5 types of Brexit row we’ve all experienced this week (Facebook is a war zone)

'Gosh Karen, I've realised you're right' ended no Brexit Facebook row ever

Not since Will Young and Gareth Gates hit the Pop Idol final has the country been so badly divided. The Brexit split has had an impact, not just on our economy and political system, but on the long-term health of our friendships and family relationships, with people up and down the country flinging increasingly nasty insults at each other.

Here are five common styles of Brexit rows we’ve all either witnessed or been directly involved in…

1) The chaotic Facebook pile-on

The genesis of this row is usually one, lengthy opinion-laden post, from which endless threads of replies and sub-replies grow underneath like the long angry tentacles of a particularly large and poisonous jellyfish. Several of these sub-threads will contain the sort of bloated posts numbered 1) – 8) and hastily googled links. Sideline ‘likers’ from both camps will ready themselves to support their opponent, there will be a few ‘can’t we just all love each other and be friends Winnie the Pooh meme’ enthusiasts trying to calm things down, as well as many more silent ‘popcorn’ observers watching the drama unfold.

2) The generational split

Hear that faint fizzing noise? That’s the sound of a million millennials vibrating with rage at their baby boomer parents’ decision to vote Leave, despite several failed attempts to stop them. ‘Darling, it’s in the country’s best interests’ they’ll protest, before cracking into a large case of claret they’ve bought with their spare Winter Fuel Allowance money in their large, mortgage-free home.

3) The ‘you’re just a big old racist’ Twitterbomb

Flung like a grenade across social media by angry Remain campaigners at Leavers who they cannot believe voted for any other reason than their secret Nazi leanings. Doesn’t ever tend to help things.

4) The drunken pub attack

‘Alex voted Leave’ one Remainer will tell their boyfriend/girlfriend on the way to the party, ‘but let’s have a nice evening and not bring it up, shall we?’ Cue 11pm and four vodka lime and sodas later, faces are red, wet pub tables are being slapped with angry ‘HOW DO YOU NOT GET IT’ gestures and no-one is actually listening to each other. This type of Brexit row has a high chance of morning-after beer fear. ‘Oh god… I called him a WHAT?’

5) The marital Brexit split

Can the wife who voted Remain and the husband who voted Leave weather the storm? Up and down the country, men and women are beginning to question whether their partner might, after all, be a bit of an idiot. They also kind of wish their partner would stop posting on Facebook about their decision, and might follow up with a faux-jolly ‘Craig and I don’t really agree on this one!’ post a little later on. Translation: ‘I did NOT vote the same way as him, please don’t tar me with the same brush as that fool.’

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