75% of UK parents are worried about their kids' online experiences. That knot in your stomach when you hand over their first device? Totally normal. But anxiety and restrictions rarely end well (cue stomping upstairs and theatrical door slams). Whether you're team "smartphone at age 10" or "maybe when they're 16," eventually most kids will enter the digital world. And when that moment comes, it’s better to approach it with confidence rather than dread.
That’s why EE created this P.H.O.N.E. Chat guide with Internet Matters. It reframes phone safety as collaboration rather than control—because kids are far more likely to respect boundaries they've helped create.
The P.H.O.N.E. approach that actually works
Forget formal family meetings; the best chats happen casually – during a walk, in the car, while making dinner. Pick a good time to talk about phone usage before the habits form and the phone is already glued to their hand.
Open with: "Getting a phone is exciting – it means we trust you. Let's talk about making it work for everyone."
Then cover:
- What their phone can do (and any initial limits)
- That you're figuring this out together
- What excites them—and what worries them
- No lectures. Just back and forth conversation.
H is for Highlight: Real talk about risks.
Skip the horror stories. Kids tend to roll their eyes when you catastrophise. Instead, give them practical info about what risks to watch for.
Online strangers: Teach them to spot red flags rather than banning all contact (unrealistic with online gaming and social media). Warning signs include anyone who asks to keep your friendship secret, wants personal details, or makes them feel uncomfortable. Make it clear: these are the moments to tell you immediately.
Group chat overwhelm: What starts as five friends can balloon into 50 people and constant notifications. Let them know it's completely fine to mute chats or leave if things get toxic. Frame it as self-care, not giving up.
Peer pressure moments: When friends push them to share photos, reply instantly or join in when chat turns mean, they need an exit strategy. Give them ready-made excuses: "Battery's dying," "Parents check my phone," or simply "Not comfortable with that." Having a script ready makes boundaries easier.
O is for Own: The forever factor
Everything online leaves a digital shadow. Even "deleted" posts. Even Snapchats.
Make it a game. Ask your child, before posting, to think through these five questions in their mind:
- Is it kind?
- Is it true?
- Does it represent who I am?
- Is it oversharing?
- Would I cringe if Nan saw this?
It might help to share your own digital disasters. That regrettable Facebook status from 2008? Gold. Shows you get it, while proving to them why thinking twice before posting matters.
N is for Negotiate: Rules that stick
Secret weapon: boundaries created together actually work.
Negotiate together:
- Phone-free zones (dinner table? Bedtime?)
- Which apps are green-lit
- Screen time that feels fair
- Consequences and rewards
Remember to revisit rules regularly. What works for an 11-year-old won’t work for a 15-year-old.
E is for Establish: Keep talking
This isn't one-and-done. It's an ongoing conversation.
Casual check-ins beat interrogations:
- "Seen anything funny online today?"
- "Show me that meme that made you laugh"
- "What's everyone into on TikTok now?"
When problems arise (they will), don't panic or confiscate. Your reaction to their first issue determines whether they'll share the second. And if you don't know something, just admit it. "I'm not sure about that app – shall we look together?" Vulnerability builds connection.
Smart tools, less stress
Communication is key, but backup helps. EE's Safer SIMs offer built-in protections that can't be switched off—parental controls, scam blocking, and spending limits. This helps provide peace of mind without hovering.
The bottom line
Your child's first phone doesn't have to end in tears. Approach it as a journey you're taking together, not a list of rules you're imposing. The goal isn't to shield them from everything. It's to give them the judgment and confidence to handle whatever comes up. By keeping the lines of communication open, you're building a relationship where they'll actually talk to you when things go sideways.
Visit EE for more information on Safer SIMs and tools to help keep your children safe online.
