Work is the worst....
The office. The place where you spend more time than at home, with your friends or your family. Also where all of your life’s most embarrassing moments take place.
Telling the IT guy your password
You know the drill. Your computer isn’t working for some reason, you get the nice IT person to come fix it (or you’ve got a temp and they’re borrowing your computer) and in order to log in they needs your password. Cue having to tell him it’s ILoveOneTreeHill1989 or MarryMeJustin. Oh the shame.
Walking in the same direction
Home time comes around and without giving it much thought you’re on your way to the lifts. Only then do you spot a co-worker. It’s fine, until you walk the same way out of the doors, still chatting, and you realise to your horror that you’re going to the same tube. Worst case scenario? You’re making laboured small talk all the way home.
Not knowing who’s birthday it is
Happy Birthday dear Mmmm-Mmmm, you sing shamefacedly. Can you still have a slice of cake if you don’t know her name? Probably.
Someone overhearing you
Whether it’s a phone call on the way home, or having lunch with your office bestie, there’s a good chance that one day you’ll complain about your job without getting a safe distance away from the office first. Obviously as soon as that happens your boss will appear as if from no-where and hear it all.
Offices must have been great before emails were a thing. No-one could reach you when you were at home and the chances of accidentally putting a load of kisses on the end of a missive to your boss were pretty much nada. Oh, and you didn’t have the chance to accidentally send a ‘I hate this job it’s killing my soul, I’m so hung over, do you want Itsu at lunch or can we just go to McDonalds’ email to your manager.
Getting the collection envelope for someone you don’t like
‘Gary from accounts is leaving, we’re suggesting everyone chucks in a fiver for his leaving gift.’ You probably haven’t got any cash on you, and if you did you’re not sure that you want to donate it to the guy who’s been side-eyeing your cleavage. But there’s something standing over you rattling an envelope, so that’s a resentful trip to the cash point at lunch time.
When someone asks you where someone who you should definitely know, sits.
‘I’ve got a delivery for Beth in marketing?’ Panic swells as you realise that you’ve got no idea who Beth is, or where she sits, and because you caught a courier’s eye at the wrong moment you’re now wholly responsible for locating her. Half heartedly shouting ‘Beth’ across the office probably won’t work.
When you say something and no-one replies.
You thought it was really funny. No-one else did. Now you have to hide behind your computer screen feeling guilty and ashamed and make sure that the next thing you come out with is world-class stand-up levels of hilarious.
Getting caught using someone else’s milk.
Someone keeps buying fancy almond milk and it’s a lot nicer than the office stuff. First it was just a little dash every now and again, but before long you’re making yourself an almond latte every morning with your stolen goods. That’s until the milk owner catches you red handed, at which point you basically have to look for another job.