According to psychology
There are moments in everyone’s relationship where you have a sort of outer body experience and wonder, ‘did I actually just say that?’
You know, the ones where you find yourself arguing, criticising or nagging your partner unnecessarily and you think, ‘how did I end up like this?’ Because things used to be a hell of a lot easier and WAY funner.
Arguments, disagreements – whatever you want to call them – can be disheartening when it comes to your relationship. And, sod’s law, somehow it doesn’t matter how many good times you have, it’s always the one-off arguments or statements said in anger that stay with you.
According to Clinical Psychologist Alexandra Solomon from Psychology Today, there are three common things that people say to their significant others that they absolutely shouldn’t.
‘If you loved me, you would…XYZ’
This is total emotional blackmail and really could just end up in a ping-pong match of ‘well, if YOU loved me, XYZ…’ which just sounds exhausting. Apparently, it’s better to say something like, ‘I am having a hard time understanding what is keeping you from doing this.’
‘Why isn’t it like it used to be between us?’
The reality is that love changes over time and wishing it was how it used to be is just not realistic as people and relationships change and grow over time. What you should ask for, instead, is something like ‘I would love for you to do XYZ like you used to’ or ‘I would love us to go to XYZ like we used to.’
‘You’re acting just like your mother/father’
This is just going to illicit a defensive response and it’s also an attack on your partner’s family. Argue, but argue clean and avoid the above to avoid doing any permanent damage during a (most probably) temporary bad mood.