AKA Satan's weed
Right, let's not beat around the bush here. Coriander is a blight on the face of humanity. There is nothing more traumatic than the moment you bite into what should be a lovely safe halloumi wrap only to get a mouthful of chewy, soapy leaves.
So if you've got issues with coriander, read on...
It's everywhere. Literally everywhere.
There was a time where hating a herb was a pretty niche problem, but somehow, like the pox upon humanity that it truly is, coriander has spread. First it crept into salads. Then sauces. And before you knew it they'd opened coriander restaurants, they were putting the devil's own herb in cocktails. We've reached peak coriander, people. You're living in a world where you run the risk of getting coriander in a pudding. Hell to the no.
Weekday lunches are ruined
You haven't known true despair 'til you've sat in Pret unrolling a flatbread to extract each evil leaf, just so you can enjoy your hummus and roasted vegetables. I'm pretty sure it's easier to get something gluten free, macrobiotic, vegan and fruitarian, than something that isn't coriander. The inhumanity.
It's actually very real genetic problem.
According to scientists (and why would scientists be doing experiments on coriander if they didn't have reason to be suspicious of it?) there's a legit reason that coriander tastes like evil: apparently some of us have a gene that makes it taste like soap. Up to 14% of us are thought to be affected by the gene, which makes coriander soapy and bitter (sound familiar?) So it's not our fault, and we can't be expected to take any responsibility.
Waiters hate you
Remember when Carrie and her (awful) boyfriend Berger have a fight in SATC because she tells the waiter she's allergic to parsley and she's actually not? Well herb haters world-wide unite, because we've all been there. If you say you don't like coriander then I guarantee an evil little leaf will turn up in your salad, smugly ruining everything. At least if you say you're allergic they'll be worried about killing you and pick them out.
People think you're being fussy
'Can't you just eat it?' people ask, as they watch you sob your guacamole, lamenting yet another ruined meal. Would you be able to choke down a severed finger? No. I rest my case. It's not about being fussy, it's about being part of a small but genetically superior section of humanity who can tell the real truth about the soapy abomination that is coriander.
Why did it have to be coriander? What was wrong with everyone's favourite tomato enhancer, basil? Basil has put in the hard yards, it deserves it's moment in the spotlight. But no, they picked coriander and decided to drown all the high street's sandwich outlets with a leaf that tastes exactly like fairy liquid.In fact, the only single thing in the entire world that's worse than coriander, is dill.
Don't get us started on dill.