Here are the 7 most common sex dreams and what they actually mean

  • Marie Claire is supported by its audience. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn commission on some of the items you choose to buy.
  • Ever dreamt you had sex with your ex? Your co-worker? Your boss? Don’t sweat it, we’ve decoded it all for you…

    They say that dreams are windows to our subconscious and it turns out sex dreams are no exception.

    If we dream that our teeth are falling out, we look for some deeper meaning, usually something involving debt or vanity, but waking up after a sex dream is a completely different story. Guilt and panic are our immediate reactions, fearing that our relationship is doomed and that we must be subconsciously in love with our boss.

    Don’t panic. It turns out that sex dreams have absolutely nothing to do with sex. We caught up with dreams expert and best-selling author Anna-Karin Bjorkland and asked her to decode the 7 most common sex dreams to put our minds to rest…

    Friends with benefits

    1. Having sex with a friend 
    ‘Most of us dream about having sex with a friend at some point in our lives. It does not mean however that we are sexually attracted to them. Our friends are very close to us emotionally, and these types of dreams often come about to help you see there may be some personality traits your friend has that you unconsciously wish you had as well. Think about what it is you most admire in your friend, and how you could bring out this quality in yourself. A romantic rendez-vous with a friend could also suggest it is time to make up if you have recently had an argument.’

    Gossip girl

    2. Having sex with an ex 
    ‘Having hot sex with an ex does not necessarily mean you’re still attracted to him/her. These types of love dreams could come about because you were recently reminded about a part of yourself you might have thought you had lost when the relationship ended. Maybe there’s a new side of you developing, that reminds you of your ex partner. If you have children together, the dream could tell you that you might benefit from getting along better, or work closer together for the benefit of the children. You might also have realized that the unresolved issues you once had with your ex partner now have healed, and you have now forgiven them. You may also be going through a bit of a valley in your current relationship, and the dream came in to add some spark.’

    Blue is the warmest colour

    3. Having sex with someone of the same sex 
    ‘In Jungian psychology we all have both feminine and masculine aspects within us, and we feel best when these are balanced. A man’s feminine side is called his “anima”, and a woman’s masculine side is her “animus”. Connecting with the feminine or masculine aspect of yourself in a dream can be very powerful, balancing, and healing. A sexual encounter with a person of the same sex may be telling you that it’s time to embrace that side of yourself more. It may also be telling you that it’s time to heal a situation with your same-sex parent, nurturing the relationship. A romantic same-sex encounter could also help you see yourself in a new light, integrating the feminine or masculine side of yourself more fully, and healing your soul.’

    Bridget Jones

    4. Having sex with your boss 
    ‘Sex dreams are rarely about sex at all, they’re more about the psychological union between you and a particular person that your unconscious has united you with. In this case, it’s your boss. Ask yourself what it is about him/her that might appeal to you. There may be some aspect of yourself you see in your boss that you wish to bring to the forefront. Because they’re the boss, there’s also a good chance this dream could be about leadership qualities – maybe it’s time for you to become more in charge of your life. The dream could also symbolize that it would be good for you to work closer with them. Perhaps there’s a project developing on the horizon, and it would do you good uniting on some level.’


    5. Having sex with a co-worker 
    ‘Sex dreams are great for bringing attention to our inner qualities and personalities. They can help us see who we really are, and even help us reach our full potential. What kind of co-worker is it that you are making love to? What stands out about him/her? What qualities do they represent that may also be present within you? Is it perhaps time to collaborate on a project, or have a reconciliation on some level? In terms of your own personal growth, these types of dreams could be golden guidance dreams in terms of who you would like to be, and help you get there by becoming more aware of who you really have the potential to be.’


    6. Having an intense orgasm 
    ‘Our sex drive is the creative force of the universe and experiencing an intense orgasm is the reward for cultivating your power, seen as reaching the ultimate destination. An intense orgasm in a dream often comes about when you’re feeling on top, healthy, and know you have the power to get where you want. You feel free, full of energy, and best of all, you are sensually balanced and in tune. You are one with the creative force of the universe.’

    The Ugly Truth7. Being unable to orgasm 
    ‘The inability to reach an orgasm could symbolize a frustration you are currently experiencing in your life. Perhaps you are lacking the energy or the power to get somewhere, or achieve a goal? Has there recently been a situation where you were unable to perform in some way? This dream could help you see how you may have conflicting emotions, and you may need to be more focused on what it is you really want.’

    Reading now

    Popular Life stories