Married at First Sight: Why Are So Many People Using Tinder When They Are In Relationships?

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  • Will we ever forgive Jason? We're not so sure...

    You better not be on Tinder…no, really…

    Last night’s finale of the worryingly addictive Channel 4 show, Married at First Sight was shocking for one stand-out reasons, not least because 4 people were actually willing to go through with a legally binding marriage with a complete stranger. Katie and Jason who had seemingly been an almost perfect match broke up just two weeks after their wedding after a friend informed her that Jason was actively using the online dating app, Tinder. 

    It was semi-devastating if like me, you had invested in the relationship from afar, the only constellation being that the other pairing Emma and James are still happily married but living apart, five months after their big day. The show – which is now recruiting for people to take part in the second series – and it’s unexpected ending now prompts the question, why are people in relationships using Tinder? 
    Research firm GlobalWebIndex (GWI) released figures earlier this year that suggests that up to 30% of users of the dating app are married while another 12% counted themselves as being in a relationship at the time of their use. While the survey didn’t ask such nuanced questions as to whether these relationships were open and how established their relationships were, it’s still a worrying statistic and one which Body language expert, Judi James is unsurprised by: 
    “I wrote a book about the Tall Poppy Syndrome where people can somehow find themselves driven to destroy their own success, like football players using alcohol to self-destruct or politicians wrecking life-long careers over meaningless petty scandals. Part of the problem lies with the utter terror of success and the effect it can have on our lives. We assume being in love to be joyous and delightful but intense love can be hell, and the life changes linked to marriage can create fear or stress that we work to suppress or deny because we know we are supposed to be happy. 
    In fact many people are far more comfortable with failure. Relationship disasters create sympathy, support and a love response from the people around us. Relationship success can cause alienation, envy and a growing suspicion that we weren’t meant to be that lucky. It’s not like that for everyone of course but it is for many lovers which – although it doesn’t excuse them falling into the arms of Tinder – it might go some way to explaining why they do it.”
    Caroline Brealey of Mutual Attraction has some advice for those entering into a new relationship, saying: 
    “There’s a weird few weeks in between meeting someone and going exclusive where there is the tension of whether you should delete your Tinder account or are a few cheeky swipes still ok? Until you’ve had ‘the talk’ you’re not really sure. Simple answer? Hit delete! 
    “If not you’ll find yourself taking a look, just to pass the time of course, no other reason. This is the digital equivalent of scouting for talent at the pub. “You’re subconsciously checking out if the grass is greener on the other side and if there’s anyone better available. I’m positive Tinder stops more relationships than creates them. Focus on your budding relationship, wean yourself off swiping and don’t sabotage your relationship before it’s really got off the ground.” 
    How would you react if you found your partner on Tinder? Tell us in the comments below.

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