to this Reddit thread in order to explain the things that women will 'never understand' about them, and the thread covers everything from life, to love, but mostly - sex.
It's insightful, to say the least. But as ever be warned that this is just a collection of opinions, do not take this as the Ultimate Guide To Guys, and just as there's no 'one-size-fits-all' for women, men aren't all the same.
So now that we've got that out of the way, what did we learn while perusing this thread on our morning commute, stifling laughter and trying not to splutter our large morning coffee everywhere?
Boners don't actually mean anything
'Sometimes a boner just happens. Out of my control.' - skipbabeless
'We don't control our erections and having one does not mean we're thinking about sex, end of story.' - BalloonSponge
'To clarify... it doesn't mean I want to have sex. It's just blood in my d*** doing stuff to my muscles.' - uRedditMe
Eloquent. So erection confusion settled - it doesn't necessarily mean that he's ready to go. It just is what it is. And if he can't get one? That leads us on to...
Not being able to get an erection doesn't mean anything, either
'Not having [a boner] does not mean that I'm not interested in sex or that you are unattractive. Maybe I'm nervous. Maybe I'm drunk. Maybe I'm tired. Maybe I'm preoccupied.' - Omadon1138
Great! That's the panic from this weekend's unsuccessful Tinder hook-up out the window, then.
Guys don't go into detail about sex (apparently)
'In my experience, I've never chat with the guys about my SO's vagina. The fact that my ex had in depth conversations with her work friends regarding my penis is weird.' - ghazi_
'When you think about it, you would never talk about a girl's vagina to a friend. You could literally compliment any other part of her body; feet, legs, ass, body, boobs, neck, face, hair. But you would never go, 'That girl had a really nice vagina.'' - LewisCampbell90
Erm - really? Is this actually true? Take this one with a pinch of salt, as a few of the guys on the thread did point out that guys are immune to this rule if they work in restaurants, apparently (and we've definitely heard some very graphic details when guys have been discussing previous conquests).
They really don't take hints
'Subtle hints rarely work. You want something, ask for it. You want me to do something, you tell me what you want.' - RadicalPoopParticle
'Saying my name in a cutesy voice... is not cute. Just ask me to do the thing and I'll be happy to do it, you don't have to play a game to ask me something.' - jschild
Fair.
And they want direction in, well, everything
'We don't know what you want unless you tell us. Romantically, sexually, emotionally, physically, hungrily, etc. Just... like, direct us a little bit.' - aussiaesop
Noted - here's some light reading for you in the form of the best Kamasutra positions for ladies, and take a look at these seriously cool places to have brunch while you're at it.
Guys love compliments
'As men, we crave compliments. Nothing will make us happier then to be told we look good, smell good, etc. This is why... we men tend to compliment women too much sometimes. We sometimes over use the golden rule, we treat women as we want to be treated.
'I have worked with some pretty attractive men who would get hit on often which was nothing for them but the second someone actually complimented them they lit up like a god damn gorgeous Christmas tree.' - Betamaletim
It's probably more of a universal 'humans like to hear nice stuff about themselves' kind of thing than as opposed to just a guy thing.
However, if you're over the age of 26 and haven't met the person you want to marry yet, then you've got absolutely nothing to worry about because according to science you've already had your 'peak' when it comes to finding The One! HURRAH! Just focus on all that happiness with your body when you're 74 instead.