Call your baby one of these twenty names and they’ll be guaranteed success in life… Apparently

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  • Are you a Jacqueline or a Steven? Success awaits you...

    ‘What’s in a name?’ a woman called Juliet once asked. Well, quite a lot apparently, enough to make or break you when it comes to whether or not you’re a success in life.

    Albert Mehrabian, professor emeritus of psychology at the University of California has written a book called The Baby Name Report Card: Beneficial and Harmful Baby Names, in which he delved into the best and worst names you can give your child.

    The book looks at how a name is judged depending on other peoples’ perceptions, and then ranks how successful, masculine/feminine, ethical, caring, popular and fun they seemed.

    … OK, we’re listening…

    The most successful girls’ names are:

    1. Jacqueline
    2. Morgan
    3. Elizabeth
    4. Katherine
    5. Victoria
    6. Lauraine
    7. Susan
    8. Catherine
    9. Kate
    10. Madeleine

    Meanwhile, the most successful boys’ names are:

    1. Steven
    2. Ross
    3. Christopher
    4. James
    5. Robert
    6. David
    7. Kenneth
    8. Parker
    9. Thomas
    10. Madison

    Interesting that the tenth place on both the lists are Madeleine and Madison…

    And for every successful name there has to be an unsuccessful counterpart – such is life. So if you live by lists and other peoples’ opinions, you might want to swerve these names.

    These are the least successful girl’s names:

    1. Wilma
    2. Weeza
    3. Virgie
    4. Trixie
    5. Tina
    6. Swoosie
    7. Suzee
    8. Soosie
    9. Sissy
    10. Mush

    The motto of the story is you’re allowed to be called Susan, but don’t you dare shorten it. Also – someone find us a Weeza and make her be our friend.

    The least successful boy’s names are as follows:

    1. Rufus
    2. Rude
    3. Butch
    5. Alfie
    6. Gary
    7. Normee
    8. Bud
    9. Petie
    10. Phonso

    We imagine that Phonso is having too much fun being called Phonso to care that he isn’t a success. Phun Time Phonso, he calls himself – probably.

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