'How's the wind-down going, B? We should get some golf in the diary'
You've probably got five or six WhatsApp groups on your phone which you tap into regularly for family updates, weekend plans or just to share another LOLcat video with your closest pals. So there's little doubt that A-listers' phones have their very own sets of WhatsApp groups too. But who is on them and what exactly do they chat about? Here's seven which we really hope exist.
1) WhatsApp group name: Illuminatis
Members: Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, Jay-Z, Beyonce
Beyonce: 'You guys free to come round for dinner Tuesday? J's making fajitas'
Kim: 'Sounds good, think we're free aren't we, Kan?'
Kanye: 'DO YOU HAVE DESSERT YET'
Beyonce: 'I think we'll just order in'
Kanye: 'MY CHEESECAKE IS THE BEST CHEESECAKE OF ALL TIME. DON'T BE MAD AT THE TRUTH.'
Beyonce: 'That's... great'
Kanye: 'I STAND WITH THE UPMOST HUMILITY. LET'S FIGHT FOR THE FUTURE.'
Kim: 'Kan wants to make make this new cheesecake recipe he found :-)'
Kanye: 'WE JUST NEED THE SHOT TO CREATE LIVE BREATHE'
Kim: 'What time do you want us?'
2) WhatsApp group name: Chillax
Members: George Osborne, David Cameron, Samantha Cameron, Frances Osborne
Dave: 'Coffee and a catch-up Tues?'
George: 'Busy Tuesday - free rest of the week though'
Dave: 'Me too. Weds?'
George: 'Weds good. Can we meet near Hyde Park if poss'
Dave: 'Sure why?'
George: 'Good Pokemon spot. Been Pidgey grinding all morning and I'm up to 24'
Frances: 'He's obsessed.'
Samantha: 'Weds good. Be nice to see you both before we head to France on the 18th'
Frances: 'Lovely - where?'
Samantha: 'Du Cap. Then a few day's on Jeremy's boat.'
Samantha: 'No more fucking Easyjet to Lanzagrotty for us'
Dave: 'I didn't mind it'
Samantha: 'I fucking did'
Frances: 'Taking all the kids?'
Dave: 'Yep, Nancy and Arthur coming'
George: 'Florence too?'
Dave: 'Oh - yes Florence too.'
3) WhatsApp group name: West Wing lolz
Members: Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Bill Clinton
Hillary: 'Thanks again for the speech B - really appreciate it.'
Barack: 'Any time'
Hillary: 'It was really great'
Hillary: 'Just one thing, you know the 'carry her like you carried me' bit? You don't think it sounded a bit lazy? Like they're gonna get that I don't literally want to be carried, right?'
Barack: 'Who knows. They're all morons'
Bill: 'How's the wind-down going, B? We should get some golf in the diary.'
Barack: 'I can't wait. I am so over this Oval Office shit.'
Bill: 'I hear you. At this point even the car stops being fun.'
Hillary: 'Thanks guys...'
4) WhatsApp group name: Crown Jewels
Members: Kate, William, Charles, Camilla, Harry
Camilla: 'Lovely job opening those squash courts the other day! C and I thought that flowery dress was very fetching K.'
Kate: 'Even though I wore it once before in August 2011 apparently. FML.'
Charles: 'Don't worry, I've written a long letter to the editor of the Times to let him know I'm not happy about that particular comment.'
Harry: 'I thought you looked hot ;)'
Kate: 'Thanks everyone. Look, George has a new wave!'
Harry: 'I taught him a better one last weekend'
William: 'I know, he tested it on the archbishop. Thanks for that.'
5) Name of group: #SquadGoals
Taylor Swift, Lily Aldridge, Selena Gomez, Jaime King
Taylor: 'Are we all clear on the dress code for Friday?'
Selena: 'All black?'
Taylor: 'Yes. And I'll be wearing all gold.'
Lily: 'Got a navy Heidi Klein jumpsuit. That OK?'
Taylor: 'Not sure that will go with the theme tbh... do you just have something plain black?'
Selena: 'We can do colour on the shoes, right?'
Taylor: 'I think black head-to-toe will just look cleaner when we all step out together.'
Jamie: 'I have some black slingbacks you can borrow, babe :)'
Taylor: 'Perfect! Was thinking order-wise I'll go out first with Selena, then Lily and Jamie follow on. Then a group pic. All good? Love you girls xoxoxoxo!'
6) Name of Group: Sauna?
Members: Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Melania Trump
Melania: 'Thank you for the bouquet of flowers Vlad :-)'
Donald: 'Melania loved them. She likes pretty things. Women like pretty things!'
Putin: 'It is pleasure my friend. You must come to my dacha soon. Take mind off election with vigorous banya. We will talk business and whip each other's zhopa's with branches like real men.'
Donald: 'Love to. I'm totally relaxed right now! Like I said to my campaign manager, I could take ten vacations, twenty vacations, back-to-back, to all of my golf courses, and I'd still put her in the ground.'
Putin: 'As we say in Russia, it is easier for mare when woman gets off cart.'
Melania: 'And as I always say to Donald, do we participate in a politics of cynicism or a politics of hope?'
Putin: 'Let me know if you need special party popper sending to Clinton bus.'
Donald: 'Thank you Vlad. You're a great guy! America needs more great friends like you.'
Melania: 'And as I always say, the ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.'
Do we participate in a politics of cynicism or a politics of hope? Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/election.html
7) WhatsApp group name: Maaaaaate
Members: Cara Delevingne, Jourdan Dunn, Suki Waterhouse
Suki: 'Last night = epico. We need an acronymn!!'
Suki: 'Yeah CSJ!!'
Suki: 'Cara what you reckon?'
Jourdan: 'Cool I'll post a TBT. Cara, Suki you too?'
Cara: 'Oooh actually...'
Cara: 'Not sure I can right now guys...'
Suki: 'Y not?'
Cara: 'Kendall and I already have the whole CaKe thing. Could get confusing if we do another one... Maybe next year?'
Cara: 'LOVE YOU THOUGH BUDDIES!'
Suki has left the group
8) WhatsApp group name: Today I'm Wearing
Members: Harper Beckham, North West, Blue Ivy
North: 'Guys tell me honestly. Was the faux fur jacket too much last weekend? I'm just looking at the pap pics on Getty and I'm worried it was.'
Blue: 'No it was great!'
North: 'Really? Roberto sent it to me as a personal gift and I thought it'd be awkward not to wear once, you know? But now I'm thinking it was a bit... muppety?'
Blue: 'No seriously I thought you looked great.'
North: 'OK cool thanks! Maybe I'll give it another go this weekend.'
Blue: 'Do it!'
North: 'Cool. Harper you agree?'
Harper: 'OK truth pill: it could have been a tiny bit too much'
North: 'Got it'
North: 'No that's OK.'
Harper: 'Remember what I was saying before about looking in the mirror before you go out the door. Then taking off at least one thing. That's your outfit. Mum says hi BTW.'
*All of the above are totally fictional
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