Do you really think it’s ok to tell me how to get pregnant?

It’s funny (and by that I don’t mean the laugh-out-loud kind), isn’t it? That your own body is never really your own. When you’re getting married, you’re asked if you’re going to get into shape for the big day – no one ever asks the husband that one, mind – and virtually as soon as you walk down the aisle, you’re asked when you’re going to start a family.

And let me tell you, it gets even worse the moment you tell people you’re TTC – that’s trying to conceive by the way, your vocabulary opens to a whole new world of abbreviations when you’re TTC with your OH.

To be fair, it was my own fault for telling anyone, but in my defence, I believed it would get people off my back a little if I told them we were at least trying. Except, it only worked for a few months before the advice (mostly unsolicited) started pouring in again.

The thing that surprised me the most is how opinionated everyone is, and although it is never meant in a mean way, it’s f*****g grating is what it is. To give you a few examples…

‘Well you should probably put on a bit of weight’ – you would never tell someone to put on/lose weight in normal circumstances, would you? Also the only person who I trust to tell me about my weight here is my doctor, and she says it’s fine

‘No wonder it’s not happening, you’re hardly ever in the same country’ – myself and my husband do travel a lot for work, but trust me, we know how to make a baby, thanks captain obvious

‘You should stress less, because you know stress doesn’t help’ – you know what’s definitely not stressful? Someone asking for updates all the time. Or telling you not to stress.

‘So, is has anything happened? *wink wink*’ – Yeah we’re just keeping it secret for the lolz

‘Honestly, having a baby is so much more work than you think, I’m not trying to put you off, but…’ – you’re right, i’ve changed my mind, let’s cancel the baby making

‘Well your mum took a while to conceive, so you might have the same issues’ – again helpful

‘Oh, well I wouldn’t worry about it, some people takes aaaages to get pregnant, you’ve got lots of time’ – nope, not worried about it, thanks though

‘Well you’d better hurry, I don’t want to die before I’ve met my first great-grandchild’ – no pressure. At all.

The thing is, whether we are worried about it or not, it’s just not ok to comment on such personal matters, because you never know what people are going through. In the meantime, the next time someone offers up some words of wisdom, I’ll ask them exactly which sex position they think is best.

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