23 red carpet dresses you couldn’t really eat, drink or sit down in

Practical shmactical. Here’s the A-listers who took the ‘go big or go home’ approach to red carpet dressing.

If you wore some of these dresses in real life you’d probably get arrested. But in the red carpet parallel universe, ‘naked’ dresses have become pretty much the norm in the last few years. Here are some of the boldest.

Kendall Jenner at the 2016 Met Gala

It’s hard to know where this Versace dress ends and Kendall begins, but we love the colour and all that white spaghetti junction detailing. The sort of dress about 0.000001% of the population could pull off.

Madonna at the 2016 Met Gala

This is obviously not the first time we’ve seen more of Madonna than we bargained for, but it is possibly the first time we’ve seen her in an outfit inspired by the medical ‘kinesiology tape’ she uses to support her tired muscles on tour.

Rita Ora at the 2016 Met Gala

Rita swept into this year’s Met Ball looking like a beautiful metallic bird of paradise. Risque red carpet dresses used to sweep low across the back or torso – now they’re very cut to show off the thighs too, which must make moving around a pretty careful business.

Karlie Kloss at the 2016 Met Gala

There are dresses you can’t really have a big dinner in. Then there are dresses you can’t really have any dinner in.

Ciara at the 2016 Grammys

Ciara’s Alexandre Vauthier gown appears to have been cut to ribbons. Luckily, her skin is #Flawless in every sense of the hashtag, so she didn’t even need to run to a haberdashers before stepping out onto the red carpet at this year’s Grammys.

Diane Kruger at the Oscars after-party

This writer shudders to think what sort of side-view she would present if she was asked to slip into this see-through Reem Acra number.

Rita Ora at the Atelier Versace show

It’s tiny. It’s bright orange. It has a tangle of tenuously knotted ropes holding it all together. Few women posess the minerals to step out in something like this. But then of course this is not Rita’s first rodeo:

At the Vanity Fair Oscars party Rita braved the world’s cameras in this sheer Donna Karan affair. Surely no elaborate M&S multiway could have delivered an underwear solution to this one.

Beyonce at the Met Gala

This success of this look is 5% sheer fabric, 5% strategically placed embellishments and 90% double-sided tape and hope. Being Beyonce, she’s gone death or glory and worked this one from every possible angle.

Rihanna at the CFDA Awards

The #FreeTheNipple campaigner makes her case pretty solidly here. We love the glittery 1920s headgear.

Irina Shayk at the Oscars after-party

This almost-doesn’t-qualify-as-a-dress dress (which appears to come with built in tights?) is very similar to the one Rita Ora wore to the same party on the same night. We like to imagine they saw each other, LOLed heartily and took a joint picture.

Jennifer Lopez at the Billboard Music Awards

J-Lo is queen of the sheer, barely there dress. There was also this Met Gala number:

How is this lady 46?

Miley Cyrus at the amFAR Inspiration Gala

Below the hips it’s actually pretty demure. Up top it’s a hard-working network of glittery bands. All credit to Miley for managing to make this look elegant.

Kylie Jenner at the AMAs

In 2015 the thigh split took on higher and higher dimensions, as Kylie is demo-ing with this Bryan Hearns chainmail number.

Kendall Jenner at the VMAs

And speaking of thigh splits, Kylie’s sister Kendall went for one of the highest on record in this Fausto Puglisi frock. Again, we have a lot of questions about underwear/dress strategics here.

Jaimie Alexander at the Thor premiere

The actress braved a near-vertical sheer panel for the Thor premiere. Double-sided tape (we presume) was applied liberally.

Iggy Azalea at the MTV Video Music Awards

We feel like this dress did originally have an underslip, but Iggy thought ‘to hell with that, I’m going sheer.’

Maggie Q at the Divergent premiere

You need a killer bod to pull this off. Luckily Maggie Q has one. It also reminds us of a certain safety pin dress of red carpet folk legend.

Gwyneth Paltrow at the Iron Man 3 premiere

When asked about wearing this side-baring Antonio Berardi dress on the red carpet, Gwyneth Paltrow quipped ‘let’s just say everyone went scrambling for a razor [before she wore it] I work a ’70s vibe . . . You know what I mean?’ We’re with you, Gwyneth.

Speaking of which (a few from the archive)…

Liz Hurley at the Four Weddings premiere

All cutaway dresses owe their allegiance to Liz’s safety pin dress. The Versace LBD she wore to the Four Weddings premiere in 1994 made her a household name overnight.

Rose McGowan at the VMAs

McGowan turned up wearing this to the 1998 VMAs with her then-boyfriend Marilyn Manson, making all naked dresses that have gone before and after look tame.

Jennifer Lopez at the Grammys

The hip-grazing Verace dress JLo wore to the 2001 Grammys set a new red carpet precedent. Fun fact: it’s also the reason why Google images exists.

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