The key to ‘miracle weight loss’…and it’s not cake (or pants)

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  • Forget 'magic' knickers or cakes that 'burn calories' - the real key to 'miracle weight loss' is something far more simple as features editor Miranda McMinn explains

    Forget ‘magic’ knickers or cakes that ‘burn calories’ – the real key to ‘miracle weight loss’ is something far more simple as features editor Miranda McMinn explains.

    I see from a quick scroll through the news that there are two amazing breakthroughs today regarding weight loss.

    Yes, incredible innovations have been made in two key areas: pants and cake.

    First, the pants. Apparently a new range of hi-tech knickers promises to help burn fat by harnessing the ‘power of nano-technology and crystals which focus infrared rays to create a wonder material with amazing cellulite reducing effects’.

    The cake, meanwhile, claims to raise the metabolism through ‘natural ingredients’ which slightly raise the body temperature. So, the thinking goes, the cake is actually burning calories as you eat it!

    Now believe me, every fibre of my body wants to believe that both of these things are true. But something tells me that the effects may be a little more subtle than many of us might be hoping for.

    Why is it that we want to believe in miracles so much?

    When I returned to the wonderful world of women’s magazines from having babies – an experience which had taken its toll on my midriff in the form of flab that could be grabbed, frankly, by the yard – I hoped to become thin by osmosis.

    I thought that just being in the proximity of all this glamour would melt the fat clean away…!

    Fat chance of that (literally). Not a day goes past when calories aren’t pouring into this office. If it’s not someone’s birthday (which is pretty much always is), then cupcakes are being biked round to the office by kind PRs.


    Which is why after a couple of months I was forced to turn to my miracle fat burner. And it’s worked! And do you want to know the secret of how (in the words of all those ads on Facebook) I burned all this belly fat….?

    It’s called… wait for it… exercise.

    I’m sorry. I know that’s not what anyone wanted to hear. But it’s true – I started cycling to and from work, about 70 minutes a day in total, and now the surface area of my stomach is less marquee, more two-man tent.

    It’s a great feeling. But I’ve still got a way to go. Maybe I’ll just get some of those cakes just in case. And the pants. You never know.


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