Forget your first love – or later relationships will suffer

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  • Why it's important to get over your first love

    Do you remember your first love? How you couldn’t stop thinking about him and the little rush of butterflies you got whenever he called? Well, apparently it’s time to forget all that and move on.

    New research has found that the rose-tinted memories we have of our first dalliance into the world of love can ruin all our relationships in later life.  

    According to sociologists, the euphoria we experience with our first love can become an unrealistic benchmark against which all future relationships are judged.

    Therefore, the key to successful liaisons later in life is to forget the intensity and passion that you had with your childhood sweetheart.

    Dr Malcolm Brynin, who edited the collection of research papers called Changing Relationships, believes having a more pragmatic view of our old flame is the key to long-lasting happiness.

    ‘Remarkably, it seems that the secret to long-term happiness in a relationship is to skip a first relationship,’ he explains.

    ‘In an ideal world you would wake up already in your second relationship. If you had a passionate first relationship and allow that feeling to become your benchmark, it becomes inevitable that future, more adult partnerships will seem boring and a disappointment.

    ‘The problems start if you try not only to get everything you need for an adult relationship, but also strive for the heights of excitement and intensity you had in your first experience of love.

    He added. ‘The solution is clear: if you can protect yourself from intense passion in your first relationship, you will be happier in your later relationships.’

    If only it were that simple!


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