'I don't look at menus. And I'm ordering for us.'
A woman has live tweeted what sounds like the most awful date of all time. Twitter user Kelly Fine was at a restaurant (we presume on her own) sitting next to an anonymous couple and began to tune in when she realised the man on the date was a complete berk.
Her attention was first caught when the man said ‘I don’t look at menus. And I’m ordering for us.’ A little like that lovely chap Cal from Titanic (‘She’ll have the lamb. You like lamb, right sweetpea?’ Um, patronising much?)
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But things were set to get much, much worse.
As our mother always said, never trust a man who’s rude to serving staff.
Sake. She said she wanted sake. That’s a drink you might find out about if you ever bothered to open a menu.
Why does he not look at menus?
We don’t want to know how that sentence ends.
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Is this mystery heart-breaker some kind of actor? Singer? Dancer?
What was the promotional tour for?
DUDE JUST LOOK AT THE MENU
To the horror of Kelly, the Date Tweeter, at this point it becomes clear that the two appear to be further down the line of their ‘relationship’ than originally assumed – what with how awful the guy seems it would be easy to assume this was a first date.
Then he commits the cardinal ‘little head’ sin:
To add insult to injury…
Then we discover his occupation.
And his ownership of a Make America Great Again hat (delivered with charming side of anti-semitism…)
WHAT A LOVELY GUY
That’s a massive relief. Now get out of there before the food arrives!
Oh – too late…
But just as it looked like the Date Tweeter was gearing up for a rescue mission, disaster struck:
So she did a Twitter poll (which – at the time of her tweets – suggested she should ask for the menu):
After a few more unsavoury exchanges, it transpires that they’re friends (unless she’s just too embarrassed to admit she’s going out with him? That is also very possible)
Of course, as all good (or bad) stories must come to an end, our valiant Tweeter eventually leaves.
To the anonymous woman, from the rest of us: Life is way too short to have ‘friends’ or ‘boyfriends’ like Tony.