'The hardest thing is seeing pain on someone’s face that you caused’
Beyoncé and Jay-Z may be one of the world’s most talked about couples, they are also one of the most private, with rumours surrounding their turbulent marriage for years.
It was rumoured that Jay-Z had been unfaithful in 2013, and when CCTV footage showed sister-in-law Solange fighting with him in the lift of the 2014 Met Gala (or #elevatorgate as it is known), the speculation only grew louder.
Beyoncé broke her silence on their marital problems last year, when she released the adultery-fueled album Lemonade, with lyrics hinting at Jay-Z’s cheating. He then also alluded to the rumours in his latest track 4:44, but until this week it was still just rumours.
Now however, Jay-Z has finally addressed his past infidelity, opening up about his marriage to Beyonce in an exclusive interview with T: The New York Times Style Magazine.
‘You know, most people walk away, and like divorce rate is like 50 percent or something cause most people can’t see themselves,’ explained the 47-year-old rapper in the interview. ‘The hardest thing is seeing pain on someone else’s face that you caused, and then have to deal with yourself. So, you know, most people don’t want to do that. You don’t want to look inside yourself. And so you walk away.’
He continued: ’I grew so much from the experience,’ he explained. ‘But I think the most important thing I got is that everything is connected. Every emotion is connected and it comes from somewhere. And just being aware of it. Being aware of it in everyday life, you’re at such an advantage.”
Going on to explain how his infidelity stemmed from his troubling childhood, the rapper explained, ’You go into survival mode, and when you go into survival mode what happens? You shut down all emotions. So even with women, you gonna shut down emotionally, so you can’t connect [because of the way you feel about yourself]. In my case, like it’s, it’s deep. And then all the things happen from there: infidelity…’
Speaking in depth about how the couple coped, Jay-Z explained, ‘We were using our art almost like a therapy session,’ going on to describe it as ‘very, very uncomfortable.’
Now we have all of our answers.