Black is not an option
The sun is shining. People are spilling out of pubs into the street, basking in the glory of the British summertime, wine in hand like drunken little cherubs high on good vibes and chain smoking. Everyone is hashtag blessed. Isn’t it wonderful?
Honest answer: no. No it is not. Because, while it’s freaking fantastic the sun is setting slightly later and it’s warm enough to sit outside beyond dusk, warm weather means summer dressing. And summer dressing sucks.
And this is why:
1. Black fabric absorbs heat
Dressing exclusively in black is the easiest way to feel chic. That is a fact. No arguments. But a simple GCSE science refresher will remind you black absorbs heat.
2. Grey fabric shows sweat
While the majority of your wardrobe is black, there’s space for grey. However, here in lies the problem. Grey and sweat does not a match made in heaven, make. Unless, of course, post-train wet patches (underarm and underboob) is your idea of heavenly.
3. Jeans are no longer appropriate
Skirts and dresses are an unwelcome side effect of warm weather. You’ve tried culottes, you really have, but [black] jeans are where your heart lies.
4. Skin is mandatory
When the turtleneck came back in a big way, it was the most glorious day of your life. Unfortunately, it is too warm to wear any of the 74 you own. Cleavage is your nemesis, but it’s quite literally a necessity when the temperature turns up.
A recent study** found that those who hate summer dressing spend on average 70 times longer prepping their skin for summer than those who love an a-line skirt. Why? Because they spend all winter embracing a covered leg, and have forgotten what a razor and/or moisturiser looks like.
5. There’s no such thing as layering?
Picture the scene in the dead of winter…
Friend: ‘I love your outfit’
You: ‘Oh thanks. I just threw on these jeans, followed by this tee, followed by this sweater, followed by this lightweight jacket, followed by this great winter coat, followed by this scarf, followed by these excellent knee-high boots…’
The same scene in summer…
Friend: ‘I don’t mean to alarm you, but I think your ears are sweating’
You: [Passes out]
6. Leather jackets are out
You can’t wear them and it’s a travesty.
7. Mo money, mo problems
It costs a lot to buy a whole new wardrobe when you finally face the fact you have nothing suitable to wear.
**there was no recent study, we just made it up.