Tea is in the news, as it is claimed we now know how to make the perfect cuppa. Here's why we adore the brown stuff...
1. On a dark weekday morning you are the only thing that can ease the pain of getting out of bed. For this alone, we love you.
2. Unlike your bitchy older sister, coffee, you never leave us wired, anxious or frankly out of control, even after two pints.
3. The best thing about having a baby on the NHS is that afterwards you get a cup of strong cuppa in a polystyrene cup.
4. From delicate Darjeeling to dirty builder’s there’s a brew for every occasion (though frankly if you ever are in the mood for Lapsang you must be a bit of a ponce.)
5. Tea is made from the plant Camellia Sinensis. The Chinese were the first to drink it for medicinal purposes but crafty 17th century Brits introduced it to India to smash the Chinese monopoly. Yay! Cheap tea for all! Get the kettle on.
6. Tea is one of the few pleasurable things in life that is actually good for you! It is claimed it may offer protection against diseases including cancer and Alzheimers though it’s not proved.
7. The Irish drink the most tea of anyone in the world at four cups a day on average. Ah go on. Let’s move there.
8. Imagine a life without teabags – which were incidentally launched by Tetley in 1953. No neither can we. Plus if you didn’t have tea, you wouldn’t have biscuits, now, would you?
10. There is a lot of baloney talked about how to make the perfect cup of tea. The British Standards Institute has specified that it should be brewed in a pot, with 2g of tea for every 100ml of water, with water no hotter than 85 degrees Celsius so that the milk doesn’t scald. The pot should be white porcelain or glazed earthenware. The tea should infuse for six minutes. It should be poured onto the milk. What rubbish. We are not going to judge you for how you have your tea, whether in a bone china cup or a Sports Direct pint mug. Whether it’s as strong as Bovril or as weak as gnat’s urine. It’s tea, and that’s all that matters
PS Just one thing. Taking tea with lemon is weird.
Next week. Toast.