Ab Fab quotes: 21 of the funniest Absolutely Fabulous lines of all time

Nothing cheers us up more than looking at the most absurd and funniest Ab Fab quotes ever.

And now, after over 20 years, Absolutely Fabulous is coming back darlings! Well, sort of. Jennifer Saunders has confirmed she’s completed an Ab Fab film script, called Edina and Patsy. The movie will see the return of Joanna Lumley and Jennifer Saunders hilarious on-screen characters, Eddy and Pats.

Ab Fab quotes

Cheers to that

Saunders (who plays Eddy) told Sunday People this year: ‘I’ve finished the first draft. I’m feeling euphoric. My proper New Year’s resolution is to do the film, otherwise it’ll be a pointless year of procrastination.’ So in celebration of the British sitcoms upcoming return we’ve charted the funniest Ab Fab quotes of all time…

1. Patsy: ‘Meg Ryan, movie star?! I’ll be the judge of that.’

Ab Fab quotes

Patsy, darling

2. Eddy: ‘Couple of weeks I’ll be bendy like Madonna, darling. Then I’ll be able to kiss my own arse from both directions.’

Ab Fab quotes

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3. Patsy: ‘I hate gynaecologists! A man who can look you in the vagina, but never in the eye!’

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Patsy and Eddy

4. Eddy: ‘Mother, are you still on the computer?’
Gran: ‘Yes, dear. Sometimes you get into a porn loop and just can’t get out.’

5. Patsy: ‘What the hell is the difference between a painting done by a person who wishes to paint like a child, and a child’s painting?’

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Eddy

6. Patsy: ‘Eddy look, can I get away with this mouth?’
Eddy:   ‘Only in LA, darling.’

7. Eddy: ‘Quick shower, quick shower… Wash and go. Sandpaper, exfoliant, cellulite breakdown, tone and perm, auto-bronzer and birch twigs! Shall I have soap? No, no soap.’

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The Ab Fab crew

8. Eddy (to her daughter, Saffy): ‘Not one bloody boyfriend in the whole time that I’ve known you! I mean, you’re not that bloody ugly! What’s the matter with you? Huh? Have you read that Karma Sutra I gave you? No! That Dutch cap has only ever seen the light of day. I mean, God! Here I am, your mother, poised for your first sexual experience and night after night, dry bloody sheets! I’m sorry, darling, but I don’t want a little moustached virgin for a daughter, so do something about it!’

9. Patsy: ‘One more facelift on this one and she’ll have a beard’.

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10. Patsy:
 ‘Darling, if you want to talk bollocks and discover the meaning of life, you’re better off downing a bottle of whiskey. At least that way, you’re unconscious by the time you start to take yourself seriously.’

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Patsy and Eddy

11. Eddy: ‘In this body there is a thin person dying to get out.’
Gran: ‘Just the one dear?’

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12. Eddy: ‘Sweetie what are you drinking?’
Patsy: ‘Oh this? Chanel No. 5.’

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Patsy and Eddy

13. Eddy: ‘I DON’T WANT MORE CHOICE, I JUST WANT NICER THINGS.’

14. Bubble (Eddy’s PA): ‘Ooo… Bear with me, see, I am hopeless with names, faces and people.’

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Bubble and Patsy

15. After Eddy’s arrested for stealing wine, Patsy says: ‘My name is Patsy Stone and I am an alcoholic, and what she did was an act of humanitarian mercy.’

ab fab quotes

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16. Eddy: ‘Saffy, look at Mummie, look at me. Do I need surgery?’
Saffy: ‘Yes, have your mouth sewn up.’

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Patsy and Eddy

17. Patsy: ‘She was so anally retentive she couldn’t sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture.’

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18. Eddy: ‘We’ll go on public transport, Pats.’
Patsy: ‘Are you mad? I’ve got nothing to wear on public transport.’

19. Eddy (to Saffy): ‘Why does everything you wear look like it’s bearing a grudge? You’ve got a wardrobe full of little murderers.’

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Eddy

20. Saffy: ‘I’m sorry, Mum, but I’ve never seen what you actually do’
Eddy: ‘PR!’
Saffy: ‘Yes, but…’
Eddy: ‘PR! I PR things! People. Places. Concepts.’

21. Patsy: ‘The mood for the next edition: Sex, bitch, aristo, sex, punk, whore, bitch, prossie, lessie, punk, tart, slut. Oh but Alex… Alex,with lovely shoes.’

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Patsy and Eddy

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