Princess Beatrice gave Ed Sheeran the poshest injury of all time

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  • Next up? Tripping over the hem of your red trousers and thwacking your head on the Aga

    Princess Beatrice has given Ed Sheeran what is surely the poshest injury of all time.

    The incident allegedly occurred during a party at the Royal Lodge in Windsor, the Duke of York’s main crib. During what we assume was a lot of drinks and high jinks, Princess Beatrice jokingly offered to ‘knight’ Sheeran with a ceremonial sword. Unfortunately her aim was slightly off and she accidentally ‘slashed his face’ with the sword.

    The Princess was said to be ‘mortified’ at causing physical injury to the platinum-selling singer. It also probably explains why that old pro the Queen does most of her knightings sober – or so we presume.

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    The royals are generally such a watertight bunch it’s always funny when a good drunk story leaks (see Prince Harry in Vegas for more details).

    But one question surely remains: was Ceremonial Swordgate THE poshest injury of all time?

    Here are a few other things Beatrice could have done which might have given the faux knighting a run for its money:

    1. Trapping Ed’s hand in an Aga door while retrieving a plate of crumpets from the warming oven.
    2. Shooting Ed’s foot with a blunderbuss.
    3. Serving Ed a pheasant casserole only for him to choke on a stray piece of shot.
    4. Lending Ed a too-small pair of plus fours which painfully cut the blood off from his calves.
    5. Running over Ed’s foot with a lawn roller.
    6. Sending Ed into the family maze on a long weekend, only to forget he’s there and retrieve him four days later when he’s been forced to kill and eat the family border terrier.
    7. Hitting Ed on the head with a falling copy of Debretts during a tour of the family library.
    8. Making Ed sick with a corked bottle of Beaujolais from the cellar.
    9. Pushing Ed into a moat.
    10. Making Ed feel painfully mortified when he asks where the ‘toilet’ is.

    As far as we’re aware, none of the above happened this time around, but there’s always New Year’s Eve.

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