"Soft Hermitting" Is Trending on TikTok—and Promises to Be the Antidote to Hustle Culture
A healthy way to set boundaries, or an excuse to socially withdraw?
When was the last time you cancelled plans for no other real reason than to stay at home? If you've turned down a social event recently, you're far from alone. Welcome to "soft-hermitting": the viral TikTok trend that gives people permission to say no to plans, protect their social battery and choose the sofa over socialising. And best of all? No guilt required.
A world away from FOMO, which had us saying yes to everything just in case we missed out, soft hermitting embraces the exact opposite. We're not talking about enjoying the occasional night in (like JOMO, or the Joy of Missing Out), but deliberately creating more space away from socialising.
After years of hustle culture telling us to stay busy, say yes and never switch off, it's easy to see the appeal. Research suggests there's a fine line between restorative solitude and social withdrawal. This 2023 study found that spending time alone was associated with less stress and greater feelings of autonomy, but also greater loneliness and less satisfaction.
So could soft hermitting be a healthy way to set boundaries - or could we be getting a little too comfortable socially withdrawing?
I spoke to two industry experts for their take on the latest lifestyle trend, as well as their tips for practising soft hermitting without becoming isolated. Keep scrolling for the need-to-know. And if you're keen to read more wellness content, check out our latest expert-led wellbeing guides on how to improve joyspan, prioritise micro-recovery, Blue Zone living and metta meditation.
Soft hermitting is gaining traction–is it healthy or are we becoming too comfortable with isolation?
What is soft hermitting and why is it trending?
Soft hermitting is essentially about deliberately creating more space from social interaction.
As qualified psychotherapist and author Eloise Skinner puts it: "This phrase is being used to describe scenarios where people are deliberately turning down plans or social occasions, and preferring instead to stay at home and avoid interactions with others."
Skinner believes the appeal could partly be a reaction to the feeling that we're constantly switched on. "The world can feel overwhelming and exhausting for many people, and social interactions can feel as though they add to this, especially where we're constantly on our phones, responding and checking notifications," she explains. "Withdrawing socially may be a way to restore more calm, balance and peace."
There's also a cultural element at play. As we push back against hustle culture and the expectation to always be doing more, soft hermitting can feel like another way of rejecting the pressure to be constantly available.
Dr George Sik, a psychologist at eras, agrees that there's something appealing about deliberately reducing stimulation. "Social interaction can be mentally demanding," he says. "Having periods where we deliberately reduce stimulation can give us an opportunity to recover and reflect."
In other words, cancelling plans doesn't automatically make you antisocial. It might just be what you need.
Is soft hermitting actually good for us?
In the fast-paced world we live in, there are plenty of reasons to embrace a little more solitude. Choosing to stay at home can give you space to decompress, reconnect with yourself - and perhaps most importantly - do things because you actually want to, and not because you feel obliged to.
And while the experts agree that spending time alone isn't inherently a red flag, the reason behind it matters more than the behaviour itself. Dr Sik says that wanting to spend more time alone isn't a negative behaviour, but the line to watch is between choice and avoidance.
"The important distinction you should determine is: are you choosing solitude because you genuinely enjoy it, or are you avoiding something that feels uncomfortable?" he says.
If turning down an invite leaves you feeling rested and more enthusiastic about seeing people next time, that's likely a healthy boundary. But if avoiding plans starts to feel like the easiest way of escaping social anxiety or discomfort, that's when things can get complicated. "It’s worth asking yourself whether you’re genuinely recharging, or simply avoiding," adds Sik.
It's also worth weighing the trend against what the research says about connection more broadly. As Skinner notes, longevity research - including the famous 85-year Harvard study of Adult Development - consistently shows that close relationships play an important role in long-term health and happiness.
So perhaps the goal isn't to become a full-time hermit. It's to become a little more intentional about when we socialise, and when we don't.
How to practice soft hermitting without becoming isolated
So, if it's a fine line between protecting your social battery and withdrawing altogether, how do you strike the right balance? Here are a few expert-approved ways to embrace soft hermitting without isolating yourself.
1. Ask yourself why you're saying no
Before automatically turning down an invite, Skinner says it's worth checking in with yourself.
"I'd encourage anyone adopting the trend to get clear about what purpose or value it fulfils in their life," she outlines. "For example, if someone tries a hermit-style retreat practice and finds that it brings them more mental clarity, focus and peace, it could be a great part of a routine, when combined or balanced with other activities."
2. Protect your social battery
Instead of accepting every invitation, prioritise the people and plans that matter most to you.
As Dr Sik points out: “Healthy social connection doesn’t necessarily mean being the busiest person. You can have a very small social circle and still have meaningful relationships."
3. Make your time alone intentional
If you're going to stay at home, make it count. Whether that's reading, having an everything shower, cooking a nice meal, going for a walk, or simply doing nothing, the point is to use solitude to recharge and not dwell on cancelling your plans.
Skinner suggests paying attention to how time alone makes you feel. If a period of retreat provides you with care, space and time-out, it could be a valuable part of your routine.
4. Know when to step back out
Rather than an all-or-nothing approach to soft hermitting, both experts suggest trying to maintain a balanced approach.
"Many people could benefit from adopting elements of the concept into their routines," says Skinner. "Perhaps experimenting with small amounts of social retreat, combined with other times of stepping into social situations."
The aim, she says. is to balance self-connection with connection with others.
Shop MC UK's favourite: wellness products
A good, cosy pair of PJs tops the list for staying-home essentials. B Corp-certified brand Chelsea Peers is one of our go-tos for affordable, stylish sets. These star-print ones are on my wish list.
Create your own at-home wellness sanctuary with NEOM's Wellbeing Pod. Switch it on as part of your evening wind-down session and fill it with your favourite essential oil.
Turn your alone time into an opportunity for reflection with a wellness journal. This Papier one includes pages for setting goals and tracking daily habits.
How do you know if you're isolating yourself too much?
There isn't a magic number when it comes to how many social plans you should be making, and enjoying your own company isn't an issue in itself. Instead, pay attention to how your time alone makes you feel.
“If declining one invitation leaves you feeling rested and more willing to engage next time, that can be a healthy boundary," says psychologist Dr George Sik. "But if repeatedly declining plans leaves you increasingly disconnected, anxious about seeing people, or entirely reluctant to leave the house, it’s worth asking yourself whether you’re genuinely recharging, or simply avoiding."
