Yay, another one!
Words by Jadie Troy-Pryde
Okay, here we go – another dating trend we didn’t ask for but that we’ve all sadly experienced at one point or another. We’re racking them up by now. There’s cushioning, where your OH is already lining up another love interest before they’ve broken up with you. There’s stashing, where you feel like you’re being kept a big secret. And by now we’re all very well acquainted with ghosting.
So what is submarining? Metro.co.uk have concluded that it’s a bit like zombieing, only that bit worse. If you’ve been zombied, you’ll know the score – you’ve been seeing someone for a while, the proceed to disappear off of the face of the earth for a couple of months before sliding back into your DMs with a casual, ‘Hey, long time no speak. Hows you?’
While you might have convinced yourself that the person in question lost their phone/developed amnesia/was forced to leave the country at short notice, they spring back into your life with a less-than-satisfactory semi-apology referencing their absence.
If you are submarined, you don’t even get that. Your ex will disappear and reappear ages later with a message sans explanation for their temporary non-existence. There you are three months later, absent-mindedly calculating how much longer you can get away without washing your hair, when suddenly you get a text along the lines of: ‘Just saw a new coffee shop has opened selling pink lattes – we should go try them out soon!’
There’s not even a ‘Sorry I had a thing’ to buffer the fact that the last correspondence was your frantic drunken message of ‘PLEASE CALL ME BACK!’ – and you’re not sure if you should pull them up on it, or pretend that you didn’t spend weeks watching Romeo + Juliet on repeat while sobbing into a big bowl of pasta (okay, just me?).
And why is it called submarining? Well, it’s kind of like that person was at sea for those long lost months, pressed pause on life, and decided to press play again upon their return to dry land.
Of course, it goes without saying that it’s pretty shitty behaviour. While a half-arsed apology for going AWOL might not cut it, completely ignoring the fact that they vanished into the ether before making a comeback is a mind fuck.
But if they’re happy to resume where you left off and you’re seething, it’s perfectly fine to call them out. Don’t feel like you have to be casual about it because they are – it’s not unjustified to ask them where the hell they’ve been.
While ignoring the message completely with a ‘dignified silence’ is an option, a capped-up text saying: ‘WHY HAVEN’T YOU CALLED ME, YOU SUBMARINING SHIT! ‘ can also be very cathartic. Trust me.