One bridesmaid released a list of demands from her friend, the bride, and the Internet can’t handle it…
Getting asked to be someone’s bridesmaid is an honour, with most people going in with the mindset that they’ll do whatever the bride wants on their special day, whether it’s letting the bride pick the bridesmaid dresses or humouring the boring groomsmen. Sometimes, however, the bride takes it too far, with one bridesmaid revealing her traumatic experience on Gawker.
The bride in question, sent this terrifying email to her bridal party, demanding her friends comply with a list of ground rules, or as she referred to it, a contract…
‘Welcome to my bridal party. I thought today would be a great day to start this chain, as it is officially six months until my wedding day.
I just wanted to go over some ground rules.
1. Weigh-ins will begin in 3 weeks. I for one would really like some time after Thanksgiving to make my body forget about what it consumed, so I thought I would give you guys some cushion room
2. No-one can be skinnier than the bride. That means Kelly and Lizzie will be on a protein weight gainer diet exclusively until May. I will have the nutritionist call you to discuss diet plans.
3. Bed times leading up to the wedding will be strictly enforced. I absolutely cannot have you all have saggy, baggy eyes. I am sure you all understand.
4. Swimwear attire: I would like everyone to wear matching bikinis that have rhinestones on the tushie spelling out “maids,” which brings me to my next point.
5. All bikinis leading up to the wedding must be strapless bandeaus. I cannot have terrible tan lines in strapless dresses.
6. Sunscreen: We need to make sure you ladies look lovely and radiant and not red and reptile like. Pack accordingly.
7. Speeches: We all know what happened at Taylor’s wedding. So if you plan to make a toast, please submit it for approval and revision, no later than 4 weeks prior to the wedding.
8. Hair cuts: If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well).
9. Attendance: is strongly requested at all events but I will make some exceptions on a case by case basis.
10. Ink: Consider this a moratorium on future tattoos until June 5th. Those of you with visible artwork will be privately contacted with (temporary) removal instructions.
Thank you for your time and consideration. Should everyone abide by these minor requests, I am sure we will all have a memorable weekend.
Just kidding bitches, well, sorta. love you all.’
You would hope that this list would be a joke, but the bridesmaid also leaked follow up emails, where the bride called out friends who got their fringes cut or coloured their hair without permission, putting them on ‘bridal party probation’ and in some cases ‘bridal party banishment.’
One message read: ‘It has been brought to my attention (picture proof) that one of my Maids is in violation of Rule 8 of the Bridal Party Contract. Rule 8 clearly stipulates that “If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well). While I am sure this was a minor oversight by my bad little bee, I would like to remind everyone of the ramifications of violating any of the aforementioned rules. Failure to adhere to my commandments, can result in Bridal party banishment! I would appreciate a call from the hair-color-changing culprit immediately, with a proposed remedy by the end of the day. Respectfully yours, The Queen Bee.’
Another email read: ‘Hello my workout bees, I was thinking that we should start a daily google docs, where everyone can update in real time their daily calorie content. Due to exams, I have not been the very best at requesting our weekly weigh-ins but thought the food calculator would be a great way for me to monitor everyone’s caloric in take. Thoughts? I hope everyone is doing well. Also, there will be a prize to the most obedient wedding bee 🙂 Kinda like an incentive. Love you all & and see you all in 17 days!!!’
We cannot believe this actually happened – it definitely puts all of our bridesmaid issues in perspective.