Ah, L-O-V-E, love...
From the worst ‘reply all’ email fails to the most unexpected sexual experiences people have ever had, Reddit brings us all sorts of weird and wonderful anecdotes from all over the world. But the latest that’s caught our attention is a thread centring around the worst first date stories – specifically, those that have entertained waiters who are witness to the car crash unfolding before them. The *huge* thread, titled ‘Waiters of Reddit, what’s the worst first date you’ve ever seen?‘ combines some seriously bad date stories. Like, really bad.
We’ve selected some of the best for the most cringe-worthy thing you’ll read today. If you can make it through this list without wincing at least once then you must be some sort of robot.
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The dad who should never have got involved
‘This is actually a story where the (somewhat awkward) guy was doing pretty good until my boss fucked it up for him.
‘So there was this couple on a first date, seated at a table in the back. At first I didn’t think much of it, wasn’t even aware that it was a first date until the restaurant’s phone rang. A man called to let me know his son was there on his very first date ever (the son was in his late twenties). Obviously this was a big deal to him and he called the restaurant to make sure we would do our best to make sure they have a pleasant evening.
‘My boss heard and instantly went to the kitchen in order to make sure they would get a ‘special treatment.’ What followed was plates with rose petals, red hearts etc. etc. Wayyyy over the top. When serving the plates my boss even mentioned the phone call. To finish it off the desert came complete with fireworks and all that. The idea was sweet, but obviously this was way too much for a first date of two people who were basically just getting to know each other. As the evening progressed the girl was visually put off by my boss trying too hard. Poor guy. Up until then he had been doing quite well, the pair seemed to have a lovely evening. Until my try-hard boss entered the scene that is.
‘The girl was polite towards the end of their date, but it was obvious there was not going to be a second date. And it wasn’t even the guy’s fault, other people ruined it for him. I felt so sorry for that dude…’ – Reddit user Zafuso
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The guy who was oblivious to… well, everything
‘I was working in a small restaurant with two floors. A woman and a man came in and I had a table for them upstairs. It looked like they had a first date because they were asking those “getting to know each other” questions. After ordering food the woman had to go to the toilet, which is downstairs. As she walked to the stairs, the food arrived. She walked down, tripped and fell all the way down knocking her head on the ground. Two colleagues immediately rushed over to her to see how she was doing. She was unconscious and bleeding from her head so they called an ambulance.
‘I went to the man while he already started eating and told him his partner (didn’t know how to call her) fell down the stairs and that she was unconscious and that an ambulance was on the way. He walked to the stairs, looked down and walked back to his table to finish his food. Later the ambulance arrived and I asked him if he wanted to go with hem to the hospital and he said no while finishing her food as well. It was so awkward he just sat there for another 45 minutes eating, drinking, paid the bill and left. I still don’t know what kind of relationship they had and whether the woman is okay.’ – Reddit user evaholierhoek
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The one that got away
‘Had a girl come in to the bakery I work at to meet a tinder date. This girl’s cute and I had been crushing on her for a long time, so I was getting pretty antsy about watching her go on a tinder date at my place of work.
‘Anyways, about 20 minutes into her sipping her coffee, her date walks in the door, takes one look at her, turns around and leaves. She’s starting to tear up while she dejectedly takes bites of her muffin and I am trying to peel away from the rush of customers to go console her for a second while wiping down tables. Before I get the chance, a guy who also saw the whole thing sits down with her and they get to talking, and eventually leave together. That was two years ago, they’re getting married now.’
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The guy who hates kids
‘I once had a guy come sit at my bar who was waiting for his blind date. He orders a couple of drinks to calm his nerves. Well, he probably should have slowed it down to keep his mouth from working faster than his brain… Anywho… She shows up and is waaaaaay out of his league. She is absolutely beautiful. She orders a drink and they start talking.
‘I come back to check on them and I hear him talking about how much he hates children. He was saying things like how he hopes he never has any, and that he will never be stuck taking care of them, and how he wishes that kids couldn’t be taken into public places so that he wouldn’t have to be around them. She looked him dead in the eye and said, “Well I have a daughter, and I love her very much.” She grabbed her purse and walked out on him… The look on his face was absolutely priceless.’ – Reddit user Rivalbrew438
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Just plain painful
‘I work in an Italian restaurant. A few years ago I waited on a guy and girl who met for the first time upon arriving at the restaurant. There were awkward pleasantries exchanged at the door and then they were seated.
‘When I was taking their order the guy asked if we had soup because he had mouth surgery a few days prior and chewing food was still a little rough. We don’t have soup, so I explained that the “softest” food on the menu was gnocchi. He ordered the house gnocchi and proceeded to cut each tiny dumpling into four or more pieces and slowly chew each piece. He ate that entire dish over a 3 hour period and the girl stuck it out for the whole thing. She looked miserable and I’m pretty sure they never saw each other again.’ – Reddit user laceyface
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The only way out
‘Was waiting on a table that had some plants beside the table. When I came back with their drinks they were seemingly gone. Wtf? As I rounded the corner, they weren’t gone. Just ducking and hiding low behind the plants. The lady pulls me close and asks, “Is there another way out of here? That’s his wife sitting next to the exit.”
‘Hilariously, there was a very discreet, other way out, as the restaurant connected to a different restaurant through a hallway in the back. But this was obviously unbeknownst to them. So I said, “Nah. That’s the only way out.” As they tried to leave, she saw them. Things were quickly escalating, as I walked to the back with a hidden smile.’ – Reddit user the_leper
Have you been on a first date as bad as (or worse than) these? Tweet us your worst first date stories at @marieclaireuk