I go to events alone all the time - here’s everything I’ve learned about how to have fun when you don't know anyone.
How to go to a wedding alone (and have fun)
Going to a wedding without a +1? Here’s how to make the most of it (and have fun)
Going to events (usually alone) is part of my job, but does that make the prospect of turning up and not knowing another living soul any less daunting? Absolutely not. I am forever haunted by the memory of going to a very chic fashion event at a prominent industry person’s home where everyone knew each other except for, yep, you guessed it, me. In a desperate attempt to shake me off, the host loudly proclaimed, “Look at that!” and when I turned back, she’d vanished—some party trick.
I have the dual curse of hating my own company and also being—at times—painfully shy, which means I move through life in fear of looking like an Edward Hopper painting—hopefully, that redhead in Nighthawks because at least she’s hot—(I never said I wasn’t vapid).
I recently attended one such event, which began with me skulking in the literal shadows of the sun-drenched terrace at Coal Drops Yard, voice noting my friend and colleague, Natalie, wailing, “I feel like I’m at a wedding, and everyone knows each other except me!” I looked out at the beautifully laid table set for 100 guests as part of Self Space’s Supper for the Soul (ironically in aid of combating loneliness) and debated fleeing. No one would even notice I’ve gone, I reasoned/sulked. All around me was the lively chatter of old friends. Or so I thought.
Later, when I’d muscled into the conversation of my two nearest table mates, a fellow journalist (hello, Alice!) and comedian Laura Smyth (more from her later), I discovered they’d also just met each other and—here comes the clanger—they’d also felt nervous about not knowing anyone else. Buoyed by this knowledge, I decided to find out how other people tackle the panicky business of going to events alone. Are we all just faking it? Is bounding up to strangers like they’re a long-lost friend the answer? I figured it’s high time I got to the bottom of it. Here’s everything you need to know about how to go to a wedding alone.
How to go to a wedding alone - five experts share their best advice
What's your best advice for attending a wedding or social event alone?
Fake confidence. Shoulders back, chin up, and have an easy interest in it all, looking on like an old relative who’s happy to be out of the house.
What things should people avoid?
Avoid desperately scanning the room for people you might know; it will make you look furtive - like you’re there to pickpocket or buy cocaine.
What’s your best line for striking up a conversation with someone?
“How do you know the bride and groom? Or organiser? What is your connection with the event?” It’s solid and gives people a chance to talk about themselves (which they love). And when they ask you, you can lie - you don’t owe these people anything.
Do you have any positive experiences of attending an event alone that you could share?
Lots - I was once at a rooftop supper with a Marie Claire journalist - now she asks my opinion on all sorts! I’ve made it, baby!
Weddings can stir up feelings of loneliness; what advice can you share about how to tackle this?
Treat yourself kindly in this space, and take care of yourself in ways that you can. It’s ok to feel lonely. It highlights something we need, want, or are trying to create space for in our lives. Use it as information for your future self and honour that. Don’t stay too long if it’s too much; seek out people at the event that create a more positive air for you. Manage how much you drink (remember it’s just a way of hiding mostly from what’s hard, and it’ll make you feel more rubbish in the long run), and plan something nurturing for yourself for the next day, so you have that to look forward to. Try to have at least one meaningful conversation while you’re there, perhaps sharing how you feel with someone. Only give out what you have in the tank; you don’t need to deplete yourself further.
How can readers overcome their anxiety about going to events alone?
I suggest not overcoming it but instead allowing yourself to feel it. Accept what you are nervous about and ask yourself what you need to make it easier for yourself. Be with it, honour that it is hard for you, and then meet yourself with compassion for it all. The harder we try to overcome or remove these feelings—which are very natural—the more consuming they can feel.
Hattie MacAndrews is a journalist and confidence and mindset coach
What’s your best memory of going to an event alone?
As a single woman in my early thirties, I attended many, many events solo. Weddings, birthday parties, engagement drinks – you name it, I’ve done it. I did it so many times I completely fell in love with socialising solo. The more I went, the more I was able to enjoy it. I always saw it as an opportunity to try something new or meet new people. There is so much to be gained by becoming a naturally confident person, and this is just one of the many ways you can strive towards that. I liked to tell myself, “Even if I have a terrible time, it will make a great story!”.
What’s your best line for striking up a conversation with someone?
For me, honesty is the best policy, and often, once people realise you are at an event alone, they open up and are more likely to include you in conversations or interactions. Women, in particular, can be great allies. There’s no shame in saying, “I actually don’t know a single person here!” it’s a great conversation starter and showing a glimpse of vulnerability can go a long way. Don’t forget, you’re unlikely the only person there alone. So when in doubt, seek the others out and form your own crew. Remember that people love to talk about themselves. Try giving someone a compliment or asking something interesting about them.
What things should people avoid?
A great visual exercise is to think about what sort of person you might be drawn to at a party and then do your best to embody that. Fake-it-till-you-make-it style. If you saw someone standing in the corner on their phone all night, would you be compelled to chat with them? Probably not. Confidence is sexy, and people are naturally drawn to it. Hold your head up high, shoulders back and smile! Don’t just sit back and expect people to approach you. I would encourage you to make an effort, step out of your comfort zone and strike up conversations. If you’re feeling shy, remember to ask yourself – “what’s the worst thing that can happen?”.
I always remind myself that I’m not the only one who might be feeling a bit uncomfortable or alone at an event. Before heading out, I pop in my earbuds and listen to some feel-good music to pump myself up. Once I arrive, I take a deep breath, stand tall, and walk in with a confident smile. Small changes like improving your posture and smiling can instantly boost your demeanour. We’ve all had those moments where we rush into an event, still fumbling with our bags, and end up feeling insecure. Taking a moment to compose yourself before you enter helps you avoid those awkward feelings and lets you step in with confidence.
What’s your best advice for attending a wedding or social event alone?
If you are unsure about your outfit or the environment, check out the venue ahead of time on Instagram or social media to get a feel of the vibe. That always helps me when I feel anxious entering somewhere new alone.
What’s your best line for striking up a conversation with someone?
Complementing someone’s outfit is ALWAYS a great way to start a conversation. Even if it’s just in passing or in the restroom - when you run into them again, you might feel more comfortable continuing another conversation.
Do you have any positive experiences of attending an event alone that you could share?
I recently went to LA and was honestly wanting to back out of an event due to anxiety moments before. However, I had got all ready and travelled all the way there for it, so I couldn’t let my anxiety win again like it does back home. I forced myself to go, and I met so many new friends. I honestly had a blast. At first, I felt like a loner, but then I just kept having little conversations with girls in passing and ended up making friends. I also just forced myself to go to a Nashville event alone, and from the second I walked in, I just went straight up to a group of girls and started talking. It can be scary at first, but I promise it’s all in your head!
