I Stopped Doing These 7 Things to Feel Less Stressed—and the Difference Was Almost Immediate

If there’s one word that pretty much sums up my mental state right now, it’s stressed. While I’ve never been what you’d call (to quote my kids) ‘chill’, over the past few months I feel as though I’ve tipped from just about coping into complete overwhelm. I’m irritated by tiny things, feel like I’m snapping at my loved ones more and feel generally out of sorts.

I know I’m not just imagining it: I’ve worn an Oura ring for two years now, meaning I have the data to back up how I’m feeling - and the results are confronting. While my resilience remains strong, it has dipped from exceptional, and my cumulative stress is moderate to high, rather than low, as it was a few months ago.

It's clear that I need to address this and get my stress levels back down (for everyone's sake!), but honestly? I don't even know where to start. I'm sure most of us can relate, too: work, parenting, ageing parents, relationships and just life can start to feel like too much - and I'm certain my perimenopausal hormones aren't exactly helping, either.

But it's not as if we can just let a few of these things slide - after all, most of us don't have the luxury of simply taking a few weeks off, or telling the kids to sort themselves out - you catch my drift. That said, I also know that I can't continue feeling this way long term. Chronic stress is a major health concern, with a recent study (published in the European Journal of Cardiology) revealing it contributes to hidden inflammation, affecting heart health and longevity - all things I'm increasingly focused on, as I age.

So, with all this in mind - and still having to function for the sake of my family - I decided to look for the small tweaks to my everyday stress levels and see if I could eliminate (or at least reduce) them. A kind of 'reverse wellness' experiment, if you will - not adding anything in, just trying to identify and reduce those micro-stressors that are adding straws to the camel's back.

Keep scrolling to find out how I get on, and do also take a look at our guides to low-effort wellness habits, the most common everyday energy drains, and why we should all be using our friendships as a health tool - plus, read how one Health Writer got on when she tried the psychological sigh to reduce cortisol, too.

I Tried a Reverse Wellness Experiment and Reduced My Secret Stressors for a Week – and Wow, the Difference Was Immediate

What are everyday secret stressors?

It's easy (and understandable) to think of stressors as those major things over which we have little - if any - control. Work, family, relationships, money - you get the gist. But just as improving our wellbeing is as much about those simple tweaks we can seamlessly achieve, so too reducing our stress load doesn't have to be about tackling these monumental life pressures - and that's where everyday secret stressors come into play.

They're pretty much what you'd expect: the accumulation of those tiny, consistent niggles that add to the invisible load.

"Stressors are essentially the physical and psychological stimuli that cause stress," explains BANT registered nutritionist and author of Everything I Know About Cortisol, Hannah Alderson. "Stress is your body’s reaction, while stressors are the things that set that reaction in motion. Stressors aren’t just an overflowing inbox, school drop-offs, or spinning plates! I often describe them as lots of little stressors stacking up, adding load to the body and mind."

While everyone's stressors are unique, there are some definite overlaps.

"These stressors can be different things for different people, but they happen within a few well-established categories," notes clinical hypnotherapist, mindfulness coach and NLP practitioner, Terrence the Teacher. "These are your home life, work situations, relationships, finances, health, and people's living environment in general.

"Specifically, everyday stressors can include our commute to work, job dissatisfaction, worrying about bills, relationship problems, loneliness, issues with sleep, illness, listening to broadcasts of news from around the world too often, unanswered emails in our inbox, and even our relationship with social media, which places a totally different stress on people today."

Eleanor Hoath, registered nutritionist and founder of The Well Edit, notes that common stressors might be small, but their impact on our nervous system is undeniable. "The ones I see most in clinic aren't dramatic," she tells MC UK. "They're small and constant, and so normal we stop noticing them:

• The phone before your feet hit the floor. Emails, news and group chats in the first few minutes of the day, before your nervous system has had a chance to settle.
• Blood sugar rollercoasters. Skipping breakfast, coffee on an empty stomach, a beige carb-heavy lunch eaten at a desk. The body reads a blood sugar crash as an emergency and releases stress hormones to correct it.
• Constant low-level input. Notifications, podcasts on every walk, a screen during dinner. We've lost almost every moment of silence in the day.
• Short or irregular sleep. Late nights in the week, lie-ins at the weekend and scrolling in bed.
• Too little daylight and green space. Most of us go from home to transport to office and back, almost entirely indoors.
• Decision fatigue and overcommitment. Diaries with no white space, and hundreds of tiny choices a day.
• Wellness itself. This is the irony behind the trend. The pressure to track, optimise, take supplements and nail the perfect morning routine has become a stressor in its own right.

What is the impact of everyday secret stressors on wellbeing?

We know that stress itself, while unavoidable to some degree, is not a good thing for the body or mind.

"Some of the most common everyday stressors are often the smaller pressures that build up over time rather than one major event," shares Dr Suzanne Wylie, GP and medical advisor for IQDoctor. "That ongoing sense of being busy or ‘switched on’ can itself become a significant source of stress, particularly when there is little opportunity to properly switch off and recover."

"When stress is persistent like this, it can affect both our mental and physical wellbeing, with people often noticing irritability, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, poor sleep and feeling constantly tired or overwhelmed,

"It can also cause physical symptoms such as headaches, muscle tension and digestive problems, while making us more likely to rely on habits such as drinking more alcohol, eating differently or spending excessive time on our phones, which can sometimes add to the problem."

The upshot? Our resilience dips, and our response to any kind of stress suffers.

"I explain it to clients like a bank account," advises Hoath. "Each of these stressors is a small withdrawal from your resilience account. None of them is a problem on its own, but they add up, and by 4 pm the account is empty. That's when patience runs thin, cravings kick in, and small things feel enormous.

"In the body, it means the stress response gets switched on again and again through the day, with very little time to switch off. That keeps cortisol working overtime, which can show up as:

• Energy crashes and feeling 'tired but wired' at night;
• Sugar and caffeine cravings;
• Bloating and other digestive issues, because the body puts digestion on hold when it thinks it's under threat;
• Poor quality sleep;
• Worse PMS and hormonal symptoms, because stress hormones and sex hormones are closely linked;
• Low mood, irritability and feeling constantly behind.

How can we reduce or eliminate everyday secret stressors?

The first step here is to identify your own personal stressors. If you've no idea where to start, Dr Wylie has some recommendations.

"I would encourage people to identify the things that repeatedly leave them feeling stressed and then consider whether each one can be stopped, reduced, delegated or approached differently, " she tells MC UK. "Simple changes such as turning off unnecessary notifications, setting boundaries around work emails, reducing commitments, protecting some screen-free time and making space for regular exercise, sleep and social contact can be surprisingly effective.

"There is no single stressor that everyone needs to eliminate, so I would focus first on the things that are both frequent and within your control."

Next, you're going to have to put in a little work to change the habits that are keeping you in a constant state of stress - but it is important to note here that this shouldn't become yet another stick to beat yourself with.

It is also important to remember that not all stress can simply be removed, particularly when it relates to finances, work, caring responsibilities or difficult circumstances at home," cautions Dr Wylie. "Managing stress should not be seen as entirely an individual responsibility, and if stress is persistent or begins to affect your sleep, mood, relationships or ability to function day to day, it is worth speaking to your GP rather than simply trying to push through it, as there is support available."

I Stopped Doing 7 Things That Were Secretly Stressing Me Out–and I Felt Better Within Days

1. Checking my phone first thing in the morning

This is a big one for me. We know that too much screen time is unequivocally a bad thing - and the very worst time to be doomscrolling? As soon as you open your eyes.

"Green time before screen time!" advises Hoath. "This is my non-negotiable. Get outside, even for five minutes, before you look at your phone. Morning daylight helps set your body clock, which supports a healthy cortisol rhythm during the day and better sleep at night. If you can't get outside, leave your phone in another room until you've dressed and had breakfast."

I won't lie: this was a hard habit to break. After all, those tiny computers are designed to be addictive, right? Since I charge my phone by my bed overnight (I know, I know...), it's often the first thing I reach for, blearily checking my inboxes and socials before my brain even realises it's awake.

And I know it doesn't make me feel good: before I know it, 20 minutes have ticked by, and I've lost all motivation to get up - not to mention, I'm now running late. So, there's only one thing for it: I have to go cold turkey. I start by leaving my phone in the kitchen to charge - something I always used to do, and I can't really pinpoint why I stopped.

Step two is getting outside as early as possible. Luckily, my dog encourages this most days - and even just five minutes with my face upturned to the sun (thank goodness for this balmy September) really helps my mood.

The best bit? I don't even think about scrolling after the first few days. I feel calmer, more balanced, and it sets me up for a more productive morning - this is a definite win.

And if you haven't silenced all your (million) notifications, take this as your official sign.

"Change your relationship with your electronic devices and all they offer," advises Terrence. "We know that social media increases dopamine and that even the sound of an email landing can increase both adrenaline and dopamine. Even just switching off notification sounds can have a positive effect on your wellbeing."

2. Drinking coffee on an empty stomach

Guilty. I'm prone to rushing around in the morning, and before I know it, it's 10 am and I'm desperate for a coffee. It's also when I take my daily collagen, so when I say I'm convincing myself it's an adequate brekkie substitute, I'm not lying. But this could be the driver of my frantic, frazzled days.

"Eat before you caffeinate!" advises Hoath. "Have coffee after food, not instead of it, and build breakfast around protein (eggs, Greek yoghurt, nut butter). This one change steadies blood sugar for the whole morning and removes one of the biggest hidden stressors of the day."

For the sake of transparency: I do still drink coffee before breakfast on some days (cos, you know - life), but I've really tried to have at least some yoghurt or a chia pot beforehand. Has it made a difference? I'm honestly undecided. I'll let you figure this one out for yourselves.

3. An erratic sleep schedule

Until recently, I was a fully paid-up member of the sleeping-in club (kids notwithstanding) whenever possible - one of life's greatest luxuries surely must be not having to set an alarm, right?

But I kept reading how consistency is a vital part of sleep hygiene, so (reluctantly and begrudgingly), I started setting a weekend alarm, too.

"It's so important to protect your sleep window," notes Hoath. "Going to bed and waking up at the same time (within an hour, even at weekends) matters more than an extra hour on a Saturday. Charge your phone outside the bedroom."

And nobody was more surprised than me to find that, rather than feeling exhausted all weekend, I actually felt more energised and awake, and I soon settled into a more regular sleep routine.

A few months later, my Oura ring tells me I've shifted my chronotype from early evening to a late morning type. Who am I to argue with the metrics?

4. Never having silence or quiet time

If there's one thing I've noticed more than ever in mid-life, it's that I crave silence. And I know I'm not alone: a combination of caring responsibilities, lower stress tolerance (guilty!), household management and more means we're all more tapped out than ever.

Sometimes all I need is some quiet time - but I'm really poor at allowing myself to carve it out, so it's clear I need to be more intentional about doing so - and Hoath advises I treat it like any other appointment.

"Put white space in your diary," she tells me. "Block out 30 minutes a day, the same way you'd book a meeting. Also, take one walk a day with nothing in your ears. No podcast, no call. Give your brain some unstructured time."

For the first few days, this feels really weird - but I soon begin to look forward to these small breaks in my day. Quietening my mind is going to take some ongoing work (an underestimation!), but at least I've made a start - and I really do feel calmer for it.

5. Not taking a lunch break

As someone who works largely from home, it's fair to say that I rarely (if ever) take a lunch break. Unless I'm meeting a friend, it's all too easy to simply eat at my desk - and then feel totally unmotivated and stressed out by 4pm.

The solution? It's simple: eat lunch away from where you work.

"Eat lunch away from your desk," notes Hoath. "Even just a 15-minute break helps. You digest best when you're relaxed ("rest and digest" mode), not while you're answering emails."

More importantly, though, I need to work on prioritising my nutrition across the day.

"Avoid running on empty for hours and then arriving at dinner ravenous," cautions Alderson. "I’d start with eating enough, eating regularly and getting some protein into breakfast. These are incredibly simple foundations, but they can change how you feel throughout the day.

"It’s less about trying to eliminate cortisol and more about creating an environment where your body doesn’t constantly feel as though it needs to play catch-up."

After a few days of more intentional eating, I'm pleasantly surprised to discover that I am more focused, and my Oura ring tells me that my stress levels are somewhat more in line with where they should be: an absolute win.

6. Absorbing other people's stress

This is a huge stressor for me. As a highly sensitive person, I'm very attuned to other people's moods, and it's always had a massive impact on my frame of mind. Frustrating? Yes. Stressful? Without a doubt.

"We're all social beings, naturally wired to notice and respond to other people's emotions," explains chartered counselling psychologist Dr Kirstie Fleetwood-Meade. "But for some people, particularly those who experience heightened empathic attunement, this can mean picking up on other people's moods almost automatically, and at times feeling as though they have 'absorbed' another person's mood.

This is something I've been aware of for a while now, and I've been attempting to address it, particularly when parenting two teens and a tween - but it's not easy.

Dr Fleetwood-Meade advises taking a few deep breaths when I find myself becoming overwhelmed.

"When you notice your mood shifting around someone else, pause," she tells me. "Try taking some double inhale breaths to settle your nervous system: breathe in through your nose all the way to the top, then inhale a tiny bit more, before you exhale slowly through your mouth. Bring your attention back to your own body. Let your shoulders drop, soften your jaw and your forehead, and feel your feet on the floor. This can help you pause and ground, rather than automatically matching their emotional state."

I feel as though identifying that I do this is more than half the battle, and it's not long before I even gently redirect my 14-year-old's morning rage, kindly asserting that I don't want to take it on - previously, I would have believed it was my problem to fix.

"As humans, we often naturally want to fix problems, but often, people don't want fixing - they just want to be heard," notes Dr Fleetwood-Meade. "We don't have to fix every difficult or uncomfortable feeling that comes up. Often, we rush to cheer people up or smooth things over because their distress is making us uncomfortable. Learning to tolerate that discomfort without immediately intervening is an important part of developing emotional resilience, as well as emotional boundaries."

It's a work in progress.

7. Constantly rushing

I'm permanently late; it's in my DNA. One (of many) reasons for this is that I massively overestimate how much time I have - and hence, I'm perpetually in a rush, heart racing, sweating, head in a spin.

Turns out, this really isn't great for my stress levels (who knew?), and I'm likely running on adrenaline all day. So, in a bid to reduce this stressor, I try a simple hack that, honestly, I don't know why I haven't implemented before: giving myself 10 extra minutes to do everything.

When I say it's revolutionised my life, it doesn't feel like an exaggeration: gone are the days of rushing for trains (I even managed to catch an earlier train one day - unheard of!) and sending apologetic messages to waiting friends. I can literally feel my stress levels dropping, and I'm here for it.

The bonus? It seems that rushing begets rushing - the moment I calm down and consider my timings more realistically, the more time I feel I have. An upward spiral of calm, in effect.

"When people reduce their everyday stress load, they often find they have more energy and motivation for the things they actually enjoy, rather than constantly feeling that they are rushing from one obligation to another," agrees Dr Wylie. "Sometimes the most noticeable change is simply feeling more present and less like you are constantly reacting to whatever comes next."

Ditching everyday secret stressors - my honest verdict

At the end of the trial, it's clear that eliminating some of my stressors has had a bigger impact on my nervous system and overall wellbeing than others. The ones I'm absolutely keeping up with going forward? Not checking my phone first thing, protecting my sleep as though it's my job, and giving myself more quiet time.

As for the others, while I'll try to maintain them, the likelihood of me grabbing a cappuccino while racing to catch a train is, I'm sad to say, sky-high. But we're all works in progress, right?

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