Brace yourself, it's time for all the clichés coming your way...
Words by Olivia Foster
Valentine’s Day; a day of romance, flowers, M&S two-for-one meal deals and declarations of undying love or, if you’re single, texts from men you don’t fancy, mis-matched underwear and avoiding conversations in the kitchen at work about exactly how you’re going to be spending the evening.
Whether you’re a Valentine’s lover, hater or you’re totally indifferent to the Hallmark holiday, one thing’s for sure, at least one of the below will happen to you before the day is out. Sorry, we don’t make the rules…
You’ll Get A Mysterious Card From Your Mum
What’s that in your letterbox, a card in a red envelope, signed from a mysterious admirer that happened to arrive just days after your mum text to ask for a reminder of your address? Seems legit.
Plus Four Texts From Guys You Went On A Single Date With
These will range from a three scroll epilogue about how, despite only meeting once, John, 35, from Essex, has actually realised you were perfect for one another, to a cursory, ‘U up?,’ from a guy you snogged outside a Be At One. To be fair, Valentine’s does fall on a Friday this year so who can blame him.
And One Text From Your Ex-Boyfriend
There’s nothing good about this, if you ended on good terms it will only set you back a few weeks of pretending you can be friends, if you ended on bad terms you’ll have to spend the day resisting the temptation to tell him to…
You Might Even Send Some Yourself…
Look, this is a no judgement zone, you can’t help it if you have four glasses of Pinot Grigio and decide that you don’t want to spend the evening alone. Just make sure you’re not texting someone you’re going to regret – yes, we are talking about that fit guy in your office.
You’ll Be Served Sponsored Ads To Singles Nights
If you’ve ever wondered if your phone is listening to you it will 100% be confirmed as you’re served ad after ad for singles nights in your area. Now all you’ve got to do is decide what would be an appropriate outfit for Jenga speed dating.
But At Least They’ll Break Up Your Instagram Feed
You’re not saying you’re not happy for Sarah and her new boyfriend, but was it really necessary to do a 25 slide long Insta-story tribute to him?