Our favourite locked-up ladies are back with a new series of Orange Is The New Black.
In celebration of the show's return to Netflix on Friday (and our whole weekend being lost to a deep, dark hole of TV and the inevitable delivery pizza…or two…) we’ve put together the 27 best quotes from our favourite criminally inclined ladies...
1. Pennsatucky post-dental reconstruction: ‘Are you jealous that I’m kind of pretty now and you’re not?’
2. Officer Fischer giving the sassy hand to Joel Luschek: ‘Don’t call me babe. You can’t call me babe if you can’t return my texts.’
3. Morello on Toy Story: ‘Hey, did you ever see that one movie? The one where there’s this cowboy and he’s like the king of the castle and then this astronaut shows up and he tries to take over and so the cowboy attempts to murder him. But instead, the astronaut is taken hostage by this evil psychopath and the cowboy has to rescue him and then they end up becoming really good friends.’
4. Morello on romantic hierarchy: ‘You don’t go Jessica Simpson when you got Rihanna.’
5. Suzanne on love: ‘It’s like you become more you. Which normally is like [mimes a bomb going off] because the person, like, whoever, they chose to take all that on. All that weird stuff. But now it’s okay…whatever is wrong or bad or hiding in you, suddenly it’s alright. You don’t feel like such a freak anymore.’
6. Piper on sex : ‘Do not defend your boner to me right now.’
7. Piper on the menstrual cycle: ‘By all means, attribute my legitimate feelings of sadness to mensies.’
8. Red on people: ‘Ugh. People’
9. Red on problems: ‘All problems are boring until they’re your own.’
10. Boo on being single: ‘I am feeling so single today.’
11. Pennsatucky on sexuality: ‘She a lesbian. They lesbianing together.’
12. Pennsatucky on men: ‘No offence, but, uh, men being in charge has never done me any good.’
13. Black Cindy on Beyonce: ‘Hey, you ever think about Jay-Z and Beyonce f-ing? ‘Cause I do. Like, more than I do myself, even.’
14. Soso on prison life: ‘God. This is the loneliest place I’ve ever been and I lived in a tree for eight months.’
15. Caputo on romance: ‘You’re still hot. I mean you’re a horrible person, but you’re hot as hell.’
16. Rosa on dying: ‘It’s not the dying that’s hard. It’s that I have to do it here. The last thing I have to see is you assholes.’
17. Suzanne on self-love: ‘No. This year I’m loving someone who deserves me: Me.’
18. Red on friendship: ‘My friendship used to come with perks. Now I’m just an angry old Russian lady. Without the free pantyhose and eyeliner I’m not such a draw.’
19. Big Boo on making new words: ‘Seriously, enough of the clitorference.’
20. Black Cindy on bills, bills, bills: ‘Bitch. If grateful paid the bills, we’d all be f-ing Bill Gates!’
21. Suzanne on playground politics: ‘Sometimes people just don’t want to play with you. And that’s OK!’
22. Nicky on her future career prospects outside of prison: ‘According to this aptitude test, uh, I should be a professional athlete, a park ranger or a correctional officer…you are aware that you just told an inmate in a prison that she should become a corrections officer. What the f- is wrong with you?’
23. Piper on love: ‘I was there for Alex. She was what I paid attention to. Who I paid attention to. Everything else was just background.’
24. Piper on stress: I think I’ve moved beyond stress to something more deeply disturbing.'
25. Crazy Eyes on flowers: ‘I used to think you were a yellow dandelion, but you are all dried up with the puff blown off. But that’s all right. You are who you are, like I am who I am.’
26. Piper on sexuality: ‘I like hot girls. And I like hot boys. I like hot people. What can I say? I’m shallow.’