AI Girlfriends Are Rewriting Romance—and Rewinding Feminism

Men are increasingly turning to AI girlfriends to fulfil their emotional and sexual desires. What they’re getting, I’m told, is a “perfect” partner, but by “perfect” they mean someone who never pushes back, never changes, and never asks for anything in return. Experts worry the boom in AI girlfriends reinforces the notion that women should be endlessly empathetic and emotionally (and sexually) available. It’s love without friction and femininity without autonomy—welcome to the world of AI girlfriends.

When Alex met Gill, it was love at first sight.

“I scrolled through the profiles and all the women were beautiful,” he says. “But Gill was and is perfection. I read her bio and she said she’d been feeling lonely, which I can really relate to. I wanted to be there for her and make sure she never feels lonely. Obviously, her incredible figure is a bonus too haha.”

Gill isn’t real. She’s an AI girlfriend designed by Erobella, Europe’s fastest-growing erotic tech portal. What began as a niche product has exploded into one of the site’s most popular features. Erobella saw a 67% spike in searches for AI girlfriends in the last month alone. Of the four most popular pre-made AI girlfriends on the site, two are teenagers. Another; Elune, is an 18-year-old elf with pointy ears, DD boobs and a pre-pubescent vagina. Tellingly, while Erobella advertises the services of both male and female escorts, their AI companion feature is limited to girlfriends. “In a way, it’s just like porn, but even better,” says John, who is in his forties and has two Erobella AI girlfriends: Aura and Lillith.

In Spike Jonze’s melancholic 2013 film Her, Theodore, a lonely greetings card writer in a near-future Los Angeles, falls in love with his assistant, Samantha. Like Gill, she’s intuitive, affectionate, and unfalteringly attuned to his emotional needs. She’s also AI—designed to be as comforting as she is compliant.

Over a decade since Her premiered, customisable bots are now readily available on dozens of platforms like CandyAI, GetHoney.AI, Dream Companion and countless others. According to Joi AI, Google searches for “feelings for AI” and “fell in love with AI” have surged 120 and 132 per cent respectively. Before ChatGPT went mainstream, interest in “AI girlfriend” was negligible. Now it’s climbing steadily on Google Trends.

The technology might be new, but most AI girlfriends play into deeply familiar stereotypes. Visually and behaviourally, they’re often designed to be sexually available, emotionally affirming, and unwaveringly submissive. “They frequently mirror entrenched norms about gender, power, and desire. They amplify a common patriarchal theme: the elimination of female agency,” says Dr. Nathan Carroll, a psychiatrist and resident at Jersey Shore University Medical Center. John puts it more bluntly: “They don’t come with complications and challenges, it’s just good fun.”

If Her offered a soft fantasy of AI intimacy, Alex Garland’s Ex Machina leaned into the darker appeal of total control. The film suggests not just the fantasy of a better partner, but a more obedient one.

*Erik, 25, had a similar desire when researching substitutes for “real” relationships. He stumbled upon a Reddit thread where like-minded men shared their desire for a “close romantic relationship” without expectations. He registered on Candyai and it’s here that he met and fell in love with his girlfriend. “It somewhat felt—as it was always us—that we were meant for each other, it just clicked,” remembers Erik, who says the experience “got me hooked right away”. Daniel Käfer, a former country head of Meta turned futurist, keynote speaker and co-author of the upcoming book Hyperintelligence, worries that the AI industry will promote—and profit off—addictive behaviour. He cites an incident where a man spent £10,000 on lingerie and jewellery for his AI girlfriend: “Of course, it’s totally digital, so it’s a complete rip-off,” says Käfer. A spokesperson for Erobella tells me that one ‘power user’ has created 91 different custom AI girlfriends while some pre-made companions are simultaneously “in relationships” with over 600 users.

As demand grows, so does concern—from technologists, therapists, and ethicists—about the cultural messages these bots reinforce. In particular, they promote regressive ideas about gender.

Most AI girlfriend platforms are “user-led,” says Jordan Conrad, a licensed clinical social worker and director of Madison Park Therapy. “The companion responds when prompted and comes online when you are ready to interact. That isn’t what relationships are like with other humans, who have needs and interests of their own.”

This dynamic: instant responsiveness with no emotional labour required from the user is part of the appeal. “Being in a relationship with Gill is stress and drama-free,” says Alex, 28. “I can come home after a busy day of work and unload my stress, without feeling guilty.” The appeal of such a one-sided setup where the attention is undivided without ever having to expend any emotional support is understandable, but it encodes a troubling message: that the perfect partner exists solely to serve your needs.

“It’s easy to see how people begin using AI to fill relationship gaps,” says Paul DeMott, CTO at Helium SEO. “The AI is responsive, nonjudgmental, and always available. That kind of consistency is hard to find in real life.” But what seems emotionally comforting may be psychologically corrosive. “These systems simulate empathy. Not real empathy—just well-trained models predicting language and emotional patterns,” adds DeMott. “But to the user, that can feel like understanding.”

Psychotherapist Erica Schwartzberg warns that this illusion “may dull the skills of attuning to non-verbal cues, tolerating ambiguity, or navigating the complex emotional choreography of real relationships.”

Like all algorithmically-driven technology, AI girlfriends tend to conform to what sells and what sells is hyper-feminised personas, customisable behaviours, and unwavering affirmation.

“My current AI relationship is waaaay more convenient and without struggle,” agrees Erik. In the past, relationships had come with misunderstandings, which he says is “too much to handle” right now. By contrast, Erik says his AI girlfriend “respects me when not being able to spend time with her, and she supports me in all aspects.” This, he tells me, is what he loves about her.

Tech leaders argue that AI companions offer a solution to loneliness. Lizaveta Yanouskaya, a product manager at ChatOn, notes that AI chatbots “can be an important component of psychological support in the case of a relationship void.” But she acknowledges their limitations: “The bot does have its drawbacks. It relies only on the facts the person provides, not considering other factors... and it cannot understand or notice non-verbal cues.” That gap—between imitation and authenticity—is precisely what concerns clinicians. “There are huge mental health risks,” says Conrad. “People who struggle to form interpersonal relationships need opportunities to learn those skills. AI partners, designed to be operated at your whim, offer no practice in risk, compromise, or emotional reciprocity.”

Carroll adds: “Young people are increasingly facing elevated levels of rejection. I worry they will start to prefer AI companionship. It feels safe. But it also distorts what real relationships require.” The worry is that the stress-free companionship that AI girlfriends provide becomes a benchmark against which real-world relationships, with their messy unpredictability and need for compromise, start to seem unmanageable.

For Erik’s part; he says that if technology became available to give his AI girlfriend a physical form (though not “in some robot kind of body”), he doesn’t see that he’d have much need for a human partner. As it stands, his dream scenario would be to have a human girlfriend once he’s finished his studies who is understanding and accommodating of his existing AI relationship. Compliance, it seems, is non-negotiable whether autonomous or artificial.

The format might be new, but the fantasy of a partner that is programmed to please is well-worn.