The Apprentice: Last Night’s Most Ridiculous Quotes

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  • Candidates on The Apprentice are not known for their modesty, and the assortment of wannabe businessmen and women taking part on this year's series are no different.

    The new series of The Apprentice started last night, and it stuck to the usual format of awkwardly aggressive and largely unlikeable candidates being ordered around by self-important East End lad done good Lord Alan Sugar.

    We’ve seen and heard it all before (eight times before, actually, we’re on series nine now) but the show is still as fabulous and full of cringeworthy moments as ever. Here are some of our favourite quotes from last night’s opening episode:

    Zeeshaan Shah, 27: ‘I’m a ‘Great’ of my generation. I’m an innovator and leader in business. I take inspiration from Napoleon; I am here to conquer.’

    Myles Mordaunt, 39: ‘I’m business perfection personified.’

    Alex Mills, 22: ‘I’m an old head on young shoulders. I believe that I’m the new breed of businessman that this process requires.’

    Jason Leech, 29: ‘I just feel my effortless superiority will take me all the way.’

    Jaz Ampaw-Farr, 41: ‘I’m half machine. I can process things at a speed that is out of this world!’

    Luisa Zissman, 25: ‘I have the energy of a Duracell bunny, sex appeal of Jessica Rabbit, and a brain like Einstein.’

    Alan Sugar: ‘No, I’m not ‘man,’ I’m Lord Sugar.’

    The Apprentice is shown Tuesdays, 9pm on BBC1. If you plan on watching the next episode, watch out for Alex Mills’ eyebrows (we need the name of his threader… or maybe not), Karren Brady’s incredible blow-dry (her coiffe could give Kate Middleton a run for her money) and some questionable power dressing.

    What did you think of last night’s show? Will you carry on watching this series? Let us know below.

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