Lockdown's lifting, the pubs are opening and your love life is set to go from virtual meeting to beer garden hot date potential. Behavioural profiler Lily Walford reveals the five body language signals to look out for now we can all get 1-metre cosy
Dating in 2020 was confusing and frustrating enough, and then along came a pandemic to throw a massive spanner-shaped curveball at our love lives. From virtual dates to social-distancing park picnics, it’s tough, especially when you can’t read the all-important secret body language signals everyone does.
Now Super Saturday (aka July 4th) and our new normal world’s tempting us with future potential dates in pubs, cafes, restaurants, galleries and museums. But before you go racing to the beer garden with Tinder in hand, take stock about what lockdown forced us to do.
It forced us to slow down and realise the importance of genuine connections and having people around who care. Let’s just say, I’ve had my fair share of dating disasters. I was stuck in the cycle of dating the same self-centred men, had my heart broken a few times and I was even stalked for five years.
Love with intelligence
These experiences allowed me to reflect on the red flags I missed. I learned to spot the ‘just not that into you’ body language signals and essentially date smarter. Fuelled by my passion, I trained as a behavioural profiler with mentoring from industry leaders.
During my research, I discovered something never done before – a way for us to ensure, beyond reasonable doubt we’re attracting a partner who is safe and genuinely has the right intentions.
I’m now an international relationship and dating coach, and I’ve helped hundreds find love with my company Love with Intelligence, using clever techniques that can profile a person in under six minutes and gauge whether they’re genuinely interested. Here’s the top five body language signals to decode so you’ll always know if a date is or just isn’t that into you…
Body language signals: the top 5
1. Blink rate
The easiest thing you can look out for with on date is blink rate. Regularity of blink rate can signal interest levels in your conversation. Don’t worry, you not literally counting how many times they’re blinking. It’s whether it’s little or often, is what you’re looking out for.
When we’re really interested, our blink rate goes down because we’re paying full attention. If you notice this happening, you’re saying things that resonate with them. If you’re speaking and your date’s blink rate is rising, this is a signal of disinterest or possibly stress.
I help a lot of people spot narcissistic behaviour, which really helps pinpoint if you’re being manipulated. If a date is only showing interest when you’re being vulnerable or talking about a weakness but not at any other time, this is a red flag. They’re only interested in things that make you feel fragile.
2. Lip compressions
If your date’s squeezing their lips tight, it’s a signal they’re trying to keep their mouth shut and maybe withholding opinions. This doesn’t mean they’re a time waster, but it shows there’s some internal resistance and an area you may need to explore further.
3. Artery protecting
A lot of body language signalling is subconscious and a dead giveaway. Take fear and stress, for instance, it prompts us to protect our arteries. When we feel threatened, even emotionally, we change our body to protect vulnerable areas, such as raising shoulders, arms pressing against the torso or fingers curling into the hand.
Equally, the opposite is true. When someone happy and responsive, their body will open to display physical vulnerability. If this is genuine, it’ll be paired with a decreased blink rate and slower movements, as stress makes us move quickly. Relaxation indicates comfort, which is a great sign your date is genuine.
4. Shrugging and hushing
A one-shoulder shrug really is what it sounds like – a shrug with one shoulder. This is an ace lie detector as it really shows ‘I don’t believe what I’m saying’. Equally, hushing can be a sign of deception. Watch out for gestures such as covering or touching the mouth, an indication they could really be hiding a lie.
5. Emotional mirroring
When you’re talking look out for empathy indicators. When you’re explaining something packed with high emotions, there should be a reflection on your date’s face of your emotion. If there isn’t, it may be proof there’s an absence of emotional connection.
Now you know these body language signals I hope these help you make an informed decision and know when a connection is really genuine. You’ll be able to pick up on things that truly interest your date and equally where there is stress and possible deception.