Looking to try something new in bed tonight? Here are the best LGBT sex hacks everyone needs to know about
Words by Alix Fox
Not all types of love look the same. Neither does all lovemaking. What happens in LGBT relationships is often different to what goes down beneath the duvet for heterosexual couples. But where ‘traditional’ penis-in-vagina sex is impossible, a multitude of alternative forms of carnal pleasure are now on offer, and straight couples could arguably benefit from borrowing a LGBT sex hack or two.
Same-sex lovers have a better understanding of how a certain touch or position feels for their partner. After all, someone who possesses a particular organ – be it a penis or clitoris – will have a good idea on how to operate it for someone’s pleasure, too.
However, it’s about more than just the physical side of sex. Queer communities frequently embrace more open, progressive attitudes to sex than the hetero norm. Whether it’s talking about anal play or challenging limiting gender stereotypes, many straight sex lives could be revolutionised by a frank Q&A session with the LGBT players. Here, a few non-heterosexuals share their hottest LGBT sex advice.
LGBT sex toys
‘Straight women are told sex toys must be ‘discreet’ to avoid making their partner feel like he, his penis and his fragile masculinity are threatened by a machine,’ asserts Rashmi Malik, who is homosexual. She worries some women choose cute, tiny devices like bullet vibrators to avoid emasculating men, when they may actually need bigger, more powerful toys to get off. (Enter, our edits of the best sex toys for couples and the best sex toys for flying solo.)
‘Lesbians pick playthings to get results, rather than flattering anyone’s ego or trying to be feminine about it. As women, we understand it’s no judgement on us if our partners need intense stimulation to come, so we aren’t intimidated by heavy-duty toys like massage wands,’ she says.
Wands emit strong, rumbling vibrations and are famed for giving countless, previously non-orgasmic women their first Big O – but they’re not exactly subtle. ‘I feel badass wielding a hefty wand with enough oomph to make my girlfriend orgasm, even through her jeans,’ declares Malik. ‘Maybe if straight men viewed such toys as power tools that allow them to bring lovers new levels of ecstasy, they’d see them as assets, not enemies.’
Try suggesting a wand to your partner by selling it as the ‘ultimate’ sex toy and frame it as something that will make him feel mighty, not undermined.
Doxy massagers (from £89.99) are superb, and come in glittery finishes as a mild concession to lessening their industrial feel. Alternatively, the Tokidoki x Lovehoney wand (£99.99) resembles a unicorn. Any guy whose sense of manhood is jeopardised by a mythical beast probably has bigger problems…
Tips for anal sex
Topher Taylor is gay, and works for homocentric sex shop Clonezone. It saddens him that in 2017 there’s still such taboo around anal play for men in hetero culture. ‘Probing a guy’s ass can give orgasms incomparable to those produced by masturbation or intercourse,’ he says. ‘Plus, it can make men feel high for hours afterwards.’
Want to start breaking down butt-based barriers with your own partner? Taylor has tons of LGBT sex tips to get him so hot that any previous inhibitions will quickly melt away.
‘Try introducing rimming (anal licking) to a blow job,’ he advises. ‘Take a shower together to nix hygiene worries, then while you’re going down on him, run your tongue from his anus to his penis head. Wet his anus with saliva, then breathe gently on it while using your knuckles to rub his perineum – the patch of skin between his balls and bottom. This technique really is one of the best out there.’
Once you’re ready to move on, try inserting a finger, but avoid positioning your man on his hands and knees. ‘It’s hard for beginners to relax in a doggy-style pose; lay him on his side instead,’ advises Taylor. ‘Treat his hole like you’re holding a fragile egg. Use lashings of lube, and encourage him to take deep breaths and “push out” as you push your finger in, like he’s going to the loo. This will help his muscles yield to you.’ This area is packed with nerve endings and, provided he can relax and go with it, trying this can only add to the intensity of his orgasm.
Sex without penetration
Alyssa Black is a transgender woman who’s pansexual – she’s attracted to people regardless of gender. ‘Although I have a penis, the feminising hormones I take weaken my erections,’ she explains. ‘I could take Viagra, but instead I focus on other ways to give and receive pleasure. Removing the obvious “putting my penis in an orifice” from being the primary goal of sexual interactions has made my love life significantly better. More people should give this approach a go, because it promotes creativity and inventiveness.’
Even if you only do this one out of every three times you have sex, try to make the main event something other than intercourse. One new thrill Black has discovered is extended nipple play, which is also enjoyed by bisexual Reed Amber, co-founder of sex vlog Come Curious. ‘Tweaking or sucking nipples is something many straight couples do only fleetingly during foreplay,’ she says. ‘But if you make nips your focal point and build up sensitivity over a long session, you might be surprised by how sensual they feel. Good sex doesn’t always mean “sticking something into something”.’
How to give a great blow job
‘Hundreds of ads from gay guys on Craigslist and Grindr ask for hookups where they’ll just get a good old dick-sucking – not as foreplay to penetrative sex, and without expectation of reciprocation,’ says Master Dominic, an award-winning gay professional dominant who runs adult workshops at erotic boutique Coco de Mer. ‘I suspect many straight dudes would love to sit back and savour being blown occasionally, and for that to be the sole focus of a sex session, but they fear women will think they’re selfish pigs for asking,’ he adds. ‘Yet even for the most considerate, giving bloke, it’s a treat to be able to relax into getting head without worrying about having to conserve energy for action afterwards.’
Master D suggests telling your lover tonight is, ‘just about you doing the sucking – no fucking.’ Start the experience with gentle nibbles and licks through his underwear while he’s hard and keep this going for a while. This adds a novel layer of unusual sensation and builds the tease, which will send him wild. ‘Plus, it’s a ridiculously hot visual to look down and see someone worshipping the bulge in your pants,’ he adds.
Role play in the bedroom
‘Same-sex couples are less likely to fall into gendered clichés when role playing in the bedroom: when you’ve got two men or two women together, it’s not as obvious who “ought” to be in charge or who “should” play what part in a saucy scene,’ explain Drew Harvey Bigglestone and Ian Diamond, who have been together for 15 years and now run adult store Lukeandjack.co.uk.
Multitudes of new, exciting adventures await straight couples if they’re willing to similarly push against the boundaries mainstream society says males and females should occupy. ‘Why can’t you throw him around like a lumberjack or fire fighter?’ suggests Bigglestone. ‘What about him intimately pampering you by doing your hair or nails?’
Gay blogger Luke (@Beardynoise) advocates heterosexuals reading queer erotica for inspiration. ‘I’ve picked up awesome moves from X-rated stories on LGBT fiction site Nifty.org,’ he says. ‘There are fascinating categories, like “Stories set in rural locations” and even a specific “Hot but no sex” section.’
So, what are you waiting for? You’ve got the hottest LGBT sex hacks, now start experimenting…