If you're not too busy chugging avocado lattes, you terrible millennial
Words by Jadie Troy-Pryde
If you happen to fall into the millennial category, the following might sound familiar: despite coming out of university bright-eyed and bushy tailed, clutching your hard-earned and extortionate degree, you go on to spend every waking moment applying for roughly 5,205,203 jobs only to get two 'Sorry, you weren't successful,' emails three months later.
You might have picked up a couple of part-time jobs just to get by, or else you were sucked into an industry where you were expected to offer thousands of unpaid hours of your time on the off chance they might (but probably won't) offer you a job at the end of it.
And if you are one of the lucky ones who managed to get into a job that you actually wanted, chances are your salary was - for lack of a better word - shit. So no chance of moving out, never mind owning your own home you lazy, overconfident millennial! Lower those expectations immediately!
Thankfully, job adverts like this one come along for all those uninspired youngsters looking for the perfect role.
Tea House Theatre are desperately seeking an office administrator, and placed a job description online to find the perfect candidate. They report that they've really struggled to find the right person for the job, despite the fact that they note the role isn't difficult, and have had to recruit numerous times in the last few months.
'Dear Millenials,' the job description begins (and the typo is theirs, not mine).
'As a professional company in the arts industry for the best part of twenty years, grafting, scraping, cap in hand to angels and funding bodies and occasionally getting lucky. Surviving on our box office, breaking even and revelling in the success that in the real world that is.
'It saddens me to be putting this advert up for the third time in as many months.'
Why? Why does no one want to do filing and photocopying for these pompous directors?
'Are you just not taught anything about existing in the real world, where every penny counts?' the advert-come-lecture continues. 'Did no one teach you that the end of your studies is the beginning of your education?’
The directors, HG Iggulden & IF Rushton, are looking for 'a grafter, who can commit', and someone who has 'the ability to run a paper filing system as well as a computerised one, the ability to complete and keep track of a huge to-do list, to make our office work, create and develop business management systems that help the business to grow, giving space for more creative work to go ahead.'
For their time, skills and commitment, the right candidate can expect a meagre salary and bosses who feel that the job is soooooo ridiculously easy that if 'one old lady used to run the whole of Moutview Academy with an IBM computer, it shouldn't be this hard.'
Naturally, the patronising and pretentious job advert has not gone down well. They've been branded 'snarky', 'obnoxious' and 'out of touch', and the advert has since been removed from the site.
What a shame.