What it’s really like sleeping with your best friend

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  • With the pandemic putting a stop to chance encounters and app-initiated dates, you might be wondering what it would be like to cross that line with someone already in your life. Here, one woman opens up about sleeping with her BFF....

    Ah, that age-old conundrum. Sex with your best friend would never happen—right? You’ve always been close, too close, to ever see them in a romantic light.

    But then… it happens. Just like Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis in Friends With Benefits, us Brits love a sex mishap. Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly) enough, it’s all too common, and so are the 101 searches surrounding what happens after you have sex with a best friend. Does everything change? Should you tell your other mates? Can you maintain a close friendship after you’ve seen each other naked?

    Being completely realistic, it totally depends on the situation and is likely different for each and every friendship. But reading other stories, like Danielle’s below, may help you pave your way through the confusion if it does happen to you.

    How common is it to sleep with your best friend?

    While the stats are scarce, a quick Google search draws up 773,000,000 results for ‘sex with best friend’, which means, a bit like sexual dysfunction, that it’s more common than you might think. Realistically, if you’re super close with someone and spend lots of time with them, chances are, one night, after a few drinks, something could just happen.

    So, in short, it happens. A lot. Keep reading for Danielle’s story.

    what's like sleeping with your best friend

    Credit: BBC

    Sex with your best friend: What it’s really like

    “I didn’t have a sudden moment of waking up and realising that I’d slept with my oldest friend.. We’d had sex four times, and for the first time ever I’d orgasmed from penetration alone. The fact that it had all happened with a guy who I’d known for over ten years – and who I’d never been attracted to – only dawned on me three hours later, when we were dressed and sat on separate chairs on opposite sides of the living room.”

    ““I’m probably not going to mention this to anyone,” Sam said casually. “They don’t really need to know, right?” I laughed – a little too hard, perhaps. “Of course not,” I replied, feeling myself go red. His comment stung, and I wasn’t sure why.”

    “That afternoon, we hugged goodbye and later texted each other about unrelated, non-sexual things, as a conscious show of “seeing each other naked changes nothing”.”

    Facing awkward truths

    “Aside from predictably telling all to a mutual friend of ours later that week, I easily put the whole thing to the back of my mind. One-night stands in the past had come with a morning dose of guilt, like I’d sold myself short somehow. This felt different. I didn’t want a relationship with Sam, but it hadn’t been meaningless.”

    “When he rang me out of the blue six months later to say he’d tested positive for chlamydia and was worried he’d given it to me, our friendship made things easier again. I genuinely meant it when I said that I wouldn’t be angry if he had passed it on, and he knew he could believe me.”

    Friends with benefits

    Friends with Benefits

    The repercussions of sleeping with your friend

    “It’s been three years since that night, but I’ve only recently realised that now when Sam stays in London, he no longer uses my floor as his crash pad. We’re both in long-term relationships and I don’t know if his girlfriend knows we slept together.”

    “When I told my boyfriend, he seemed unfazed – he’s slept with some of his female friends, too. But he still can’t make me orgasm through penetration, and when he asked me who had, I lied. The sex with Sam was great but we both know our long-standing friendship comes first. Boyfriends may come and go but real friends – especially the ones who have seen you naked – are friends for life.”

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