Spanking: The ultimate guide to introducing some discipline in the bedroom? Here are some tips from the pros...
When Swedish intimate lifestyle product provider LELO carried out a survey of its customers, asking them about their bondage and sex life preferences, they found that 84% of respondents had tried spanking in the bedroom. No longer soley the reserve of committed Fifty Shades fans, being taken across the knee for a spot of disciplining has gone mainstream. It’s also the easiest way to experiment for first-time BDSM play – all you need is a hand, a buttock and some momentum. So where to begin?
Kicking things off..
‘You want to try and increase blood flow to an area to make it really sensitive and as pleasurable as possible, so a feather tickler is a great way to create that pins-and-needles type feeling across someone’s skin. They’ll then be really sensitive to kisses and licks and tickles, and all the things that follow. It’s all about heightening what you’re already doing – like seasoning.’
Taking it up a level…
Breaking the taboo
Another tip is to give the area you’ve spanked a stroke or a tickle.‘Spanking is about drawing blood to the surface of the skin, making it really sensitive, so a spank followed by a tickle is going to feel much better than the tickle on its own.
‘The other thing we talk about is sweet spots across your body. I use the term ‘Thut’ – it’s that magical area between the bottom of bum cheeks and the top of your thighs, so it’s the ‘Thut’, the thigh-butt. Whether you’re a guy or a girl, if someone spanks you in that spot, all the vibrations travel straight through all the right bits.’
‘The reason why spanking is so enhancing ( as long both parties agree ) is because there is a fine line between pain and pleasure, and spanking releases dopamine which makes us happy and crazy about our partner . The bottom is near the genitals so when spanked there is an increase of blood flow through the whole area causing intense arousal.’ She says that spanking is part of keeping a relationship fresh, alongside more ‘vanilla’ sex acts: ‘It’s no good having steak every night – couples need their hamburgers too.’
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Mix things up
She emphasises, however, that both partners must sign up for spanking: ‘It must be consensual, and you must be prepared for the tables to turn – it might be that one partner was enthusiastic to begin with and the other wasn’t, but once they’ve tried it then actually it’s the other way around, and you have to be prepared fort hat and prepared to re-adjust.’
The most important thing, says Sandra, is not to be pressured into anything by warped ideas of what your sex life should be like (we’re looking at you, EL. James): ‘There’s this idea that people think that they should be talking about it and trying it, and they might have doubts – ‘Am I boring? Is the fact we’re happy in our relationship enough? Should I be pushing the boundaries?’ You shouldn’t do anything you aren’t comfortable with.’
Ready to spank? Jess recommends padded products for first-timers: ‘One of our paddles has one side that’s completely fluffy with faux fur, so you can kind of imagine what that would feel like – it’s not going to be painful at all.’