‘Men are impressed by my size, but women don’t feel the same way’
Statistics show that the average British male’s penis grows from 3.6in (flaccid) to 5.2in (erect). But what about the guys who lie at the other ends of the spectrum? Two men bare all…
Michael Maloney*, 33, is a ‘shower’ and a ‘grower’, measuring in at 4.5in while flaccid, and increasing to more than 9in when erect
‘When I was younger, I never gave much thought to the size of my penis. Sure, you hear stories of how men see each other’s tackle in the shower but, as I wasn’t the sporty type, I never really had that chance. I went to the gym a couple of times and tried to sneak a subtle peek, but without catching a glimpse of my bench-pressing buds’ members while erect, it was impossible to tell. I watched porn, too, but I wasn’t particularly impressed. My knob seemed bigger, but who was I to know? It was only when I lost my virginity that I found out. As with most people, the first time was a bit of a disaster. I was 16, and I was so scared that it took me ages to get an erection. But while it wasn’t there for long, it also kind of was. My non-virgin girlfriend looked horrified. “Oh my god, that’s massive,” she exclaimed. And that’s the moment when I knew.
Over the next few weeks, she literally got to grips with it, and together we tried to figure out how to make sex work. It wasn’t easy. While sometimes it made her scream in ecstasy, on other occasions she was screaming in agony. After a while, we found a position she was comfortable with – missionary; with her legs positioned so she could control how deep I went. And we did it like that every single time. If I tried to do it from behind, she’d get really panicky and flip around before I’d even got going. We broke up eight months later, and I still believe my penis was a factor.
I turned to the internet for support. Size-wise, I discovered I was in the top five per cent, but while male friends were impressed by my phallic stature, women didn’t seem to feel the same. Not that I let that get in the way- the old saying “it’s not the size, it’s what you do with it that matters” may ring true for me now but, when I was younger, I was so pleased with what nature had given me, I expected my partners to be happy with it, too.
Thankfully, that phase didn’t last for long. When one-night stands started crying in pain, I realized I had a lot to learn. Sex isn’t meant to be unpleasant and I didn’t want to hurt anybody. But even when I was trying to be gentle it seemed unavoidable, and I found that hard to accept.
Since then, the longest relationship I’ve had has been with the mother of my son. When we first got together, she was delighted with every part of me. But she got pregnant after we’d been dating for a few months, and our sex-life dried up. I became frustrated, but when I tried to talk to her about it, she’d us my size as a retort: “You think you’re so great, with your massive cock,” she’d tell me, or “It might be big, but you haven’t got a clue how to use it!”
We separated shortly after our son was born. Having said that, my size does have its upsides. The whole “package” looks pretty good in jeans and, on holiday, I do like to strut my stuff in my swimmers. Of course, I’ve attracted my fair share of attention from female admirers, as well as a couple of coarse comments, but I can’t complain – it’s still nothing compared to what women with big breasts have to put up with.
Generally speaking, I’ve discovered that although some women prefer bigger, most would choose thicker over longer (girth-wise, I’m a healthy 5.5in) and many are perfectly happy with average. But short of having an operation (and I’m not planning on that), there’s nothing I can do. After all, as far as problems go, this isn’t a big one. Except it is – if you get my drift. Oh, and not all the rumours are true – I’m only a shoe size eight.’
‘I’m smaller than average, but I’m better at sex’
Stewart Green*, 39, has a penis length of1.5in while flaccid, and a below par 3.5in when fully erect.
‘Let’s cut to the chase: God shafted me in the penis-size stakes. But here’s the funny thing- despite giving me an unusually small member, he’s compensated by providing me with the personality and looks to make up for it. If I sound cocky (pun intended), I make no apology. Frankly, I’m not going to worry about things I can’t control and, given the way life has turned out, I wouldn’t change a thing.
You see, ever since I was young, I’ve never been short of female company. While the rest of my mates spent their teenage years fumbling around like amateurs, I’ve been the one they’re all jealous of. People tell me I’m the tall, dark, handsome type with the gift of the gab. I matured earlier than my peers – in my case, I hit puberty when I was 11, and I lost my virginity shortly after my 13th birthday.
Even then, I knew my penis was definitely smaller than average. In the interests of journalism (honest), I’ve measured the old chap and found out that he’s less than 2in when resting (OK, more like 1.5in) and I’m still under 4in when erect. The girth is fairly normal, I think, but definitely nothing to write home about. I’ve asked a couple of girls I was in long-term relationships with, and when pushed – they all said mine was “probably” the smallest they’d been with.
But here’s the thing: they didn’t care. I don’t want to sound boastful, but I know I’m good at sex. If it was just a competition based on length and girth, I’d be a waste of space, but experience has taught me that sex is about so much more than that. At school I used to cop some grief about having a small cock, but it was all half-hearted because everyone knew that while they were wanking themselves silly, I was getting the real thing.
It’s impossible to talk about it without sounding like an idiot, which is why I never do. But every now and then the subject will come up and, on occasion, I’ll put people straight. The fact is, if I hadn’t been circumcised when I was nine years old (for religious reasons which are now irrelevant to me), my penis would look bigger. But so what? You get what you’re given, and I’ve learned to make the most of it.
Some positions aren’t great – doggy-style, for instance – and by and large I’ll try to stick to variations on missionary. But I’m a master of oral, and that, for my money, is the real deal-breaker. Some girls like to use a vibrator as well, to stimulate the parts I can’t reach, and I’m always up for experimentation. With the right planning (yes, I have to buy a smaller size of condom, which I order online), the size of my penis doesn’t affect me in any way. I’m not bothered by how big other guys are. Why should I be? I’m not going to bed with them.
I’ve never once been belittled by a partner about it – at least not to my face. I like to think I have better taste in women than that. If you’re the kind of person who watches porn and thinks that’s even close to real life, then you should probably seek help. I’m sure 99 per cent of men would feel inadequate alongside some of those steroid freaks pumped full of Viagra.
I’m in a serious relationship now and thinking about marriage, but over the years I’ve slept with around 50 women.If I’ve learned anything along the way, it’s that the real thrill is in the chase – and if you’ve got a sense of humour and confidence, the sex takes care of itself.’