I'm Happily Married, But I Swear by a Solo Date Every Week For Maintaining My Creativity and Wellbeing

I’m newly married after ten years with my husband, so naturally I’m still in the phase where I’m contractually obliged to think he’s wonderful. Fortunately, he is.

By default, I want to spend most of my free time with him. We’re newlyweds; of course there’s nothing better than being together. But I also know that choosing to spend all my time with him is the safe option - and not necessarily the best one for my creative wellbeing. While many of my favourite experiences are shared with him, I can’t expect one person to fulfil every creative, emotional or intellectual need I have. Nor would I expect that of myself.

That thinking led me to discover the 'Artist Date', a practice popularised by Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way. The premise is simple: once a week, take yourself somewhere alone purely because it interests you, with the idea that giving curiosity some space can help replenish your creativity.

There's a science behind nurturing our inner creative selves, too. A UK-based study of more than 7,000 adults found that people who took part in arts and crafts reported greater happiness, life satisfaction and a stronger sense that life was worthwhile. Other research has linked everyday creativity with wellbeing, particularly when it supports feelings of autonomy, competence and connection.

Still, taking yourself on a date when you’re happily married can feel a little counterintuitive. As one friend put it to me: you’re newlywed, you’re in a bubble and you want to protect it. Fair enough. But could deliberately stepping outside that bubble every now and then actually be good for us?

For my thoughts - and the expert take on why prioritising solo dates to protect in your creative health could be so worthwhile - read on. And if you’re interested in other slightly less conventional routes to living well, we’ve also explored the link between creativity and healthy ageing, as well as frictionmaxxing, doodling and little treat culture.

I’m Newly Married—How a Weekly Solo Date Has Boosted My Creativity and Wellbeing Tenfold

What is a solo date, and how does it support creativity?

There’s an important difference between happening to be alone and deliberately choosing time for yourself.

“Being alone can mean answering emails, loading the dishwasher or waxing your legs while your partner is out,” says Meera Moore Danowski, psychotherapist and founder of The Nest Club. A solo date, she explains, means choosing something because you would enjoy it. “There’s a difference between ‘nobody’s here’ and ‘I’ve made time for myself.’”

That is essentially the premise behind Cameron’s Artist Date: spending time following your curiosity with no pressure to perform.

Katina Bajaj, creative health scientist and co-founder of Daydreamers, previously told Marie Claire that “creative health is a pillar of well-being responsible for our vitality, curiosity and capacity for meaning-making.” When it is missing, she says, we can start to feel “robotic or like we’re on a hamster wheel.”

Danowski puts it another way. Solo time gives us an opportunity to ask: “Which parts of me have taken a back seat?” When so much of adult life is spent being a partner, employee, parent or friend, the things that once made us feel most like ourselves can easily get lost.

There is one caveat: don’t make your solo date another wellness task. “The point isn’t to return more productive, enlightened or improved,” says Danowski. “It’s to discover what feels genuinely restorative for you.”

Can maintaining a sense of independence actually strengthen a relationship?

According to Danowski, yes. “A shared life is wonderful, but if you begin to do everything together, you can lose sight of where one person ends and the other begins.”

Therapists often use the term 'differentiation' to describe our ability to retain a sense of self while staying emotionally close to someone else. Research has linked stronger differentiation with better relationship functioning, while separate studies have found that autonomy within romantic relationships can support relationship satisfaction.

Danowski describes it more simply as “standing on your own two feet while staying close.”

“You go out into the world, have an experience that’s yours, and come back to the couple,” she says. “Often, the differences between us were part of what attracted us in the first place.”

In other words, marriage doesn’t have to mean slowly merging into one person who shares a Netflix account, weekend plans and every waking hour.

Feeling guilty about spending time away from your partner? Here’s what an expert wants you to understand

This is probably the part I struggle with most. When work is busy and free weekends feel precious, choosing to spend a chunk of one alone can seem almost wasteful.

Danowski suggests getting curious about the guilt rather than immediately obeying it. “Do you believe a happy couple should want to do everything together? Are you worried your partner will feel rejected? Or is free time so scarce that taking any for yourself feels unfair? Those are different conversations.”

She often sees couples get stuck in a pattern where one person asks for space, the other feels rejected, and the first cancels their plans out of guilt. “Underneath, one person is really asking, ‘Can I have space to be me?’ and the other is asking, ‘Will you still want to come back to me?’”

The answer isn’t to prioritise yourself at your partner’s expense, but to communicate. Sometimes “I’d love Saturday afternoon to myself, and I’m looking forward to seeing you that evening” is enough.

I’ve Been Taking Myself On Weekly Solo Dates Despite Being Married — My Verdict?

I haven’t returned from every solo date fizzing with ideas. Cameron describes the Artist Date as a kind of “play date” with your inner artist: something you approach with a sense of anticipation, curiosity and permission to be a little silly. I haven’t always managed that. Sometimes I’ve felt inspired; sometimes I’ve felt awkward; sometimes I’ve simply wished I was doing whatever I'm doing with my husband.

But I’ve also noticed how rare it is, after ten years in a relationship, to make a decision based entirely on what I fancy doing. Where should I walk? What film do I want to see? Do I want to sit with a coffee for 20 minutes or two hours?

Danowski references relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman’s idea of maintaining an up-to-date “love map” of your partner’s inner world. “It’s tempting to think you finished drawing that map years ago, but we all change through life,” she says. “Time alone lets those parts have a say. Time together is where you share what you’ve discovered.”

That, ultimately, is why I’ll keep dating myself. Not because my marriage is missing something, but because I don’t want to stop being curious about who I am simply because I’ve found someone I love sharing my life with.

3 ideas for solo dates to prioritise your creative health:

1. Kindle walking

If sitting still with a book makes your brain itch, Kindle walking gives you the best of both worlds: movement and something to get absorbed in. The beauty of this practice is that you can walk for as little or as long as you have time for, making it an easy way to carve out a little solo time without having to rearrange your whole day. I found the gentle movement actually helped me focus, and I loved having that quiet pocket of time to myself.

2. Swimming

I have found great joy in swimming of late, possibly because it's one of those rare activities where you’re forced to be completely disconnected from the world. When I swam every day for a week, I loved how mentally quiet my brain felt. Even if you’re not chasing fitness gains, a few slow lengths can make a brilliant solo date when your brain feels especially noisy - opening up your thoughts to more creative pathways.

3. Spend time in nature

This can be as simple as sitting under a tree in your local park, or, if you're interested in the more indulgent option, spending a night somewhere without Wi-Fi, TV, or the usual distractions gives you a lot of time with the silence of your own head. I recently stayed in an Unplugged cabin and, truthfully, I was pretty lazy: I walked, read, ate, stared out of the window and did very little else. But that was also the point. Not every creative reset needs to result in something.

Looking to reignite your creative spark? Shop MC-approved recommendations below: