If you’ve been scrolling through TikTok lately, you’re likely to have seen the phrase “the feminine urge to do everything” flying around your feed.
With over 33M views, this viral phrase pops up on my socials daily - and let's just say, it’s left me conflicted. For anyone not on the app (you’re a stronger person than I am), these videos showcase montages of influencers seamlessly transitioning between activities such as running, cycling, CrossFit and swimming, before sitting down to their laptop, baking something delicious, all punctuated by trips around the world and taking evening language classes.
On one hand, I want to see these videos as inspiring, and in some ways, they are. Watching women embrace the multifaceted sides of their personalities and stepping into previously male-dominated spaces is a move we’re here for at Marie Claire UK.
But as 25-year-old Sasha* explains, "Watching this content makes me question whether I’m serious about all the things I want to do. I’ve always thought that if I really wanted something, I’d make time for it. But between working 9 to 5, travelling into the office, working out beforehand, commuting home and making dinner - realistically, when can I make the time?”
Sasha's not alone in feeling overwhelmed by the constant demand for activity. We’re living in an age where stats show that female burnout is at an all-time high, with further research indicating that 25% of us feel overwhelmed by stress. But I didn't need research to tell me this - I've had countless conversations with friends who feel like they are falling behind, despite working a 9 to 5, training for a marathon and launching a side hustle.
While social media is not entirely to blame for our struggle to juggle countless hobbies (cost of living crisis and ever-tightening flexible work policies, we’re looking at you), these trends do contribute to a narrative which equates constant activity with fulfilment.
Below, we asked the experts whether "doing everything" should really be the goal, and how we can cope if we’re struggling with the pressure to keep up with our hobbies. Keen to find other ways to reduce stress? Check out our guides to somatic exercise and nervous system regulation while you’re here.
Seen the phrase "the feminine urge to do everything" being bandied around TikTok? Us too - here's why it could be problematic
What is the feminine urge to do everything trend?
According to Google, the feminine urge to do everything describes our tendency, as women, to dive headfirst into a wide variety of hobbies, activities, and creative pursuits, often sparked by sudden waves of inspiration to try something new or reinvent ourselves.
The concept itself isn’t exactly new. Since the earliest conversations around gender equality, there’s been a cultural celebration of women who can "do it all". From the rules and rigidity of early 2000s diet culture to the rise of Sophia Amoruso’s 2010s Girl Boss era, the glorification of hyper-productivity has always been there.
The difference is that in recent years, this pressure has bled into our downtime. In the post-pandemic boom of influencer content, trends such as the feminine urge to do everything teach us that fulfilment lies in maximising every hour of the day. It’s now expected that our downtime is as dynamic as our day jobs, filled with workouts, projects, and new experiences.
And yet, the reality is that the influencers in these videos are not bound by the same 9-5 schedule that most of us are, and more often than not, they are being paid to market to us the idea that this new hobby will bring us happiness and fulfilment.
@hollyb_fitness ♬ original sound - Paige
What does the feminine urge to do everything purportedly entail?
Spoiler: The “everything” in the feminine urge to do everything isn’t about ticking off your to-do list. There’s no laundry folding or hoovering here. “Everything” is about chasing a life that feels aspirational, novel, and a little cinematic. It could look like sunrise Pilates followed by matcha-fuelled journaling, a day of upcycling vintage furniture, or an uber-organised work-from-home routine. Ultimately, it’s not actually the what that matters so much as the vibe it creates when posted on social media.
What do the experts think of the trend?
The expert view on this one is mixed. As psychotherapist Lauren Young explains, “There’s a real sense of freedom in seeing women saying, 'Why not me?”
And yet, as someone who works with burnout daily, Young sees how this mindset can backfire. “It’s the highlight reel effect, only now, instead of comparing bodies or careers, we’re comparing hobbies.”
Behavioural and Mindset Coach, Lily Silverton, echoes Young. “In one way, it’s great to see a trend which encourages us to try lots of new creative pursuits, see new places and use our bodies in different ways. However, doing everything should be a tool for self-discovery rather than escapism. If we’re using busyness to distract from the reality of being ourselves in this world, then that can have a negative impact on self-worth in the long term.”
Both experts agree that it’s not so much the ‘doing everything’ that’s problematic, but the motivation behind it. As Young explains, “There’s a silent pressure on women to be everything to everyone, and to explore every possible version of ourselves in the process. When we find ourselves asking, is “rock climbing version” of me the most interesting, or what about “pottery me”?, there’s often a bigger question at stake. What we’re actually asking is, “Am I enough?”
As Silverton adds, “it’s natural for human beings to be curious and interested in the world around us, and that’s no bad thing. The challenge is that social media has opened our eyes to the abundance of choice which is out there, and this can often make us feel that we have to do it all.”
It’s certainly relatable, but self-introspection is not easy. So, how can we really tell what’s driving us? “Start by noticing your shoulds,” advises Young. “Any time you catch yourself thinking, “I should be doing that too,” pause. Ask yourself, “Is this something I actually want, or am I trying to earn worth through attendance?”
Silverton adds that “writing down all of your activities and the intention behind them can be really helpful, as it helps to identify which ones actually enhance your happiness and wellbeing.”
@laurenclarke132 You better believe I will be trying to do it all 🌶️✨🔥
♬ original sound - Paige
How can I manage my feminine urge to do everything?
The verdict? Balance is not a one-size-fits-all measurement, and there’s no magic number when it comes to our hobbies. That said, if you’re starting to feel that your downtime looks too much like a performance schedule, Young has shared some of her top tips for redressing the balance.
- Practice saying “no” without an essay worth justification. “No, thank you” is a complete sentence. You don’t need to justify protecting your time or your energy.
- Conduct an energy audit. For one week, write down how you feel after each activity. Did it fill your cup, or empty it? Use this to organise which hobbies to keep and which to let go.
- Separate your hobbies into achievement hobbies and comfort hobbies. Achievement hobbies are the ones which get posted. Comfort hobbies are the ones you’d still do even if no one ever saw. It’s these activities, like rereading a favourite book or pottering around the garden with no outcome in mind, which are your burnout buffers.
- Give yourself permission to be bored. Not everything needs to be filled, posted, or performed, and often that downtime is exactly the space you need for creativity and clarity to return.
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