The Selfie Safety Guide You Never Knew You Needed Is Finally Here

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  • After over 'some hundred' selfie-related injuries, Russia has issued a selfie safety guide, teaching us how to take a front-facing photo without killing ourselves in the process

    Look left and right before crossing the road.

    Don’t run with scissors.

    Avoid sticking your fingers into the plug socket.

    Try not to use your hairdryer in the bath.

    Never ever take a selfie with a weapon.

    We know, we know – it’s tough advice to take. How else are you supposed to look cool on Instagram, if you can’t take a self portrait with a mace in one hand and an elven sword forged by trolls in the other? Hell, we’re not even allowed to take a picture with our own nipples any more.

    But according to an extensive new campaign by the Russian government, ‘selfie safety’ is a serious business, and not the kind of thing we should be joking about.

    ‘A cool selfie could cost you your life,’ the official guide warns, as we suddenly stare at our selfie sticks with a newfound distrust.

    But their warning isn’t completely out of the blue. In May, a 21-year-old woman shot herself in the head by mistake with a pistol while posing for a selfie. That same month, a teenager died while trying to take a photo of himself on a railway bridge – and coming into contact with live electrical wires as a result. And in January, two men died after taking a picture while clutching a hand grenade – with the pin pulled out. Only the phone containing the selfie survived.

    ‘Unfortunately we have noted recently that the number of accidents caused by lovers of self-photography is constantly increasing,’ adds Yelena Alexeyeva, an aide to Russia’s interior minister. ‘Since the beginning of the year we are talking about some hundred cases of injuries for sure.’

    ‘The problem really exists and leads to very unfortunate consequences.’

    Aside from advising budding photographers to avoid taking self portraits with explosives, the guide also recommends not taking selfies in the following situations:

    While standing with one knee bent

    – While in the presence of a lion / tiger / oversized pet cat

    – While falling down a mountain

    – While capsizing a boat

    – While scaling a rooftop

    – While jumping in front of a train.

    Which, to be fair, we can’t argue with.

    Photo credit: Russian Interior Ministry

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