20 Quotes From Parks And Recreation That Will Remind You Why It’s One Of The Funniest Shows On TV

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  • Funny, smart, and ridiculously quotable... and that's just Ron Swanson. The genius of the Amy Poehler-produced US comedy Parks and Recreation runs through every single character in Pawnee, and we can't wait to get reacquainted with all the gang when seasons 4-7 start on Dave this summer. Here's a few quotes to get you started...

    Leslie Knope: The perky powerhouse

    “Calzones are pointless. They’re just pizza that’s harder to eat. No one likes them. Good day, sir.”

    “Sometimes when you make an omelet you’ve gotta break a few eggs. What’s the alternative? No omelets at all? Who wants to live in that kind of world? Maybe birds. Then all their babies would live.”

    Ben Wyatt: The voice of reason

    “No, that’s Buckingham Palace. Hogwarts is fictional. You do know that, don’t you? It’s important to me that you know that.”

    “I’m sorry. I have to ask this, but how many legs did that dog have when you found him?”

    Tom Haverford: The wheeler-dealer

    “Most people would say ‘the deets’, but I say ‘the tails’. Just another example of innovation.”

    “Pawnee is the opposite of hip. People in this town are just now getting into Nirvana. I don’t have the heart to tell them what’s gonna happen to Kurt Cobain in 1994.”

    Donna Meagle: The sassy sister

    “Yes, I’m a hunter… And, it’s “You” season.”

    “Oh, I love any book about vampires, werewolves, monsters, zombies, sorcerers, beasties or time-traveling romances. And if I had an hour alone with Robert Pattinson, he would forget all about Skinnylegs McGee. I’ll tell you that much.”

    Jerry Gergich: The butt of jokes

    “They can laugh at me all they want. Because two more years until I retire with full benefits and pension, and my wife and I, we have bought a little cottage on a lake, and I am gonna get myself a stack of mystery novels, a box of cigars, and I am gonna sit back and enjoy my life.”

    “I think that comic sans always screams fun, right?”

    Ann Perkins: The beautiful BFF

    “As Leslie’s Maid of Honor, I really need her bachelorette party to go well, which is why I’m stress-eating these gummy penises.”

    “I was sobbing at a pizza buffet, and they asked me to leave.”

    April Ludgate: The apathetic intern

    “We have a couple of house rules, though. You can’t use the front door; you have to climb in through the back window. No personal phone conversations. If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal “usted.” And no electricity after 6:00 PM. A couple more rules: if you ever watch a sad movie, you have to wear mascara so we can see whether or not you’ve been crying. There’s no noise allowed on Mondays. And no TV after breakfast.”

    “I’ll have a glass of your most expensive red wine mixed with a glass of your cheapest white wine served in a dog bowl. Silly straws all around, please.”

    Chris Traeger: The eternal optimist

    “I take care of my body above all else. Diet, exercise, supplements, positive thinking. Scientists believe that the first human being who will live 150 years has already been born. I believe I am that human being.”

    “I think you’ve got several options. They’re all terrible…but you have them.”

    Andy Dwyer: The lovable lad

    “When I get bummed out, I take my shirt off because the bad feelings make me feel sweaty.”

    “April is the best. But she’s 20. When April was born, I was already in the third grade, which means if we were friends back then, I would have been hanging out with a baby. I don’t know anything about infant care. My god, I could have killed her.”

    Ron Swanson: The deadpan boss

    “Strippers do nothing for me. I like a strong salt-of-the-earth, self-possessed woman at the top of her field, your Steffi Graf’s, Sheryl Swoopes’s, but I will take a free breakfast buffet anytime, anyplace.”

    “Just give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Wait…wait. I worry what you just heard was: Give me a lot of bacon and eggs. What I said was: Give me all the bacon and eggs you have. Do you understand?”

    Series four of Parks and Recreation starts on Dave on 27 July.

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