Confessions of a financial dominatrix

Meet Theodora, the financial dominatrix, and the ‘pay pigs’ who get a sexual thrill from giving their money away

Words by Steph Williamson

Theodora, 27, is an elite financial dominatrix and international fetish sensation who is based in the UK. She specialises in erotic hypnosis and brands herself ‘The Manipulatrix’.

‘I’ll never forget the night I first stumbled into the world of financial domination. I was just 19 and had been invited to a very exclusive, invitation-only party, held in a prestigious club in the centre of Paris where the guests were photographers, art directors, stylists and models like me. I’d previously worked as a ballet dancer, and also danced in music videos and toured with musicians between modelling jobs, but I’d never seen anything like it. Everyone at the party was so young and beautiful, strewn naked across luxe velvet sofas or writhing about on the beds in dark rooms – it was the first time I’d witnessed sex in public, but I felt flattered to be there.

‘Strangely, what I noticed the most that night was that there were only a few people fully clothed like me. Amid the intoxicating atmosphere of lavish curtains, dimmed mood lighting and electronic music, models in expensive lingerie, corsets and latex dresses stood looking on. As a fully clothed woman in such an erotic setting, I began to attract attention from people identifying as ‘submissives’. I had no idea of the fetish around ‘clothed female, naked male’, one of the basics of S&M. But here it was in action, as beautiful naked men began to approach me, asking if they could call me ‘goddess’ or ‘mistress’. They started worshipping my feet and legs, while others told me they wanted to pay ‘tribute’ to me and began to actually throw money at my feet. I was confused but exhilarated, thinking I’d discovered a fetish I could actually live out.

‘After that night eight years ago, I began looking into the scene more closely and explored the idea of building a business around financial domination to run alongside my dancing jobs. I researched online forums and websites, and visited other parties to check out the demand – there was plenty.

Financial domination revolves around submissive guys relinquishing control to a dominant female via the ‘tool’ of money. I knew I couldn’t do it overnight. It would take time, effort and a lot of thought to build a clientele of submissive male strangers who would pay cash to worship me online, but I decided to go ahead and commit to doing it properly.

‘My website lists a number of services clients can buy me – from manicures or personal training sessions to designer handbags, shoes and holidays. Contributions range from $5 to $50,000. When a submissive pays online, he gets a kick out of giving me money and then watching a video of me wearing the purchase he’s paid for, although he’ll never get to meet or touch me.

‘I call myself a ‘‘manipulatrix’’ – I don’t force things on people’

‘I built up the business organically. It started with one client and slowly grew over eight years from a few guys at sex parties to a much more lucrative online venture. After all, many submissives are too afraid to go out to sex parties and prefer to stay in the comfort of their own homes interacting online. ‘It may seem like a strange career choice, but my job requires a lot of forethought. My parents were psychologists, and many of the videos I make for my clients are based on NLP (neuro linguistic programming) to encourage them to behave in the way I want them to and maintain the control I have. My clientele is constantly evolving – a few are regulars, others find me online via my site or Twitter. Some disappear then return years later, but on average I have a rotation of ten to 15 regulars at any one time. I have submissives who are politicians, CEOs or bankers and, for them, money equates to power.

When they surrender it to me, they feel the rush of submission. They crave to submit financially, they want me to take control of their finances and make decisions for them. The most I have been tributed in one go was €49,000 from a European client. I’d consider any tribute above €20,000 as extravagant. It’s not an everyday occurrence, but it does happen. I insist on a prior interaction with a client, a discussion defining the terms of the relationship. For some, it’ll be paying or adopting bills that I’ve listed on my website – gym, $150 weekly; pets, $100 weekly. For others, it will be sending a chunk of their pay cheque every month. But there is an agreement and contract of sorts.

‘I call myself a ‘manipulatrix’ – I don’t force things on people. I’m more of a natural seductress. I seduce clients into doing what I want without me asking. It’s subtle. In encounters with submissives, my style is consensual manipulation, so it’s not about domination. Growing up in a family of hypnotists means this comes naturally to me. I don’t want to give away too many of my techniques, but I use hypnosis in an erotic context – it’s my USP. I use specific language to get what I want, but I still like to be in control.

‘When someone visits a dominatrix, they know she’ll hurt them just enough to turn them on, but not cause any permanent damage. It’s the same with financial domination. The end goal is not to take all of their money so they’re broke or bankrupt. That wouldn’t make sense. The foundation of the fetish is having a conversation about what they want from the relationship. Like every sexual interaction, boundaries and consent should be discussed prior to engagement.

‘I use my sexuality to earn my money, so you could call what I do sex work, but the client will never meet me or penetrate me. But, of course, it still impacts my relationships. Some friends and partners just can’t handle it, so I only date people who can accept my job.

‘I face a lot of ignorance about what I do, but I’m proud of my achievements. I recently won Clip Performer of the Year at the XBIZ (adult industry) Cam Awards for the quality of my online videos. Having worked around image and video production for years as a model and studied English literature, psychology and sound engineering, this feels like a natural pinnacle for me. My work allows me the freedom to do the other things I love, like creating, writing, singing and producing. In five years, I only hope I’m still creating content that expresses my sexuality. My long-term goal is to write a book about my experiences.’

‘Seeing how a findom spends my money is intoxicating’

John* is a fiftysomething veteran ‘finsub’ (financial submissive) based in the UK* who has been involved in the scene for over two decades. He has never told any of his partners about his long-standing fetish and is currently in a relationship.

‘Since I was in my twenties, I have always been attracted to female domination and dominant women. My mother was a huge influence. She ruled our household with an iron fist and was a real disciplinarian. But the overriding thing that has compelled me towards findom is my career. I have a hugely stressful, high-powered job for a large international company, which drives my desire to submit sexually. I have previously explored sessions with dominatrixes who I met via Twitter. But once I discovered online financial domination, nothing could compare to the rush I felt, not even real-time sessions with dominatrixes.

‘My findom fetish began with collecting old used shoes, paying substantial amounts of money for them on the internet through fetish sites. My username was ‘shoebuyerslut’. I established a huge collection of dirty shoes. I loved to clean them; the dirtier the better. I’ve got to admit, though, it got a little out of control. At one point I even built a bespoke pigsty in my back garden to indulge my fantasy. It might seem crazy, but I could afford it. I’ve never told any of my long-term partners about my fetish because it’s not socially acceptable. In my normal relationships I’m quite straight. I sometimes actually struggle with my libido, but when a findom approaches me I immediately become aroused. I have a longing to feel used and abused by beautiful women online, and on rare occasions I’ve even met up with them at “ATM meets”, which involve a sub like me emptying cash from an ATM with their mistress present. The interactions don’t last long, but the thrill of having my bank account rinsed and handing over the cash in person is addictive.

However, sending “findoms” money online and then seeing how they’ve spent it in videos is the most intoxicating part of the fetish for me. I now tribute weekly. I like to form a relationship with the dominant online first; I want to know what she’s spending the money on or if she’s going out that night. I want her to be bossy and tell me what I’m paying for. Ultimately, though, I switch findoms quite frequently because I’m greedy.

‘I’m a generous person outside of the findom scene and treat my girlfriends to gifts all the time. In real life you wouldn’t believe I have this habit, because I’m such a controlled person, but this fetish does bring out my risky side.’

*Names and locations have been changed