Are you pregnant?
When it comes to being a bride, I am a giant walking stereotype. Been thinking about it since I was six? Check. Doodled wedding dress designs on post-its? Check. Tried out my boyfriend’s surname with mine long before he proposed? Check. Don’t get me wrong, I love being engaged. It’s taken our a relationship to a happier and more relaxed place, and I get to throw a party where I have full control over the food and everyone has to be nice to me. But what I wasn’t expecting was for there to be some seriously sucky sides to being a bride.
Brides, it’s time to get real…
Are you pregnant?
The only time you should be asking a woman if she’s having a baby is if she’s already dilated. Certainly not when she’s telling you she’s engaged. Even if I was, it would be impolite, but when you’re one hundred percent not carrying anything other than a big lunch, it’s just plain rude. People also seem pretty keen on asking when you’re planning to have kids, or if you’ll be waiting. Announcing your engagement does not give the world a free pass to quiz you about your uterus.
Are you planning to lose weight?
Are you? This question is no more appropriate when someone is engaged as it would be at any other time, but you would be shocked by how many people seem to think it’s an okay question to lead with. A friend of mine offered me running and diet tips in the same breath that she said congratulations. Newsflash: not everyone wants to drastically change their appearance to wear a white dress for a day. Whether I’m going to gorge myself on carbs before the big day or check into a Swiss clinic to have my jaw wired is literally none of your business.
When is the date?
Which is essentially code for ‘am I invited?’ Now, I’d love to have a Kate and Wills style event with several hundred people, but the slight sticky point is that you do actually have to feed and water all those people, which gets really spenny, really fast. If you’re going to be invited, you’ll know about it.
Am I a bridesmaid?
Again, you’d be shocked how many people think this is an okay question to ask. Surely, in the event that you were a bridesmaid, you could rely on the bride to let you know? It doesn’t seem like a very real risk that you’ll turn up on the day and I’ll thrust a puce dress and you, having forgotten to ask. Again, just like asking if you’re invited, it’s a really awkward conversation if you have to say no.
Can I come dress shopping?
Dress shopping is nothing like it seems on TV. They don’t give you champagne, you don’t fall in love with a dress that fits like a glove, basically it’s not that dreamy, joy-filled experience you’d probably hoped for. You try on lots of dresses(mostly in the wrong size) and probably have a row with your mum because there’s a good reason you stopped shopping with her once you turned fifteen. If you get out without crying, you’ve done really well.
Can I bring my boyfriend?
Sigh. In a perfect world, then yes! Of course you can bring him. But in the real world, weddings are expensive and numbers are limited, and if your boyfriend comes, it’ll bump one of our cousins off from the guest list. So unless you’re both great friends with the bride and groom, why not use it as a chance to enjoy some girl time?
It’s amazing that people want to be involved in the wedding, and a total blessing to have friends and family who care. No bride wants to come across as ungrateful or rude. But organizing a wedding is seriously stressful (you might have heard) and being asked questions that you can’t answer without hurting the person’s feelings? It’s another stress in the run up that you really don’t need.