A Neuroscientist Told Me to "Let It Be"—and The Mental Reframe Taught Me a Lot About Joy, Anxiety and Control

How do you stop overanalysing? It is a question I’ve asked therapists - and my own brain - way too many times. Overthinking is, frankly, second nature to me, with even the smallest wins getting a full post-mortem before I can enjoy them. A perfectly lovely moment, a great date, a kind text, a small win at work - gets stretched, twisted, and examined from every angle until it’s been scrutinised within an inch of its life.

​Was I too enthusiastic? Did they really mean that? What was that tone of voice? I can’t just let a good thing be… good.

If you're nodding along, welcome - you’re in very crowded company - and it's not just anecdotal. Research suggests that a huge number of us, around 70%, regularly replay situations in our minds. While we usually associate rumination with negative experiences, psychologists are increasingly studying its brighter cousin: positive rumination. The idea that we don’t just dissect our worst moments - we quietly interrogate our best ones, too.

There is, to be fair, an upside to all of this. Pausing to really savour a good moment, noticing it, soaking it in, letting it land, can actually boost your mood and help the feeling stick around a little longer. Research backs that up.

But (and yes, there’s always a but), there’s a tipping point. Go too far, overthinking why it feels good, and your brain can slip out of enjoyment mode and into overdrive. The lesson? Positive rumination works best when you let the moment land naturally, without turning it into a mental to-do list.

​Blame, in part, our wiring. The brain’s reward system gives us that initial hit of dopamine, but the prefrontal cortex - ever the micromanager - jumps in to make sense of it, optimise it, and occasionally (in my case, always) catastrophise its end. In a culture obsessed with maximising joy and “living your best life,” it’s perhaps no surprise that even happiness becomes something we micromanage.

So, let's take a seat and get into the hard-hitting stuff: what actually happens when we overthink? And is there power in just "letting things be," as a neuroscientist once told me? To figure out what’s really going on during this tightrope act, we turned to neuroscientists and psychologists to uncover why our brains can’t help but poke, prod, and re-run - and whether this habit is quietly sabotaging our joy. Don't miss our guides to the best self help books, best mental health apps, and our Editor's top wellness tips, while you're at it.

Firstly - Why Do We Overthink the Good Stuff (Even When Everything’s Fine)

Just when you thought overthinking was reserved for disaster, or just another personality quirk... surprise. Your brain doesn’t care if it’s a crisis or a compliment - it replays both with equal enthusiasm. Annoying? Yes. But it turns out it’s exactly what we’re wired to do.

​“When we replay positive experiences, the brain reactivates the same pathways that were active in that moment,” explains neuroscientist Farah Qureshi. When you’re revisiting a great date of a small win mid-commute, your brain isn’t just reminiscing - it’s lightly re-experiencing it. “The hippocampus brings the memory back, while the brain’s reward system - especially dopamine - becomes active, " she says. In theory, it’s a mood boost on demand.

​But the process isn’t all that different from negative rumination. “Both involve repeated activation of the same neural networks linked to self-reflection,” Qureshi notes. The difference is emotional direction: negative rumination taps into threat and anxiety, while positive rumination engages reward pathways. Research from the University of Exeter even suggests that it’s the going-over-it-again-and-again that's part of the problem; those mental loops can quietly fuel anxiety and low mood, regardless of what you started out thinking about.

So why doesn't it always feel good? An existential psychotherapist, Nino Sopromadze, explains that over-analysing a good moment can actually be a bit of a coping mechanism, ​“For those used to unpredictability, simply trusting a moment to stay good can feel somewhat risky. Instead, we try to understand it - hold onto it, recreate it, and most of all - protect it. Overanalysis can create a myth of control, because sometimes, it’s not joy that’s difficult to fathom, it’s not knowing how long it will last."

If control is really what’s sitting underneath all of this, what’s actually going on in the brain, and why does it so often turn a nice moment into a full-blown spiral?

The Science Behind Why You Can't Just Chill

Contrary to how it feels in the moment, your brain isn’t trying to ruin a good thing. As Qureshi explains, it’s just trying to understand it.

​“It lets us experience joy, but at the same time, the brain is processing and storing that experience through the hippocampus, so it can recognise and recreate it later.” In other words, when you catch yourself replaying a happy moment, it’s not because something’s off - it’s your brain quietly asking: how do we get more of this?

​This instinct is deeply wired, an ancient feature we never quite uninstalled. “We’re built to seek what feels good,” Qureshi says. Some brains just dial this up more than others. People with a more active default mode network, the brain’s self-reflection hub, tend to replay and analyse experiences instead of simply sitting in them.

​But biology is only part of the story. “Our minds and bodies are constantly trying to protect us,” says mindset and somatic coach Tori Lutz. If you’ve learned to believe happiness, or even luck, is temporary, overthinking can become a form of self-protection. “If you think critically about this now, I can prevent it from going wrong later,” she explains.

​There’s also an emotional vulnerability we rarely talk about: joy can feel exposing. “If I fully feel this happiness, I might be left open,” Tori continues. What if it disappears? Staying alert - analysing, questioning, scanning- can give you a sense of control, even if it costs actual enjoyment.

​And finally, there’s the brain’s oldest trick: survival mode. Humans are built with a negativity bias, designed to keep us safe from danger, which often leaves us in a state of low-level high alert. It made sense for our ancestors, less so for modern life. Yet even in moments of joy, a tiny part of us is still scanning for what could go wrong - just in case.

Why We Can’t Just Let Ourselves Be Happy: The Hidden Drivers of Positive Rumination

Understanding how our minds spiral is the first step in regaining control. While some of us still scan for what could go wrong, others simply enjoy the moment. Positive rumination is shaped by learned mental patterns; recognising those hidden drivers helps us take back the reins.

"Some people are more sensitive to negativity bias, especially if they grew up with criticism, unpredictability, or conditional praise,” explains Tori. “A compliment, a small win, or even a perfect outfit can trigger an internal ‘what if it doesn’t last?’ checklist. Two people may wear the same outfit - one feels fabulous, the other second-guesses every reflection. Overthinking happiness is often just the brain running on autopilot.”

​Lucky for us overthinkers (yes, that includes you scrolling and questioning this very sentence), these filters aren’t fixed. With awareness and a little practice, we can tweak them, and finally permit ourselves to savour the good stuff...with a little helping hand from some expert-approved techniques

The Tips and Tricks On How to Savour the Moment (Without Spiralling Into Analysis)

Now it’s our turn to hit pause. According to Tori, the key to parking overthinking is learning to manage the spiral. And to do this, we must gently interrupt it; here’s how to start:

• Check in with your body: Notice what’s happening physically. Are you tense, tight, urgent - or soft and relaxed? That difference alone can tell you whether you’re in fear or actually in the moment.
• Let yourself feel it properly: Pay attention to where the good feeling sits in your body, and breathe into it. Yes, it sounds simple - but that’s kind of the point.
• Catch it, don’t chase it: When overthinking kicks in, try: “I notice I’m overthinking this.” No judgment, no spiral. Just noticing can be enough to break the loop.
• Train your brain to spot the good stuff: Pause for small wins - compliments, tiny moments, things going right. The more you register them, the more your brain starts to look for them.
• Try EFT if your brain won’t quit: For chronic overthinkers, Emotional Freedom Techniques (tapping) can help release low-level tension that fuels the spiral, making it easier to actually receive the moment.

​You don’t need to do all of these - pick one or two that feel doable and start there.

So…Can We Actually Stop Overthinking?

There we have it, dearest readers. No miracle cure. No overnight fix - and sadly, no official retirement from chronic overthinking just yet. But what we do have is understanding.

And once you understand the patterns - how your brain escalates things unnecessarily fast - you can start to step in, deliberately, and gently intervene. Not perfectly, not every time, but enough to take the edge off and help you be more in the moment.

My takeaway is clear: holding onto a good experience isn’t about overanalysing it, it’s about feeling it, trusting it wholeheartedly, and sometimes, letting it be. And honestly? That little act of surrender might just be the ultimate life hack for anyone stuck in the overthinker’s loop.

For overthinkers and joy-seekers alike: MC-UK’s top mood-boosting picks.