What it feels like... having a threesome that changes your relationship

Would sex with another woman impact Becky's* relationship with her boyfriend?

What does a threesome feel like? Three people chatting and laughing

Would sex with another woman impact Becky's* relationship with her boyfriend?

If you're someone who's keen to explore sexually or try new things, you might sometimes wonder: what is a threesome like?

Your first threesome, for example, will likely feel totally different to, say, someone who sleeps with multiple partners in one go most weekends. And an accidental threesome, on the other hand, will likely have a different vibe to one that you've meticulously planned (or at least you'd hope).

Here, Becky* shares the story of her first threesome - of the months of planning, post-sex glow, and then the complications of navigating a world with another partner in the mix.

Don't miss our guides to how to talk to your partner about a fetish, sex positions, and most common sex dreams, while you're here.

What is a threesome like? "It's one of my hottest memories - but it got complicated." 

"It was three o’clock in the morning and I really wanted to go to sleep, but my boyfriend of nine months didn’t seem tired, and neither did the woman we’d just had sex with. My eyelids were drooping, but I was determined not to be the one to break it up, or go to bed first."

"'Shall we open some more wine?' Niamh* suggested."

"My boyfriend read my expression, knowing from looking at me that the last thing I wanted was to stay up even later, drinking even more."

"“I think we should head to bed,” he replied."

"I felt grateful – until I realised that his suggestion had opened a whole new can of worms. We had discussed the sleeping arrangements earlier – along with everything else – but that was before, and this was now. I remember feeling slightly panicked that James* would forget what we’d agreed, or that Laura would be upset with the plan. 'I’ll get the sofa bed out,' James announced, leaving a long pause."

What does a threesome feel like? A young group hugging

"'I don’t mind sleeping in here with you guys,' replied Laura."

"If I’d been holding James’s hand, I would have dug my nails in, but Laura was sitting between us with our duvet pulled up to her shoulders. I tried to look like it didn’t bother me – I don’t think I did a very good job, because James took over. 'I just think it’ll be a bit cramped,' he said. 'Do you want tea?'"

"Not wanting to share a bed with Laura wasn’t about what we’d just done – we’d been planning the threesome for about six weeks and I was happy we’d gone through with it – but the bed really wasn’t big enough for three."

"I also didn’t want to sleep next to someone I barely knew."

"James and Laura went to the kitchen together and I thought about changing the sheets, but I don’t when just James and I have sex, so I didn’t. I knew it would look like I was freaking out. The next morning, we slept late and had breakfast together, but I wanted Laura to go, so I could be alone with James. I wanted to talk about what had happened and to go back to bed and enjoy each other all over again."

"When she did eventually leave, Laura kissed me on the cheek and James on the lips."

"The night before, I’d watched her have sex with him without a twinge of jealousy, but now, as I watched her kiss him, I was overcome with it."

"We still see Laura occasionally, socially, and the fact that we’ve been together isn’t something I’ve ever tried to hide from. I don’t regret it; it’s still one of my hottest memories – the one that James and I talk about the most in bed. However, there’s more to it than that: The way James treated me, the fact he was so sensitive to my needs and emotions, was a foundation on which I’ve built my trust for him ever since."

"I think of what happened that night as a bit like bungee jumping. I’m glad I tried it – it was fun – but that doesn’t mean it’s changed me as a person, or that I’m in any rush to do it again."

Ally Head
Senior Health, Sustainability and Relationships Editor

Ally Head is Marie Claire UK's Senior Health, Sustainability, and Relationships Editor, nine-time marathoner, and Boston Qualifying runner. Day-to-day, she works across site strategy, features, and e-commerce, reporting on the latest health updates, writing the must-read health and wellness content, and rounding up the genuinely sustainable and squat-proof gym leggings worth *adding to basket*. She's won a BSME for her sustainability work, regularly hosts panels and presents for events like the Sustainability Awards, and saw nine million total impressions on the January 2023 Wellness Issue she oversaw. Follow Ally on Instagram for more or get in touch.