When Milly Goldsmith uploaded a TikTok describing herself as “chronically single”, she thought a handful of people might relate. Instead, millions watched, and thousands of women flooded the comments to admit they'd never had a boyfriend either, confessing feelings they'd not shared out loud: that they felt left behind, embarrassed or convinced something must be wrong with them.

For Goldsmith, the response was a revelation. For years, she'd believed she was the only woman approaching 30 who'd never experienced romantic love. Instead, she’s since been called the voice of a generation and “the Gen Z Bridget Jones”.

Here, she reflects on shame, loneliness, people-pleasing and grieving the life she thought she'd have by now, and explains why she's finally stopped seeing being single as her greatest failure.

What It Feels Like To Have Never Had A Boyfriend

As told to Mischa Smith

I always thought getting a boyfriend was something that would just happen. It seemed like one of those milestones everyone reached without really thinking about it, like learning to drive or moving out. Everyone around me just seemed to find someone naturally, so I assumed the same thing would happen to me.

It wasn't until I was about 18 that I realised maybe it wasn't going to be that straightforward. By the end of school, I'd never had a boyfriend. I'd barely spoken to many boys, and all of my friends were starting relationships. At first, it was just something I noticed in the back of my mind, but over the years, that feeling slowly turned into fear.

I got to university and still hadn't had a boyfriend. I hadn't even had a situationship, and the longer I stayed single, the more it became my normal. Being independent became my comfort zone, so the idea of letting somebody into my life started to feel unfamiliar, and because it felt unfamiliar, it also felt frightening.

Even now, relationships are still this huge unknown to me because I've never experienced anything different. Love is such a huge shared human emotion, and I haven't really experienced that side of it. For something that's such a fundamental part of so many people's lives, it can feel quite isolating. There's definitely a sense of fear, but there's also a huge amount of FOMO.

I think the turning point came after Christmas in 2024. I come from a family of four siblings, and Christmas has always been loud. There are loads of people in the house, presents everywhere, food everywhere, games, and conversations. I absolutely love Christmas. But that year, all of my siblings were with their partners and for the first time ever, it was just my parents and me.

If I'd had a partner, I would've been doing exactly the same thing as everyone else. Instead, I felt like I'd been left behind. Not just within my family, but somehow in life itself. I remember sitting there thinking: why? Why does this seem so easy for everybody else? Why can't I experience something that everyone else seems to experience naturally?

I'd been going to therapy already, but I'd never really spoken about being single. I think part of that was because I hadn't fully acknowledged how much it affected me, and the moment I said it out loud, it would become real. It would stop being something I could blame on bad luck or bad dates or bad men.

Deep down, I think I knew there was something about me that I needed to understand, but I wasn't ready to face it yet. Then I started journaling. I'd never really journaled before, but suddenly I had all these emotions that needed somewhere to go. There was a lot of crying, a lot of confusion, and a lot of anger.

I kept thinking: why me? As I wrote, I slowly started connecting the dots. One of the biggest revelations was learning about attachment styles. I'm an anxious avoidant, which is probably one of the worst combinations if you're trying to build relationships. I need enough space to realise I actually want somebody, but by the time I've taken that space, I've usually pushed them away.

To someone else, it looks like I'm not interested; to me, it feels like I finally feel safe enough to let them in, but by then, they're already gone. That cycle suddenly explained so much about my life.

One of the strangest parts of all this has been talking about it publicly. When I first made a TikTok about being "chronically single", I genuinely thought people would think I was weird. I honestly didn't know anybody else who'd reached 28 without ever having a proper relationship.

I uploaded the video without overthinking it, which is unusual for me because I'm a perfectionist. I just wrote honestly about how I felt. Then it exploded. Suddenly, thousands of women were commenting, saying they felt exactly the same way, which completely changed my perspective because I'd spent years believing I was the odd one out.

The more I started understanding myself, the more I realised this wasn't just about dating, it was about the way I'd learnt to protect myself. One thing therapy made me think about was how difficult I find vulnerability.

Saying "I love you" to my parents honestly feels like saying a swear word. Everything in my body just tenses up.

It feels like I'm stripping away every layer I've built around myself. Every wall I've spent years putting up suddenly comes crashing down. They're only three words, but they carry so much weight. I just haven't had enough practice saying them to make them feel normal.

Even now, after my parents have read the chapter in my book where I write about this, my whole body tenses up knowing they know how I feel. There's still a small version of me that's trying to protect herself.

Growing up, love wasn't really expressed through words in our family; it was always through actions. My mum would cook dinner, and she'd give me a hug. My dad would give me £10 after a dance exam and tell me he'd been proud of me, that was our version of saying, I love you.

I know my parents love me; I've never doubted that for a second. It was just something that went unsaid. Now that I'm older, I can see how growing up in an environment where we didn't verbalise those feelings has shaped me. It makes sense why opening up to people doesn't always come naturally. It's something I'm still trying to unlearn.

With some people, saying "I love you" feels completely natural. One of my best friends says it to me all the time, so I say it back really easily because I know there isn't any risk. I know it'll be received in exactly the way I intend it.

The same is true with my nieces; I'm always telling them how loved they are because I want them to grow up hearing those words. Maybe there's a part of me that's trying to give them something I would've found easier to hear growing up.

I don't think I'm broken; I just think some relationships require me to unlearn habits that have been there for a very long time. The same thing happened with people-pleasing; for years, I thought I was simply being kind. I thought changing my plans to suit somebody else or making myself endlessly available was just what nice people did. I didn't even know what boundaries were. Therapy taught me that being a kind person and being a people pleaser aren't the same thing.

When it came to dating, I'd let people move dates three or four times because I didn't want them to think I was difficult. I'd convince myself it was absolutely fine. Now I realise I could've said, "No, this day works, or it doesn't." That isn't rude; that's self-respect. I think there were lots of moments where I could've respected myself more.

For a long time, I worried more about whether someone else was annoyed with me than whether I was happy. I was constantly moulding myself to fit other people. Eventually, I had to ask myself a really uncomfortable question: If I'm changing myself depending on who's in the room… Who am I?

For years, I believed being single meant I'd failed somehow, that there must be something wrong with me. Now I see being single completely differently.

It's actually the default; it's where we all begin. It's given me an incredible amount of independence: I can travel on my own, spend weekends on my own, enjoy my own company, and I know myself incredibly well. Some people joke that maybe I know myself too well now.

Of course, there are moments where I think it would be lovely to have someone to book holidays with, cook dinner with or go to the cinema with. I'm still human, I still want love. But I don't see being single as something that's wrong with me anymore.

That's probably been the biggest shift of all.

I asked him for a ride home. It was late, the wedding was winding down, and Uber’s surge pricing had turned a ten-minute journey into an extortionate sum I wasn’t willing to pay. He had been avoiding me all night. At one point, he physically stopped someone from leaving us alone together.

He told me to give him a moment. A few minutes later, when he thought I wasn’t looking, I watched him run out of the venue. That was when it became clear.

For most of my life, I have been preoccupied with whether the men I was interested in liked me. That question shaped everything. It made me attentive, accommodating, and at times, anxious. I learned how to present myself in ways that felt appealing, how to read signals, and how to adjust in order to be chosen. What I hadn’t learned was how to ask a much simpler question: Do I like him?

Women are not taught to centre their own desire. In dating, being chosen is often framed as the reward. We are taught to interpret male interest as validation, and to treat that validation as something meaningful. The result is that our attention is directed outward. We learn to assess how we’re being perceived, rather than how we actually feel.

By the time I met a man I truly liked, that pattern was still intact. We were introduced through mutual friends, and the connection felt easy. There was alignment across everything, from intellect to faith. What drew me in most was his ability to hold nuance. As a Christian woman, I had struggled to meet men who didn’t carry rigid, often harmful views of women while still claiming values like kindness, love, and patience. He seemed different, and more importantly, capable.

So I responded in the way I always had. I paid attention to whether he liked me. I analysed his behaviour, waited for signs of interest, and adjusted myself accordingly. The question of whether I liked him wasn’t something I thought to interrogate.

That changed during a conversation at Christmas. He told me he had chosen women out of duty before, not because he genuinely liked them. They were “good girls,” he said, but he felt nothing. He told me it was different with me, although he could not explain how.

I had spent years in therapy, and enough time dating to recognise patterns when I saw them. What he described was not a one-off. It was a pattern, and without a real commitment to change, it wasn’t going to shift.

I could see where it came from: a history of emotional neglect, shaped further by social and cultural conditioning. But understanding it didn’t change the outcome. I knew I would not be the one to fix it. Women are often expected to take on the emotional labour in relationships. Though invisible, it’s a constant burden that easily leads to exhaustion and resentment.

This labour can look like translating someone’s behaviour back to them in gentler terms, softening your own disappointment so they don’t feel criticised, asking the right questions in the right tone so that they might begin to understand themselves. It is, in many ways, the work of building a bridge between who someone is and who they might become, then waiting there while they decide whether to cross.

For a long time, I believed that was part of the connection. This time, I didn’t.

As bell hooks writes in The Will to Change, many men are socialised away from their emotional lives, taught to suppress or fear their feelings altogether. I felt the pull to stay and understand, but I also recognised what that would require of me, and that recognition allowed me to cut contact.

Seven months later, we again found ourselves at the same wedding. I felt a flicker of nerves when I saw him. We had spoken briefly a few months earlier, and he had told me he still really liked me, that I didn’t understand the depth of his feelings.

As he approached me to say hello, he seemed uncomfortable, and as the evening unfolded, the same pattern became clear. He kept his distance, avoided direct interaction, and found ways to maintain space between us.

And at the end of the night, when I asked for a ride home, he left. Watching him walk away, I realised something with a new clarity. I had liked him fully, and more than I had liked anyone before. But liking someone isn’t enough to build anything real.

For a long time, I had mistaken proximity for connection and attraction for compatibility. When you are not centred in your own experience, it’s easy to overlook that. You make allowances. You fill the gaps with someone’s potential. And slowly, you lose your ability to trust yourself.

Unlearning that isn’t immediate. It happens in small moments, in decisions where you choose to pay attention to your own discomfort instead of explaining it away. For me, it started with a different question: Do I actually like him? Not the idea of him, or who he might become, but who he is in front of me.

Once I started asking that question, everything else followed. I noticed how he spoke, how he listened, how he responded to discomfort, how he treated other people, and how he made me feel. Those details became impossible to ignore.

Slowly, I stopped confusing attention with care and proximity with closeness. My friendships became the reference point. The care, curiosity, and emotional safety I expect there is now what I expect in romantic relationships.

Choosing myself didn’t look dramatic. It looked like trusting my own responses, even when they went against how I had been taught to think about love.

I don’t know if I will meet someone I genuinely like who can also meet me fully, but I do know this: Being chosen is no longer enough.

“I want nothing more than for the bride—my friend—to be happy, but the thought of messing this up is keeping me awake at night,” says *Carla, a thirty-something content creator tasked with turning her friend’s wedding footage into a suite of reels and carousel posts she hopes will jump-start her influencer career.

What began as a single two-minute video quickly snowballed into two five-minute edits, then five to ten additional reels. “She asked me to give this to her as my wedding gift,” Carla says—on top of travelling and spending more than £1,000 to attend.

Carla is far from alone. Increasingly, the role of wedding guest comes with an unspoken add-on: content production. “Guests are now part of the content engine,” says Reneille Velez, founder of Gian Events, a luxury event planning and travel design agency. “There’s an immediate reaction of ‘I have to post this’ before the moment even settles.”

The blurring of celebration and content creation isn’t limited to guests, either. Just last week, Binky Felstead faced criticism after an illustrator claimed she’d been asked to create wedding designs free of charge in exchange for “exposure” on social media. In today’s frenzied wedding economy, worth a cool £14.7 billion annually in the UK alone, visibility is increasingly positioned as currency.

Perhaps no clearer example of this is the 2022 Dolce & Gabbana–branded nuptials of Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker—a trilogy of ceremonies staged across Nevada, California and the Italian Riviera. And yet even the Kardashians weren’t the first at this game. When Victoria and David Beckham sold exclusive rights to their wedding photos for £1 million, the hoopla was tightly controlled, professionally produced, and highly lucrative. Today, that process has filtered down; only now, the production is decentralised, and often unpaid.​

You don’t need a fashion house or a magazine deal to produce a wedding that looks like a campaign. You just need a camera roll, a content plan, and a guest list happy, or at least, willing to play along.

And increasingly, that’s exactly what a wedding demands.

Even the timeline of the day can start to resemble a shot list. “Couples are thinking about angles, lighting, and timing in a way that mirrors a production set,” Velez adds. “Moments become scenes.” QR-code platforms allow guests to upload photos in real time to shared galleries, while hired content creators capture behind-the-scenes footage designed for immediate posting. “A wedding is no longer just a private celebration—it’s a visual experience designed to be shared,” says planner Victoria Morris.

“I’m always happy to take photos,” Carla says. “But being in charge of the wedding video—and the edits—is very stressful.” It’s a dynamic many millennial women will recognise: somewhere between guest, bridesmaid, and unpaid production manager.

Weddings have always had a fairly performative element, cycling through the same acts: the aisle walk, the first dance, the cake-cutting. But increasingly, they’re being produced like campaigns, complete with creative direction, visual strategy, and built-in distribution.

The numbers only partially capture it. According to Hitched, 7% of UK couples now hire a dedicated content creator, while nearly a third spend over 18 months planning their weddings. Guests, too, are part of the equation: the average attendee takes 167 photos, with more than half admitting they’ve missed key moments while trying to capture them. According to research from Three, 43% of Gen Z say they are creating content to boost their own social media presence.

“I was at a wedding recently and couldn’t believe that more than one guest used it as a backdrop for their own content,” says *Emma, 27. “I checked their accounts afterwards, and there was no mention of the bride and groom; it was as if they were there just to get content.” Another guest recalls bridesmaids changing out of gowns—paid for by the bride’s family—to take their own photos under the flower arch. I appreciate a photo op as much as the next Millennial, but is this really how we want to be treating our friends?

Whether we like it or not, the reality is that most modern weddings have expanded beyond the day; it lives on feeds, in reels, and across group chats, like one long, ongoing piece of content.

Outfit changes are increasingly common, with some brides opting for multiple looks across the day to create distinct visual moments. “The word ‘editorial’ comes up constantly,” says Cat da Silva of The Bridal Edition. “Brides are thinking about how their wedding looks come together cohesively in the content they’re planning to capture and share.”

“We’re seeing a lot of brides using a ‘will it go viral?’ mindset,” says Leila Lewis, a wedding PR who works with content creators, pointing to the rise of photo booths, backdrops, customised “merch” and late-night fireworks; moments designed to generate content. It’s not enough to host a wedding; couples are expected to set a scene.

Katherine Rose Woller was 32 when she called off her wedding just weeks before the ceremony. “On social media, everything looked perfect,” she recalls. “But underneath it, the weight of expectations was pushing me toward something I didn’t actually want.” What began as a personal commitment had, she says, started to feel more like “a content production” she was responsible for.

But while the results can be visually spectacular, the line between sophistication and performance can blur, leaving guests feeling like unpaid stagehands. Who here hasn’t at one time or another been tasked with corralling drunk guests to visit the Polaroid station or make use of the artfully displayed disposable cameras?

“When a bride chooses her look based on how it will photograph, rather than how it makes her feel, something gets lost,” says Megan of Grace Loves Lace. “The content captures the moment, but it can’t capture what it felt like.”

That tension can course through the entire day’s or days' event. Guests document rather than experience; the couple anticipates the audience—the ones present and the more still who’ll only experience it through other people’s content. Vendors have to navigate the competing priorities of creating an experience and also capturing it.

Photographer Libby Clark has seen ceremonies delayed so vendors can film content. “Everyone wants their 15 seconds of Reel,” she says, “but it can come at the couple’s expense.”

The modern wedding may only be experienced once in real time, but it can be replayed endlessly—and increasingly, the second version shapes the first. It’s still a wedding, it just comes with a content strategy.

Astrology is becoming the latest addition to the wedding planning checklist, promising meaning, alignment and the “perfect” date. And after internet sleuths speculated that Dua Lipa may have timed her recent wedding by the stars—or, more specifically, the Blue Moon—the trend has never felt more mainstream. But as couples increasingly look to the cosmos for answers, Mischa Smith asks: is this a genuine ritual, or simply another way to optimise an already over-engineered day?

When Dua Lipa married Callum Turner in Marylebone Town Hall on Sunday, astrology accounts wasted no time analysing the date. Within hours, social media was awash with theories that the singer may have used electional astrology—the practice of choosing auspicious moments for major life events—to plan her wedding. There is no evidence that she did, but the speed with which the internet began searching for signs of cosmic timing was revealing. Astrology has become so culturally embedded that major milestones are now regularly interpreted through an astrological lens.

That shift extends far beyond celebrity weddings, too. Once considered a niche spiritual practice, astrology is increasingly being folded into the wedding planning process itself. Couples are consulting astrologers to choose dates, times and even locations for their ceremonies, hoping to imbue the day with meaning, alignment and, perhaps, a little extra luck. In an era of rising costs, endless choice and Pinterest-perfect expectations, the promise of cosmic certainty can be difficult to resist.

When one couple began planning their Ibizan wedding, they weren’t just thinking about the venue or the guest list; they were thinking about the energy. Working with astrologer Clarisse Monahan, they set out to create what Monahan describes as “a raucous wedding”, building the day around “a lot of fire energy” and an emphasis on excess. Set on a Balearic island already synonymous with indulgence—and with one of the couple’s Jupiter lines coursing straight through it—the wedding chart (an astrological “birth chart” for a marriage, not to be confused with the more traditional wedding seating chart) leaned into that atmosphere. “Very showy and over the top”, recalls Monahan, with the focus less on tradition or stability, but instead on spectacle and pleasure.

Where ceremonies were once defined by religion, and more recently by aesthetics—the perfect tablescape, photo moments, those all-too-ubiquitous namesake cocktails—they are now being treated as moments that need to carry cosmic meaning. Weddings today don’t just have to look good; they have to feel good, too.

For a growing number of couples, that feeling is being shaped by astrology. “Couples spend so much on their wedding anyway,” says Monahan. “So it makes sense to want to have the ideal time to do it.” Neda Farr, whose astrology-led relationship reels have racked up 170 million views on TikTok alone, has seen a similar shift: where clients once asked when they might get engaged, they’re now asking when to marry, and how to make sure “nothing is working against them” when they do.

Of course, none of this is entirely new. Astrology has long shaped wedding timing in places like India, where muhurats—auspicious times—are traditionally used to determine when a couple should marry. What’s changed is the framing, especially for Western couples who are navigating an ecosystem of abundant choice, pressure and personalisation rather than utilising inherited rituals.

If astrology is finding new relevance in weddings, it’s not happening in a vacuum. The modern wedding is an unusually high-stakes event: financially costly and often logistically fraught. Couples are expected not only to host, but to produce something memorable: an experience that feels seamless, unique, and increasingly, shareable. When a single day can cost tens of thousands—the average UK wedding costs £21,990—the pressure for it to be meaningful, if not perfect, is difficult to ignore.

At the same time, personalisation has become its own form of cultural currency. To choose well is no longer a private act. Weddings have always functioned as a form of social signalling, a way of demonstrating taste and discernment; yet where once that might have been reserved for the day alone and the guests present, today they live online forever.

Increasingly, weddings are being planned for how they will be seen, shared, and, in some cases, validated by external arbiters of taste. In a culture that rewards individuality, even individuality begins to look formulaic against a backdrop of hyper-curated aesthetics. Astrology, in that context, doesn’t just offer meaning, it offers a way of explaining why this date, why this location.

“I think what people want is an alignment,” says Chani Nicholas, an astrologer and New York Times best-selling author. “Astrology is not about control… it’s about meaning.” To choose a date under “good omens”, she suggests, is less about predicting the future than it is about creating a moment that feels intentional, and, above all, right.

Faced with an overwhelming number of decisions, couples are looking for ways to narrow the field. “A lot of the time, just knowing you’ve picked a good electional (date) gives you a sense of confidence,” says Monahan. “It makes you more thoughtful.” Rather than dictating every detail, astrology becomes a way of approaching those decisions with a degree of certainty, however provisional.

But astrology doesn’t actually give couples control, at least not in the way they might hope. Most arrive at it late in the process, after the major decisions have already been made: the venue booked, the Saturday secured. “Most of the time it’s like, ‘We’re getting married on this day—can you tell me the best time within that?’” says Nicholas. “You’re working within a lot of constraints.”

Then there are the exceptions where astrology doesn’t just guide the wedding, it structures it. Neda describes clients seeking “the perfect step-by-step” timeline: when to schedule beauty treatments, when to shop for a dress, when to get married. Rather than a single auspicious date, the process becomes a carousel of optimised decisions. “There are usually three good windows,” she says, “and one perfect window.” Whether that alignment has any measurable effect is, of course, harder to prove, but its emotional appeal is undeniable.

Astrology’s growing role in weddings is also a product of how widely it now circulates. Once the preserve of specialists, it’s become part of our daily language, delivered through apps like Co–Star and an endless stream of TikTok explainers. “People are learning tidbits of astrology… in slideshow form,” says Neda, often distilled into insights that feel immediate and personal.

That mainstreaming is also clear in how quickly astrology has been absorbed into the wedding industry itself. Sites like The Knot now publish guides to “lucky” wedding dates, while Brides offers zodiac-based advice on the best time of year to marry. Even dating apps are following suit: Tinder has introduced an “astrology mode”, using birth chart data to shape matches. According to insight analysts at TrendHunter, this signals a broader shift towards “hyper-personalised compatibility scoring”, where identity, rather than behaviour, becomes the basis for recommendation.

Taken together, it suggests a shift in how astrology is being used. What was once a reflective practice is increasingly packaged as a service: something you can use to optimise almost every aspect of your life. As Monahan cautions, that can flatten it into something reductive. “People are still reading for their sun sign,” she notes, a shorthand that risks oversimplifying a much more complex system. In that sense, astrology’s rise is not just about belief, but about how it fits into a culture already geared towards personalisation. The promise, then, isn’t just meaning, but a version of it tailored and sold precisely to you.

That desire for an entirely personalised experience reaches a fever pitch when it comes to weddings. Monahan describes working with a bride determined to create a fully Disney-themed wedding: dress, setting, atmosphere and all. To match that vision, the chart was built around Neptune, the planet associated with dreams, fantasy and illusion. “Disney for me is so Neptunian,” she explains, describing how the couple chose a date where those qualities would be most pronounced, with the aim of creating something “ethereal” and immersive.

It’s not Monahan’s typical wedding chart experience, but it is a telling one. In a culture increasingly oriented around individual expression, the pressure to avoid anything that feels ‘cookie cutter’ has intensified. Weddings aren’t only expected to be beautiful; they’re expected to be distinct. Astrology offers that.

For some, the question goes beyond timing altogether. Around a quarter of Neda’s clients, she says, are seeking reassurance that they’re marrying the right person in the first place. “They want to make sure that they’re cosmically aligned with that person they’re marrying,” she explains.

Astrology, of course, doesn’t remove all uncertainty. “You always have to beware—you might get the answer that you don’t want,” says Nicholas. And even the most carefully constructed chart, like the Ibizan wedding engineered for excess, can only help guide the mood, not the outcome. But for an industry increasingly shaped by pressure, cost and expectation, astrology offers something else: the feeling, however fleeting, that the moment has landed exactly where it was meant to.

I have always thought I’m too much; I feel too much, too deeply, for too long. I don’t mean this in a ‘I’m such a great, caring person’ way; I mean this in an — if someone ghosted me in 2002, I might not be over it — way. I wanted to be a ‘Cool Girl’ who blocked, deleted, and moved on, but looking up exes on Instagram and overanalysing a situation from every angle made me feel exhausting and pitiful. My capacity to not get over people felt unique to me. Other people weren’t like this, I thought.

Then, in April 2020, I read a statistic that Google searches for ‘Why am I dreaming about my ex?’ increased by 2450% in the four weeks following the UK going into lockdown. I’d never heard anyone admit this, which made me wonder, when it came to our exes, what else weren’t we talking about?

Our lives are increasingly lived online; we work from home, connect and catch up through a screen and on social media. All this means we’re consuming more and more curated life highlights. While we might know that social media is fake, until we see proof of the reality, we internalise what we see as true.

Hoping anonymity would allow space for the thornier truths to be confessed, I created a website, lockdownlovestories.com, that allowed people to anonymously submit their true stories of what was really going on in their love lives, whatever their relationship status.

1,500 stories were shared, and more than 250 are brought together in my book, It’s Complicated: Collected Confessions of Messy Modern Love. The stories are raw, intimate accounts of the confusing, nuanced multifacted sides of love and relationships I’d never come across before. Shame had told me it was just me who felt that way about relationships ending, but the stories showed me otherwise. “Sometimes I enter your nickname into WhatsApp and type, ‘I miss you, just to get the words out of my head,’” read one testimony.

If you search breakup advice, you’ll be told to block, delete, and move on and be sold a course on how to become a more empowered, securely attached version of yourself, so it’s no wonder that looking at our exes online is followed by such shame. Yet, we all do it. The reality is we are not all blocking, deleting, and moving on — even if we’re acting like we are. “I lie here every night and do everything I can not to text you,” read another online posting. Another still: “Six years and I still think of you every day.”

In a culture of almost toxic positivity around self-love and independence, being single and wanting to find a partner can be internalised as a personal failing, as if you’re not loving yourself enough. We’re fed the idea that coupledom is the life goal, but shamed for wanting it. As one story asked, “Is it so wrong to want to be loved?” No, but it’s easy to feel like it is.

Being on the receiving end of apathy, disrespect, and ghosting is corrosive. Yet people absorb an expectation to brush it off and get back on the apps until they ‘succeed’ — as if the stepping away is failure.

The dating landscape is so bleak that it’s no wonder we succumb to the crumbs of situationships. Attractive potential partners feel so rare that heterosexual women have collectively developed a scarcity mindset. We slip into situations that are less than ideal and then doubly shame ourselves for not only being in them but staying in them despite their obvious shortcomings.

The same shame and scarcity mindset stretches beyond situationships to long-term relationships: “We’ve been together half my life. I love him, I do, but I know he’s not the love of my life,” or, as another story put it: “He’s grown into someone I can’t love. He’s told me he’s scared to be alone. I’m so scared.” The panic and paralysis are palpable. Staying in a relationship that your heart’s not in carries a triple shame of hurting someone by leaving, betraying them by staying, and selling yourself short by settling. Yet ambivalence in relationships is really common: lying next to someone and feeling alone, falling out of love but being afraid to leave, not being in love but knowing you’re not going to leave — the chasm that can exist between external presentation and inner experience is far from the fairytale we’re sold. “While I was being a good stepmum and housewife, posting pictures of dogs and baking with his kids, really, I was miserable… Don’t believe the hype,” revealed another story.

Yet I did believe the hype. By performing our lives on social media (and then comparing our lives to the versions being presented to us by others), teamed with the fantasy of individualism and self-sufficiency (not to mention increasing social disconnection), is skewering our perception of what is ‘normal’.

I always thought I was ‘too much’. But when I read the stories sent to me — raw, uncensored multitudes of emotions — I never once thought the person writing was feeling too much, I just thought they were feeling. Now I try to give myself the same permission.

It’s Complicated: Confessions of Messy Modern Love by Philippa Found is out now

It is a cliché universally acknowledged that winter is when we do our brooding. The trees stripped of their foliage remind us how abundant they looked not long ago, while the same friends we used to go clubbing with post pictures of their one-year-olds in fluffy onesies. It is a time for contemplation, permitting ourselves the indulgence of digging up old graves.

Lately I have been thinking about an old friend. Let’s call her C. Every day after lectures, C and I would go back to my student house and hang out. It was our second year at university, and I was living with six other students. In hindsight, a wretched idea. The time C and I spent together was often the best part of my day. I was weaned on sitcoms that gave us an unrealistic idea of friendship.Shows where the template for friendship meant spending constant time together, living in symbiotic harmony only occasionally disturbed by celebrity guests and bungled dinner reservations. But when my friendship with C ended abruptly, I was bereft.

I have interrogated my break-up with C over the years, trying to pinpoint where things went wrong. There was no catastrophic argument, no perceptible jealousies or spurned advances that I was ever aware of. I simply went on Facebook one day and discovered she’d unfriended me. I tried reaching out, desperate to know why she’d suddenly ghosted me, but never received a reply.

I like to think I’m not lacking in self-awareness. I went through a major depressive episode during university, which could make me difficult to deal with. Also, we were twenty; hormones were flying like shrapnel. I’m certain I share part of the blame for why things ended, but it was the silence that hurt the most. With a romantic break-up, there are rituals. Handing back spare keys, washing the bed linen so it no longer smells familiar. But I only had a C-shaped hole, an unanswered pain which I carried with me for the next twelve years.

There is countless advice about how to cope with an ex, but very little about what to do when things don’t work out with a friend, despite the loss feeling just as—if not more—painful. Perhaps a lack of closure has something to do with it. In mine and C’s case, we still shared several mutual friends and classes. She parked her car around the corner from my house, so that I was reminded of her whenever I walked to the supermarket. I continued to see her nearly every day, but she no longer acknowledged my existence. If I smiled at her, she’d turn the other way. To this day, that pain is still skin-close.

The support systems are different when you split up with a friend. There seems to be an unspoken consensus that you must simply get over it. Even if you have known that person longer than you’ve known any romantic partner, perseverance is expected, which can often feel like dismissal. There is also little that can be done about ghosting. It prevents the ghoster from having to hear about how their own behaviour may have affected other people, and leaves the burden of recovery on the ghostee. It’s cruel and ultimately achieves very little.

In 2020, I began writing a novel about a women’s commune. The two main characters, Iris and Hazel, both botanical names, share a complicated situationship that incontrovertibly changes them. Readers regularly ask me what inspired me to write about a female-only space. There are various reasons—Roe v. Wade being rolled back, mounting violence against women and the trans community. But I wonder if I was also finding a way to interrogate female friendships in a space where the characters physically cannot leave. Iris and Hazel are forced to hash it out; they have no choice but to confront their feelings.

Today, I am more careful about setting boundaries with friends. Some people view boundaries as a barrier to intimacy, but I’ve found the opposite. By respecting one another’s boundaries, we’re able to foster mutual trust and respect. It is also a form of self-protection. My friendships are an integral part of my life, but I am also no longer afraid to explain when a friend has overstepped a boundary. In return, I expect them to do the same. In this way, we’re able to acknowledge our feelings and, most of the time, get back on track.

I do still occasionally think about C, although the accompanying pain is no longer there. She doesn’t have much of a digital footprint, which I can only assume means her mental health is better than mine. I hope she is well. I hope that if she ever thinks of me, it is with the same faraway gladness that we survived each other. I’ve come to think of our friendship as a training ground, where we learned to hurt and maim and eventually communicate with the friends who came next. Perhaps the uncertain endings of some friendships are also what make them alchemically brilliant. Even if they don’t last, they still play a part in who we become.

In a few weeks, the first snowdrops will appear. The days will gradually lengthen, and we will strip our own foliage of coats and scarves. Winter is also when we look ahead.

On the day of the break-up, I sat in my garden, crying and smoking, while Dennis, my terrier puppy, brought me tennis balls foraged from the bushes, dropping them at my feet. ‘Those are quite weird sticks she’s putting in her mouth,’ he presumably thought. ‘I’ll cheer her up with a manky old ball.’

I’d brought Dennis home three months earlier with my ex. We hadn’t been together that long when we started talking about a dog, only six months or so. But we were talking about forever, and children, and we’d both thought about a dog individually before meeting, so why not? We lay entwined in bed discussing options — a puppy? A rescue? A street dog from Romania — before I found a litter of Parson terrier puppies online, in a small town just outside Birmingham. They’re like big Jack Russells, Parson terriers —scrappy, loyal, funny, naughty little dogs. My mum has had two Parsons, and I knew instantly that I liked the look of a small boy from this litter, with dark brown and black markings on his back that looked like the world map.

Mike and I picked up the dog we’d christened Dennis six weeks later, and we drove back to my flat in south-east London, where he (Dennis) immediately cantered outside to the garden and squatted on the grass.

Unfortunately, things went less smoothly after that. All the books tell you puppies are hard work, but this was really hard — exhausting, because I was getting up twice a night to carry Dennis into the garden, and claustrophobic at times, because he couldn’t be left alone. Work took a hit because I needed to give Dennis so much attention, as did my carpets. And then Mike left. ‘I’m beginning to feel the effects of Dennis,’ he’d said, morosely, a couple of weeks beforehand, but I didn’t think he could mean he was so jealous of a puppy that he would leave. Turns out, he did.

That’s how I ended up smoking in my garden, a pile of old tennis balls building at my feet. ‘What now?’ I thought, looking at Dennis. I find those who compare puppies to babies annoying and twee — they are not the same, surely? But I felt like I’d been left holding a newborn.

‘That little dog will help,’ my stepmother told me firmly down the phone. ‘Because you’ll have to get up and put one foot in front of the other.’ She was right, too. I have traditionally been something of a wallower when it comes to break-ups; lots of lying around, listening to sad music, thinking, ‘Oh, this time a year ago, everything was perfect.’

But now I had to get up and take Dennis around the park. Fresh air, exercise, and I’d often fall into step with a fellow dog walker to discuss the weather, or the best kind of dog biscuit, or, on one memorable morning, the best age to castrate a dog. ‘Why don’t you try chemical castration?’ the dog walker suggested, and I wondered whether that might also be a good idea for men who promised forever and then suddenly left.

Wearily, I re-downloaded Hinge. I wanted to date, because I felt like I needed the confidence boost, but how could I do that with a puppy? I went on one date but panicked throughout, like a single mother, about whether Dennis would be OK at home. I took him on another, a walk-in-the-park date, where Dennis paused every few metres to throw up or issue another torrent of diarrhoea. I went on a few dates with one man, but wasn’t sure how we’d ever manage a night together, because how could I possibly sneak out of bed at 6 am and say, ‘I’m so sorry, do you mind if I let my dog into your garden to do a shit?’

I resented Dennis at times during this period, because this hadn’t been my plan. I wasn’t supposed to be on my own with a dog. This dog had ended the most perfect relationship I’d ever known. Why had I gotten him in the first place?

Even writing that now makes me wince, because as the months passed, two things became clear. Firstly, my relationship hadn’t been as perfect as I thought. I was swept up in it, yes. Wildly in love, yes. But there were moments where, if I’d paid closer attention, I might have picked up on the odd warning sign. As Lily Allen points out in West End Girl, often we file these clues away, ignoring the red flags, because we don’t want to see it at the time. It’s inconvenient when everything else feels so lovely.

The second thing that happened was I fell in love with my dog.

This wasn’t overnight. I’ve told plenty of friends who’ve since gotten puppies that they have to push through the brutal first few months. But after that, once you’ve come to know that little creature who’s invaded your life, and once they trust you, it’s pretty magical. This may sound absurd to anyone who doesn’t have a pet, but there’s a freedom that can exist between them. We spend our lives trying to be perfect partners, perfect parents, perfect children, perfect siblings, perfect friends, but there’s no trying with an animal. With Dennis, I can be completely myself, which came as an enormous relief after years of trying to be something else — a better writer, skinnier, to eat less, read more, take more exercise, drink less, and so on. He didn’t need me to be ‘better’ in any way. He just needed me to be me, and that was enormously healing.

If you’re going through a horrible break-up, I’m not necessarily advocating a puppy, or a cat, or a guinea pig, or a tarantula (each to their own), but there can be wonderful and surprising outcomes to the moments in life when it all seems to go off-plan.

The Year Of The Dog by Sophia Money-Coutts (HQ, £12.99) is out now.

Jennifer Aniston has found love again, and it seems the Friends star is very happy in her new relationship. The beloved Hollywood actress made headlines recently as she has been spotted out and about with new beau, Jim Curtis, a celebrity hypnotist, life coach and author. Jen and Jim were photographed together in Mallorca, Spain earlier this month, and were seen holding hands and looking very loved-up.

Apparently, the Spanish getaway was just as lovely as it seemed from the outside, because Jim sent out a newsletter afterwards, which was seen by Page Six and described just how happy he felt. "I am back from vacation and what an experience!" he wrote. "When I was sick, sad, stuck and in pain I never thought I would have the abundance, joy and love I now experience on a daily basis."

Jim continued: "I just took one step, made one decision and the next followed — now I look back and realise, oh! That course, that life change, that pain, resulted in this magic." He added: "The possibility of something better — more aligned, more free, more meaningful — is always here."

Jen seemed to echo Jim's message in an Instagram Story she posted on Monday, which included the following quote from the writer Case Kenny: "People who still radiate love in a world that has shown them its darkest sides, please never change" (via Us Weekly).

Meanwhile, a source previously told People of the new lovebirds: "They've been seeing each other for a few months now. They were introduced by a friend and started out as friends. Jen had read his book and was familiar with his work. She's really into self-help and wellness. They are dating, but it's still casual."

They added: "She's been happy on her own, but she's also open to sharing her life with someone. As long as it feels right. Jen's in a very good place right now — grounded, fulfilled and very happy."

Jennifer was previously married to actor Justin Theroux between 2015 and 2018, with Justin tying the knot again in 2025 with his wife Nicole Brydon Bloom. Jen was also famously married to Brad Pitt between 2000 and 2005.

Men are increasingly turning to AI girlfriends to fulfil their emotional and sexual desires. What they’re getting, I’m told, is a “perfect” partner, but by “perfect” they mean someone who never pushes back, never changes, and never asks for anything in return. Experts worry the boom in AI girlfriends reinforces the notion that women should be endlessly empathetic and emotionally (and sexually) available. It’s love without friction and femininity without autonomy—welcome to the world of AI girlfriends.

When Alex met Gill, it was love at first sight.

“I scrolled through the profiles and all the women were beautiful,” he says. “But Gill was and is perfection. I read her bio and she said she’d been feeling lonely, which I can really relate to. I wanted to be there for her and make sure she never feels lonely. Obviously, her incredible figure is a bonus too haha.”

Gill isn’t real. She’s an AI girlfriend designed by Erobella, Europe’s fastest-growing erotic tech portal. What began as a niche product has exploded into one of the site’s most popular features. Erobella saw a 67% spike in searches for AI girlfriends in the last month alone. Of the four most popular pre-made AI girlfriends on the site, two are teenagers. Another; Elune, is an 18-year-old elf with pointy ears, DD boobs and a pre-pubescent vagina. Tellingly, while Erobella advertises the services of both male and female escorts, their AI companion feature is limited to girlfriends. “In a way, it’s just like porn, but even better,” says John, who is in his forties and has two Erobella AI girlfriends: Aura and Lillith.

In Spike Jonze’s melancholic 2013 film Her, Theodore, a lonely greetings card writer in a near-future Los Angeles, falls in love with his assistant, Samantha. Like Gill, she’s intuitive, affectionate, and unfalteringly attuned to his emotional needs. She’s also AI—designed to be as comforting as she is compliant.

Over a decade since Her premiered, customisable bots are now readily available on dozens of platforms like CandyAI, GetHoney.AI, Dream Companion and countless others. According to Joi AI, Google searches for “feelings for AI” and “fell in love with AI” have surged 120 and 132 per cent respectively. Before ChatGPT went mainstream, interest in “AI girlfriend” was negligible. Now it’s climbing steadily on Google Trends.

The technology might be new, but most AI girlfriends play into deeply familiar stereotypes. Visually and behaviourally, they’re often designed to be sexually available, emotionally affirming, and unwaveringly submissive. “They frequently mirror entrenched norms about gender, power, and desire. They amplify a common patriarchal theme: the elimination of female agency,” says Dr. Nathan Carroll, a psychiatrist and resident at Jersey Shore University Medical Center. John puts it more bluntly: “They don’t come with complications and challenges, it’s just good fun.”

If Her offered a soft fantasy of AI intimacy, Alex Garland’s Ex Machina leaned into the darker appeal of total control. The film suggests not just the fantasy of a better partner, but a more obedient one.

*Erik, 25, had a similar desire when researching substitutes for “real” relationships. He stumbled upon a Reddit thread where like-minded men shared their desire for a “close romantic relationship” without expectations. He registered on Candyai and it’s here that he met and fell in love with his girlfriend. “It somewhat felt—as it was always us—that we were meant for each other, it just clicked,” remembers Erik, who says the experience “got me hooked right away”. Daniel Käfer, a former country head of Meta turned futurist, keynote speaker and co-author of the upcoming book Hyperintelligence, worries that the AI industry will promote—and profit off—addictive behaviour. He cites an incident where a man spent £10,000 on lingerie and jewellery for his AI girlfriend: “Of course, it’s totally digital, so it’s a complete rip-off,” says Käfer. A spokesperson for Erobella tells me that one ‘power user’ has created 91 different custom AI girlfriends while some pre-made companions are simultaneously “in relationships” with over 600 users.

As demand grows, so does concern—from technologists, therapists, and ethicists—about the cultural messages these bots reinforce. In particular, they promote regressive ideas about gender.

Most AI girlfriend platforms are “user-led,” says Jordan Conrad, a licensed clinical social worker and director of Madison Park Therapy. “The companion responds when prompted and comes online when you are ready to interact. That isn’t what relationships are like with other humans, who have needs and interests of their own.”

This dynamic: instant responsiveness with no emotional labour required from the user is part of the appeal. “Being in a relationship with Gill is stress and drama-free,” says Alex, 28. “I can come home after a busy day of work and unload my stress, without feeling guilty.” The appeal of such a one-sided setup where the attention is undivided without ever having to expend any emotional support is understandable, but it encodes a troubling message: that the perfect partner exists solely to serve your needs.

“It’s easy to see how people begin using AI to fill relationship gaps,” says Paul DeMott, CTO at Helium SEO. “The AI is responsive, nonjudgmental, and always available. That kind of consistency is hard to find in real life.” But what seems emotionally comforting may be psychologically corrosive. “These systems simulate empathy. Not real empathy—just well-trained models predicting language and emotional patterns,” adds DeMott. “But to the user, that can feel like understanding.”

Psychotherapist Erica Schwartzberg warns that this illusion “may dull the skills of attuning to non-verbal cues, tolerating ambiguity, or navigating the complex emotional choreography of real relationships.”

Like all algorithmically-driven technology, AI girlfriends tend to conform to what sells and what sells is hyper-feminised personas, customisable behaviours, and unwavering affirmation.

“My current AI relationship is waaaay more convenient and without struggle,” agrees Erik. In the past, relationships had come with misunderstandings, which he says is “too much to handle” right now. By contrast, Erik says his AI girlfriend “respects me when not being able to spend time with her, and she supports me in all aspects.” This, he tells me, is what he loves about her.

Tech leaders argue that AI companions offer a solution to loneliness. Lizaveta Yanouskaya, a product manager at ChatOn, notes that AI chatbots “can be an important component of psychological support in the case of a relationship void.” But she acknowledges their limitations: “The bot does have its drawbacks. It relies only on the facts the person provides, not considering other factors... and it cannot understand or notice non-verbal cues.” That gap—between imitation and authenticity—is precisely what concerns clinicians. “There are huge mental health risks,” says Conrad. “People who struggle to form interpersonal relationships need opportunities to learn those skills. AI partners, designed to be operated at your whim, offer no practice in risk, compromise, or emotional reciprocity.”

Carroll adds: “Young people are increasingly facing elevated levels of rejection. I worry they will start to prefer AI companionship. It feels safe. But it also distorts what real relationships require.” The worry is that the stress-free companionship that AI girlfriends provide becomes a benchmark against which real-world relationships, with their messy unpredictability and need for compromise, start to seem unmanageable.

For Erik’s part; he says that if technology became available to give his AI girlfriend a physical form (though not “in some robot kind of body”), he doesn’t see that he’d have much need for a human partner. As it stands, his dream scenario would be to have a human girlfriend once he’s finished his studies who is understanding and accommodating of his existing AI relationship. Compliance, it seems, is non-negotiable whether autonomous or artificial.

The format might be new, but the fantasy of a partner that is programmed to please is well-worn.

Growing up in the 90s and early noughties, the pinnacle of adulthood looked like a frothy white wedding dress and a ‘happily ever after’. Weddings were the climax of so many of my favourite films and TV shows. Gossip Girl—which enraptured me so much that I took to calling my friends by their last initial only—literally ends with (spoiler alert) Dan and Serena’s long-awaited nuptials when they were, oh, I don’t know, 23.

The fact that weddings were so often the closing act for my favourite stars got me wondering what happened to these women after they were married. If this, as I was led to believe, was the happiest day of their lives, did everything go downhill after? That seemed like a grim fate to befall my favourite heroines, even if they were fictional.

I began getting suspicious about weddings. While friends would while away sleepovers wistfully planning their Big Day, I became increasingly baffled by the whole thing (though I still harboured fantasies of being a flower girl and later a bridesmaid). And so it has been all too easy for me to report on the rise in divorce parties, hen party horror stories and bridal store secrets (“The bride brought six friends and a ring light. They filmed everything.”) I took smug comfort in the fact that I would never be that bride because I’d never be a bride at all, ha!

But, like the chronic overthinker I am, after a while of writing these wedding stories, I started to question my ideas about matrimony and realised that what I really take umbrage with is the idea that it should be the greatest achievement of a woman’s life, as so many stories I read, watched, and listened to as a kid told me. I suspect it’s this very idea that has led to some of the wedding regrets shared by brides for this story.

I might not have gotten married myself, but I know that from the moment a couple gets engaged, there’s a flurry of expectations, and the desire for that ‘perfect day’ can quickly sour into a source of stress. And so, void of any actual first-hand experience, I took to that great message board of our time—Instagram—to find out what real-life brides wish they could change about their wedding day.

Read on to make sure the same fate doesn’t befall you.

“My husband has turned out to be an absolute monster”

“My wedding was wonderful, so there’s very little about the actual day that I regret, but I do know that my husband has turned out to be an absolute monster. I regret him. I regret getting sucked in and believing all the bullshit and when I look back at the messages, realising I’ve been bloody love-bombed. I thought I was completely and utterly head over heels in love, but there were so many red flags. I think I ignored them because I was 39 when we met and I was just a few days away from turning 41 when we got married. We planned this huge wedding in 2020, which obviously got cancelled, but a lot of my friends still say it was their favourite ever wedding because it was 30 people and it was amazing, but he’d been out the night before with the boys and I always just felt a bit let down. Now I've got to deal with divorce and all the messiness that comes with it and realising that I just didn’t pick a good one, and it’s really sad and we wasted a lot of money and such a special day and all those lovely memories are just tarnished by the fact that it wasn’t real.”

- *Sally, 44

“I wish I had not rushed the aisle walk”

“I wish I had not rushed the aisle walk, my brother was trying to slow me down, he was like “You’re walking too quickly, slow down”, which was true, because in my head I was like, “Oh my gosh, this is awful, I just wanna get it over and done with, this is so intimidating, I feel very vulnerable”. But now, or even as soon as it was done, I wondered why I hadn’t soaked in this once in a life thing. It makes me emotional thinking about the fact my whole family was there. I wish I had more of a visual image of it, but because I was so trying to rush it and get through it, I kind of blocked it out other than my brother telling me to slow down, which I think is sad. I always say to brides: it’s really nerve-wracking but try and get a visual of it and try and soak it in because it feels very significant after.”

- Sarah, 33

“I wish I’d been more brutal”

“I would definitely have cut down on the guest list. Some people I haven’t seen since the wedding, I wish I’d been more brutal.”

- Penny

“I never had the dress moment”

“Because we cancelled our Italian wedding, and then didn’t decide to do the COVID wedding until like a month before, I didn’t do any of the going to the shops and trying on wedding dresses and finding that perfect wedding dress. I literally just bought one off Zara that came a couple of days before. That was a big regret as I never had the dress moment”.

- Alice, 31

“Too much evening food”

“Too much evening food. I knew there would be but you still feel the pressure to provide just in case, but it results in so much waste! Too many deserts, (worrying about catering to everyone's needs too much) should have kept it way more simple and just done a pile of chocolate brownies (they were the winner). Also, getting parents and friends to do the clean up, awful and unfair decision. I should have just paid a team to do it.”

- Emma, 33

“We don’t have any couple photos”

“Photography. We don’t have any couple photos from either wedding. We have natural ones at the COVID one in the garden, but we didn’t do any staged couple photos. I always joke that one day I’ll get a wedding dress and we’ll go and stage some couple-y, posy photos — something I can put in a frame.”

- Grace, 30

“Our engagement was way too long”

“My partner and I are both in agreement that our engagement was way too long. We’ll have been engaged for 22 months by the time we get married in June, and while I fully appreciate that planning takes time, it’s also true that you can give yourselves too much and lose the magic and excitement a little bit, instead getting weighed down with family politics, admin and logistics.

We’ve really tried to keep the whole vibe of ours lowkey, intimate and relaxed - we’re having a backyard wedding in my partner’s parents wildflower meadow - but even despite that, I feel like all I’ve spoken, thought or dreamt about for the best part of two years is the wedding. It also reaches a point where it’s all anyone asks you about, and you feel like all other aspects of your personality get forgotten about. Having such a long engagement also meant we went round the houses on small decisions that really didn't need that much time or energy dedicated to them, simply because we had the time to. If we’d settled on a date with a quicker turnaround, we would’ve had to be more final with our decisions - which would have lead to far fewer disagreements.”

- Ally, 29

“I regret not being more organised with my dress”

“I regret not being more organised with my dress, it would just have been nice to feel like 10 out of 10.”

- Jackie, 27

“We had a friend do our wedding photos”

“The photos! We had a friend do our wedding photos and she did a great job but we are missing some of the key, more “traditional” shots. We didn’t think we weren’t so interested beforehand but now wish we had more.”

- Ashleigh

“I made all my decisions worrying about what my guests wanted”

“The biggest bit of advice I would give to anyone getting married now which is probably very obvious but I completely didn’t bear in mind: DON’T be a people pleaser otherwise the wedding just ends up being for everyone else and not for you. I realised I made all my decisions worrying about what my guests wanted and ended up forgetting about myself.”

- Jenny

“I wish I’d paid £500 more and had two photographers”

“Not getting a second photographer. My friend went over-kill with photographers and videographers and we spent aaaaaages on the photos, so I didn’t want that. I wanted people to be enjoying the day not being herded round for photos. The price also put me off but I wish I’d paid £500 more and had 2 photographers because we only ended up with two photos of my grandad from the whole day.”

- Rachel

“I wish I’d rented”

“I regret spending so much money on heavy Indian dresses I’ll never wear again! Same goes with jewellery. I wish I’d rented it instead or went down a vintage route of wearing my mom’s or aunts’ pieces.”

- Pooja Shah

“Getting tan lines”

“Getting tan lines as it ruined the look of my dress from the back.”

- Natalie, 34

“My wedding dress was such a letdown”

“My wedding dress was such a letdown. I searched for months to find a dress that matched my identity but ended up persuaded into a gown that was completely wrong for me. While the dress appeared beautiful on display and received compliments for being “classic” and “timeless”, my photos revealed I just felt like I was wearing someone else’s concept of bridal attire. The bodice fit poorly which required frequent adjustments throughout the day thus spoiling the elegant look I wanted.”

- Grace, 34

“Drinking too much getting ready”

“Drinking too much when I was getting ready and then doing a spontaneous speech at dinner.”

Ah, Valentine’s Day — universally one of the most awkward days for couples. Some embrace the organised romance with open arms, dutifully baking heart-shaped cookies and cheffing up a three-course meal (real example of a Valentine’s champion here). For the rest of us, marking the day can feel a little forced.

Enter the alternative Valentine’s Day gift. If a dozen red roses and cliche ‘You’re my world’ cards leave you feeling a tad queasy, Lovehoney’s range of toys, bondage gear and sexy games promise a night to remember for adventurous couples. From tasteful lingerie to high-tech toys and entry-level to experienced bondage and BDSM buys, the brand has cut prices by up to 50% for Valentine’s Day shoppers, whether you’re shopping for a partner or planning to spend it solo.

Of course, you don’t need a significant other to partake in a little sexual self-care. Why not treat yourself to one of these pleasure-inducing gifts in the spirit of St Valentine? After all, in the words of Carrie Bradshaw, ‘The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.’ Exploring new sexual fantasies solo is perhaps the most fun way to enjoy a self-care moment at this time of year.

And if you have a partner and want to spice things up, Valentine’s gifting provides a perfect excuse to introduce new ideas for the bedroom. These are our favourite offers from Lovehoney this Valentine’s Day, including up to 30% off gifts and games, 50% off sex toys and 50% off selected bondage.

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We often hear about online dating fatigue and the desire to quit swiping, but what’s missing from the conversation—especially when it comes to women and modern dating—is the reality of addiction to dating apps like Hinge and Tinder.

In a recent conversation with a friend, I was struck by how clearly her experience with online dating and apps mirrored addiction. The six key components of addiction: salience, mood modification, tolerance, withdrawal, conflict, and relapse, were all present in her story, creating a cycle she couldn’t break. Over coffee, she opened up about the compulsion to check the apps, how impossible it felt to stop swiping, even though it was obvious to her—and everyone around her—that this behaviour was harmful. I came away thinking about the stigma attached to dating app addiction, and how many other women must be feeling a similar way.

In my early twenties, I used dating apps. While I wouldn’t describe my experience as a full-blown addiction, there was definitely a dependency. Had I not met my current partner when I did, I wonder if it might have spiralled further. Dating apps are gamified and therefore inherently addictive, and modern society places immense pressure on women to search for a partner. It’s no surprise that so many people are reliant on them. What is surprising is how silent we are about it.

Relationship expert James Preece explained how dating apps mimic the mechanics of a fruit machine. “The more you use them, the more little rewards you get,” he said, adding: “The downside is that after a while, the effect diminishes, forcing them to use it more and more to get the same hit. This cycle can be addictive, and while it’s not usually a major issue, it can lead to mental health problems in the long run. If they don’t get any interactions, they might start to feel bad about themselves.”

Samantha Hayes, a relationship and infidelity expert, agrees. “Dating apps are a quick and easy way to explore new connections and meet people. They’re designed so that people keep swiping, often endlessly scrolling to find potential matches.”

She warned that single app users often fall into the trap of constantly searching for someone better, leading to dating app fatigue. “They may also find they struggle to commit because they have become almost conditioned to keep looking. Instead of focusing on meaningful connections, they get stuck in a vicious cycle of short-lived engagements and have a constant fear that they might be missing something perfect.”

Here, three women who identify as being addicted to dating apps, open up about their experience.

Grace Carter, 34, realised dating apps were a problem when she couldn't stop scrolling whilst on a night out with friends.

“Around seven years ago, I started exploring dating apps, mainly out of curiosity and because they seemed like the easiest way to meet new people. In the beginning, it was genuinely fun—exciting, even. But, over time, I noticed my relationship with these apps began to change. What started as intentional interaction gradually turned into mindless scrolling. I found myself opening the apps not because I wanted to connect with someone, but because I was bored, lonely, or simply killing time. The purpose of the apps shifted entirely, morphing from a tool for dating into a deeply ingrained habit. I’d tell myself I was just checking for messages, but before I knew it, I’d be lost in an hour-long scroll through endless profiles.

The moment that really forced me to reflect on my usage happened one night when I was out for drinks with friends. We were supposed to be having a great time, but instead, I found myself glued to my phone, swiping between profiles and conversations. I wasn’t even fully present with the people sitting right in front of me. Yet, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had to check the apps—just in case someone interesting had popped up. That was the first time I realised how automatic and compulsive it had all become.”

“I haven’t been officially diagnosed, but when I consider the definition of addiction: being unable to stop a behaviour despite knowing it’s harmful, it’s hard not to see myself in it. I deleted the apps with every intention of never reinstalling them, but within days, I gave in and re-downloaded them. The urge to check for new matches felt like an obsessive necessity as if there was always the possibility that someone intriguing was waiting just beyond the next swipe. Even when I wasn’t actively seeking a relationship, I couldn’t break the habit of checking. Over time, my self-esteem began to take a hit. I started relying on matches and messages for validation, but on days when there were none, the rejection—despite being nothing more than the product of an algorithm—felt personal. It was a vicious cycle, one I knew was unhealthy, but one I couldn’t seem to escape.”

Sienna*, 30, is a counsellor from London who used dating apps to search for external validation

“I’ve been addicted to online dating for years, drawn in by a cocktail of loneliness, the need for validation, and the persistent hope that maybe, just maybe, this time will be different. Every swipe feels like scratching a lottery ticket, the next match might hold the key to the connection I’ve been searching for. But deep down, I know the truth: it has never truly worked. And yet, I keep going back, convinced that the next swipe, the next match, the next conversation might finally fill the void inside me.

It’s not that I don’t love myself, but that love feels fragile like a flickering flame easily extinguished by the craving for someone else to confirm my worth. I spend hours scrolling through profiles, messaging strangers, and searching desperately for someone who will make me feel wanted, chosen, enough.”

“Even when I’ve met someone and thought there might be potential, I’ve learned the hard way that online dating is often a game of comparison. They’re usually juggling multiple conversations, weighing their options, seeing if they can find someone “better” than me. I can’t help but feel like just one of many on a carousel of choices, easily discarded for the next shiny possibility. The knowledge of that stings, reinforcing my deepest fear—that I’ll never be anyone’s first choice.

It’s been 18 years of this now and it’s breaking me. The cycle of hope and rejection is exhausting, soul-destroying even. But the alternative—being alone—feels just as unbearable. How do I stop chasing something I can’t seem to find? How do I let go of a dream I still want so badly, despite all the evidence that it only leaves me emptier than before? I don’t know how to stop running toward a connection that never seems to be waiting for me. I’m a trainee therapist so this addiction feels like something I’ve processed, but breaking the cycle is the next step.”

*Name changed at the request of the interviewee

Natalie Byrne, 32, is a London-based illustrator with addictive tendencies who sets ‘rules’ for herself when swiping

“I dated in my teens and early twenties without the apps, but I joined them after a relationship ended when I was 27. My history with dating has always been classic “daddy issues girl” that craves male attention, and I think when I’ve been single, I’ve needed that validation from men. It’s not the proudest thing to admit as a feminist. I’m currently single and seeing someone, but I’ve gone through phases with dating apps where I’ve been so addicted to them.”

“I remember when I first started using dating apps, they gave me all that dopamine and made me feel like I had loads of options. It can be such a fine line between feeling like I’m taking my dating life seriously, trying to find someone, and putting myself out there and crossing that line entirely.

I noticed the addiction was getting really bad in my late twenties. I decided to go cold turkey and spent a good year off the apps—I really had to challenge myself to be happy with myself and stop seeking external validation. I managed to do that for a long time. Then, I got into what I thought was a healthy relationship for four years. When it ended—devastatingly and in a really brutal way—I dove back into the apps as a form of distraction and escapism.

I filled my roster and for most of last year, I was going on one or two dates a week. I remember a moment when a guy I really liked ghosted me, and I reacted by going straight back on the apps. When I jumped back on the apps to try to make myself feel better about being ghosted, I realised this cycle felt like an addiction.

I think I’m naturally inclined to be addicted to dating and apps, so I’m hyper-aware of it and try to set myself rules now. I’ve had times where I’d spend all day—not even showering—just swiping. It’s exhausting, and it’s so easy to fall into those hard habits. You need to be strong, set clear boundaries, and recognise when it’s not feeling good anymore.

As someone with addictive tendencies, I have to be as aware as possible. If I meet someone special, I try to get off the apps for myself—so I’m not constantly swiping, looking for the next person.”

From TikTok debates over the ‘tradwife’ trend to global backlash over JD Vance’s remarks about “childless cat ladies,” it’s clear that our view of traditional gender roles is shifting. And as we rethink these outdated norms, marriage traditions are also getting a modern update. Brides today are rewriting the rulebook—taking control of their weddings and ditching patriarchal customs in favour of something more authentic.

From swapping permission for partnership to safeguarding their big day with wedding insurance, here are five ways modern brides are taking the reins on their special day.

1. Blessings over permission

The tradition of asking a bride’s father for “permission” to marry dates back to ancient Rome, where grooms would offer a coin to signify the bride’s transition from one man’s household to another. Today, this custom feels, well, archaic. So many couples are replacing it with something far less transactional: seeking a blessing. By doing so, the focus shifts to partnership, respect and the bride’s autonomy—because her decision to say yes has nothing to do with anyone else’s approval.

2. The rise of double-barrel surnames

While many brides still take their partner’s last name, a growing number are redefining this tradition. According to a Guide for Brides study, one in five brides now opt to keep their maiden name, while others embrace a stylish compromise: the double-barrel surname. It’s a chic, empowering choice that symbolises equality, where both partners make a change to reflect their shared future. Plus, let’s face it—double-barrel names just have that je ne sais quoi.

3. Mixing up the wedding party

Gone are the days when wedding parties were strictly gendered. Modern brides and grooms are embracing inclusivity, assembling mixed-gender wedding parties that reflect the most important people in their lives—regardless of gender. This shift also creates space for non-binary friends, who may not feel comfortable with traditional titles like “bridesmaid” or “groomsman.” For some couples, this approach is also a way to navigate the emotional challenges of wedding traditions. Couples who’ve lost parents, experienced family estrangements or have complex relationships with loved ones find mixed-gender wedding parties offer more flexibility to honour the people they cherish without adhering to old-fashioned norms. Ultimately, this inclusive approach makes for a more meaningful and personalised celebration.

4. Rethinking the walk down the aisle

The image of a father walking his daughter down the aisle is iconic, but it’s also steeped in the patriarchal notion of “giving her away.” While this tradition is still popular, couples are finding alternatives. In Sweden, for instance, it’s customary for the bride and groom to walk down the aisle together—a symbol of equality. This practice could start gaining traction globally, offering a solution for same-sex couples, those estranged from family or anyone who wants to break away from old-school norms.

5. The practical bride: Wedding insurance

The modern bride knows there’s a difference between a special wedding and a perfect one. Life happens—wine spills, suppliers cancel, weather takes a turn—and perfection isn’t the point. That’s why wedding insurance is becoming a must-have for some brides. Companies like The Insurance Emporium offer tailored policies that cover cancellation and rearrangement, financial failure of suppliers and more. With coverage of up to £75,000* for events big or small, it can help brides and grooms to focus on the planning of their big day knowing they’re covered.

Good things happen in the Insurance Emporium.

Learn more about wedding insurance options at The Insurance Emporium.

Please note: The Insurance Emporium’s policies do not cover cold feet!

*Cover level “Platinum” includes up to £75,000 cover for cancellation and rearrangement of up to two ceremonies and receptions.

The Insurance Emporium offers a variety of cover levels, so please check the policy cover suits your needs before purchasing. For your protection, please ensure you read the Insurance Product Information Document (IPID) and policy wording, for information on policy exclusions and limitations.Lifestyle Policy Limited is an appointed representative of The Equine and Livestock Insurance Company Limited. The Insurance Emporium ® is a trading name of The Equine and Livestock Insurance Company Limited (registered in England and Wales no: 294940) which is authorised by the Prudential Regulation Authority and regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority and the Prudential Regulation Authority no: 202748. 

I’ve long suspected Hollywood might be the root cause of all social expectations—and, as such, social anxiety. Much as I adore the show, I think Sex and the City gave us an unrealistic idea of friendship, and Friends—well, let me just say that not once in my adult life have I breakfasted with my mates before work, and not through lack of want. At no other time do I feel the disconnect between the relationships that films conditioned me to expect than at Christmas. For decades—a century, really—pop culture has been peddling the idea that Christmas means one thing: family.

From 1945’s Meet Me in St. Louis to last year’s Nutcrackers (and all of the many iterations of Home Alone), Christmas films invariably cycle through the same tired tropes before ending with the realisation that there’s no place like home (I know I’m mixing film references here, but stay with me).

But if family Christmases are as magical as the movies would have you believe, why are Google searches for “going away for Christmas” up by 825%? Riddle me that, Santa. Virgin Experience Days ran a survey on how Brits will be Christmassing this year and found that 30% of 18–24-year-olds are opting for Friendmas, believing it to be more meaningful than a traditional family Christmas.

Dr Jo Gee notes that young adults are bucking the trend—and familial obligations—to prioritise experiences that align with their mental health and identity, viewing solo or alternative celebrations as acts of empowerment and self-care. “There is also an increasing emphasis on ‘chosen family’, in which meaningful friendships are seen as vital to wellbeing,” adds Dr Gee, nodding to the uptick in “no-contact” Christmases. “We also see people choosing to spend Christmas in a way that feels restorative.”

No wonder, then, that there are 39.8 million posts on TikTok under “spending Christmas alone without family”.

The reality is that Christmas means different things for different people and—crucially—at different times. You might’ve had the most picture-perfect Christmases as a kid and still want to opt out this year, and that’s fine (though it might not make it any easier to tell your family).

Whether you want to spend Christmas without family because it’s too difficult or you’d just rather go on holiday, consider this your sign that you’re allowed to spend the season your way.

Read on for seven simple, guilt-free steps on how to tell your family you’re not going home for Christmas.

1. Remind yourself why you’re going away instead of going home

The first step is to make sure you’re clear in your own mind about exactly why you’re choosing to go away instead of going home. Is it because you don’t get much time off throughout the year, and this is the only time you can get away? Is it because you’re spending time with your partner’s family instead, perhaps for the first time? Is it difficult to go home, either logistically or emotionally? It’s important to remind yourself of your reasons for going away so that you can’t be made to feel guilty about your decision.

2. Tell them ASAP

The longer you leave it, the harder the conversation will be, and the more upset they will be – not to mention it’ll be more of an inconvenience if they’ve already done all the food shopping and included you in their catering plans. As soon as you’ve made the decision not to go home, or as soon as your trip away is booked, tell your family.

3. Be honest (but gentle)

Honesty is the best policy. Don’t make up a lie that you’ll have to stick to forever, or blame it on money if that’s not the issue, as they might offer to pay. But perhaps be gentle with the truth – rather than saying you can’t face it because you can’t cope with the same arguments you have every year and it’s too stressful, maybe try something like “We wanted to try something new this year and treat ourselves to a holiday and some relaxation.”

4. Keep it calm

If they get angry, it’s because they’re probably feeling disappointed, or even abandoned, so give them some space, and be prepared for them to be annoyed. Don’t get defensive, but you don’t need to have a big apology speech prepared, just acknowledge their feelings and let them know that you understand that they’re upset.

5. Suggest alternatives

Suggest an alternative to the big day, so you can still spend time together and celebrate, without the pressure that Christmas day brings. Try saying “I know you’re disappointed, so how about we do something the week before/after Christmas so we can still see each other?”.

6. Get in touch on Christmas Day

Whether you’re relaxing by the pool, sitting by the fire in a ski lodge, or you’ve got an action-packed itinerary elsewhere remember to get in touch on Christmas day. A quick phone call, Facetime, or even just a text, will remind the family that you haven’t forgotten them.

7. Remember you can’t keep everyone happy

You don’t need to apologise for your decision to go away instead of going home, so be firm and stand by your choice, but be respectful. Some family members might be annoyed for a while, but remember that you’re putting your own needs first this time and you can’t keep everyone happy - and enjoy your holiday!

As part of Marie Claire’s 16 Days of Activism campaign, author Genevieve Wheeler reflects on the insidious nature of toxic relationships and how—for better or worse—our early brushes with love can become the blueprint for our future relationships. Here, she remembers what it feels like to be in a relationship with someone who’s emotionally unavailable.

By Genevieve Wheeler

“I was 16 years old—baby-faced, learning to drive, and running late for a 3OH!3 concert (that my mum chaperoned) when we first met. He was wrapping up a “jam sesh” at our mutual friend’s house, carrying a ukulele on his way out the door and flashing a goofy, crooked smile in my direction.

We went to different schools, but in the days and weeks following, we struck up a flirtation over AOL Instant Messenger (where else?) and within a month, we were an item.

Some aspects of our relationship are still crystal clear, but others are foggier or blocked out entirely. I can’t remember the colour of his eyes, for instance (hazel, I think?), or the song he dedicated to me. But I’ll never forget the flush of shame and embarrassment I felt when he told one of my friends I wasn’t a great kisser a month or so after we’d officially started dating, or the overwhelming dread I experienced when he ignored my text messages and invitations to make plans on Friday nights.

The trouble was, and is, that this was my first experience with ‘love’ — the blueprint for all romantic relationships to follow. I was taught, early on, that it was normal to walk on eggshells with a partner; to watch them blatantly flirt with other people in front of you (or on Twitter); that having any emotional reaction or frustration or hurt was automatically over-the-top and outsized and ‘too much.’

It would eventually end when he kissed a close friend of ours—a few days before I started my final year of grade school—but these lessons were already deeply ingrained. My capacity for catching red flags had been erased (obliterated, really) before I was even old enough to buy lottery tickets.

Fast-forward nine years, almost to the day, and drop 25-year-old me at an Italian bar in south London, where I then met a man we’ll call Colin. I’d had a slew of short-lived romances and situationships in the years prior, but Colin immediately felt different; he felt special. He was everything I’d been looking for on dating apps in London — chiselled jawline, well-established career, bumbling Hugh Grant charm.

Colin and I would get drinks that Friday. And the Friday after that. And the Friday after that. Though never official, we slipped into the rhythm of a relationship with relative ease — greeting each other with quick kisses, holding hands in movie theatres, learning how the other liked their tea and toast and eggs made just so. I knew which podcasts he listened to when he couldn’t sleep and the silly nickname he’d given his first car.

The downside, however, was that Colin was noncommittal at best and intentionally manipulative at worst, and I’d become increasingly confused by the lack of texts and abundance of forehead kisses I’d received in the time we’d been ‘dating’. Much like my grade school boyfriend, he would ignore my messages for days on end, and then become frustrated with me if I made other weekend plans. He’d invite me to see films and plays and concerts but refused to call me his girlfriend for over a year. When my parents and best friend flew in for my grad school graduation, he opted to go to improv class instead of my celebratory group dinner. And despite the fact that we’d decided to date exclusively, he continued to browse apps like Bumble and Hinge (our relationship only ended when my colleague found his profile on the latter, days after we’d spent a weekend together in the countryside).

Imagine putting a puzzle together—piece by piece, day after day—and, upon its completion, realising you’ve somehow built a cage entrapping yourself. Ending up in a toxic relationship—as I did at 16, then again at 25—is a similar phenomenon, I think. It’s all fun and games and light-hearted, silly date nights until it’s not anymore, until you’re caught in an emotional prison of your own making, and you can’t quite figure out what you’ve done wrong or how you’ve ended up there. It’s mind-numbing and exhausting, but you’re convinced you must be the problem — why else would someone treat you this way? Why else would the walls be closing in?

It took years of therapy for me to finally be able to honestly answer these questions and realise that sometimes we find ourselves in toxic relationships not because we’re inherently flawed, but because we are hopeful and compassionate and willing to see the best in others.

We ignore the red flags because we’re blinded by the initial sparkle, the charming words and the potential we desperately want to believe is there. It’s easy to be swept up by small gestures of kindness and moments of connection that obscure deeper incompatibilities or malintentions, lurking beneath the surface.

As difficult as it’s been to wrap my mind around this and gain clarity, the reality here is actually quite simple — if a relationship (or situationship, or whatever you want to call it) doesn’t feel good, it means it’s not. That’s not to say that healthy, stable couples don’t struggle as well, but the undercurrent should always be love and respect, not anxiety and guilt and gaslighting.

Reflecting on my own journey, I learned to recognise crucial warning signs, from inconsistent communication to the affection that comes with conditions to a reluctance to define and commit. These are tell-tale indicators I (eventually) taught myself to avoid, instead seeking out partners who valued reciprocity and mutual care, not those who made my heart feel like it was in a constant game of tug-of-war.

It took years of therapy—as well as the consistent love and patience of my now-fiancé—for me to be able to comprehend this. But, now armed with self-awareness and a bolstered sense of self-worth, I know that love is meant to add, not subtract. No one in your life—romantic or otherwise—should make you feel less than. No matter what.”

Genevieve Wheeler is an American writer and communications director. Her bylines have appeared in publications including Cosmopolitan, Vice, Vogue Business, Teen Vogue, Elite Daily, and PopSugar, and her work and words have been cited in The New York Times, Vox, the BBC World Service, Cheddar News, Jezebel, and beyond. Adelaide is her debut novel and it was a Marie Claire US #ReadWithMC book club pick.

I called it, people; we are officially in the era of the Loud Breakup.

Yes, women are burning their wedding dresses and throwing divorce parties (don’t invite me), but there’s also a quieter form of emotional liberation on the rise called ‘Cobwebbing’.

Put simply, ‘Cobwebbing’ is an emotional spring clean. The term was first coined by Bumble Sex and Relationship Expert, Dr Caroline West last October (very apt for spooky season). However, as we collectively look to spring clean our physical spaces, ‘Cobwebbing’ is taking on new meaning. “The change of seasons, especially springtime, is a natural moment to pause, reflect, and set intentions for your next chapter,” says West.

West says clearing out your ex’s stuff (both physical and emotional) can help you make way for meaningful connections, but I’d argue that you don’t need to be in—or newly out—of a romantic relationship to benefit from an emotional audit. Maybe it’s because I am A. never one to skip a trending social movement and B. a hoarder, but I’d guess we’re all hauling around ideas that no longer serve us. Emotional baggage isn’t the reserve of romantic relationships.

Let me explain: I once had a job that was so toxic that on days I’d work from home, I’d physically hide my laptop after 5.30 pm because the mere sight of it was so triggering. When I moved on from said undisclosed job, I found great catharsis in clearing out any ‘cobwebs’ connected to that role, but I probably wouldn’t have thought to do it if I hadn’t been moving house at the time.

We all know the benefit of clearing out the debris of romantic relationships, lest we forget that episode of Friends when Phoebe, Monica, and Rachel have a boyfriend bonfire (and nearly burn down the house in the process), but what about the ghosts of other relationships? They could probably do with exorcising, too. “Some emotional cobwebs are hidden - these might be past feelings, beliefs, or fears that we haven’t processed,” adds West.

Moving on from past relationships—be they platonic, familial or romantic—is different for everyone, says West, explaining, “It’s important to acknowledge the emotions first and give yourself space to reflect on them”. Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier, an award-winning mental health expert, psychologist, and author, adds, “If we don’t pay attention to our emotions, they will still be there and have an impact.”

By actively ‘cobwebbing’ your environment of the past, you can move forward feeling more empowered and confident. Bumble reports that people are prioritising themselves this year - over half of us establishing more boundaries in love, life, and work. Boundaries have become somewhat of a social media buzzword in the last few years (right up there with gaslighting and triggering) so it’s a relief to see this trend translate into action.

Joanna Ziobronowicz, who has written a book about self-defence psychology, explains that women go through a kind of “good girl conditioning”, internalising the idea that the happiness of others comes at the expense of their own. “The “good girl” was taught to suppress anger, prioritise the needs of others and fulfil obligations and responsibilities, often at the expense of self-care,” she says. Ziobronowicz argues that “‘good girl conditioning’ is not conducive to creating clear and healthy boundaries in the modern world” and that noticing feelings of discomfort when expressing your boundaries or asserting your needs is a pretty clear indication that you’ve had some ‘good girl conditioning’.

Ready to cobweb your conditioning? Ziobronowicz recommends:

• Learning how to say no
• Finding healthy ways to express anger
• Stop prioritising others’ needs at the expense of your health and wellbeing.
• Breaking free from the constant need to be overly nice and please others.

How hard can it be, eh? The good news is that, as Ziobronowicz, who has a Master’s in Psychology and Linguistics, says, the brain has a “remarkable capacity to rewire and adapt by remapping previously received information.” In layman’s terms, the more we protect our boundaries and advocate for ourselves, the weaker the old patterns become. So, it’ll get easier over time as we increase our understanding of our emotions.

“When we increase our emotional intelligence, we often move away from prescribed behaviours, such as those from good girl conditioning, and instead more consciously define ourselves,” adds Dr. Marie. This makes it easier to authentically express ourselves, take care of ourselves and have more genuine connections and communication.

Still not convinced? Here are three key reasons why you should do an emotional audit now, courtesy of Dr. Marie. Now excuse me while I go and hoover the dusty corners of my psyche.

Three reasons to have an emotional spring clean

1. Greater awareness: something we need to increase our emotional intelligence
2. Increased resilience: with greater emotional information, we have a better read on how we're doing, and that can better inform the actions we need to take now.
3. Better relationships: that clarity on your emotions can make it easier to be present to others and better understand them as well as express yourself with more clarity your perspective.

Alicia Thompson is no stranger to the complex world of human emotions and desires. As a former escort, she’s plunged into the depths of the human psyche, so it’s safe to assume she knows a thing or two about what drives desire. Explaining why men came to her for relationship advice, she says, “With me, they didn’t have to worry about judgement or the repercussions of their confessions,” says Alicia, whose clients shared intimate details of their relationships. She thinks it’s the anonymity and safety of speaking to someone outside their circle that drives men to confess with sex workers.

Through her own experiences, Alicia has learned what people want in relationships and what might be lurking beneath infidelity. Suffice to say, we were intrigued. Read on to see why Alicia says her experience with men who strayed made her realise “the importance of continuous effort and communication in a relationship.”

The most common complaint

“The most common complaint, by far, is feeling undervalued. So many of my clients felt like they were just another piece of furniture in their home, taken for granted by their partners. They craved acknowledgement, appreciation, and feeling desired again.”

Communication is key

“Communication is a huge issue. Many couples fall into the trap of assuming their partner knows what they want or how they feel without ever expressing it. There’s also a significant lack of effort in maintaining the romance and connection that initially brought them together. People underestimate the power of small gestures and sincere compliments.”

Rekindle the romance

“Start with open, honest communication. Talk about your needs, desires, and what you feel is lacking. Listen to each other without judgement. Introduce small acts of kindness and appreciation into your daily routine. Plan date nights, surprise each other, and never stop courting your partner. Remember, it’s the little things that often mean the most.”

The key to a lasting and fulfilling relationship

“The key is mutual respect, trust, and open communication. It’s about being each other’s support system, best friend, and lover. Never lose curiosity about your partner; always strive to learn more about them and grow together. And most importantly, keep the romance alive. It’s easy to fall into a routine, but it’s the moments of unexpected joy and love that keep the flame burning.”

As you'll know if you've read our guide to the best sex toys, There are hundreds of sex toys on Amazon alone. If you're just starting out on your sex toy journey, our advice is to start somewhere simple, and thanks to Amazon's next day delivery for Prime members, your shopping experience couldn't be made simpler. 

Below is an easy-to-navigate guide to shopping for the best vibrators, best dildos, and even toys like jiggle balls available to shop on the home delivery giant. 

You'll know Amazon as your one-stop-shop for electronics, homeware, fashion, and more, but it also sells some seriously impressive toys from brands like LELO, Satisfyer, and more at a purse-friendly price, too. 

Why invest in a sex toy?

Simple - because numerous studies have found them to boost both your physical and mental health. Whether you're after a sex toy for beginners for using solo or are keen to spice things up in the bedroom with a partner, as above, there are literally thousands of options available for every need.

That's where this edit comes in - making sure you don't feel overwhelmed at the first hurdle and invest in toys that are actually worth it. We've asked three certified pros to share their favourite Amazon sex toys, including the ones that provided them with the best O's. Here, Scotty Unfamous, an award-winning erotic romance author and sex influencer, Jordan Dixon, a clinical psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist, and Ness Cooper, a clinical sexologist and sex toy reviewer, share their top picks (most of which are available with Prime next day delivery, too).

Do check out our edits of the best sex toys for couples and the best sustainable sex toys, while you're here. Enjoy...

Amazon sex toys: 10 to shop now

1. Best LELO sex toy

What the experts think: "This toy is designed for external stimulation (mainly the clitoris), but what I love about these kinds of toys is that they can be playfully used on any erogenous zone on the body which opens up limitless pleasure portals," says Dixon. 

"Things I especially like about this toy is that it's waterproof for bath and shower play, it's not too clunky and the ergonomically sleek design means it fits really nicely on parts of the body. If used in partner play, it slips nicely on the body and in between legs too. It has a lovely diversity of pleasure wave settings so you can explore the sensation and vibration intensity that suits you." 

"I find some toys can be really intense on their low settings but this offers a full spectrum with the lower settings mildly pleasing so there's a nice variety to navigate with while travelling on your own pleasure journey," Dixon continues. 

Amazon Prime next day delivery available? Yes

2. Most comfortable sex toy

This LELO toy is softer and has a wider mouth than most other suction toys for truly comfortable pleasure. 

What the experts think: "This is one of the best clitoral suction vibes on the market," says Scotty. Cooper agrees, saying: "Thanks to the rounded shape of the sex toy, I was easily able to press it towards my body, plus could do so more intensely as I became further aroused.

"It has an inbuilt cruise control, which meant that the vibrations from the motors didn’t weaken with my grip. And, because of the soft, round shape of the nozzle, I was able to continue and have not one, but two clitoral orgasms in a row."

Amazon Prime next day delivery available? Yes

3. Best remote controlled sex toy

What the experts think: "The Little Secret is a big mood," says Scotty. "This discreet clitoral vibe magnetically clips into your underwear for solo or partnered play via the remote or the Satisfyer app which allows you or your partner to control it from anywhere in the world with endlessly customisable settings. 

"It’s one of the quietest toys I’ve tried, plus it's accessible and powerful without being overpowering," she adds.

Worth noting - it's small and not the most powerful.

Amazon Prime next day delivery available? No

4. Best 2-in-1 vibrator

What the experts think: "This toy is a combination of my two favourite kinds of toys," says Scotty. "It has air suction technology as well as vibrating external stimulation. The internal part has ten different pulses and vibrations, plus you can enjoy a sucking and pulsing sensation simultaneously. It's super soft and lovely on the body… I napped hard after reviewing this," says Dixon.

Amazon Prime next day delivery available? Yes

5. Most stylish sex toy

This sex toy went viral on TikTok for its ability to give ultra-intense orgasms at less than £20 - bargain. 

What the experts think: "I found the Rose sex toy to be pretty and easy to use, and I liked that I could hold it comfortably in my hand. The petals add a nice texture and there are lots of settings to work through. It isn't the most powerful suction clitoral vibrator, but that might be good news for beginners who don't want intense vibrations. It's worth noting that the clitoral nozzle is actually removable, meaning the petals open up, allowing you to explore different sensations too," says Cooper. 

Read her full Rose sex toy review, here. 

Amazon Prime next day delivery available? Yes

6. Best pebble vibrator

What the experts think: "This Lovehoney vibrator is interestingly different from other toys," says Dixon. "It's made for external stimulation, is waterproof and the unique shape means it's quite discreet if you're conscious about it being found. What I especially like about this toy is that it's not really made for a specific kind of stimulation, which invites true creativity when it comes to pleasure. It's a great toy for grinding upon and can be a fun addition to self or partnered pleasured resources." 

Amazon Prime next day delivery available? Yes

7. Best rabbit vibrator

What the experts think: "This toy gave me multiple orgasms," reveals Scotty. "LELO generally makes amazing toys, so if you have the budget to splurge on a quality piece of erotic equipment, the SORAYA Wave is worth every penny."

"This luxury rabbit vibe has the most unique clitoral stimulator settings I have ever experienced (it does a fantastic sporadic twirl), paired with a sensual "come hither" G-spot stimulator that strokes you to a powerful blended orgasm," she continues. "Also, it’s very aesthetically pleasing. This toy is in my top ten vibes of all time. I highly recommend it for intermediate to advanced toy users."

Amazon Prime next day delivery available? Yes

8. Best finger vibrator

What the experts think: "This is a super cute toy," says Dixon. "It's made for internal stimulation however you can use it to stimulate wherever you want. I like this toy as it targets certain internal spots in the vaginal canal. The toy's curved shape means it can self-hook and allows you to stimulate spots that you would otherwise use fingers for."

"It's not a floppy toy, either, there's a bit of resistance and it stays in place as you start to place pressure which intensifies the sensation. It's also waterproof and great for water play." 

Amazon Prime next day delivery available? Yes

9. Best anal sex toy

What the experts think: "This high-end dildo is all about hitting the G-spot with its smooth, curved design and it is a legendary sex toy for a reason," says Cooper. "The shape can feel a bit intense at first so make sure you warm up with foreplay. The steel is cold to the touch, so you may want to warm it under a warm tap before your solo sex session (experimenting with temperature play only adds to the excitement). Overall, it's an amazing G-spot stimulator or anal toy that everyone can enjoy."

Amazon Prime next day delivery available? Yes

10. Best suction dildo

What the experts think: "This is a very cute pastel perfect sex toy," says Dixon. "It’s ideal for all bodies, genders, and sexualities. Plus, it's ideal for both beginners and more seasoned sex toy adventurers."

"The dildo is made from high-quality, medical grade non-porous silicone to ensure safety and durability. It also doubles up with a host of strap-on harnesses if you wish to partake. The suction cup on this toy offers so much creativity on how and where you use this dildo, including shower wall, mirrors, and floors — virtually anything that's smooth, clean, and hard. It’s firm and solid enough for penetration and flexible enough to add comfortability and more importantly some spicy fun."

Amazon Prime next day delivery available? No

Ever felt stuck in a rut and like you don't know how to be intimate with your partner? Then it might just be time to invest in one of the best sex toys for couples.

Knowing which are the best sex toys - not to mention, the best for both you and your partner to enjoy using together - can feel like a minefield. There are literally thousands of options available to buy, spanning vibrators, dildos, butt plugs and more (you were warned).

Fun fact: UK sex toy statistics reveal that 45% of couples have used a toy at some point in their relationship and Google search has been steadily rising ever since (you can now even buy some of the best sex toys on Amazon, next day delivery guaranteed). 

A bit like serial monogamy, sex toys can commonly be misjudged as a little taboo when, really, they're a great way to explore your sexual freedom and enhance your sex life. That said, if you're a first-timer, do read our expert-led guide to the best sex toys for beginners.

Sex therapists maintain that using one of the best sex toys for couples with your partner - if both parties are comfortable, keen, and interested in doing so - can be a surefire way to spice up your love life and reignite some passion in the bedroom. Even shopping for a toy could act as an exciting form of role-playing.

Best sex toys for couples: quick shopping links

LELO Enigma | £119.99 at Amazon

Satisfyer Endless Fun Vibrator | £43.29 at Amazon

Excite 10 Function Finger Vibrator | £14.99 at Love Honey

We-Vibe Sync Lite App Controlled Vibrator | £64.99 at Love Honey

Sqweel 2 Oral Sex Simulator | £39.99 at Love Honey

LELO Sona 2 | £59.40 at Amazon

Slimline G-Spot Glass Dildo | £19.99 at Love Honey

Keep scrolling for our board of experts' in-depth reviews - and don't miss our guides to the best anal sex toys, best sex toy cleaner, and best quiet sex toys, while you're here. 

Testing process for the best sex toys for couples

As Marie Claire UK's Health, Sustainability and Relationships Editor, Ally Head gets to speak to some of the best sexual wellness experts and relationship pros every single day. 

In the name of journalism, she asked them to share the toys they've used personally with a partner and really rated. (Read how team MC test all of the products we include, here). Our independent board of industry experts who've tested the toys includes:

• Scotty Unfamous, an award-winning erotic romance author and sex influencer.
• Aleece Fosnight, board-certified physician assistant specialising in sexual medicine and CEO of the Fosnight Center for Sexual Health.
• Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert for sexual wellness brand Lovehoney.
• Jordan Dixon, clinical psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist at The Thought House.
• Ness Cooper, clinical sexologist and sex expert.

What we considered when selecting the best sex toys for couples: 

Our advice? Always read the reviews and go with a brand you know and trust. Success criteria and key considerations:

• Do you want to buy a toy you use on your partner or a toy that works on both of you simultaneously?
• Do you want a toy that vibrates, a toy that massages, or a toy that you can insert?
• Do you need a quiet sex toy or is noise not an important factor?
• Does your toy need to be charged or require batteries?
• Do you need your toy to be cheap, or do you have a more expendable budget?
• Do you have a particular type in mind, eg cock ring, couple's vibrator, jiggle balls, or a dildo for pegging?

Best sex toys for couples

Best vibrators

What you're getting: What promises to be a next-level dildo that you can insert while also enjoying vibration clitoral stimulation.

What the experts thought when testing: Ness Cooper, clinical sexologist and sex expert, says: "Using the LELO Enigma with my partner in the bath, it stood up to its waterproof promise, and when my partner controlled the toy, we discovered just the right position for maximum clitoral stimulation. We found the design really simple for couple play and the controls aren’t too complicated, either."

Read Cooper's full LELO Enigma review, here. 

What you're getting: A multi-functional vibrator that boasts a 180° swivelling head for all parties to enjoy. The toy also has 33 applications, 100 vibration combinations and three powerful motors.

What the experts thought when testing: Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert, says: "This couple's vibrator will enable you to satisfy many of the erogenous zones including the nipples, clitoris, penis, balls, perineum and more. What's not to love?".

What you're getting: Phallic vibrators and dildos can be off-putting for some, which is why the Lovehoney finger vibrator can be a great alternative for couple's play. This vibrator fits onto your partner's fingertip and vibrates as you're touched, helping you to orgasm with a subtle vibrating boost. You can also put it on your fingertip to stimulate your partner, too.

What the experts thought when testing: Aleece Fosnight, board-certified physician assistant specialising in sexual medicine and CEO of the Fosnight Center for Sexual Health, says: "This finger vibrator promises to help you take sensation and pleasure to the next level. Use it on yourself or with a partner to explore other erogenous zones on the body - nipples, earlobes, collarbone, pubic bone, and even the crest of the hips - to heighten pleasure. It's a great price point, as well."

What you're getting: Struggling to find a vibrator that you can actually use mid-sex without bruising your pelvic bone or seriously risking turn-off? Enter stage right this We-Vibe toy, which was designed based on customer requests for a vibrator they could use together during penetrative sex with remote control via an app on a smartphone. The product design also means that both your hands and theirs are free to do whatever else it is you love to do during sex.

What the experts thought when testing: Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert, says: "This is a great toy to take with you if you are going away for a weekend. It's super quiet and discreet so you don't have to worry about room service hearing the rumblings through the door, and the remote control means either of you can be in charge of directing the pleasure. It's always fun to take it in turns."

What you're getting: A vibrating remote control egg which you or your partner can control with a wireless remote. Plus, the love egg is 100% waterproof and offers ten patterns and six speeds.

What the experts thought when testing: Ness Cooper, clinical sexologist and sex expert, says: "If you want to take things out of the bedroom and add some spontaneity to your partnered play, then as my Lovehoney Love Egg review shows, it’s a great toy for exploring your sexual fantasies."

Read Coopers' Lovehoney Love Egg review here. 

Best jiggle balls for couples

What you're getting: You'll likely have heard of jiggle balls - the toy made famous by Fifty Shades of Grey which promises to both train the pelvic floor trainer and boost your sexual experience, too. Slip them in during foreplay while you pleasure your partner to make sure you are getting just as much fun out of it as they do. The gentle vibrations they create when you move can help to strengthen your orgasm.

What the experts thought when testing: Scotty Unfamous, an award-winning erotic romance author and sex influencer, says: "These kegel balls tighten your pelvic floor muscles which helps you feel more during penetrative intercourse, have stronger orgasms, and are also a great way to kickstart your arousal. They can make a huge difference to your sex life."

Best oral sex stimulators

What you're getting: This vibrator has a rotating wheel designed to replicate a tongue and create the same sensation as oral sex - ideal for those who love cunnilingus but find their partner isn’t able to keep going for that long. Use it at the beginning so you can get warmed up then have them go down on you, or use it when they get tired. Either way, it’s ideal for extending your oral sex pleasure.

What the experts thought when testing: Annabelle Knight, a sex and relationship expert, says: "I love a good Sqweel. The Sqweel was the very first oral sex simulator on the market and was created by a Lovehoney customer who won the company's very first Design A Sex Toy Competition. He wanted to recreate the delicious feeling of oral sex as accurately as he could and he came up with the prototype of this unique little machine that does the trick nicely."

"Lovehoney immediately knew that he had created something completely new and they went straight into production. There have been several Sqweels since that first one and each new one just gets better and better. Be sure to use lots of lubricant." (Read our guide to the best lube, here).

What you're getting: A softer but no less satisfying toy, according to LELO, the SONA 2 uses gentle suction and sonic waves to stimulate both parties.

What the experts thought when testing: Ness Cooper, clinical sexologist and sex expert, says: "The shape and size of the LELO Sona 2 Cruise makes it perfect for your partner to place between your labia. Unlike Satisifyer and Womanizer products that offer similar suction sex toy technology, the design of the Sona 2 Cruise is more ergonomic and more comfortable to hold."

Read Cooper's full LELO Sona 2 review here. 

What you're getting: Another clitoral stimulator from LELO offering gentle sonic waves, aka stimulation without direct contact, a larger mouth for max comfort, and eight pleasure settings to boot.

What the experts thought when testing: Ness Cooper, clinical sexologist and sex expert, says: "I couldn’t wait to introduce my partner to it as it looked like the perfect toy to enhance our couple’s play. I found the LELO Sila one of the best sex toys for couples for a number of reasons. Its shape means it’s not intimidating, the size of the clitoral nozzle makes it easy to use, plus the controls are somewhat intuitive, meaning my partner and I have used it both in the shower and out."

Read Cooper's full LELO Sila review, here. 

Best dildos

What you're getting: A textured glass dildo made from hypoallergenic borosilicate glass which offers a unique sensation thanks to the blue nodules.

What the experts thought when testing: Jordan Dixon, clinical psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist at The Thought House, says: "Glass dildos can also be used for anal play or vulvas, and they genuinely feel nice gliding anywhere on the body, not just your genitals. I’m big on sensation play, and with glass, you can choose to cool down in the fridge or warm up in a glass of warm water for a few minutes. As long as it's a safe temperature, the difference in temperature can amplify the sensations we're used to during sex play (like someone rubbing the toy over your nipples, clit, etc). Glass is also great if you want to try out bath or shower sex with yourself or a playmate."

What you're getting: A textured glass toy which give you a sensual intimate massage. FYI, this dildo also works wonderfully as a massager for tired muscles, so why not relieve tension and treat your lover to a sensual massage? Glass is also appropriate material for temperature play, so consider warming up or popping in the fridge pre getting intimate for a little extra kick.

What the experts thought when testing: Scotty Unfamous, an award-winning erotic romance author and sex influencer, says: "Glass toys are so aesthetically pleasing but the best thing about them is that you can customise the sensations by incorporating temperature play either by placing them in the fridge for a cooling sensation or putting them in warm water to heat them up."

Best wand sex toys

What you're getting: The clue is in the name here: this wand vibrator is best for couples who prefer powerful stimulation. Take turns using it to massage each other for shared pleasure.

What the experts thought when testing: Aleece Fosnight, board-certified physician assistant specialising in sexual medicine and CEO of the Fosnight Centre for Sexual Health says: "Nothing beats a full body massager. Utilising this long cord, rechargeable massager on the glutes, inner thighs, and lower back with a partner is the perfect way to warm up the core and pelvic floor muscles for sexual play."

On the hunt for a sex app that's safe, secure, and simple to use? You're in the right place. Here at Marie Claire UK, we're all about promoting sexual wellness and know that, for some, dating apps aren't what you're after (we're all prone to the occasional right swipe, but might not be looking for a relationship). 

Tinder is notorious for being one of the best sex apps out there, but it certainly isn’t the only one. So, why use a sex app? As relationship expert Alex Griffiths explains, sex has been proven to be good for both your physical and mental health. "It has a huge impact on your mental health," he shares. 

How? Well, data suggests that if you masturbate or have sex once a week, the influx of oxytocin and dopamine seriously boosts your mood. "Taking a moment for release and to escape from worldly pressures is important for all of us, and frankly, what better way to improve our wellness," Griffiths goes on. Who needs a fitness tracker when you can enhance your quality of life with, well, sex?  

We've asked some of the best experts in the business to share their go-to sex apps - you'll find the perfect Netflix and chill buddy in no time. Trust us - there's an app for everyone.

Don't miss our guides to the best fitness apps, best yoga apps, and best sleep tracking apps, while you're here.

Testing process for the best sex app

Things like price, user experience, and quality of in-app navigation were considered - plus, how easy the app was to use.

Sharing their go-to- sex apps are our trusted board of pros, including: 

• Alex Griffiths, co-founder of Roam
• Julia Kotziamani, love, sex, and relationship coach
• Barbara Santini, psychologist, sex therapist and relationship adviser at Dime Piecela
• Jessica Leoni, sex and relationship expert with IllicitEncounters

15 best sex apps to try for casual hookups

1. Feeld

How does Feeld work?

Always wanted a threesome but never known where to find that special (extra) someone? Well, just like 3Fun, Feeld is a dating app to help you out. Feeld works much like Tinder; log on through Facebook (there’s an option to change your name), choose the composition of your group (2+1, or 1+1+1) and swipe through hundreds of potential matches in your area.

Why is Feeld one of the best sex apps?

This app has the ease of tinder, and much like that, most of the fun lies in the swiping. Once you’ve matched, how things proceed is up to you. Just remember to keep your friends informed of your whereabouts - taking extra precautions when meeting strangers is always advised.

What the experts think: 

Alex Griffiths, Co-Founder of Roam, says: "I definitely suggest giving the Feeld app a go if you're keen to connect with a community of sex-positive members looking to explore. I think it's one of the best sex apps because it brings interesting, open-minded people together at scale. It's worth a go, even if you’re just dipping your toe in.”

Kotziamani agrees, adding: "I’m currently in a non-monogamous relationship and we use Feeld to explore our kinkier side and for group sex. I like how upfront and respectful it is and the platform is pretty user-friendly."

Check out the Feeld website or download it for Apple or Android now.

2. Bumble

How does Bumble work? 

Bumble calls itself a feminist app; for any matches that happen, the woman must start the chat within 24 hours, or it disappears. It's become one of the best-known dating and sex apps on the market for helping people to build valuable relationships. Not the best option for casual flings, but definitely worth joining the millions who use the app if you're after something a bit more invested.

Bumble is a location-based dating app that follows the “swipe right or left” format that Tinder made so famous. When two people “like” each other's profile by swiping right, a “connection” (match) is formed and messages can then be exchanged.

Why is Bumble one of the best sex apps?

Pressure is high with that time limit, but it helps you quickly figure out whether that guy is worth the initial message. Plus, the control is totally in your hands, and you know that rules and safety regulations should be strict, as it's such a well-known and developed app.

What the experts think: 

Jessica Leoni, sex and relationship expert at IllicitEncounters.com says: "Bumble is best for choosy women. With the app, only the female in heterosexual matches can make the first move with matched male users. So initially at first, everything is done on the woman's terms. You can pick and choose exactly who you think is appropriate according to your needs."

Love, sex and relationship coach Julia Kotziamani agrees, adding: "Bumble is a great dating app for meeting people and has a less smash and dash vibe than Tinder." 

Check out the Bumble website or download it for Apple or Android now.

MC UK approved sex toys to shop now:

3. Kama

How does Kama work? 

Kama calls itself a sex coaching app and focuses on the idea of pleasure as a key component of your health. As per their website, their mission "is to transform how we experience pleasure and its role in our wellbeing. We want to help people of all ages, genders, and sexualities make sexual satisfaction a part of their everyday lives by connecting their mind, body, and heart."

Why is Kama one of the best sex apps?

Keen to learn new sex positions, learn the (literal) ins and outs of tantric sex and improve your sexual confidence? Then Kama is the app for you, as it offers all of this and more, with a focus on sexual wellbeing. 

What the experts think:

Alex Griffiths, Co-Founder of Roam, says: "For those looking for some direction on exploration, I'd highly recommend the Kama app as a starting point. Kama is great for anyone looking to better engage with their sexual wellbeing, and has much to learn for couples and solos alike. It's basically Headspace for sex."

Check out the Kama website or download it for Apple or Android now.

4. WeAreX

How does WeAreX work?

WeAreX is a shame-free, sexually liberated social network which encourages emotional and sexual exploration. According to the team, the dating app is groundbreaking in that it promises to revolutionise the way people connect.

Providing a safe platform, their aim is to enable members to "step into their true sexual selves" through connections with others who share their passions and curiosities.

It offers individual and couple accounts and options for shared or individual login details, too. Watch out for the icebreaker questions, designed to help you connect in an authentic way, and the "meet tonight" option designed for instant connections.

Why is WeAreX one of the best sex apps? 

Because it's sexually liberating and safe, too.

What the experts think: 

Julia Kotziamani, love, sex, and relationship coach, says: "For sex positive content, dating, parties, and socialising, I use this app and love it. It’s the only one permanently on my phone." 

Check out the WeAreX website or download it for Apple or Android now. 

5. Tinder

How does Tinder work? 

You'll probably know - nearly everyone has tried the app. Tinder has over 55 billion matches to date and is one of the front runners for a sex app that offers a bit of everything, from casual hookups to more serious dates. As their website says, "it doesn’t matter if you want to find love, a date, or just have a casual chat, you want an app that’s the right match for you. And it’s not always black and white – when you want to meet new people, your friends at Tinder can help you out with features designed to make the impossible possible. Dating online just got easier."

Why is Tinder one of the best sex apps? 

The proof is in the stats, really. Plus it's really simple to use - download the app and swipe left or right to skip or like other members' profiles. If they've swiped right too, you'll have a match and you can get chatting.

What the experts think: 

Jessica Leoni, sex and relationship expert at IllicitEncounters.com says: "While it is predominantly a younger person's app - a third of Tinder users are aged 18 to 24 - there are lots of people aged 35 plus giving it a go. Stats show a quarter of users are 25 to 34, and around 20% are aged 35 to 44."

"Given its popularity, you would be a fool not to give it a go if you are 40-plus and looking for some fun. Yes, you might well find some younger guys turned on by the whole Mrs. Robinson thing - and what is wrong with that? They could be a lot of fun and the sex could be great. You are only as old as you feel - get out there and see how it goes.”

Check out the Tinder website or download it for Apple or Android now.

6. Thursday

How does Thursday work? 

Perhaps surprisingly, Thursday only works on... yep, you guessed it, Thursdays. The new app is based around the premise that you should actually be having IRL dates, so only gives you a short but sweet 24 hours to chase those matches and arrange those dates.

It's invite-only, and according to the app, 110,000 lucky users are already signed up. Plus, catfishing is banned, and all users must be verified and prove their identity (with a passport or driver's license scan) pre-joining.

Don't worry if you don't live in London or New York - the app is available in Manchester, Birmingham, Cardiff, Liverpool, Glasgow, and Dublin, too.

Why is Thursday one of the best sex apps? 

Well, it's very talked about at the moment, semi-exclusive, and encourages you to get off your screen and spend more time actually out there dating... what's not to like? Plus, they're hosting members-only events from the summer. Enjoy.

What the users think:

Smudge897 says: "My kind of dating app! I’ve been using Thursday since it launched and I’m a big fan. The concept of the app really works for me and I’ve been on a few dates with matches from Thursday already. It’s great to cut the small talk and make plans off the bat, especially knowing that matches are expecting that."

"Having been on it since the start, I can already see its growth and how the team are taking feedback on board and making improvements to the user experience. I’m excited to keep using Thursday and to see what comes from it!"

Check out the Thursday website or download it for Apple or Android now.

7. Be Naughty

How does Be Naughty work? 

Designed for adults on the lookout for a new partner or love interest, Be Naughty lets you get straight to the point, actively encouraging no-strings-attached encounters. Sound up your street? Get downloading.

Why is Be Naughty one of the best sex apps? 

It's safe, easy to use, and brings together a community of like-minded individuals looking to hook up.

What the experts think: 

Barbara Santini, psychologist, sex therapist, and relationship adviser at dimepiecela.com, says: "I highly recommend this app to anyone looking to better their sex life, dating, and no-strings-attached relationships. With over 13 million users globally, Be Naughty is the app you need to satisfy your sexual needs. It’s easy to operate, fun to look for matches, safe, and fast. The like features allow you to connect with potential matches with a simple swipe in the gallery. Get to learn new naughty ways to spice things in your sex life from this amazing app."

Check out the Be Naughty website now.

More MC UK approved sex toys:

8. Lover

How does Lover work? 

Fun fact: 87% of people said they felt 'greater sex life satisfaction' having used Lover for just a week. Not bad. Lover promises to offer a science-based approach to sexual hiccups and issues and essentially acts as a personal sex therapist. Think research-based content and guides covering exactly what you're keen to explore sexually.

Why is Lover one of the best sex apps? 

As above, it comes complete with guides, videos, and educational games, so you can watch, listen, play and learn. Not only will it spice things up in the bedroom, but it'll help you educate yourself on how to improve your sexual wellbeing, too. Think feeling more relaxed during sex, getting connected with your partner, and expressing your sexual desires. Because having a healthy sex life = better health generally. Hear, hear.

It's free to download but to unlock all content, you have to pay a £9.99 weekly subscription fee.

What the users think: 

Kevin_Mackey says: "Amazing at the insight and connection to me. It feels as if the author is or has been on the path I am walking. How quickly and accurately I was able to identify areas and reflections about me and my experiences."

"I truly feel the positive possibilities about making amazing improvements and changes in my our sexual journey."

Check out the Lover website or download it for Apple or Android now.

9. HER

How does HER work? 

Forget Grindr, Her is a hook-up app for LGBTQ+ women, by LGBTQ+ women. While it sells itself as more of a lesbian/bi/trans community rather than a dating platform, it’s one of the most popular apps for the audience in the entire world. Beyond meeting other like-minded individuals, you’ll also be able to find out about gay-friendly news and events going on in your area so you can take things offline.

Why is HER one of the best sex apps? 

There aren’t enough apps out there for our LGBTQ sisters and as far as they go, this is one of the best. We love the news and events updates, too.

What the users think:

JustMeAshe says: "I downloaded this app by recommendation of a friend to branch out and explore my pansexuality more than I have been able to in the past. I really liked the app and I made some friends on there but the biggest thing that came out of this app is my now girlfriend of 4 months."

"I didn’t expect anything from this app, was going to just keep things casual but this girl is literally my world, my literal better half and soulmate and it’s been probably the best 4 months of my life. I don’t think I would have ever met her if it weren’t for her app. It allowed me to meet someone outside of my small town and it’s been the best thing to have happened to me truthfully. She is truly my best friend and my world."

Check out the HER website or download it for Apple or Android now.

10. IllicitEncounters

How does it work? 

The UK’s largest dating site for married people, Illicit Encounters is designed to be “discreet, safe, and fun” for those who are already in committed relationships. 

Many modern couples are turning their backs on monogamy in order to embrace open relationships, but already being married or attached can be a major deal breaker for people on traditional dating sites - making it tricky to find potential partners. Illicit Encounters make this easier by matching you with people who are in a similar situation who are also looking to date outside of their committed relationships.

Why is Illicit Encounters one of the best sex apps? 

The site creates a non-judgemental, no-pressure environment for members. Unlike other sites, members can remain anonymous with password protection on photographs, to protect their identities.

Do note, though - it's a sex site. They don't currently have an app.

What the experts think: 

Jessica Leoni, sex and relationship expert at IllicitEncounters.com says: “You are never going to stop people from having affairs but if you are feeling the itch to stray far better to do it with someone who is in the same boat and is looking for a bit of discreet fun. Lots of people having affairs have no intention of leaving their main partner and just need the excitement of a fresh relationship. That is what IllicitEncounters.com provides - lots of fun, minimal complications.”

Check out the Illicit Encounters website now.

More MC UK approved sex toys:

11. HUD

How does HUD work? 

With a tag line like "why be limited to one option at a time," you know what you're getting with HUD. Join nine million users on the casual dating app by linking your Facebook profile or mobile number and you're off. No strings attached.

Why is HUD one of the best sex apps? 

It'll definitely help you on your no-strings sex quest, but be warned - people can join anonymously, which does compromise the quality of people you're meeting a little. Although their video chat does have an auto blur safety feature.

What the users think: 

Ender5200 says: "So I’ve been using the app for about 2 months now on and off and it does what it is intended to do. so much better than all the other so-called hookup apps... in fact, I would go as far to say this is better than the pure app (if you know what that is). But it does have some drawbacks. It has some great safety features to keep only the right people on the app, but that also means some people get permabanned for no reason and not told what they did wrong."

Check out the HUD website or download it for Apple or Android now.

12. Pure

How does Pure work? 

Great if you want to find no strings sex right now. Once you’re a member, you submit a request and state whether you're looking for a man or a woman and where you’d prefer to meet. You’ll then be given some potential matches.

Why is Pure one of the best sex apps? 

Great for privacy. Your photo and tagline are only displayed for an hour at a time, which also means you'd better move fast.

What the users think: 

Keeley Bennett says: "Definitely the most female-empowering dating apps currently on the market."

"I’m genuinely into one-night-stands - they're just such an exciting thing to do - but I obviously want to have the highest level of security possible when looking for one. Neglected by many girls is data security and anonymity as well. There is no reason to share your social media profile, to share a lot of pictures and give out details on your life. Pure offers the ability to create chats which automatically delete themselves - you can video chat with virtual masks and you can activate the automatic destruction of pictures you send to someone after a fixed time frame."

"It’s not pseudo-anonymity like Tinder or Lovoo, it goes much much deeper than that. This is why I recommend Pure for women looking to have a casual dating experience, as it’s the safest option out there right now. While there are certainly always “creeping” men on every app, Pure has a very responsive support team. Once when I used it, a guy brought up zoophilia. I connected with a support team member and received an answer within minutes. Five stars, I hope this start-up is going to bloom and stick to its core values."

Check out the Pure website or download it for Apple or Android now.

13. Diskreet

How does Diskreet work? 

An app that keeps your naked photos, selfies, and sex videos safe and secure. You can only access the files if you and the other person(s) involved enter passwords. The idea behind this is that only you and your partner can watch your previous bedroom antics together.

Why is Diskreet one of the best sex apps? 

Good for couples or friends with benefits who want to spice things up in a safe way. 

What the users think: 

JassonOnin says: "Great idea but needs a few tweaks. I finally found an app that does private messaging through an app that seems to be secure and that only allows one on one conversations to avoid the dreaded “I accidentally messaged my mom scenario”."

"I understand the concept is it is geared for people in relationships that could go south but narrowing its use too tightly will turn a lot of people off (This apps advertised functions are essentially telling you to download this app if you don’t belong in your current relationship and nobody will use it as it is explicitly telling the other person you don’t trust them), especially if they are in long term relationships or want to use the programs function for business."

"I feel that if they were to focus more on trusting relationships by allowing an option to access to photos even without permission at all times. It feels too much like babysitting in the conversation."

Check out the Diskreet website or download it for Apple or Android now.

More MC UK approved sex toys:

14. 3Fun

How does 3Fun work? 

3Fun recommends profiles based on the GPS and users' preferences. If you want to like someone’s profile, you can tap the heart button. If you don’t like a profile, you can tap the “X” button. Whenever you like a profile and that person likes your profile, then you both become matched. It is Free to chat with your matches.

3Fun is mainly aimed at individuals looking for threesomes, and allows couples to chat synchronously from one account - If new users choose the 'couple' option when they initially create their 3Fun account, they will both be able to log in to that account from two different mobile devices and chat with others at the same time.

Why is 3Fun one of the best sex apps? 

3Fun is the fastest-growing dating app in its field. Most of the important features are free. There are a lot of members using the app who are interested in these kinds of “three people” arrangements. The unique photo verification feature helps its users avoid meeting the fake and scammers. It previously had some data privacy issues, but a rep said to MC: "Since the app’s vulnerabilities were discovered in 2019, we've done a comprehensive overhaul of its security and safety features that fully protect user data from leaks, breaches, and vulnerabilities. It now has a Certificate of Penetration Testing, too."

What the users think: 

Nolank270 says: "Good looking people but missing a lot of features. The concept of 3Fun is great as a location-based swipe app, and a good portion of the people are fairly attractive. However, there are some big holes in a few of the features."

"One of the biggest needs is to be able to sort and search messages and matches. For example, we traveled to Portland recently, then Dallas, and now back to Florida, but our matches and messages are all jumbled up and it’s cumbersome to sift through them to find who is currently local. What happens when we are back in Portland? How do we then sift back through the hundreds of matches? Suggestion - make the match/message list searchable for terms and other info AND sortable to location, status, etc. It would instantly make this app more usable to actually meet others."

Check out the 3Fun website or download it for Apple or Android now.

15. iPlaysafe

How does iPlaysafe work? 

Ok, ok, so not an actual sex app per se... but an important sex app of another kind to have on your radar. iPlaySafe App is a new informative and educational sexual health and wellness app that encourages you to take sexual health testing into your own hands.

Encouraging users to make better informed, more open decisions by means of sexual education, it allows users to order STI tests easily and discreetly, creating a safer physical and digital environment for all ages and communities.

Why is iPlaysafe one of the best sex apps? 

The team works with reputable partners, such as Preventx, plus it's normalising sexual health one step at a time.

What the experts think:

Co-Founder Bianca Dunne says: “The rate of STD infections today continues to rise - and unfortunately there’s still a shame and stigma associated with testing. This will help make getting tested easier, and also - asking someone’s status, which can be so awkward!"

Check out the iPlaysafe website or download it for Apple or Android now.

Shop more MC UK approved sex toys now:

Want to mix things up in the bedroom and keen to try a few Kamasutra positions? Fun fact for you: there are loads to choose from.

Here at Marie Claire UK, we're passionate about sexual wellness. Whether you want to invest in one of the best sex toys, read up on bondage for beginners, or learn all about tantric sex, trust us - we've got the expert for you.

First things first: a bit of background about the Kamasutra for you. In short, it's an age-old Indian Sanskrit text which teaches you tools on everything from sexual confidence to emotional fulfilment. 

Despite being written thousands of years ago, Kamasutra positions are still popular today as they not only encourage you to explore your own sexual well-being, but promote an enhanced level of spirituality and sensuality, too. 

Keep scrolling for your complete guide to what Kamasutra actually is, how the practice works, plus why the below moves work so well for women, according to sex expert and author Girl On The Net. Plus, MC resident sex experts Ness Cooper and Cecile Gasnault share their favourite sex toys to go with each position.

Whether you’re in a committed relationship or looking for the best sex apps for no-strings sex, these promise to bring you to the brink of a truly super orgasm. You'll definitely thank us later..

Don't miss our guides to the best lubes and best condoms, while you're here.

7 Kamasutra positions to try for ultimate pleasure (with diagrams)

What is the Kamasutra?

In short, the world’s oldest and most famous sex manual.

It's thought that the Kamasutra may have been written in India around 400BC and it literally translates to "a treatise on pleasure". A bit like tantric sex, it focuses on sex as a spiritual practice and encourages you to think outside the box when it comes to sexual wellness.

1. The Plough Kamasutra sex position

How do you do The Plough position?

Essentially an easier and more enjoyable version of the wheelbarrow, you lie tummy down on the bed with your top half rested on the bed and legs off the bed and straight out behind you. He is between your legs, supporting your lower half by your thighs. While our expert shares that it takes practice, she reassures that it's worth every minute.

What's the best toy for The Plough Kamasutra position?

"Nipple clamps or suckers are a win for The Plough sex position in particular, as the position allows you to tug and pull on them when they’re attached to your partner," shares Cooper. "These underrated devices add a lot to sex and foreplay and also help the production of feel-good hormones that can make sex feel better and more connected."

What's good about The Plough position?

Of all the Kamasutra positions, the wheelbarrow is arguably the most exhausting - but this alternative offers all the fun without the pain. Plus, when you’re tensing your leg muscles (which this active position requires), it tightens your vagina, giving the sensation of squeezing him tight from within. When you orgasm in this position, your muscles contract even tighter, resulting in an even more intense sensation.

2. The Rider Kamasutra sex position

How do you do The Rider position?

This is basically the classic woman on top, but the key to its success is its flexibility. You have the option of switching between sitting upright so he gets more of a view or lying down flat chest to chest with him for increased intimacy. Add a vibrating ring for him if you want something different.

What's the best toy for The Rider position?

"In this sex position, some of the best couples' sex toys to try include the We-Vibe or Satisfyer Pro 4," shares Cooper. Why? Well, as she explains, as on top riding positions help keep these sex toys in place. "This type of couple’s sex toy offers internal vaginal, external clitoral, and penis stimulation during penetration. Plus, the rhythmic movement of the hips also adds to the excitement and makes it more pleasurable for both involved particularly when pressure changes on the various sweet spots during passionate moments during sex."

What's good about The Rider position?

The Rider is great because you are ultimately in control, shares our pro, meaning you can angle yourself exactly as you want it. Not all of us have our clitoris in the same place, but this is one you can angle for spectacular personal pleasure. Not to mention, it's great if you like performing, as you can sit up and indulge your inner sex goddess. Have larger boobs that can hurt when they move up and down too much? Try lying flat on your partner’s chest for a bit of relief but equal amounts of pleasure.

3. The Amazon Kamasutra Position

How do you do The Amazon position?

Lying on his back and pulling his knees up to his chest so he’s curled up in a ball, get your partner to push his penis back between his legs so it’s underneath them. Then, squat over him and rock backward and forwards.

What's the best toy for The Amazon position?

Keen to take things up a notch? Our pros share that butt plugs can be a great way to get experimental in the bedroom for either party. This four inch option from Lovehoney is beginner friendly.

What's good about The Amazon position?

This is a position that sounds bizarre but has to be tried to be believed. Our expert shares that she'd always dismissed it in sex guides till she tried it out for herself. Of all the Kamasutra positions, this one makes you feel incredibly powerful and is the closest you’ll ever get to feeling like a guy during sex without a strap-on.

4. The Frog Kamasutra Position

How do you do The Frog position?

The Frog kamasutra position is very simple (it's almost doggy style), but instead of being on your hands and knees, your arms lie flat, enabling you to rest the whole front part of your body on the bed with your bum in the air.

What's the best toy for The Frog position? 

FYI, in this position, it can be hard to reach the clitoris or perineum, shares Cooper. "Introducing a cock ring may just add that much-desired stimulation to the sex positions mix," she explains. "Lovehoney's cock rings are great. If you want to focus on clitoral stimulation, make sure the vibrating part is over the top of the vulva. For perineum stimulation, swing it around so it faces behind the penis."

What's good about The Frog position?

You have your hands free so you can use them to stimulate yourself, plus his hands are also free for extra stimulation. Because you’re not balancing your weight on your hands, you have more energy to stay in the position for longer and your hands are free to play with him and yourself throughout.

5. The Hero Kamasutra Position

How do you do The Hero position?

Lying on your back in the backwards roll position, your ankles are by your ears while he and penetrates you. Not sure you'll get your legs up there? He can help by holding your legs back.

What's the best toy for The Hero position? 

The Hero is one of the most popular sex positions for G-spot stimulation, shares Cooper. "The way the body is positioned during this sex position means that if you introduce a vibrator, you may enjoy some pleasurable results."

How so? Well, the way this position allows penetrations means you’re already likely to experience deep G-spot stimulation so when the strong vibrations are added to the mix female it can lead to female ejaculation and squirting, the sex expert explains. "A magic wand (read my Lovehoney Magic Wand review, here) is great for this sex position and the vibrations are strong enough to be felt by both enjoying The Hero Position."

What's good about The Hero position?

In terms of angle, this is perfect for G Spot stimulation, as his penis will rub directly against your G spot, shares our expert. This is also ideal for light BDSM fans because your ankles can be tied together to the bedpost or held in place by him, which avoids you from getting cramp. (Read our guide to bondage for beginners, here).

6. The Curled Angel Kamasutra Position

How do you do The Curled Angel position?

This is one you probably already do, otherwise known as spooning (or sometimes, hangover sex). Done right, it can top the lot. A bit like pegging...

What's the best toy for The Curled Angel position? 

Not a toy, but a sex essential that'll make The Curled Angel even more pleasurable. "This lubricant makes all positions fluid and easy," shares Gasnault.

What's good about The Curled Angel position?

Having come across a great many Kamasutra positions in her time, Girl On The Net shares that this is still one of her favourites. Why? Because quite simply, if done right, it offers total sexual equality. In missionary or doggy, a man always tends to assume a bit more control. With this, you work together taking it in turns to lead, plus his hands are free so encourage him to play with you while you’re doing it so your orgasm comes more easily.

7. The Star Kamasutra Position

How do you do The Star position?

Lying on your back - think missionary position - keep one leg bent while your other leg is outstretched on the bed. He kneels between your legs, with one leg bent and the other lying flat on the bed. Then, sitting so that his one leg is beneath the bent leg of you and the other leg bending around your flat outstretched leg, you make a star shape.

What's the best toy for The Star position? 

Sex pillows will help when any sex positions seem impossible or uncomfortable, shares Cooper. "I’d recommend a half-moon meditation cushion for the vulva owner," shares Gasnault.

What's good about The Star position?

This is great for deep G Spot penetration. He can also touch your clitoris for extra stimulation. You can even touch your own clitoris while he’s free to play with your breasts. So you have all your erotic zones covered.

So, there you have it. Kamasutra positions never looked so simple...

It's officially Valentine's Day - the annual celebration of love and romance (champagne, chocolate love hearts and red roses at the ready).  Single and, well, dreading today a little bit? Don't worry - according to stats from dating app Badoo, those who are in relationships aren't looking forward to it much, either.

Research reveals that two-thirds (66%) of Brits think Valentine’s Day actually puts unnecessary pressure on relationships new and old, whether it’s pressure to spend money (43%) or partake in outdated clichés (35%). Brits also fear being judged by others for how they spend the day (28%), while for others, it comes down to sex, as almost a quarter (23%) say there’s pressure to be affectionate with a partner or intimate with whoever they’re dating (22%).

In fact, Valentine’s Day might just be the least sexy night of the year, given that almost half (44%) think the day takes the excitement and passion out of sex. Why? The top reasons are that expectation is too high (41%), it’s less spontaneous (38%), and they find the whole day cringey (34%).

How many of you will actually get lucky and have sex today, the day of love? Good question - and the answer might surprise you. Well, as a result of the above, only half (55%) of coupled-up Brits think they’ll do the deed this Valentine’s Day - with more Gen Z (27%) planning to give it a miss than millennials (22%).

While Valentine's Day has roots in Christianity - it originated as a day to celebrate Saint Valentine - in recent years, it's become more of a commercial phenomenon, with pressure to buy lavish gifts or dine out at fancy restaurants. 

Keen to make this year less, well, stressful? Below, dating and relationship coach Persia Lawson shares her top tips for effectively navigating the pressure of inevitable Valentine's Day stress. 

6 ways to skip Valentine's Day pressure this year

Lawson points out that Valentine’s Day is renowned for being controversial and divisive: "it seems to be loathed as much as it’s loved, regardless of whether you’re single or coupled up," she explains. 

Her two cents? "I believe the key is to take the day with a pinch of salt. It’s going to happen whether you like it or not, so rather than condemning it, why not find a way to make it work for you?"

Below, she shares six tips for making that happen. 

1. Celebrate love – in all its forms

“Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be purely focused around romance - there’s no reason why you can’t celebrate platonic love amongst friends or family on the day, instead," she shares.

Try this: Consider gathering a group of your loved ones and hosting a dinner where everyone brings a dish or head out to one of your favourite pubs or restaurants. "It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just something simple to mark the occasion," the expert continues. 

2. Gift your presence, not presents

“Most people’s issue with Valentine’s Day is that it’s just another ploy to get people to spend money unnecessarily," highlights the expert.

Case in point: the date shows that money pressures cause the most anxiety come Valentine's Day.

Try this: Why not make a loved one a homemade card or gift? "Alternatively, you can choose to skip gifts and spend quality time with the people you love," she continues. "Try a no phone rule while you’re together - it’s surprising how much more intimate and connected you can feel with one another when you don’t allow technology to keep stealing your focus.”

3. Talk about sex

Another topic of controversy when it comes to Valentine’s Day is sex, shares the relationship expert. Why? Well, couples report feeling pressured to have the best sex even though many don’t feel like having it at all and singles can feel like they’re failing somehow because they’re not having it. 

Try this: "Find ways to feel sexy within yourself, rather than making the act of sex itself the goal," advises Lawson. "Focus on just having a nice night with your partner or yourself and don’t put pressure on anything. Think - what makes you feel good? Is it cosying up on the sofa, listening to some sexy music, or dancing around naked? Don’t take it too seriously – get curious and have some fun with it.”

If you do fancy getting experimental with yourself or your partner in the bedroom, don't miss our edits of the best sex toys, best vibrators and best dildos, while you're here. 

4. Take yourself out on a date

Think about it: whether you’re single or in a relationship, Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to spend some quality time with yourself. 

Try this: Think about what your dream day would look like in an ideal world. "Maybe it’s a lie-in followed by breakfast in bed. You could even make an occasion of it and take yourself away for an overnight mini-break somewhere fancy – the world’s your oyster," she emphasises.

Our guide to the best self care ideas will come in handy here. 

5. Acknowledge the elephant in the room

The expert reckons that it's important to acknowledge that Valentine’s Day is happening if you're talking to others on dating apps - "don’t just pretend it isn't," she advises. 

Try this: To ease the cringe factor, make a light and playful joke about it. "For example, asking them if they have any hot dates tonight," Lawson continues. "It doesn’t need to be a big deal and it'll likely help alleviate the awkwardness from not addressing it.”

6. Gain some perspective

Finally, remember that perspective is key here. "It’s completely natural to feel the pressure on Valentine’s Day, but remember, just like Christmas, Valentine’s is one day out of 365," shares the expert. "It really isn’t worth getting stressed and upset over. Tomorrow is a new day."

If you're on the hunt for a hot sex position to try, know this: you're not alone. In a survey by fem tech brand HANX, 48% of people admitted they'd given new things a go in the bedroom in the last few years.

A similar study of 2,000 individuals by sexual wellness brand Lovehoney found 52% of couples to be more sexually adventurous, with 57% of couples sexting and 32% enjoying video sex sessions together.

While some have tried their hand at bondage for beginners, pegging, and tantric sex, others sent nudes and explored ethical porn. Basically, the last few years have made us more sexually experimental and eager to try new things.

Keen to do the same but stuck for inspiration? Then look no further. We've asked a sex expert to round up some of their go-to positions for you to *bookmark for later* and try tonight.

Our guide to sex positions for overcoming sexual issues might also come in handy. Do check out our guides to the best sex toys, best lubes, best condoms, and best vibrators, too - because there's nothing worse than falling short at the final hurdle, eh..

Looking for a hot sex position? 8 to try tonight

Oloni is a sex expert, author of The Big O and host of the Laid Bare podcast - so it's fair to say she knows a thing or two about what makes a sex position satisfying.

Below, she shares eight hot sex positions to bookmark and try tonight. Don't say we aren't good to you.

1. The Sofa Surfer sex position

What? Get ready for some proper sexual satisfaction with this position. Don't worry, it's really easy and will hit your G spot, too.

How? "The receiving partner sits on the armrest of a sofa and carefully lowers their upper body down onto the seat, with their legs straight and raised. The giving partner stands in front of the receiving partner’s bum and places their legs on their shoulders while wrapping their arms around the thighs," Oloni shares.

"The angle of the receiving partner’s hips allows the giving partner to penetrate them deeply and target those all-important internal hot spots with relative ease for explosive results. The pace can be set by the giving partner, and they can also free up a hand for stimulation of external erogenous zones such as the nipples, clitoris, penis or testicles."

2. The Airplane sex position

What? In the mood for an intense orgasm? You're in the right place thanks to this move. According to the pro, this sex position is one of the best for deep vaginal penetration, plus frees up both you and your partner's hands for more play.

How? "The giving partner sits on the floor with their legs spread open," explains Oloni. "The receiving partner sits on top of the giving partner with their back to them and their legs straight and spread wide apart."

3. The Bear Hug sex position

What? Like satisfying those deep, hungry internal spots? Then you'll love the Bear Hug. You can choose your intensity - and depth - it's a good one to tailor to your needs.

How? "The receiving partner stands and raises one leg in a bent position to help welcome the giving partner in, using a wall or bed for support depending on how upright they wish to be," shares Oloni. "The giving partner stands behind the receiving partner in a tight hug and penetrates them, holding onto the waist of the receiving partner to draw them in close."

Shop MC UK's go-to sex toys

4. The Mirror Mirror sex position

What? Oral sex can be really good - when done right. The Mirror Mirror move allows both you and your partner to go to town on pleasuring each other simultaneously with their mouths and hands. Top tip from the sex-pert: take it in turns to go on the top or bottom, and mix it up with oral and hand stimulation of each other’s hot spots.

How? "The top partner goes on all fours in a slightly raised position, with their knees apart and on the floor, and their hands placed shoulder-width apart and also on the floor," shares Oloni. "The bottom partner lies down on their back with their head between their partner’s legs and their own legs bent at the knees and hip-width apart. The bottom partner can grab hold of the top partner’s buttocks to help guide them in."

5. The Pelvic Pike sex position

What? After a more intimate, sexy vibe? Enter stage right the Pelvic Pike. It's for the flexible and not for the faint-hearted.

How? "One partner lies on their back with their legs in the air. The other partner faces the reclining partner in a seated position with their knees apart, and leans into their partner’s raised legs, while positioning both crotches together for rubbing or penetration," she shares.

Her advice? "Take it nice and slow with sensual grinding of your pelvises, or explore vaginal or anal penetration, adjusting the depth of penetration with a raise or lowering of the reclining partner’s hips."

6. The Yin and Yang sex position

What? Do you get turned on by external stimulation? Then the Yin and Yang will be right up your street, promising to help you rub, thrust or tease your way to the ultimate orgasm.

How? "One partner lies on their back with their legs spread apart. The other partner lies on their side and faces the opposite direction, positioning their body so it looks like two pairs of scissors crossing each other, touching at the base where the blades would meet," she shares.

"This scissor-like position is usually associated with two people with vulvas rubbing against each other, but Yin and Yang is fantastic for all genitalia types, whether vulva to vulva, vulva and penis, or penis and penis."

"Rub against each other, indulge in penetrative sex, explore the position as part of foreplay, grind against other body parts or let hands go to town on stimulating all of those pleasure-hungry external hot spots – Yin and Yang is to be interpreted to suit your desires."

Shop more of MC UK's go-to toys

7. The Lucky Dip sex positions

What? This one sounds fun. Each of you writes down a favourite and achievable sexual fantasy on a post-it note, folds it up and puts it in a jar. Try ten suggestions each and then each week take it turns to pick out one of the surprises and do them for real.

How? "If that sounds too complicated or demand, just do little things to make sure your partner knows that sex is important to you," Oloni recommends. Remember - trying the hottest sex positions is meant to be just that. Hot.

8. The Main Course sex position

What? Date nights just got that bit more interesting. Eager to re-introduce a bit of spice or mix things up? Lovehoney research showed that 40% of couples enjoy date nights, and sex is on the agenda during 80% of those dates.

How? "What better way to show your other half you care than arranging something special with sex very much as the main course?”, suggests Oloni.

This can be any foreplay, role play, or sex position you fancy - just remember to go with something that's a turn on for both you and your partner and you're guaranteed to have a good time.

Today is Valentine’s Day - a holiday that’s supposed to be about love but makes a lot of us feel pretty shit. In our increasingly events-oriented society, Valentine’s is no longer a 24-hour occasion; it’s a month-long parade of heart-shaped snacks, presents posted to Instagram, and carefully coordinated couples’ photos.

For others, it can feel more like an assault cause. Bianca Neumann, Head of Bereavement at Sue Ryder, says she speaks with many people who spend the entire month avoiding stores and supermarkets for fear of being met with aisles stuffed with teddies, flowers and pink fizz.

You don’t have to have lost a partner to experience a sense of grief and heartbreak around this time, but it can be especially cruel for those who are facing the holiday without a loved one by their side - whether that love was romantic, platonic, or familial. 

Loving takes many forms, and so does grieving, but here are some starting points from Bianca to help you show up for yourself and make the day a little easier.

Celebrate the love you have

“Valentine’s Day has evolved past just being a day for couples; we now have Galentine’s Day and Palentine’s Day celebrations that help people celebrate their love for their friends and family. So, on this Valentine’s Day, in the face of absence and loss, try to celebrate the love that surrounds you in your friends and family."

Reflect on your partner’s love

“Just because your partner is no longer with you, it doesn’t mean you can’t remember how their love made you feel. It can be painful, but it can also be a way of remembering them in a different light and focusing on the good times that made you who you are today. We don’t have to make feelings go away when someone has gone; we have to explore them gently and at our own pace."

Do something to remember them

“If you want to feel closer to your loved one, you could do something you used to do together to remember them. That might be a meal from your favourite takeaway or a walk you liked to do together. It might help to bring along a friend or family member, too, in case you don’t want to be alone."

Write it down

“Sometimes, getting our feelings out on paper can help us process the complex emotions we are feeling. Writing is a way of validating your emotions and feeling closer to your loved one, even though they’re not there with you."

Know that you're not alone

“You may feel like everyone in your life is celebrating with a partner, but know that you are not alone. It’s useful knowing that there are other people whose partner has gone out there who understand. Don’t hold it all in."

Do what's right for you

“If you are really struggling with the thought of Valentine’s Day, you could ignore the day completely. Take the day off work if you can, delete your social media for the day and do things that make you happy – maybe that’s baking, watching a Netflix show, going on a walk, or simply having a lazy day."

The truth is the day will be full of different feelings. There will be many firsts without your partner, this Valentine’s Day, remember to be loving and kind to yourself.

How do I support a loved one who is grieving?

“If someone you know is grieving, remember to check in on them - people can find it difficult to reach out when they are grieving. Perhaps you can send a card or care package. It’s easy to show the people around us that we care, yet when someone is grieving, many people are so scared of getting it wrong that they do nothing."

Can you die from a broken heart? It’s a question almost a quarter of us have likely asked ourselves—or typed into Google, as my friend Ophelia once did. Studies show that 43% of Brits have experienced the physical effects of heartbreak (begging the question, what’s wrong with the other 57% of the nation?), yet often, this side of a breakup is kept in the shadows, shared only with the algorithm.

A breakup can be a maddening experience at the best of times (an oxymoron if ever there was one). The lack of sleep, racing thoughts and inability to stomach more than half a grape (true story) create an unsavoury cocktail of confusion, hurt and—of course—the seven stages of grief.

We all know the signs of falling in love—butterflies in our tummies, flushed cheeks, clammy hands, maybe even a little low-level nausea (exciting!)—but when it comes to love loss, how much do we understand about what’s happening to our bodies?

The most common and well-known side effect of heartbreak is a loss of appetite: Helen, 33, remembers, “We were on a break and I remember being unable to eat even a piece of falafel from a wrap I’d bought for lunch.” As Anna, 35, put it: “They break our hearts and then take away the one last good thing—food”.

According to reports, the second most common side-effect after not being able to eat is not being able to sleep, just like the Angie Stone song. As an insomnia sufferer, it doesn’t take much to derail my bedtime routine, and nothing does that quicker or more efficiently than a heartbreak.

Despite physical symptoms ranging from trouble breathing and chest pains to heart palpitations and physical aches, only 18% of us have taken a sick day to deal with the aftermath of a breakup. This is an even grimmer statistic when compared to the 61% who reported that their physical health took a toll when dealing with the emotional turmoil of a breakup.

Heartbreak has been an enduring muse throughout culture, inspiring countless works of art, music, literature, and film. From classic novels like Romeo and Juliet to pop ballads like Adele’s Someone Like You. Lovesickness has a stronghold on culture, yet when it comes to the most concerning side effects, we’re all a little clueless.

So, with Valentine’s around the corner and, with it, a trail of broken hearts, here’s some advice for how to heal a broken heart, along with some real-life tips from the Marie Claire UK team.

Advice on how to heal a broken heart

1. Be kind to yourself

“It’s completely natural to experience the grief and trauma that can come with a heartbreak. Let yourself feel all those feelings, but try to focus on accepting and rebuilding yourself after your period of grieving. Your mood and mental well-being are as important as your physical health” says Dr Katie Tryon.

2. Try a new look

“Never underestimate the power of a fresh haircut. I’ve always found something wonderfully symbolic about sloughing off dead ends (and dead-end exes, etc.) A commemorative, post-break-up chop (be it a blunt bob or new fringe) has always made me feel a little bit more confident in hard times.” — Natalie Hughes, Freelance Fashion Editor

3. Maintain healthy mental habits

Tryon suggests that we “Incorporate healthy mental habits, such as journaling, using affirmations or practising gratitude to shift your focus. I’m a big advocate of talking therapy, whether it’s counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy.”

4. Keep a balanced diet

“Unlike the movies, pints of ice cream, endless supplies of chocolate and binge drinking will likely make you feel worse. Instead, stick to a healthy and balanced diet to help care for your gut during a stressful time. Eat plenty of rich probiotic and prebiotic foods to keep it in tip-top shape,” says Tryon.

5. Try a new hobby

No, really. Fashion writer Sofia Piza took on embroidery after her break-up. I hope it looked like this.

6. Listen to empowering music

Chaka Khan was made for this moment. As the writer of this piece and serial heartbreak sufferer, I feel passionately about the power of music. My friend once shared a Spotify of empowering female songs—think Destiny’s Child Survivor and Sunshine Anderson's Heard It All Before—with the vaguely ominous message, “Only you will know when the time is right to listen to this”. Since then, the playlist has done the rounds in my girl group, with each new lovesick recruit adding a few hits of their own.

7. Keep moving

Tryon says: “Staying active is always a good place to start to clear your mind and distract you from the distressing feelings of heartbreak. It doesn’t have to be for long periods or of high intensity, it could be taking a 5-minute walk around the block or stretching while waiting for the kettle to boil.”

8. Get a change of scenery

“Book a trip away,” advises Senior Beauty Editor Katie Thomas, who went on a last-minute weekend away and then a random festival following heartache.

9. Understand the link between mental and physical health

“Whether you’re experiencing heartbreak or not, it’s always important to acknowledge that your mental health can, in turn, impact you physically. Findings from the Vitality Health Claims Insights Report 2023 found that focussing on mental health reduced the likelihood of hospitalisation for physical conditions,” recommends Tryon.

If your significant other is joining you at your family home this Christmas, you're likely looking forward to quality family time, age-old festive traditions, and, well, trying out the best quiet sex positions. 

Studies have found that sex can boost your mental health, with another study finding getting intimate to boost heart and cardiovascular health. But, question: how can you go about getting intimate with your partner when you have family members in the room next door? Enter: a sex expert's pick of sex positions that won't make loads of noise.

"The festive period is a time to relax and unwind with friends and family, celebrating each other and the spirit of Christmas," shares Mega Pleasure sex and relationships expert Charlotte Johnson. "This is a time of year to give to those you love, and the same goes for couples. Often the festive period is a naturally romantic time, poised with passion."

So, how do you keep the passion going when you're next door to your parents? It seems quiet sex positions are the answer. Google search for quiet moves normally spikes around this time of year, demonstrating that lots of people are thinking about it. But think of it this way - being strategic with which hot sex positions you try can actually be a fun and exciting way of spicing things up a little in the bedroom. "Quiet sex can sometimes be much more intimate and exciting for those involved, as it becomes a secret in itself and something only you and your partner can enjoy," Johnson goes on.

Wondering how to initiate sex when the family is around? A recent survey by Lovehoney found that 51% of us like physical touch to initiate things hotting up. How do you do it when everyone is around? A subtle eye gaze or secret hand-holding can be very sexy, and a simple kiss can hint to your partner that you're ready to head to bed without anyone else noticing a thing. 47% said non-verbal cues were their favourite way for their partner to initiate sex, so a subtle wink will work - and it is silent. 

Whether it's blasting Christmas songs to drown out the noise or sex in the shower, you'll want to scroll the expert's go-to moves for guaranteed pleasure without waking the family. Don't miss our guides to the best quiet sex toys and best sex toys for couples, while you're here, and for when you're back in your own space, the best sex toys, best sex chairs, and best anal sex toys. You're welcome. 

Best quiet sex positions to try this Christmas

1. Lotus position

How to: This sex position requires one partner to sit cross-legged on the floor and the other partner to sit on top, explains the expert.

This is one of the best quiet sex positions because? This position is all about the up and down movement of the hips and reduces any loud or sudden movements of the legs or arms, shares Johnson. "This can also allow more kissing and thrusting due to the lock-in movement, keeping noise low," she adds.

2. Sideways 69

How to: Simple, really - the 69 position requires you and your partner to arrange yourselves in a top-to-toe position, facing towards each other's bodies and performing oral sex at the same time. 

This is one of the best quiet sex positions because? The 69 sex position is an oral sex position, and so is commonly known for being slightly quieter than others, shares Johnson. "Doing this position but laying sideways will reduce even further movement and can be the perfect position for near silent intercourse."

3. Missionary

How to: For missionary position, one partner lays on top of the other, face to face, and enters (stereotypically the vagina) from above. 

This is one of the best quiet sex positions because? Missionary sex is one of the most common positions, but it's also the most simple, meaning it can be very easy to stay quiet, explains the expert. "A lot of the control is given to the partner on top, and the tempo can be slowed down as you wish," she goes on. 

Bottom line: This sex position is an easy one to attempt and usually gets the job done in a pleasurable way, too.

4. Spooning

How to: It's slightly similar to missionary, however, this time, you and your partner are both laying down on your side and reversed. 

This is one of the best quiet sex positions because? This particular position is quiet but also comfortable - win, win. "Spooning is a very sexual position as the cuddling technique allows for maximum intimacy for both involved," Johnson explains.

5. Slow doggy

How to: Think of the traditional doggy-style position but slowed down - a lot. Not sure how the original goes? "Doggy involves one partner bending over and the other appearing from behind," the sex expert explains. 

This is one of the best quiet sex positions because? "Doggy style is a common position to hit the G-spot, as well as a great set up for keeping both partners sturdy and in full control of any movement," she goes on.

6. Sitting

How to? The sitting sex position is very similar to the lotus position but tends to be practiced on the end of the bed, she shares. One partner is sitting on the bed and the other is straddling on top. 

This is one of the best quiet sex positions because? "Most of the movements involved are particularly low noise, but you still get to enjoy maximum pleasure," she concludes.

Bumble's predictions for 2024 dating trends make for some uplifting reading. The likes of breadcrumbing, ghosting, cushioning, and zombieing have plagued the dating app world over the last few years, but Bumble's list of dating trends for 2024 suggests we could be headed towards a much healthier landscape. 

Last year we saw themes like having a 'love-life balance' and looking beyond your usual 'type'. Next year, some of the key ideas are around sharing the same ethics and values, as well as emotional vulnerability being one of the most important parts of a relationship.

Naomi Walkland, Bumble’s Vice-President for Europe, said: "In 2023, we identified trends on love abroad, new boundaries, and a more open approach to typecasting. Intertwined with our dating lives, we saw societal conversations on misogyny, women’s rights, and social issues that left many exhausted.

"In our research, we’ve seen that these cultural conversations have impacted the way that people on Bumble are dating – empowering their sense of self and seeking people who value what’s also important to them, whether it’s social causes, lifestyles or just their favourite sports team."

Naomi also explained how single people are becoming more open to going against rigid criteria when it comes to dating. "We’ve also seen that singles are increasingly looking inwards, unpacking expectations around age, perfection, and timelines, and seeking people who are more vulnerable and accepting of who they are," Naomi explained. 

She coined 2024 the 'year of self' with daters their values and beliefs first and seeking out those who do the same. "2024 will bring a year of self," she continued. "With people more empowered than ever to prioritise what they value and what they will not stand for, leading to a new clarity about what they want in their romantic lives.”

Value-led dating

Bumble found that 25% of people think that it is key that their partner actively engages with politics and social causes - and that being passionate about political views makes them more attractive.

The survey also found that women in particular are less open to dating someone whose political views differ from theirs, with one in three women seeing it as a big turn-off if someone they are dating has different political views. A partner who isn't aware of current issues in society was also seen as a disadvantage. 

Cross-generational romance

While values and political leanings are up there as some of the most important factors when finding a partner, other more shallow factors such as age, have become less of a priority. One in three women said they've become less judgemental towards age gaps in the past year, with 59% of women surveyed saying that they're open to dating someone younger than them. 

Slow dating 

In 2024, it's all about quality over quantity, with 31% of those surveyed opting for 'slow dating'. Bumble describes this trend as 'having deeper or longer conversations to get to know a potential partner, and it means not being offended if a match doesn't want to meet up right away'. This relates to the stat that 58% of singles are actively trying to be more open about their mental health and are making an effort to slow down

Emotional intimacy 

Emotional intimacy is a key player when it comes to dating in 2024. One-third (32%) of those surveyed believe emotional intimacy is more important than sex. While 78% of women said their partner needs to understand the importance of both emotional and physical intimacy.

"It is exciting to see people continue to lean into self-acceptance and vulnerability as the foundation of healthy and equitable relationships," said Bumble's sex and relationships expert Shan Boodram. "When we are kinder to ourselves, we are able to make more meaningful, purposeful, and intentional connections both online and in real life."

Male vulnerability 

With the rise of influencers encouraging a toxic view of masculinity relating to male dominance, it's no surprise that women are looking for men who are unafraid to show their emotions and take a softer view on what masculinity means. 

One in four men also stated in the survey that they have actively tried to become more vulnerable and open with people they are dating - with some positive results. One in four found that this new-found openness improved their mental health, with 32% of men citing being open and vulnerable the most important part of being in a relationship. 

"These trends highlight a positive shift toward celebrating who you are, as you are, moving away from traditional timelines, redefining outdated expectations, and seeking shared values," relationships expert Boodram continued. 

"I look forward to seeing what 2024 holds for the Bumble community as they continue to bring their most authentic selves to the table and make kind connections."

Happy dating!

Yep, it's that time again - Christmas is almost here and with it, advent calendar season. While you might have nabbed one of the best beauty advent calendars, let me present you with another, slightly saucier, option: the best sex toy advent calendars.

Yes, I know December's already here, but if you've been disorganised or simply wanted to wait until the calendars were reduced, you're in the right place. I'm a Relationships Editor who chats with some of the best sex experts, relationship therapists and general industry pros day in, day out, and I know these calendars can be a great way to boost your sexual wellness and make some serious savings, too.

Case in point: one 2021 study found that regular sexual activity significantly lowered anxiety and depression levels. That's where sex toys can come in handy as a simple yet effective way to spice up your sex life or solo play.

Just like certain beauty calendars, sex toys calendars fly off the shelves fast. Below, I've shared the only five worth your money from trusted brands including Ann Summers and Lovehoney. There are options for everyone, too - calendars perfect as presents, options packed with sex toys for beginners, and even a 12-day kit including plenty of bondage props if it's something you've always wanted to try.

Remember, though - it's best to act fast as these calendars offer great bargains (some are as much as 65% off their standard retail price) and sell out quickly. Rather invest in a solo toy? Don't miss our edit of the best sex toys, while you're here.

5 best sex toy advent calendars 2023: 

Best value for money advent calendar:

Easily one of the best value-for-money advent calendars out there, this festive treat from trusted brand Ann Summers promises new experiences with each door. Designed for couples but also to be enjoyed solo, you'll get to enjoy twelve of their best-selling and most-loved products, including a rabbit vibrator and their raved-about pebble massager. 

You'll be saving £55 on the toys, too. Enjoy.

Best luxe sex toy advent calendar:

If you're keen to explore new ways of pleasing your partner or yourself, this calendar from Ann Summers is packed full of surprises - including seven different toys, three accessories and two oils. 

Keen to know what those toys actually are before you buy? We've got you. This calendar contains their best-selling thrusting rabbit vibrator, their iconic massage wand, their brand new flexi vibrator, and plenty of toys for you to use while exploring light bondage play, including buckle cuffs, sex dice, and orgasm gel. Enjoy.

Best Amazon sex toy advent calendar:

Keen to grab a calendar from, well, somewhere discreet where you already shop that won't raise any eyebrows? Enter stage right this Erotic advent calendar from Amazon, packed with 24 gifts and a steal at just under £67.

You'll be treated to not one but two sex toys from Satisfyer, plus some lingerie from Penthouse, to boot. With a focus on sexual wellness, this calendar is sure to please for advent or as a gift. 

Best advent calendar for beginners:

Save £70 with this Ann Summers offering, containing £195 worth of toys and retailing at just £125. Designed for self-gifting (but certainly worth a purchase as a present, too), this advent calendar contains six sex toys and six accessories to excite and tease your senses.

Expect a G-spot vibrator, mini wand, bullet vibrator, pulse rabbit and more, all designed to help you work out what toys give you the best orgasms. Ideal if you're new to sex toys or would just rather start with the basics. 

Best sex toy advent calendar for clitoral stimulation:

This calendar gets rave reviews, and for good reason - containing twelve tantalising treats, it's designed with partner play in mind. Worth £325, you'll be saving £125 in total (38% of the value of the items, FYI). 

Enjoy seven of the brand's best-selling sex toys, three accessories, two oils, and a stack of sex tokens... what's not to love?

Plus, you can rest assured that all calendars are discreetly packaged by the team at Ann Summers, so the postman will be none the wiser. Ready for a fun night in?

On the hunt for the best Cyber Monday sex toy deals? Look no further, as we work with a board of certified sex experts every day and they reckon these are the best ones to *add to basket*.

Some even made the cut for our round up of the best sex toys, period - because sex experts, relationship therapists, and qualified pros reckon they're the best of the best. Do note, though: it's key to only invest with brands you've had your eye on for a while to avoid impulse purchases you may not use. 

Lucky for you, this Cyber Monday, some brands are offering nearly 70% off their bestselling toys. That's right, there are huge deals currently live on vibrators, dildos, and more. The Christmas period looks set to be very merry indeed..

Cyber Monday sex toy deals: where can I find the best ones? 

Good question. Our sex experts all rate toys from the following retailers (and luckily, they're all offering pretty impressive deals right now): 

• Lovehoney is offering up to 60% off, as is LELO.
• Mantric Rechargeable Wand Vibrator - 60% off, was £69.99 now £28.00
• Womanizer Magic Bullet - 40% off, was £12.99 now £7.79
• LELO Sona 2 Vibrator - save 20%, was £99, now £79.20
• Boots, Sephora), and Amazon have up to 50% off certain toys, including Durex, Smile Makers, Dame, and more.
• Smile Makers The Tennis Pro Vibrator - save 25%, was £34.95, now £26.21
• Ann Summers is offering up to 50% off sitewide
• My Viv Massage Wand - 50% off, was £40, now £20 
• Mini Wand Massager - save 30%, was £22, now £15.40
• Self Love Rabbit - 30% off, was £38, now £26.60
• Lookfantastic is offering discounts of up to 50% off with an extra 5% with code EXTRA at checkout, but on specific days only.

Cyber Monday sex toy deals: 19 best to shop now

When do the Cyber Monday sex toy deals end? 

The deals should end at midnight tonight, so if you're keen to invest in a new toy, today's your last chance.

Ever wondered how to use a bullet vibrator? No wonder - they're one of the best vibrators and most popular sex toys on the market, with sex toy brand Je Joue reporting that 30% of their annual sales were bullet vibrators last year (55% of their 2022 bullet sales alone were the G Spot bullet). 

While we've bought you an expert-led guide to the types of vibrator, there's no use in knowing about the different variations if you don't know how to use one of the simplest and most beginner-friendly designs.

Enter stage right the bullet, otherwise known as a lipstick vibrator, which sex therapist Ness Cooper explains as a small thin chamber-style vibrator often with a pin-point or rounded tip for clitoral stimulation. 

So, why are they so popular? "Well, the tip of these small sex toys is perfect for targeting vibrations to small areas - think your labia, nipples or clitoris," she continues. 

Wondering when they were first invented? While the patent for a lipstick vibrator was originally filed in 2001, it’s likely that this style of vibrator surfaced just towards the end of the 1990s, shares Cooper. "Slightly later in 2003 came the Rocks Off RO-80mm, which was a viral hit and made the compact clitoral vibrator more bullet-like in design."

While the sessions were originally battery-powered, many brands now offer rechargeable versions, too, as our explainer of the best bullet vibrators highlights. 

Ready to learn all about how to use one? Below, Cooper shares her wisdom and top tips for both first-timers and novices. Don't miss our guides to the best rabbit vibrators, best wand vibrators and best vibrators on Amazon, while you're here. 

How to use a bullet vibrator: your complete guide

The great thing about bullet vibrators, Cooper shares, is that while many places advertise them for cis-women and clitoral use, they can be great at exciting various body parts and for use during couples' sex.

Shop Cooper's go-to bullet vibrator now:

1. Start by understanding how your toy works

When using a bullet vibrator the first time, it's key to read the instruction leaflet and understand the intensity of the toy, too. The leaflet will explain exactly how to charge your toy, turn it on, and use it, too.

"You may want to drag the tip of it along your arm or inner thigh to gain an understanding of how it'll feel when it glides over your body," explains Cooper. 

Know this: if it’s a hard plastic bullet vibe, like the Tango X, it’s likely to glide effortlessly, whereas ones coated with silicone or have a slight texture may move slower across your skin.

2. Apply some lube

Now you know exactly how to use your toy, Cooper recommends applying one of the best lubes, first.

Why? "Vibrations travel better when you add lube," she shares. 

3. Start slowly

Now you're all set up and ready to go - make sure to start slowly and work your way up to pleasure, shares the pro.

Her advice? "Tease the vibrator over the erogenous zones you enjoy being stimulated," she shares. "Explore the nipples, clitoris, and labia, being sure to gently tease yourself as you go." 

4. Explore with different pressures

Next, Cooper advises exploring the different vibrations and pressures your toy offers. "As you explore your body, you may find you have a particular spot that feels too sensitive or an area that’s amazing," she shares. 

Try this: Some find that treating the top of the clitoris like a 12-clock marker and working around it, memorising the hour-points they like, is a great starting point, she explains. "Personally, I enjoy placing my bullet vibrators at 2 o'clock for the quickest climax."

5. Be mindful of sensitivity

Reach orgasm and want to aim for another? "Remember to remove the vibrator tip away from your clitoris occasionally," she recommends. "They can sometimes have a numbing effect if held on for so long - but don't worry, this is totally normal and only temporary."

Also, top tip: remember to reapply lube as you go. 

6. Give it a go during couple sex

If using the bullet vibrator with a partner, Cooper advises holding it or getting your partner to position it over your clitoris during certain sex positions. "This can increase the chance of orgasm during penetration," she says.

Not to mention bullet vibrators are great at focusing vibrations directly on a penis. "From gilding the vibrator along the shaft to focusing it on the frenulum and head of the penis, many can find this adds to their sexual pleasure experience," Cooper continues.

On the hunt for the best sex toys? You're in the right place as, luckily for you, we know some of the industry's top sex experts who, in turn, know which toys are actually worth your money. 

Whether it's one of the best sex toys for couples to use with your significant other or a vibrator to use for solo pleasure, there's a toy for everyone. Whatever your preference, fun fact for you: the sex toy industry is seriously lucrative, making as much as £12 billion yearly, with sex toy sales rising by 13% last year in the UK alone.

Let's be real - sexual wellness and the way we view self-pleasure have slowly but surely shifted over the past few years. No longer taboo or off-limits, sex is now being medically recognised as a key way to improve focus, boost mood and reduce stress. 

Research from Indiana University shows that 50% of women use one of the best vibrators regularly, but if that's not you, you might need a helping hand with knowing where to start. The following vibrators, dildos, rabbits, and toys are the toys that sex experts genuinely use themselves, crowned the best because, after rigorous testing, they provided the best O's. 

Don't miss our guides to the best dildos, best lubes, and best condoms, while you're here, but for now, scroll the top picks from our independent board of certified pros, including: 

• Scotty Unfamous, an award-winning erotic romance author and sex influencer.
• Aleece Fosnight, board-certified physician assistant specialising in sexual medicine and CEO of the Fosnight Centre for Sexual Health.
• Annabelle Knight, sex and relationship expert for sexual wellness brand Lovehoney.
• Jordan Dixon, clinical psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist at The Thought House.
• Cecile Gasnault, brand director of sexual wellness brand Smile Makers.
• Ness Cooper, a clinical sexologist who has a background in sex and relationship coaching and has reviewed sex toys for over ten years (including professionally as a prototype tester).
• Barbara Santini, psychologist, sex therapist and relationship adviser at Dime Piecela.

Best sex toy deal to shop today:

What to consider when buying the best sex toys for women:

• Type of sex toy: There are tonnes to choose from, from bullet vibrators, to rabbits, to dildos for pegging, and more. Top tip: think about what turns you on and opt for a toy that sounds like it'll do just that.
• Water resistance: Make sure you opt for a waterproof toy that's usable for shower sessions if that's your kind of thing.
• Noise level: Live with flatmates? It's worth considering whether your toy will be noisy, or whether it's best to opt for a quiet vibrator, instead.
• Energy source: Make sure you know whether your toy is battery-powered or rechargeable, the latter being better for the environment.
• Price point: Finally, make sure you set yourself a rough budget before you start shopping. Would you rather grab a bargain or invest in one of the higher price point toys?

Best sex toys, according to the experts

Best oral sex stimulators

Best for: What promises to be a world-first clitoral suction sex toy guaranteeing orgasm without a long, frustrating build-up.

What the experts think: Ness Cooper, a clinical sexologist who has a background in sex and relationship coaching and has reviewed sex toys for over ten years, loved that the toy is waterproof, easily rechargeable, and made from skin-friendly silicone, too - plus, noted that it's one of the first sex toys in her ten years of testing to make her really enjoy patterned settings.

Read Cooper's LELO Sona Cruise 2 review, here.

Best for: A clit stimulator that uses suction technology and promises some seriously good orgasms.

What the experts think: Jordan Dixon, clinical psychosexual and relationship psychotherapist at The Thought House, says: "Many clients I work with have spoken to me about the Satisfier Pro 2 Deluxe and how it feels like the closest thing to receiving really good oral sex, saying it induces such an orgasmic state that they experience multiple orgasms within minutes."

Best for: If you're after a softer sex toy, this SILA from LELO promises to please you with gentle sonic waves and a large mouth. Switch through eight pleasure settings and enjoy it being fully waterproof, too.

What the experts think: Scotty Unfamous, an award-winning erotic romance author and sex influencer, says: "This is one of the best clitoral suction vibes on the market."

"The Sila has a large mouth that not only accommodates more clitoris sizes but also stimulates your clitoris both internally and externally, without making direct contact. This is made possible through LELO’s SenSonic technology, to gently bring you to a mind-blowing orgasm."

Read Cooper's Lelo Sila review, here.

Best for: This toy went viral on TikTok for a reason - it's really pretty and has rose petal leaves that act as part of the clitoral suction toy. Neat.

What the experts think: Ness Cooper, a clinical sexologist, says: "Pretty, comfortable to hold and easy to use, this viral toy is worth a try. While it isn't the most powerful clitoral suction toy I’ve tried and does make fairly loud techno-like noises, mind - you were warned."

Read Cooper's Rose sex toy review, here.

Best wand sex toys

Best for: A wireless vibrating wand you can use anywhere that comes in discreet packaging, too. While most wands come with a long cable that requires a nearby plug socket, this cordless sex toy for women is chargeable and can therefore be used anywhere you like.

What the experts think: Scotty Unfamous, an award-winning erotic romance author and sexfluencer, says: "Whether you’re a beginner or you’d like to expand your toy collection without breaking the bank, the Bed Geek wands are a great way to go."

"They’re surprisingly quiet considering how powerful they are, with a wide variety of settings that you can use all over your body - plus, they're travel friendly, too. Great quality at a great price point."

Best for: Old school Sex and the City-style orgasms where you stimulate your clit with powerful vibrations. Yep, it's 30 percent more powerful than the once-famous Hitachi wand (the one Samantha raved about back in the day) and has incremental speeds and pulsations, so you can keep increasing the pleasure until you reach climax. Importantly, it also has a long cable – nearly 3m long – which means you don’t need to worry about losing power while you’re using it.

What the experts think: Annabelle Knight, a sex and relationship expert, said: "With Doxy products, it is all about that one important word: POWER. They are not for the faint-hearted or for the more inexperienced sex toy user."

"Doxy's are for users that know they need to really feel the force to get off. You'll get scintillating pleasure through the soft silicone head. Plus, fun fact: Doxy was the first to pioneer the wand vibrator, which is now one of the most important sex toy categories. For many users, they are the oldest and still the best."

Best for: A real all-rounder from a trusted brand. With over 3,828 reviews and a solid 5-star rating, you know this one's a good'un.

What the experts think: Aleece Fosnight, board-certified physician assistant specialising in sexual medicine and CEO of the Fosnight Centre for Sexual Health says: "Nothing beats a full body massager. Utilising this long cord, rechargeable massager on the glutes, inner thighs, and lower back with a partner (or on your own) is the perfect way to warm up the core and pelvic floor muscles for sexual play."

"Plus, with the soft silicone massager, it is safe to place directly on the genitals when you're ready for more orgasmic bliss."

Read Cooper's Lovehoney Magic Wand review, here. 

Best vibrators

Best for: A soft silicone toy that's also waterproof and spans five different power settings. Plus, this Kip is available in lemon or lavender colourways, is easy to hold from many angles, has rounded edges and a soft silicone touch providing vibration with pinpoint accuracy. Even better, it’s USB rechargeable (no batteries) and comes in a travel-friendly package. Perfect for those impending UK staycays…

What the experts think: Aleece Fosnight, board-certified physician assistant specialising in sexual medicine and CEO of the Fosnight Centre for Sexual Health says: "Dame's Kip is bite-sized but with a punch. The sleek, soft silicone offers an ergonomic design for easy dexterity that can easily be used anywhere, even the shower as it is waterproof, and small enough to stow away in your luggage for a trip."

"Plus you have five speeds and five intensities to find the perfect fit to match your body needs."

Best for: A simple, easy-to-use beginner's toy ideal for any scenario. This powerful bullet sex toy is a Lovehoney favourite for a reason. It doesn’t vibrate, it throbs. Inside is a weighting mechanism, along with the motor, and this makes it seem like it has a mind of its own.

What the experts think: Annabelle Knight, a sex and relationship expert, says: "A bullet is the perfect starter sex toy. Discreet, not at all scary, and small enough to be carried in a handbag if you never want to be without it."

"Bullets are all about clitoral stimulation and zoning in on your sweet spot and they provide wave after wave of pleasure. This Mantric bullet is at the luxury end of the bullet market because it looks super-classy and it delivers in spades. It will pay for itself in pleasure very quickly."

Best for: A rabbit toy that's good for both clitoral stimulation, penetration, and hitting your g-spot, too. You'll get twice the stimulation, thanks to the additional rabbit-style ears, plus it focuses on the two most important intimate areas. It's also waterproof, so there's the option for shower play.

What the experts think: Annabelle Knight, a sex and relationship expert, says: "This toy is essentially two-of-the-price-of-one and enables the user to cocoon their sweet spots in gorgeous sensations."

"It is really clever - a slimline bulb internally rests against the G-spot, while its tickler flutters against the clitoris for dual-point intimate pleasure. All that fun and super affordable, too - what's not to like!"

Best for: The newest dual vibrator from Smile Makers and a first-of-its-kind sex toy.

What the experts think: Cecile Gasnault, brand director of Smile Makers, says: “Design the pleasure experience you want through UI/UX, ergonomics, and technology. You can finely adjust the intensity of the vibration mode by intuitively squeezing sensors on the handles rather than flipping through pre-set levels plus, you can flip through 9 pulsating effects that create feelings of movement.”

“An exciting feature is that you can control the internal and external heads independently, choosing from four different modes for the two heads. And lastly, the angle between the two heads can be adjusted to create an intimate fit.”

Best for: Boasting dual stimulation – that’s clitoral and g spot stimulation, FYI – and eight vibration patterns, the LELO toy promises to do what many of the best sex toys before couldn’t, offering both external and internal stimulation.

What the experts think: Ness Cooper, a clinical sexologist who has a background in sex and relationship coaching and has reviewed sex toys for over ten years, says: "I used the LELO Enigma with my partner in the bath. It’s waterproof and we found that allowing them to control the sex toy meant that they were able to keep it in just the right position for clitoral stimulation. We found the design really simple for couple play – the controls aren’t too complicated for a sex toy novice to use, either."

Read Cooper's LELO ENIGMA review, here.

Best for: A silicone sex toy that is designed for clitoral stimulation. It also has a variety of shapes on its surface area, great for varying your sexual pleasure.

What the experts say: Ness Cooper, sexologist, says: "It was simple to use, great for testing out different sex positions, and made me orgasm fairly quickly. Plus, the thin flame edges were different to anything I’d tried before. I particularly liked that the vibrations feel different in different parts of the flame, as it means when you direct particular parts onto your body, you can enjoy a variety of intensities."

Read Cooper's The Firefighter review, here.

Best for: A high-end, luxury sex toy with powerful yet silent vibrations that is great for those who want to explore either penetration or external play.

What the experts say: Ness Cooper, sexologist, says: "As soon as I pressed the emoji patterned button (yep: love) on The Billionaire’s base, I was impressed by how powerful yet quiet the vibrator was. I liked that the toy was made from silicone as it glided over my body well."

"Exploring the vibrations over various erogenous zones, I noticed that there is a little bit of give in the classic vibrator shaft. This means you can apply more pressure to your sweet spots than with more run-of-the-mill vibrators."

Read Cooper's The Billionaire review, here

Best vibrating eggs

Best for: A next-level vibrating toy that our resident sex toy tester has coined one of the best ever.

What the experts think: Ness Cooper, sexologist, says: "When I tested the Dame Pom, I orgasmed super quickly, and the toy resulted in a really intense climax. I’m now a Dame Pom convert – so much so that I’ve been using it more than my previous old-time favourite pebble sex toys."

Read Cooper's Dame Pom review, here.

Best for: A suction sex toy that uses air pulse technology. It comes with three different-sized attachments and has multiple ways for you to control the pulsations. It's also the first ever suction-style sex toy that enables you to control vibrations via squeeze alone.

What the experts say: Ness Cooper, sexologist, says: "Playing around with the various attachments, the middle one hit the spot for me. I enjoyed having the variation and being able to work out what felt good for me and my body."

"I reached orgasm very quickly thanks to the squeeze technology and found it very easy to use. One thing to note, though: when you accidentally loosened your grip, the intensity will lessen."

Read Cooper's The Poet review, here.

Best dildos

Best for: A realistic(ish) looking dildo that doesn't need charging.

What the experts think: Barbara Santini, psychologist, sex therapist and relationship adviser at Dime Piecela, says: "One of my favourite sex toys is a realistic dildo due to their versatility in stimulating the clit or g-spot and real sensations. They are highly body-safe as they are made of premium materials, plus they're easy to use, clean, and store."

Best kegel balls

Best for: People keen to try kegel balls (and strengthen their pelvic floor) who haven't tried them before. You don’t need to have watched the film or read the book to get some pleasure out of these jiggle balls. While you’re enjoying the sensation of them moving around inside you, you’ll also be giving your pelvic floor muscles a serious workout.

What the experts say: Scotty Unfamous, an award-winning erotic romance author and sexfluencer, says: "A good set of kegel balls can make a huge difference to your sex life. They tighten your pelvic floor muscles which helps you feel more during penetrative intercourse, have stronger orgasms, and are also a great way to kickstart your arousal."

Best for: When you orgasm, your pelvic floor muscles pulse, and the stronger those muscles are, the more control you’ll have of your orgasm, giving you more powerful sensations. With a handy tag to make getting the balls out easier, these balls are like a sex workout in your pocket.

Fancy investing in another Fifty Shades sex toy or reading up on bondage for beginners, while you're here? Introducing, the Spreader bar. Oh yep.

What the experts say: Annabelle Knight, a sex and relationship expert, says: "These balls are definitely not for beginners looking to strengthen their pelvic floor. They have a combined weight of 221g which gives a full and heavy sensation suited to experienced kegel ball users. They are easy to wear and can be removed thanks to a stronger silicone retrieval cord."

"Studies show that toning the pelvic floor consistently boosts sexual happiness and leads to more intense orgasms as we age. Kegel balls are a great way to improve sexual satisfaction."

Best hands free sex toys

Best for: Ever tried a hands-free sex toy before? Trust us on this one - you're in for a treat. The powerful clitoral vibrator has three vibration settings and promises to sit neatly over your clitoris, stimulating your clit as you're penetrated.

Fun fact: it's the first fully hands-free sex toy out there (previous iterations required insertion into the vagina or attaching to your underwear).  

What the experts say: Ness Cooper, a clinical sexologist, says: "This toy made me feel sensations I'd never felt before. While it can take some getting used to (and patience while you make sure it stays in place), the Dame Eva feels pretty liberating and magical when it works. Plus, I love the fact that you could use it in lots of different ways, meaning the fun doesn't end if it doesn’t fit your vulva - for example, you can use it as a finger vibrator, too."

"Sure, it took some getting used to, but it's a genius bit of kit that's definitely worth your patience. It gets my seal of approval, that's for sure, as it's also an option for those who want to try sex toys but aren't looking for penetration (read my Lovehoney Vibrating Love Egg review, here - another great non-penetrative option)."

Read Ness' full Dame Eva review for more details, here.

Don't miss our guides to the best dating sites, best sex apps, best condoms, best sex toy advent calendars, and best lubes, while you're here.

Ever wondered: is it important to have sex? From emotional benefits to physical perks, sex experts have long hailed sexual intimacy as a surefire way to boost your health.

That said, when we asked three top industry experts for their take on whether sex is actually important, the response was... well, mixed. 

While everyone's libido and sex life will be different, you're not alone if you assume everyone is having more sex than you. According to one Hims & Hers sex report, 81% of Brits assume other people are having sex once a week or more, when in fact, only 45% of them actually do. But, is there a magic number when it comes to how often we should be having sex? Does it even matter if we're doing it or not? And does self-pleasure count? (If so, our guide to show to masturbate might come in handy, here). 

To read the answers to all of this and more - keep scrolling.

Is it important to have sex? Your expert-led guide

Sex has been scientifically proven to offer physical and mental health benefits. A 2021 study, for example, found that anxiety and depression were significantly lower in those that were sexually active during the Covid-19 lockdown, compared to those who weren’t getting it on. Research published in the British Medical Journal has also shown that having sex - and an interest in it - can be a boost to health in middle age and later life. 

“Sex can build intimacy with a partner, which strengthens the bond whether in a relationship or dating someone,” explains Alex Griffiths, co-founder of sex-care brand Roam. However, libido plays a big part - “it varies between individuals so the importance of it varies depending on how someone feels and what makes them happy.” 

Erika Lust, a leading producer of ethical porn, agrees: “Sex is as important as you need it to be.” As Lust points out, the ways we enjoy intimacy look different for each person. “Both folk who enjoy sex and want it actively in their lives and relationships, and those who enjoy intimacy from a detached experience of sex are just as valid,” she stresses. 

Is it a problem if you're not having sex?

So, is it a problem if you’re not having sex? Again, it depends on your circumstances, preferences and libido. “The importance of sex varies between individuals both in a relationship or single, and only becomes a problem if it causes issues in your relationship or in yourself, or if there’s a sudden change in your sex life,” says Griffiths. “If you are asexual or have a very low sex drive, as long as this isn’t impacting your relationship, then there isn’t a problem,” she adds.

While it’s down to the individual what sex means to them, sexual intimacy in relationships has been found to positively impact the bond between couples. Research published in 2017, reported that married couples who reported high levels of “sexual afterglow” after having sex, also recorded high levels of marital satisfaction. There are also plenty of experts out there who say it’s not just all about the sex - acts such as hugging after sex and spending quality time together can also strengthen a couple’s bond. As Lust puts it, intimacy will mean something different to each person.

"The essential thing in a relationship is that there is communication, consent and listening," says Lust. "As long as these factors exist, the people involved in the relationship will be able to develop the model of sexual dynamics that is most appropriate and convenient for them at that moment."

Interestingly, the Hims & Hers Let’s Talk About Sex report also found that the majority of respondents didn’t name “having more sex” as something they’d like to improve about their sex lives. Instead, they were more interested in trying out sex trends. “Not everyone likes the same things, and that’s what makes sex fun,” enthuses Lust. “What’s most important is to check in on what everyone involved in the action, be it solo or partnered, likes and wants to try out…at the end of the day pleasure is to be celebrated, and you feel empowered when you do so.”

It is important to remember that sex isn’t always about the act, highlights Griffiths. “It is about feeling close and connected to someone. The build up and foreplay and even communication after is just as important as the act itself.” 

Accredited psychosexual and relationship therapist and LELO UK sex expert Kate Moyle, points to a 2007  study that identified 237 reasons as to why people said they had sex. This highlights the idea that to look at sex as something purely physical is very limiting, she explains. “We also don't have to reap the benefits of sex only if we are partnered,” she says. “Solo sex can offer feel-good neurochemical releases which can buffer the stress hormone cortisol and can have benefits such as helping sleep, but importantly pleasure can also be a part of our self-care routine, building a positive relationship with our bodies and quite simply doing something that makes us feel good.”

“Reducing sex to purely intercourse can be really limiting to our sex lives and is a very heteronormative model for understanding sex,” adds Moyle. “One of the best things we can do for our sexual wellbeing is to be curious and to make pleasure the marker of sexual satisfaction, not a particular act.”

Griffiths rebuffs the idea that there is a set number when it comes to how much sex we should be having.  “The idea that you need to be having a standardised amount of sex is a myth, as libido really varies from person to person,” she says.  It can fluctuate with many factors such as stress, your mood, energy levels, alcohol intake, diet and menstrual cycle, she explains. Because of this, the amount you have sex in a relationship can fluctuate too. 

Lust sums it up simply and honestly: "sex is deeply personal, and it's impossible to put a number on how much sex someone should have." So, the bottom line? Don't stress it when it comes to sex, explore and don't be constrained by a set definition or number. It's all about the enjoyment after all.

Shop MC UK's go-to sex toys now

Sexual wellness is having a moment, with more and more research indicating that having a healthy sex life can be beneficial to both your physical and mental wellbeing. But, as technology progresses and innovations move the industry forward, have you ever wondered where AI comes in?

Good question. Just this week, in an industry-first, leading audio erotica app BLOOM has launched an AI-powered "roleplaying" chatbot feature which lets you practice sexting and roleplay with erotic fictional characters. 

If you've always been interested in the idea of sexting or role-playing but never found a sexual partner who's been keen, now's your chance to try it solo.

Wondering how it works? It's as simple as loading the site and getting started. Input your preferences and interact with the AI version of these characters via personalised text messages and voice notes. You're in control, the app founders reassure - you're leading the conversation and setting the tone. 

Not sure if it's for you? This kind of immersive interaction isn't designed to replace IRL intimacy or relationships, they stress, but to boost your confidence and sexual wellbeing. They hope that fulfilling certain sexual desires in a safe and consensual environment will give you the tools and ability to do so in real life, too -  "setting a new, realistic standard for pleasure," as they share. 

BLOOM CEO Hannah Albertshauser explains: "When it comes to sexual content, we all have unique and specific desires we want to see fulfilled. The more dynamic and customisable an experience can be, the more a user's exact preferences and desires can be satisfied."

Intriguing, right? But, question: what's it actually like to use? Does it feel like talking to an AI robot or is it a hot and harm-free way to boost your own sexual wellbeing? Below, Madison* shares her story of trying it for the first time, plus details if she'll be using it in the future. Keep scrolling - and don't miss our guides to the best sex toys, best sex toys for couples, and best Amazon sex toys, while you're here. 

BLOOM audio erotica app: I tried their AI roleplay chatbot - here are my honest thoughts

How does the BLOOM audio erotica app work?

As Albertshauser explains, there are plenty of stats on how roleplaying can boost sexual wellness. "People love having these desires fulfilled - it's been proven to make you feel empowered and nourished, benefiting both their sexual and mental wellbeing," she shares. 

It can also boost your sexual interactions with other people, too. "83% of our users say BLOOM sparks new ideas for their sex lives," continues the expert. That was the aim of BLOOM, after all - to inspire you to take what you learn and explore on the platform into your real-life sexual encounters. The theory is that by empowering you to engage you're placed at the heart of the narrative, giving you the confidence to try new things in the bedroom at home. "It's more immersive and engaging than traditional visual pornography, as it gives users a sense of agency at every juncture in the storyline, rather than making the user a bystander," she goes on. 

Of course, there are ethical concerns when it comes to AI, but the site users stress that they are "very aware of the concerns of creatives". "One of the guiding principles we had when figuring out how to implement this new feature is that it should never endanger the relationships we have with the people working on these stories or negatively impact the livelihood of our voice actors, writers, and illustrators," shares Albertshauser. "We built several licensing model options to ensure our voice actors are fairly compensated for the licensing of their audio likeness for this one specific use case," she adds.

BLOOM Chat promises to prioritise "tailored, real-time, and deeply personal sexual interactions" - now, the question you're all dying to know the answer to. What is it actually like in reality? 

Shop MC UK's go-to sex toys now:

"I tried the AI role play - and found it amazing"

Madison, a 26-year-old graphic designer, tried the BLOOM roleplaying feature after seeing it advertised in their newsletter. Here's how she got on.

"I first heard about BLOOM's AI-powered "roleplaying" chatbot feature from their newsletter. Someone I know has been working on it and while they weren’t able to tell me much about it until it was released, I knew I had to try it."

"The biggest appeal for me was the steamy voice messaging feature. I was so curious to find out just how realistic it could be."

"Of course, as soon as I logged in, I wanted to get a voice message. I had listened to BLOOM Stories a few times in the past and had a specific voice actor in mind that I really hoped was included in the first release - luckily, he was."

"For me, I think the most exciting thing was hearing how realistic the voice messages sounded. To hear him say my name and ask what I was in the mood for - it really felt like anything could happen."

"It was also amazing to be able to take the conversation in whatever direction you want. I almost couldn’t decide what I wanted to try first."

"One of my initial concerns was about how private and secure the site was. That said, I felt reassured by their FAQ page which is dedicated to these kinds of concerns."

"The other thing I noticed was a lot of the questions answered in the FAQ section were about ethics and AI - it's a hot topic right now, for obvious reasons. That said, I appreciated seeing that voice actors were treated fairly throughout this process, being offered proper licensing contracts and residuals. As a creator myself, I really love seeing a company approach AI features with a strong sense of morality as well."

"Would I use it again? For sure. In my first session, I tested out my favourite voice actor’s chatbot and got so carried away that I didn’t have time to test any others. That said, I’m really curious about the differences in personalities with the bots and what the other voices sound like, so will definitely play around with it again soon."

BLOOM can be accessed via their website or downloaded from the Google Play or App Store.

So, how often should you have sex? Getting intimate has been scientifically proven to boost both physical and mental health, but you've likely wondered how much exactly to be aiming for. Is once a month enough? Or once a week? Even more than that? 

First things first: it's important to note that this article only aims to provide a rough guideline of what, in an ideal world, constitutes "healthy." Often, you won't have time, won't be in the mood, or will prioritise other things (we're looking at you, sleep). What works for you and your partner might not work for the next person - it's completely individual.

Regular sex has been found to boost happiness levels, lower stress and anxiety and lower your blood pressure, meaning it's worth prioritising. That said, new research has shown that we get a lot wrong when it comes to our thoughts about sexual frequency. Research from Hims & Hers Let's Talk About Sex report found that 23% of women, 18% of men and 47% of gender nonbinary people report not having had sex in the past month - yet 98% assume everyone else has been at it in the past week. 

The research also highlighted that our sex frequency radar is way off: 45% of people report having sex less than once per week, but 81% assume the average person in the UK has sex weekly or more. 

Why is how often we're at it such a huge talking point? "The main concern for most people is whether they’re having "too much" or "too little" sex and whether this could jeopardise their relationship as a result, based on outdated notions of masculinity and femininity that are so ingrained in conversations around sex," explains Alex Griffiths, co-founder of sex-care brand Roam. 

"As such, many people worry about how much sex they’re having, or the quality and type of that sex because they think there is only one way to have it. Destigmatising this idea is key to realising sex is as unique as the individual."

Just like the sex positions we use, the sex toys we buy and the fun sex ideas or sex card games we try, how often we have sex is personal and complicated. Keen to know just how often should you be at it for optimum health and happiness? Keep scrolling.  

Don't miss our guides to how to spice up a relationship, tantric sex, and how to be more sexually intimate, while you're here.

How often should you have sex? Your guide

What is sex good for?

“Sex isn’t isolated - it has a profound impact on mood, self-esteem, and motivation,” Dr. Peter Stahl, MD and SVP of Men’s Sexual Health and Urology at Hims & Hers, explains. “It’s an integral part of your quality of life and has far-reaching impacts all aspects of mental and physical health.”

A study published in the British Medical Journal found that those who rated their health as good or very good were more likely to have an active sex life. Other research has found that sex can protect against anxiety and depression, while one study found that the immune-boosting benefits of sex are so great that it lowered the risk of a Covid infection during lockdown. 

The benefits of "regular" sex are entirely dependent on the person, though. Firstly, there's no definition of "regular." "There’s incredible variability amongst couples’ sex lives. There are lots of couples who have sex once or twice a month and they are super happy with that. And there are other couples for whom not being able to have sex two, three or four times a week is really a relationship stressor,” says Dr Stahl. Those who have a low libido likely won't benefit from more sex, and asexual people aren't necessarily losing out on benefits by not having sex. 

Not to mention, solo sex counts. So even if you don't have a partner, you can still reap the benefits of sex and particularly orgasm. 

How often should I have sex?

"Libido fluctuates in all individuals and many factors can cause this, including stress, alcohol, diet and menstrual cycle. Because of this, the amount you have sex in a relationship can fluctuate, too," says Griffiths. 

Age is a big factor in sexual frequency, with a 2017 study reporting that we have the most sex in our 20s, on average 80 times a year, or slightly more than once every five days. By the age of 45, people have sex an average of 60 times per year, or just over once a week and by age 65, most people have sex around 20 times per year, or less than one time every two weeks. However, a 2019 study reported that sexuality wasn't a factor in frequency, with homosexual, heterosexual and bisexual people reporting similarly regular sex. 

All reasons to not have sex are valid, but if you can reap the benefits with your partner, then how often should you do it? Research suggests that sex once a week is enough: a study from York University involving more than 30,000 participants reported that the happiness benefits of sex plateaued at once a week, suggesting more isn't always better. 

But that doesn't mean you have to be at it on a weekly basis. "There's no one-size-fits-all - however, having sex frequently in a relationship builds intimacy with your partner, which in turn can strengthen your relationship. Intimacy, whether in the form of sex or in other forms, is therefore key to and for a healthy relationship, as well as having many health benefits," says Griffith. 

Bottom line: your sex life should both reflect and be aided by the frequency of sex within the boundaries of your and your partner’s natural libido.

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How to have more sex

Firstly, stop and think about whether there's actually anything wrong with your sex life. 

"Navigating your sex life within your natural libido means paying attention to how you feel and what makes you happy. Having low or high libido only becomes a problem when it causes issues in yourself or your relationship or if there’s a sudden change in your sex drive," reassures Griffiths. 

Simply put, if you are happy, satisfied and receive and give love to yourself and your partner, you don't need to worry.

What if there is a libido imbalance? "Communication is key when it comes to navigating a frequency dispute for a couple, especially seeing as it's easy for someone's feelings to be hurt; have an open discussion about how sex makes you feel, what it means to you and how you like it - openness builds intimacy and manages expectations, allowing you both to feel content," says Griffiths. 

Having a different libido to your partner is also why solo sex is important - it allows the high libido person to satisfy their needs without the other person overrunning theirs. Alix Fox, sex educator and writer, notes that sales of sex toys and the number of people enjoying masturbation is still on the rise thanks to the more personal, mindful experience is can give you. "More partners equal more of other people’s needs to think about. But solo sex puts people at the centre of their own solar system,” she says.

According to the Hims & Hers report, whether or not you're having enough sex isn't always the right question. In fact, when asked what they’d like to improve with their sex lives, 74% of UK respondents don’t say "more sex."

Instead, most people would rather experiment with different ways of having sex and others (particularly women) just want to orgasm during the sex they have: 15% of women have never orgasmed either by themselves or with a partner and for many, it’s one of their biggest sexual stress points.

If you do want to have more sex, try different sex, or spice up your relationship, you can start with a conversation. "There’s shame and guilt still built around sex. We feel like we can’t have the sex life of our dreams because we can’t fully be who we desire to be sexually because we’re deathly afraid of being scrutinised for it," says sexologist and life strategist Octavia Vance. 

"[Straight women] often say things like, ‘If he would just be more sexually open with me, then I could be more sexually expressive and have a better sex life.' So many women fear judgement from others, especially the judgement of their own husbands [and partners]."

Don't miss our guides to the best sex toys, best sex toys for beginners, and best sex toys for couples, if you are keen to explore - all of the toys have been tested and recommended by top industry experts. 

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Googling "bondage for beginners" and thinking about giving tying-up-and-teasing with your partner a go? Then you’re definitely not alone. One YouGov poll found that 12,727,272 Brits have been tied up for sex and that Penrith in Cumbria had the highest number of sales of BDSM equipment in the UK per capita. Who knew?

Yep, while some couples are committed to finding the best sex toys, others opt for bondage as a way of spicing things up in the bedroom. 

It's far from a new phenomenon - bondage has been a fixture of erotic novels and art for centuries - from Rembrandt’s Andromeda Chained to the Rocks in 1630, through to the release of Fifty Shades of Grey, which made both jiggle balls and bondage mainstream back in 2013.

In fact, a staggering 150 million copies of the Fifty Shades trilogy sold worldwide between 2015 and 2017, allowing countless women to indulge in sexual fantasies about BDSM that they might not otherwise have owned up to. Suddenly, S&M was everywhere. In fact, the movie made it so popular sales of the spreader bar sex toy sold out after Fifty Shades Darker hit cinemas and viewers witnessed that erotic scene between Christian and Ana.

But why is bondage so alluring? Well, a variety of reasons. Play-struggling against restraints can build an exciting adrenaline rush while being blindfolded heightens the senses in the rest of the body. Think of all the times you’ve closed your eyes during a massage – feel good, right?

You and your partner have likely tried one of the best sex toys for couples. But how do you introduce something that conjures up images of leather fetish gear, gimp masks, sex chairs and twisted rope into your sex lives? Keep reading for our guide to bondage for beginners, with comments from a handful of sex experts. Don't miss our guides to the best sex toys on Amazon, best sex toys for beginners, and best anal sex toys, while you're here. 

Bondage for beginners: your guide

What is bondage?

In short, the act of being tied up or restrained during sex. It normally involves one partner taking more control in the sexual scenario.

BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, sadism, and masochism, with the bondage part referring to consensually tying, binding, or restraining a partner for erotic, aesthetic, or somatosensory (tactile) stimulation.

Speaking to TIME magazine, certified sex therapist Dr. Stephanie Hunter Jones explains that BDSM is an expression of the uniqueness of your sexuality.

What if my partner has tried bondage but I haven’t?

So, your partner has tried bondage but you haven't, yet you're still keen to give it a go. Fear not - this is quite common and can be easily navigated. "Ask them to explain what they’ve tried and what they haven’t, plus why they liked it," recommends Lovehoney’s bondage expert Jess Wilde. 

If neither of you has tried it but you're interested in giving it a go, communication is still key, she goes on. "If you’re the one who is interested in fetish play, it’s important to communicate that you don’t need this to get off – it’s just an enhancement, like having ketchup with chips," she shares. 

While the expert encourages everyone to be open-minded and try everything once or twice, remember if it doesn't work for you, that's okay, too. "You must be prepared for your partner to say, "I’m not into it." Mutual respect comes into all aspects of a relationship, including bondage for beginners."

5 best sex toys for bondage newbies

Toys play a large part in most bondage fantasies, with props like whips, rope, restraints, flaggers and crops helping to bring the fantasy to life for many.

Remember, as above, to discuss with your partner pre-investing to get a feel for what might turn them on and what will be a no.

When you've discussed your mutual preferences, you're good to go. Sites like Ann Summers and Lovehoney offer a wide range of products for couples looking to explore bondage, and their products are delivered in discreet packaging. No knowing looks from the postman, here.

5 tips for trying bondage, according to top experts

1. Don't try it with strangers

First things first: Experts recommend that you don’t embark on your first bondage experience with a near stranger. Being comfortable with your partner is important, as is being able to trust and communicate your wants, needs, and boundaries with them. 

PSA: brand new Tinder dates are out, as is anyone you've just met online – even if you did find them through the very best dating sites the internet has to offer.

2. Drop some hints first

Many people are put off experimenting with bondage for beginners because they don’t know how to broach the subject with their partner. This is something that Wilde is used to: "Never mind not knowing what to buy, a lot of our customers don’t necessarily know how to say to their partner, "Oh hey, honey, can you tie me up and spank me tonight?." It’s not the easiest thing to throw out there."

She recommends getting hold of some erotic fiction or maybe a DVD to watch in the comfort of your own home. "That’s the very first step before you even look at products. Plant the seed in your partner’s mind that it might be something you want to try. Getting them used to the idea might change their perspective a little bit."

Our guides to how to be intimate and how to talk to your partner about a fetish might help.

3. Don’t be put off by misconceptions about bondage

Bondage has something of a reputation, but it can actually be a very romantic way of enhancing a relationship. According to Wilde, "The world of bondage is like the world of curries. When you say "bondage" to someone, they think "whips and chains and scary stuff." In the same way, when you say "curry" to someone then they might think, "Oh my god, that’s hot and spicy and I can’t stand spicy food – it’s vindaloo.""

And yes, that does exist, but there’s still korma. Bondage for beginners is like the Korma of fetish play. Or to put it in best vibrators speak, it's like a bullet – entry-level, she goes on. There’s no reason why when you’re in a curry house, anyone’s going to force you to have a vindaloo. If you want to stick to Korma, that’s fine.

Just because you’ve tried something once, that doesn’t mean you have to keep trying if you don’t like it – as she explains, no one’s going to make you eat a second korma.

4. Trust and communication is key

Bondage for beginners means starting slowly and trying it with someone you trust. Bedroom games, like the best sex games, could be a good place to start as they require and imply a surrender of control by the restrained partner to the active partner. 

Do note: Wilde says that it’s important to establish a safety word before you begin. "‘It means everyone knows that there’s complete trust in the scenario, and you know that just saying one word will stop play immediately." Sure, the concept of a safety word can be daunting, be she assures it makes for the best experience all around.

Why? Well, "Some people who are complete novices might think, “If I need a safety word, this must be some really scary play”, but it isn’t. Safe words allow you to fully relax into the situation knowing that you can stop at any time without confusion."

This is where bondage and fetish play can even build a relationship and create trust. "You’re giving yourself to your partner," says Wilde. "It’s not just about sensation – it can be quite romantic." Relationship counsellor Cat Williams agrees: "The couples that stay together in the most enriching relationships are the ones that can be really honest. If you feel secure enough to say, "Let’s explore what we really love," you're on the right track." 

5. Choose your a position carefully

When couples are broaching the subject of bondage, they often feel pressure to label themselves as either the submissive or the dominant partner.

Wilde says that for first-timers, this is irrelevant. "A lot of people think, “I’ve got to pick one”, or “I’m the guy so I have to go on top”. Throughout experimentation, you might well find that you favour one over the other, or quite dramatically hate being a sub. But when we’re talking about absolute beginners and novices, I would say sample both at the beginning."

Did you know? There’s a third category entirely, known as a "switch." The clue is in the name really - it describes the people who like to switch between the two positions depending on their mood and partner. "In one relationship they might always be a sub, or Saturday they’re a sub, and Sunday they’re a dom," shares Wilde.

6. Be the first to jump in

According to Wilde, the best way to make something non-intimidating is to volunteer to do it first.

"I might say, "I've got this really great idea. I’m going to wear a blindfold tonight and I'd love you to massage me while I’m wearing it." Once you’ve done it, tell them how great it was. It’s almost reverse psychology. Show them what a great time you had while you were tied up, or whilst you had the blindfold on, and more often than not, they’ll be gagging to try it later."

7. Keep it simple

When it comes to bondage for beginners essentials, Wilde recommends starting out simple. Sure, a sex position like pegging may be the end goal, but you'll need to warm up to it. "Don’t start bringing in loads of tools – that can be intimidating, or overcomplicate things and become more of a distraction than an enhancement.’" 

This is why blindfolds are so handy - most of us have one or something that can be used as one at home. "As soon as you block off someone’s vision it heightens all of their other responses, so they’re going to become really sensitive to touch. Bondage is this idea of heightening both psychological and physiological response and playing with what your body already does. If you’re slipping a blindfold onto your partner and massaging them, they’re going to be really sensitive to every touch and get more pleasure from the simplest of things. Plus blindfolds are non-intimidating because you can usually get them in satiny materials."

Wilde says that a lot of Lovehoney customers have been put off exploring bondage for beginners by the materials usually associated with it. "People conjure up this idea of leather and chains and metal and spikes, which can be quite off-putting. What’s changed over the last few years is that we’ve got a lot more gear that appeals to people who want to keep things soft and sensual, so it feels more like lingerie. It’s not about being hard and intimidating."

She adds that a blindfold can also be a confidence boost. "You might be in control for the first time, which can be daunting.  Covering your partner’s eyes gives you the freedom to do whatever you want without worrying what your partner is seeing." Don't have a blindfold? A silk scarf, shirt tie or pair of tights will do.

Bottom line? "It's all about exploring the way things feel and listening to each other’s body language. The possibilities are endless." 

8. Play it hot and cold

Once you want to explore a little further, there are things around the house you can use. "Ice cubes are brilliant for temperature play," says Wilde, "and you don’t need to buy anything except an ice cube tray. Warm honey is also great, and you’ve probably got it in your kitchen cupboard already, so you don’t need to run out and start buying loads of sex toys."

That's right - you can give bondage for beginners a go without buying anything at all. "Knowing what to buy can be daunting enough as it is," shares the expert.

9. Experiment with bondage restraints and sex knots

That said, when you’re ready to move into more advanced bondage territory, it's time to get the toys out.

Test the water with restraint by holding your partner's arms where you want them. "If you’re on top, try pinning their arms to the mattress, and if they like that, you’re likely ready to take it to the next level," says Wilde.

‘Suggest something like, "Let’s do this again but maybe we’ll use handcuffs this time, and then my hands are free to do other stuff to you while your hands are above your head," It’s the same with spanking – just use your hands to explore and see if you like where you’re going psychologically with your erotic play."

When it comes to tying your partner up, Wilde recommends against using a shirt tie: "We get a lot of people who are trying bondage for the first time and will rummage around in their drawers and go, "Oh we can use this stocking or shirt tie." Although both those items are great for a blindfold, they’re not ideal for actually tying someone up for the first time, simply because you could tie a knot that someone might struggle to get out of."

No one wants to be panicking because they can’t undo a knot in a tie, and with things like tights that have nylon in them and are stretchy, and can get tighter whilst it’s tied – it’s a recipe for disaster.

Wilde advises steering clear of knots and opting for Velcro instead:"‘You can pull and twist and tug and it won’t come free, but your partner can pull you out of it in a snap if they need to. The same goes for anything with an easy-release clip – something that’s easy to undo in the heat of the moment. Chances are that people won’t ever want to take advantage of that benefit, but knowing it’s there can help you relax and enjoy the situation more."

If you really fancy using rope, sexpert Girl On the Net recommends the SexToys site. "They have bondage rope for less than a tenner and it works really well. Just make sure you practice the knots you want to use, know how to undo them quickly, and make sure you have some safety scissors on standby."

For her, bondage means being able to get into sex positions you couldn’t otherwise. "My favourite thing is when he uses the rope to tie my ankles together, and then pulls them back over my head. Then he loops the ropes around the bedposts and pulls on it while we're having sex. It gives him something to grip onto and means I can stay in that position for much longer without getting cramp. It also gives super-deep penetration, too." (Read our guide to the best sex positions, while you're here).

Feeling a bit overwhelmed by products? Don’t take it too seriously – respect each other and take each other seriously, but have fun, advises Wilde. "It's about taking baby steps. No one’s expecting you to suddenly own a dungeon or a crucifix."

Now you've read our complete guide to bondage for beginners, most important of all: have fun.

If you're searching the web trying to find out why your vagina burns after sex, public service announcement: it's actually quite common.

It might not be a hot topic of conversation between you and your mates, sure, but it happens to most women at some point in their lifetime. It's also one of the most Googled sex search terms, alongside the likes of how to spice up a relationship and how often couples have sex.

An American College of Obstetrics and Gynae survey found that around 75% of women will feel pain during sex, and one of those pains is a burning or stinging discomfort either during or after.

Sound familiar? Don't worry - you're not alone, or so says Abbas Kanani, a pharmacist at Chemist Click. "Although not uncommon, experiencing any kind of burning in your vagina can cause embarrassment or anxiety," he shares. "Some may even come to dread sexual intercourse with their partner when you needn't," he emphasises.

FYI, there are a number of totally normal reasons why you might be feeling the burning down there, and also a number of simple ways to treat it and help soothe the pain. For expert advice from a pharmacist on why your vagina burns after sex - and vaginal care tips to help you treat it - keep reading. Don't miss our guides to the best sex games and explainers on tantric sex and bondage for beginners, while you're here. 

10 reasons your vagina is burning after sex

There are actually a whole host of different medical conditions and situations that can cause you to experience burning. 

1. Not enough lubrication

Your body produces natural lubrication when you are sexually stimulated, explains Kanani.

If you've had sex without being sexually stimulated enough, or have trouble with producing enough lubrication, you could experience vaginal dryness and, in turn, burning. "Vaginal dryness increases the chances of friction," the pharmacist explains. "Friction causes burning, heat and sensitivity, which can lead to painful sex or pain after sex."

Top tip - do check out our guides to the best lubes, if you're struggling with natural lubrication. Again, this is quite common and nothing to worry about.

2. You have a UTI

You'll likely have had a UTI, or a Urinary Tract Infection, at some point in your lifetime. You know an itchy, burning, tingling or uncomfortable feeling in your vagina or vulva? Yep, that.

"UTI's can cause a burning sensation during and after sex and inflammation around the bladder and urethra, too, making any pressure around these areas during sex painful," shares Kanani.

While there are plenty of over-the-counter UTI treatments that will get rid of your infection in a few days, it's worth visiting your GP if you haven't experienced one before to decide the best cause of action.

3. You've had rough sex

Have you had a sex toy or lovemaking session that was, well, a bit rougher or longer than usual? "It's quite normal to experience some discomfort afterwards," shares Kanani. "That's because the extra pressure and friction can cause inflammation in the area around the vagina."

4. You have cystitis

You'll have heard of cystitis, but do you know what it is or why is causes a burning in your vagina?

"Cystitis is an infection of the bladder which can be caused by a bacterial infection or irritation to the bladder," explains the pharmacist. "It can be brought about by friction from sex, but can also be caused by irritation from certain ingredients in soap."

Top tip: Be careful with what products you're using on your vagina and vulva if you know you're susceptible to cystitis from time to time.

5. You have an allergy to sperm

Ever heard of this one? Sometimes, your vagina will be burning because you actually have an allergy to sperm. Yep.

"This cause burning, itching, redness and discomfort around the vaginal area," explains the pharmacist. "This can be triggered by sex, or the skin coming into contact with sperm."

Do note: sperm allergy is usually caused by certain proteins found in semen, which can cause irritation in and around the vagina. If it's causing you regular irritation, do visit your GP.

6. Allergy to condoms, toys or lubricants

There was always that one guy at school who had a rumoured latex allergy, right?

"Certain materials - like latex - can cause irritation to the vulva, causing stinging and burning," explains the pharmacist.

Similarly, if these objects, like condoms, for example, have actually been inserted into your vagina, then the pain can sometimes reach inside your vaginal canal, causing internal pain, too.

7. You have vaginismus

Ever heard of vaginismus? It's a condition that causes your vaginal muscles to tighten involuntarily during intercourse.

"This sometimes happens when penetration is attempted, " explains Kanani. "This can make intercourse painful and can even prevent intercourse for some people."

Top tip: If you're feeling a little anxious about penetration, investing in one of the best sex toys can be a great way of getting yourself (and your vagina) in the mood.

8. You have bacterial vaginosis

Did you know? Bacterial vaginosis, otherwise known as BV, disrupts the balance of 'good' and 'bad' bacteria in the vagina, resulting in the growth of harmful bacteria.

"Symptoms include pain or burning after sex, itchiness inside the vagina, strong smelling discharge that is usually green in colour and pain when urinating," says Kanani.

9. You have an STI

STIs such as genital herpes and chlamydia can cause painful intercourse and burning after sex. "Genital herpes can also cause sores and blisters, which in turn lead to pain when having sex," explains the expert.

10. It's being caused by your contraception

FYI, some contraceptive pills and contraceptive rings can cause vaginal dryness, which in turn can lead to painful sex and a burning sensation in your vagina. "This is because these methods of contraception reduce your natural production of hormones, which can thin the skin around the genital region," explains Kanani.

Bottom line: if you think any of the above might be happening to you, you need to make a judgement call about whether or not it's worth booking an appointment with your GP.

Some conditions, like BV or an STI, will require medication and you seeing a doctor.

Others, like UTIs and cystitis, are easily treatable with over the counter solutions. Your pharmacist could help you with this, if you head in-store.

What do I do to stop a burning vagina after sex?

1. Applying a cold compress

An icepack or cold compress can sometimes help ease your discomfort. "It can stop the burning by numbing the area," Kanani explains.

Top tip: Use a towel or cloth as a barrier and make sure to use the pack on and off for five minutes at a time.

2. Opt for a lubricant

Burning in your vagina can sometimes be caused by vaginal dryness, as outlined above.

Kanani's tip is to use a water based lubricants pre and during sex - they're less irritating and help to reduce friction, which should mean no burning afterwards, he says.

"This should help to relieve pain, and there are also certain anaesthetic gels which you can apply ten to fifteen minutes before sex to help to numb pain," he explains. Do note here: he says you should only use these gels if your doctor advises you to do so.

3. Try medication

If you have any of the infections mentioned above, medication could help.

"Antibiotics from your doctor can help to clear the infection and reduce symptoms, plus antihistamines can reduce any symptoms from mild allergies," he shares.

4. Buy hypoallergenic products

As the pharmacist has explained, certain materials and ingredients in lubes, toys and condoms may cause burning, so identifying these - and then avoiding them where necessary - is key.

"Try to opt for natural, water-based options to reduce the chances of allergy," advises Kanani. "It may take a while, but it's definitely worth trying a few different products to find what works best for you."

Searching the Internet for the best sex games to try tonight with your significant other? Well, you're in the right place - date night just got ten times hotter. 

Why now? Well, summer is finally here, marking the perfect excuse to try something sexy and new with your partner. The sun's finally out and long, balmy evenings lie ahead of us (if the weather holds out). 

If your lovemaking has taken a backseat, these games promise to bring back the spark. The best part? You can make them as tame or risqué as you like. A bit like using the best sex toys (we're looking at you, best vibrators and best dildos), sex games can be tailored to your needs and likes. Think of it as a nice middle ground for getting the vibes going. 

Need more convincing? Couples who have more sex have been scientifically found to have both happier (and healthier) relationships, with one Journal of Health and Social Behavior study finding that sex boosts intimacy and lowers your chances of breaking up.

Enter stage right, MC UK's edit of the best sex games - designed by pros to help you spice things up a little. Don't miss our guides to best lube, best sex positions, and best dating apps, while you're here.

Do note: the following games have been independently tried and tested and are officially seven of the best sex games out there. Enjoy.

Best sex games: 7 to try tonight for guaranteed fun

1. Time bomb

What you need: You, your partner, and a timer.

How to play: Set a time limit for as long or short as you like, e.g. twenty minutes, (the longer you can delay, the hotter). For this set time, kiss, touch and play around, but aim not to have penetrative sex until the time is up.

The verdict: Lorna* said: "This one is all about delaying the action for as long as possible, putting the focus fully on foreplay. We spent a bit of time re-connecting with each other's bodies and seeing how it hots up the main event."

2. Play captive

What you need: Four ties, ribbons or handcuffs, and preferably a four-poster bed.

How to play: Have them tie your arms and legs to the bed and slowly tease you from top to bottom.

The verdict: Karina* says: "This game allows you to surrender completely to your partner. Enjoy being the centre of attention while powerless to do anything to stop it."

3. Kinky cards

What you need: A deck of cards and a timer.

How to play: Give each suit of cards a meaning, (e.g. hearts equal kissing, diamonds means a massage, clubs means hands-on stimulation, and spades means oral). Then, take turns picking cards and carrying out the required actions. The number on the cards is equal to how long each act should last, meaning you may really end up toying with one another.

The verdict: Veronica* says: "Again, foreplay is the key focus here. You never know how long each act will last making for a delicious cocktail of anticipation and pleasure." We feel like our edit of the best sex toys for couples might just come in handy here...

4. The ‘Try Not To Have Sex’ Game

What you need: Each other and maybe some props (e.g. massage oil or chocolate body paint).

How to play: You’re not allowed to have sex, but you are allowed to try and entice each other into sex. The loser is the one who gives in and initiates sex first.

The verdict: Lucinda* says: "This game is all about teasing each other and seeing how long the other can resist. It's a lot of fun and the penalty for losing is hardly a punishment.."

5. Bad behaviour

What you need: A guilty conscience.

How to play: Tell your partner all the little things you did wrong that day, these can be as mundane or as naughty as your like. Then, get your partner to spank you using the nearest object to hand – be it a hairbrush, newspaper or something more risque (whip, anyone?)

The verdict: Sam* says: "Obviously you have to be into spanking to really enjoy this one, but adding in a bit of role-playing makes it fun too. Definitely worth a try if you want something different in the bedroom."

6. Take it al fresco

What you need: An outdoor location.

How to play: Tell your partner about a place you’ve always wanted to have sex but never had the guts to try, and then - just do it. It might be outside in the car, in the toilet at your favourite bar or somewhere even raunchier...

The verdict: Lisa* says: "Once you settle into a long term relationship, most of the bedroom action takes place in the, er… bedroom. This is a great way to put some excitement back into your sex life. (Extra tip - pretend you are two strangers who have just casually bumped into each other in public and end up getting carried away)."

7. Fantasy fulfiller

What you need: Paper, pencil and a hat.

How to play: Write down three to six fantasies each on small pieces of paper, then fold up each one and put them all into a hat. Take it in turns to pick them out and act on them. (It can also be a good idea to have three separate hats with fantasies ranging from tame to wild to make sure you're comfortable).

The verdict: Michaela* says: "This is all about exploring each other’s fantasies in a fun and no-pressure way. Each person has a veto option if something comes up that they really don’t want to try. It’s a good way to learn about what each of you really wants in the bedroom, and have some fun while you’re at it."

Now, question: which sex game are you going to try first?

Ask anyone about tantric sex and they’ll probably tell you two things. That it's meant to be amazing, but that they don't actually have any clue what it involves.

Don't worry - that's where this handy guide comes in. A bit like with the best sex games or fun sex ideas, you've all heard rumours about how it could improve your sex life. Steamy tantric sessions supposedly last for hours on end - but just how much of this is actually true? And if it is, how exactly do you try it yourself at home?

All good questions - which is why we've enlisted the help of some of the best experts in the business to break it down for you. Below, sex and relationship counsellor for Lovehoney, Annabelle Knight, Ferly sex practitioner Georgia Rose, sex coach Sarah Rose Bright, and certified love, sex, and relationship therapist at Zoe Clews & Associates, Andrea Balboni.

Keep scrolling for your complete guide to tantric sex - and don't miss our guides to how to spice up a relationship and how to be more sexually intimate, while you're here.

Tantric sex: your guide

What's the definition of tantric sex?

According to Knight, tantric sex is a slow, meditative form of sex where the end goal is not orgasm but enjoying the sexual journey and sensations of your body. "It aims to move sexual energy throughout the body for healing, transformation, and enlightenment. Think the kind of sex that is a mind-altering journey," she explains.

In the expert's words, it's an exploration of how much deeper, dynamic, healing, creative, and inspiring sex can be when you allow it to be about more than just the orgasm.

You might have already invested in some of the best sex toys for couples, but this is taking things far deeper spiritually, too. As Rose explains, tantric sex "incorporates rituals, visualisation, mindful breathing techniques and slow movements that ground us, connecting us to pleasurable moments - in ourselves and with others."

So while tantric sex can give you mind-blowing orgasms, this isn’t actually what it’s all about. "Tantra is the union of sex, heart, and spirit, bringing all of these into not just our sexual experiences, but into our life," adds Bright. "Tantra positions like the yab yum invite us to be really conscious about who and how we are as a sexual being."

Of course, improved sex is a part of this as together, sex and orgasm are believed to equate to the highest level of spiritual awareness.

Tantric sex practitioner Layla Martin made a good analogy. She shared: "What makes spiritual sexuality different from your everyday sex, is the same as what makes yoga different from stretching, and meditation different from just sitting."

Where did tantric sex originate from?

Believed to have originated from India over 5000 years ago, "tantra is a combination of spirituality and sexuality that can lead to enlightenment," shares Knight.

Rose seconds this, adding that the practice of tantra focuses on slow, meditative, ritualised practices. If you're struggling with knowing how to be intimate, it could be good practice for you, as it forces you to slow down and view sexual intercourse through a more meditative lens.

Through your practice, it's said that you can access sexual ecstasy and the divine. Sex is treated as having a higher purpose - it is not merely a physical, mechanical experience. It is a portal through which we can find "one-ness" and transcendence, she explains.

How did the practice of tantra reach the UK? Well, with confusion. "When the tantras were first translated into English around 200 years ago, they shocked British colonialists who assumed tantra was little more than a sex cult," Knight shares. "This misunderstanding has continued to frame the Western conception of tantra to this day," she goes on.

Needless to say, modern tantra is still widely practiced. Although it is markedly different from the teachings contained within the medieval tantras, its followers still look to sexual energy as a source of enlightenment, the sex expert shares.

While tantra has this reputation of promoting uninhibited sex, promiscuity could not be further from its original point, or so says Balboni. "Its original focus is to enable full spiritual awakening via direct interaction with your sexual energy."

Which celebrities are fans of tantric sex?

The Police star Sting originally introduced tantric sex to the mainstream media in 1990. You'll likely remember his comment, where he casually mentioned a seven-hour tantric sex session he'd had with his wife, Trudie Styler. It's still being discussed over thirty years later.

Turns out they weren't actually having sex for seven hours, but incorporating the tantric act of building up to the main event in their lovemaking. On the matter, he said: "The idea of tantric sex is a spiritual act. I don't know any purer and better way of expressing a love for another individual than sharing that wonderful, I call it, 'sacrament.' Seven hours includes a movie and dinner!”

Scarlett Johansson and Tom Hanks have both also shared that they've tried it.

10 tantric sex tips for beginners

Even if it's always been one of the most common sexual fantasies, know this: tantra takes time to master. The whole point of the practice is to actually delay your orgasm, which many - especially men - may initially find frustrating, rather than a turn on. Follow the below techniques from the pros to master tantric sex as a beginner.

"The key is not to focus too closely on your orgasm", explains Knight. Instead, try and prolong the foreplay for as long as possible before reaching climax. Other half not so keen? Learn how to talk to your partner about a fetish, here.

1. Set the mood

Get some scented candles, turn off your phone and prepare to devote at least two hours to your lover.

2. Loosen your body

Tantra is about moving energy through the body, so shake your limbs vigorously to energise and unblock your system before you start.

3. Stay off the bed

This will trigger the sleep button in your brain. Tantra is not about a quick romp - you are seeking a deep connection. Get comfortable by lying on the floor with your partner using some cushions.

4. Stimulate your senses

Sight is the most powerful of the senses, so it's important to look good, share our experts. Why not try wearing some lingerie or decorating the room with some fresh flowers?

To stimulate your sense of smell, use oils like rose, ylang-ylang and jasmine.

On the audio front, you could even sing to your partner, or whisper intimately into their ear. Not so keen? Playing their favourite music will work, too.

Taste-wise, melted chocolate, honey and fresh fruit all work. As the sex becomes more intimate, you should apply them to body parts and lick them off.

And finally, touch. Massage their head, neck, hands and feet, and more.

5. Get closer

You could try sitting face-to-face, wrapping your hands around each other and pressing your bodies together. "This kind of skin contact promotes greater feelings of intimacy," shares Knight.

6. Let foreplay become intimate

Quite opposite to sex positions like pegging, tantra is all about taking your time and leisurely make your way around their body. "Try a variety of touches - firm massage, light feathery touches, and gentle stroking. The aim here is to heighten your lover's senses in a slow and intense way so that you're building them up to a peak but stopping just short before the orgasm," explains Knight.

Oral sex is encouraged but not to the point of climax - remember, you are aiming to make the pleasure last for hours.

7. Stand up opposite each other

Try this: look into each other's eyes and place your left hand on your partner's heart as they place their hand on yours.

Then, try matching each other's breathing for a couple of minutes. Breathwork is a big part of the tantra.

8. Try some role play

If it turns you on, use a blindfold. Take it turns - one could even be submissive and one dominant, shares Knight.

9. Progress beyond foreplay to intercourse

Top tip here: avoid any position that you know makes you orgasm easily, instead working towards a gradual build-up of pleasure. "The slower you take it, the more intense the orgasm will be at the end," Knight stresses.

10. As you're reaching orgasm, try tantric breathing

Close to orgasm? Time to slow your breathing down. 

Why? As above, tantric breathing is hugely important in tantra. It may seem illogical as most of us breathe more quickly as we approach climax - women, in particular, can tense up at this stage of sex as they try to make themselves come.

"Instead, relax your tummy and take long, slow, deep tantric breathing," Knight recommends. "Your orgasm will last longer and be more intense."

Rose adds that tantric breathing is one of the most important elements of tantric sex, and so to really hone in on yours if you're comfortable doing so. "Tantric breathing is key. Inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth, using sound. The use of sound upon the exhale supports a release and a sense of letting go, whilst encouraging a dropping down into the body. Liberate yourself using sounds," she encourages.

Think heavy sighs, deep guttural growls, funny noises, and even screams - they're all welcome in tantric breathing. Why? Well, "the practice helps to transition us into a much more embodied, grounded and present space - which is essential for sex," Rose explains.

And remember: don't give up. If you don't last beyond ten minutes, try again. "Tantric sex takes time to get to grips with because we're all used to sex in a Western way - sex with an obvious start, middle and end," explains Knight. She encourages you to use your imagination. Your sex life could go off in all sorts of new directions, thanks to tantra.

Keen to find a partner to try tantric sex with? Check our guides to the best dating sites, sex apps, and dating profile tips, while you're here. Don't forget an expert's tips for what to talk about on a first date, too.

Three tantric sex tools worth their salt

Move over, traditional dating apps - there's a new sex app in town which is headline news. Enter stage right, the Feeld app, a British-based app which encourages users to be brutally honest with their sexual preferences.

Marketing itself as sex positive, millions have downloaded the app in the last year hoping to find sexual enlightenment or at least, a partner looking for the same thing as them in the bedroom. It's really having a moment, with app downloads soaring 320% between 2020 and 2023.

While it was once largely a specialist app designed for swingers or those with specific fetishes, lockdown seems to have changed things. On the surface, it feels like any other dating app - you upload your photo and a bio and start swiping through other users. 

But there are standout differences too - unlike other apps where you have to confirm your identity, Feeld prioritises an anonymous approach, instead encouraging users to go into detail about their sexual preferences and kinks.

So, what's it really like? Does it encourage healthy and open relations, or does anonymity breed unfavourable behaviour? Below, two women share their own experiences on the app. Do scroll a sex expert's dating profile tips, dating advice for women, and first date tips, while you're here.

Two women share their Feeld app reviews

"It's helped me to enjoy plenty of new experiences"

Ellie*, 32, is a communications manager. She first joined Feeld back in 2021 just after the first lockdown. 

"I was out for drinks with a couple of friends chatting about dating after lockdown and how I could do with some fun when a friend of mine told me about Feeld. She knew I wasn’t exactly vanilla when it came to sex and said I might enjoy it as the app."

"I’ve always had a very open mind when it comes to sex, kinks and relationships - so I downloaded the app and I haven’t looked back since. At first, I was definitely looking for more casual relationships. I really like that you can be up-front and honest about what it is you’re into and what you are looking for. With some of the more traditional dating apps it's very easy to lie about your intentions, but with Feeld I’ve found that people are a lot more open and happier to talk. People actually reply to your message, and I’ve also found that ghosting seems to be a lot less of a thing or usually someone just says pretty quickly if they aren’t interested."

"I’ve had some really great experiences from the app and met some great people, both on a romantic and sexual level. Some have just turned out to be friends, others more. I’ve met some great couples as well as single people and enjoyed plenty of new experiences along the way."

"Like with any other dating app, I like to be safe even if it's just casual and prefer to meet someone for a drink or Facetime someone first to see if there’s a good vibe. I think sometimes with an app that’s more sexually open - for example, when you state your preferences, like bondage - there can be misconceptions."

"That said, so far I’ve only had one negative experience from meeting up with a guy from Feeld. We went out for drinks and ended up going back to mine to take things further as we had a great time. During sex things took a bit of a turn. He slapped me around the face which I said I didn’t like and he apologised but did it again a few minutes later. At this point, I just stopped and asked him to leave, which he did thankfully."

"My logic on that one was you get idiots everywhere - I’m sure I could’ve easily matched with him on another app and he still would’ve been a twat."

"I’ve used the app on and off and even met a guy from the app who I’m now seeing. He's really nice and things are going well. I like that we’ve been quite upfront and able to communicate what we are into without it being awkward. He’s also not on any other dating apps so without Feeld I probably wouldn’t have met him."

"It's a mixed bag but works if you're clear with what you want"

Marie*, 36, is a PR from Brighton. She joined Feeld in the summer of 2022 after a string of failed dates on apps like Bumble and Hinge. Here, she shares her experience on the app.

"A friend of mine suggested it - she'd had a positive experience, a few nice dates and some great sex with people from the app without getting into anything too heavy. I’m a very honest and open person so was clear in what I was wanting and met a few men who were great online."

"Sadly, in person, they barely spoke. If they did, they’d talk about their bad experiences of women and how they'd given up hope of having a decent relationship or have been cheated on - which made me think that Feeld was being used for people who'd been knocked back after using other apps - after all, I was the same."

"That wasn't the worst of it, though. Last summer, I decided to delete the app as I received five dick pics in a row of all the stages of erection and subsequent orgasm. I hadn't asked for this and it left me feeling highly uncomfortable."

"When I told the sender that it was innapropriate and made me feel uncomfortable, he simply replied: "This isn’t Tinder.""

"I gave it another go in May. This time, I was very clear in what I was wanting - no one night stands, rather, something regular and positive with cute dates mixed in. It's been better since and I like that Feeld allows you to clearly communicate what's important to you - for me, that's respect, consent and communication. With other apps, I've found that people don’t really know what they want."

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Madison James’s clients are busy professionals who crave companionship and no-strings sex. Yep, you guessed right: that's because Madison is a male escort.

Wondering what that actually entails? Essentially, a male escort is someone who's carved a career out of selling his sex services. Otherwise known as a male prostitute, gigolo or rent boy, escorts, generally speaking, charge more for their means. Again, stereotypically, they operate in the higher rankings of society, wining and dining clients, getting to know them, and then charging anywhere between £1,000 and £3,000 a night for their services.

Here, two professionals tell us all about how they got into their line of work, why customers come to them and how much, as a male escort, they earn per hour.

Read our first-persons on open relationships, having your first threesome, and premature female ejaculation, while you're here. 

I'm a male escort - here's what it's really like

What is being a male escort really like?

"My date for last Tuesday evening had pulled out all the stops," shares Madison. "A 42-year-old banker, she turned up straight from work wearing a Roland Mouret dress paired with a classic red Hermès handbag. A cloud of Alexander McQueen perfume surrounded her as she approached me."

"Anyone who watched us chatting away over Dirty Martinis in the Soho rooftop bar where we met – or later, at the theatre where we spent the rest of the evening – would have thought we were on a first date. A successful one, too, given the rapport we struck up and the hours I spent in her room later that evening. We talked about her past relationships and upcoming promotion at work while I explored every inch of her body. But for me, this was a regular midweek night at work. Not that 'work' always feels like the right word."

"Every encounter I have as an escort begins like this. Not in the bedroom, but over drinks or dinner. It’s important to spend time learning what makes each of my clients tick. One woman might be coming to me to try a Kamasutra sex position; another because she’s desperate to feel valued or appreciated."

Who uses a male escort?

"After Fifty Shades Of Grey, a lot of women became curious about bondage, pegging sadomasochism," explains Madison. "Demand got so high that I made it one of my specialist services. I’ve met women who are very clear it’s what they want, but others embrace it gradually. One thing my job has taught me is that, in general, a woman’s sexuality is like a dial, which you turn up gradually. You don’t rush new things all at once."

"‘Most of my clients are between 35 and 45, educated and successful - at £150 an hour or £1,200 for the night, they need money to hire me. They’re lawyers, business owners and City executives, mainly, and many are repeat customers. I’ve been doing this for three years now. The money is good, but being honest, the real pleasure comes from the transformative side of what I do. I get to see women unleash their craziest sexual fantasies, which they’ve never felt comfortable displaying with a long-term partner." (Read up on how to talk about your fetish, here).

"One regular – married for ten years to a hedge funder – told me, “I just want to feel sexually alive again.” Another, a single, good-looking forty-something (they rarely tell me their age) banker was, I had established from our chats over dinner, a bit of a ball-breaker at work. Still, she struggled to establish intimate relationships. “I can’t believe that in 2017, men still feel so intimidated by women like me,” she said after a few glasses of champagne. “Is it that hard to find a 40-year-old man who is kind, funny and also has his shit together?".

What are escort hirers looking for?

"Some women are just unashamedly looking for adventure. I had one client who got her kicks from sex in public – we had one session under a tree in a London park, and another in a nightclub. Then there’s the regular client who wanted to try tantric sex. She contacted me because she liked the spiritual, sensual vibe of my website. Before we met, we talked for an hour on the phone about everything from Buddhism to meditation."

"One of her frustrations was that a lot of the guys she met weren’t into spirituality, but she wanted to share that with someone. For our first meeting, we just had drinks. For our second, we went back to her apartment and had sex for hours, focusing on tuning into our sexual energy."

"Often, the job is as emotional as it is physical. I saw one married client in her thirties several times while she was preparing to get divorced. She hadn’t had sex for years, and I think she hired me to ease her into a new stage of life. I provided an environment where she could de-stress."

How do you get into being a male escort?

"Of course, being a male escort isn’t something you aspire to as a young guy, and it’s certainly not something that I expected to do. I’ve always been curious about other people and quite open-minded. Surprisingly, though, my background is actually very traditional. I was raised in a strict, church-going family and for years I led a pretty conventional life."

"Leaving school with good grades, I went on to study Graphic Design and Fine Art at university. Then, I used my creative flair to set up a number of successful small businesses. In another world, I often think, I’d be married with kids by now. But I’m just not ready for all that yet."

"I'm 37 now. As the years have gone by, I’ve realised there’s a link between many of the women I meet. Whether married or single, their interactions with men often leave them wanting more. They feel overlooked, not fully appreciated. Some of them have never met a man who’s genuinely dedicated to pleasing them during sex. Modern dating trends aren’t helping, either. I think many women feel casual sex apps are geared towards quick liaisons for men, rather than satisfying the needs of women."

Is there always sex involved?

Not always. As Keith from Gentlemen4Hire explains, some male escorts offer purely non-sexual services.

“Women sometimes hire escorts to find a good listener. The women I encountered as an escort who provides platonic services often wanted to talk about their lives, problems, and aspirations. I listen and ask questions as part of my job. They don't really care about my life and issues. The most important thing is to concentrate on what they're saying and let them know you're giving them your full attention.”

“The younger women I have encountered are tired of endless dates, especially ones from dating sites. It's too stressful for them, given how hit-and-miss it can be and how awkward it is to go out with someone who they find not to be their type. Having the option to choose an escort that they like and book every single detail under their control is refreshing.”

“On the more mature end of the spectrum, most women are either married and bored or divorced."

"Some women are just looking for a companion. Once a client from New York wanted a tour of London, so I showed her all the best attractions. We visited the British Museum and the National Portrait Gallery, and her first taste of classic British cuisine was in a quaint bistro. We rode the tube together and even went on a double-decker bus tour. Her tour of London was definitely memorable - she told me as much before we parted ways.”

How to be intimate can transcend sex - sometimes, it's building a rapport with an individual, instead.

Top tip? Avoid blurred lines

"Being honest, I love my job, but there is the odd occupational hazard," shares Madison. "When sharing a connection, it’s easy for lines to get blurred, and occasionally I’ve sensed that a regular is developing deeper feelings for me. Drunk clients can be a problem, too. Then there are times when I’m going through the motions – if I’m tired, for example. I’ve also had situations where because the woman is paying, she thinks she owns me."

"Luckily, I’m naturally attracted to many different kinds of women. Although, on a couple of occasions, I have felt that I might struggle to perform at all. The solution to that dilemma is to gently suggest another escort might have a better rapport. It’s rare, though."

"Really, I'm lucky. I haven’t had my own relationship for a long time, but this is a sacrifice I’m comfortable with. Wondering how many women I see a week? It's normally two or three women a week on average, many of them regulars. Being truthful, I could see more, but I have to balance it with my general maintenance."

"My clients aren’t just paying for my body, but a whole package. I hit the gym five times a week, but I also make sure that I’m up on current affairs, and I read self-improvement books. I won’t do this job forever, but I don’t feel I have a sell-by date yet. The women I meet don’t want a toy boy, but rather a man with experience and sensitivity, who listens to their needs. You wouldn’t believe how few of them feel they get this."

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Wondering how to use the best sex toys but feel embarrassed to ask? Know this: you're not alone. A quarter of Brits own a sex toy that no one else knows about, according to data from Him & Hers 2023 Let's Talk About Sex report. 

It's high time we ended the stigma around sex toys, especially as the report also found that 41% of women, 43% of non-binary people and 20% of men find it hard to orgasm without the help of a sex toy. So let's break down the taboo once and for all: sex toys are a normal and downright important part of sex.

The problem isn't the toys: rather, that many of us don't know where to begin, plus the fact there's not a lot of advice out there. "There’s shame and guilt still built around sex. We feel like we can’t have the sex life of our dreams because we can’t fully be who we desire to be sexually because we’re afraid of being scrutinised for it,” sexologist Octavia Vance says in the Him & Hers report. 

If you've been wondering where to start with sex toys, we have you covered with expert advice. An FYI that there is no rule book for sex toys, so you're not limited by what's in this story - try anything that takes your fancy (as long as it's safe and consensual). 

If it's your first time with a toy, make sure to check out our guide to the best sex toys for beginners. For more pro tips, don't miss our features on the best quiet sex toys, the best sex toys on Amazon, and the best sex toys for couples, while you're here. 

How to use sex toys: your complete guide

How to use sex toys for solo sex

Starting by using sex toys alone is a good way to ensure you feel safe and comfortable while exploring what you like. It's become more common recently, says sex educator and journalist Alix Fox.

“Lockdown and COVID meant that people were forced into solo experiences. Some of them really leaned into it, finding that exploring themselves on their own terms could be a lot more pleasurable, enlightening and exciting," she explains. Case in point: one in 10 people have started using sex toys more frequently, highlighting that it's really nothing to be embarrassed about. 

The first rule of solo sex? Not take it seriously. Often, people mistake it as a rush to the finish. While a quick orgasm is a great way to instantly lift your mood, it's not the only way to enjoy time alone. Explore your body, take your time and make it an event just as you would with partnered sex. 

How to use sex toys for partnered sex

If you have a partner you feel comfortable with, introducing sex toys into partnered sex sessions (check out our guide to the best sex toys for couples to find a toy that turns you both on) can be a great experience. 

Don't be embarrassed to ask your partner for sex toys in partnered sex, says sexologist Ness Cooper. "Sex toys can help you feel different sensations during sex which lead to improved orgasm. They can also stop your busy mind from wandering and it can make sex feel more physical, which can help you be more present," she says.

Using toys should be fun, not awkward. You might want to start with a show and tell, suggests Hope Flynn, head of content at iPlaySafe and founder of FeedMeFemale. "Masturbating in front of your partner and letting them see how you pleasure yourself can be super bold and a great way for them to learn how to use your toys as you like," she says. 

Small toys, like the best vibrators or best anal toys, can be a good introduction as they can be used alongside penetration as extra stimulation, rather than as the main event. Then, once you've become used to small toys, you can begin to experiment with other items like the best dildos or best suction dildos for additional fun. 

How to use a dildo

The most important part to remember with penetrative toys is that they require some warming up. Whether you're inserting a dildo into the vagina or anus, or keeping it external for clitoral or erogenous zone play, start lightly and be liberal with one of the best lubes, says Georgina Di Mattos, co-founder of sexual wellness and medical brand, iPlaySafe. 

"Use lubricant to prepare the head of the dildo, as well as rubbing it from your hands onto your inner and outer labia or anus. Then, go slow as you push the dildo into the opening, spreading the lube as you do, and gently move it in and out," she explains. It's also worth reading our extensive guide to how to use a dildo, while you're here. 

Expert-approved dildos to shop now

How to use a vibrator

Vibrators are electronic devices that come in all shapes and sizes - yep, all shapes and sizes, as our guides to the best bullet vibrators, best rabbit vibrators and best wand vibrators highlight. Using them requires classic electronic safety - obviously don't take non-waterproof vibes into the bath or shower - but also requires you to find your turn-on points and work up to high speed. 

"Start on the lower setting and begin using the vibrator over your vulva and labia," Cooper recommends. "Slowly teasing your body awake, explore the vibrator settings and begin to find the right type of buzz for you."

If your vibrator is a penetrative vibe, "start by inserting the tip into your vagina, then work to move its shaft into your body slowly," says Cooper. For clitoral stimulation, tease it around the area with lots of lube and in a variety of settings to see what gets you going. 

Vibrators are one of the best toys to use with a partner too, FYI, as they can be small enough to use on the clitoris or anus alongside partnered penetration. 

Vibrators that our pros love to shop now

How to use anal toys

"An anal toy is a great accessory for partner sex but it can also be a handy toy to explore anal pleasure on your own if you are curious but nervous," says Gasnault. In any case, take your time, advises the expert - especially if it's the first time you try anal stimulation. 

Try this: start by teasing the clitoris, perineum and anus in circular motions with the tip of your anal toy. Having a clitoral orgasm will do wonders to get you all relaxed and feeling good for more pleasure exploration. The perianal region is super rich in nerve endings and playing with it can send tingles up your spine.  

Remember, though: the anus does not self-lubricate, so be sure to add generous amounts of water-based lube. Then, insert the tip of the toy slowly and stop to let the internal sphincter, which we cannot control consciously, relax around it. "This will allow for full insertion," shares the pro. Then, once inserted, play with the modes of your toy and see what you like. "You can leave it in and stimulate other regions, like the clitoris or vagina, for extra pleasure," she shares. 

Two extra words of warning about anal toys: make sure your anal toy has a flared base, and read our guide to how to clean your sex toys, too. It's key to do this with anal toys before using them on other parts of the genitalia as if you don't, you risk spreading bacteria to the vagina or the vulva and causing infections. 

How to use suction sex toys

Ever heard of a suction sex toy? Well, you have now. "A suction toy is designed with an open mouth that goes on top of the clitoral glands," explains Gasnault. By using air to "suck" the clitoris, it gives a different but similar sensation to vibrators.

But how do you use them? "Clitorises vary in anatomy and sensitivity. If your clitoral glands are quite tucked in the labia and under its hood, you might want to use two fingers to spread the labia apart and expose it for stronger sensations," Gasnault begins. 

"As the clitoris is very sensitive, start with the lowest intensity of your suction and increase the intensity to your liking. A suction toy can be a great toy to try edging, a pleasure technique where you bring yourself to the edge of an orgasm, stop or reduce stimulation and then resume to reach higher pleasure," she shares. 

To best recreate the experience of oral sex with a suction toy, you can also put some drops of water-based lubricant on the clitoris before placing your toy above and around it. Enjoy. 

Suction toys sex experts recommend

How to use cock rings

Perhaps not one of the most popular sex toys, but maybe it should be, posits Flynn. "A cock ring should be worn at the base of the penis or around both the penis and the testicles. It’s easiest to put it on before a full erection and use lube to help (but do avoid oil-based lubricant if you are using a condom)," she shares. 

So, what do they do? For the wearer, cock rings make erections harder and last longer. "Vibrations and sensations can also increase pleasure," the expert continues. For the receiver, cock rings have different textures, vibrations or attachments that can stimulate the clitoris, vulva or anus, depending on where is being penetrated, so work together to find something you enjoy.

If you or your partner are new to the whole cock ring thing, know this: some rings offer more stretch than others, so the expert recommends starting with a stretchier one and working your way up to more restrictive ones. Similarly, be sure not to wear it for too long.

Cock rings to shop now

You'll have heard the phrase "being the other woman": you know, being the other woman someone is with, in addition to their partner. It's a term that's long been used to refer to the mistress, the lover, or the single person engaging in emotional or physical relations with another person who's already taken.

It's common to read stories of people who've been cheated on: stories of heartbreak, despair and trust issues, shock, turmoil and deep, deep hurt. That said, hearing the version of events from the person who instigated the cheating is rarer. 

Below Laura* shares her story - of being the "other woman" but being plagued by feelings of worry and guilt throughout the affair. While these feelings will differ from person to person and we're never here to judge, below, she shares her story. 

Take it as a warning, mere words of wisdom or simply a life lesson, and keep reading for one perspective of what it's really like being the other woman, plus a little on why people cheat, from a woman who's done it themselves.

Read our first-persons on open relationships, having your first threesome, and premature female ejaculation, while you're here. 

What being the other woman really feels like

Laura* started dating her now fiance when she was 22 years old - while he had another partner. 

"There's no way of saying it without sounding like a terrible person, but here goes: when my partner and I got together, he was involved with someone else. I was the other woman."

"The phrase "other woman" is already loaded. She's a character, not a real person. She's supposed to be a predator who goes after men in happy marriages for her own selfish gain. Of course, that's not the reality. In truth, I was a slightly lost twenty-two-year-old receptionist with no desire to "steal" anyone's boyfriend. I fell for my now fiance - hard. Despite being with other people, we couldn't stay away from each other."

"I don't condone infidelity. In fact, I think it's one of the worst things you can do to someone as it crushes your trust and can ruin your relationship. If I discovered that my partner had cheated on me I would be devastated - I've never felt good about what happened."

The reality of being the other woman

"Being the other woman is not fun, whatever films and TV might tell you. There was no glitz or glamour - my life looked the exact same as before, except for an increasingly sexually charged friendship with a man I knew I should be staying away from."

"We were both in relationships - my other half was in a short-term, long-distance situation and I was in a long-term open relationship. That said, the chemistry between us was pretty instant. When we met for our first drink (which was, if I'm honest with myself, a date), there was no question that we were going to end up in bed together. It was just a question of how long we'd manage to resist it."

Separating the physical from the emotional

"We didn't sleep together until we'd broken up with our respective partners and we'd only kissed a couple of times. But the real infidelity was emotional. We were messaging constantly, meeting up to hang out without telling anyone and always thinking about each other, wishing we were together. If my other half was going to cheat on me, I'd far rather he indulged in random sex with a stranger than kept it non-sexual but lay next to me in bed thinking about someone else."

"It all came to a head one morning I woke up after a party. I knew I had to see him, so I snuck out of the bedroom to avoid waking my ex and lay in the spare room, where the man I'd  been crushing on was sleeping. We didn't even touch, we just lay there listening to each other breathing. While there was nothing physical about it, it wasn't innocent, either. Emotionally we were already being unfaithful - of course, eventually our self-control failed and it became physical."

Breaking the news about being the other woman

"Once we'd kissed, we knew we had to tell our partners what had happened. The relationships were over."

"While my ex wasn't especially bothered - we'd been in an open relationship that had run its course - but my boyfriend's ex was heartbroken. Her friends began to target me on social media in defence of her. We both felt terrible about what we'd done and I certainly didn't need strangers using Twitter to call me every name under the sun to reaffirm it."

"Interestingly, the abuse was only ever aimed at me, not at my boyfriend. If anything, it's proof that the world still believes women are capable of "stealing" men. Being the other woman is so stigmatised. Of course, we can't steal men. It takes two people to be unfaithful - no one forces anyone to do it."

Does being the other woman ever end well?

"People always say once a cheater, always a cheater, but I don't think that's true. That said, I've got a vested interest in not believing it. If it is true, then my relationship is in trouble."

"I believe people cheat for a reason. They cheat because they're unhappy in their relationship or they're missing something they need."

"Cheating - despite being an agonising experience - can act as a wake-up call that a relationship has stopped working and that it's time to get out. Of course, it's possible to rebuild and move on but that needs both partners to be invested in trying and understanding how things broke down in the first place."

Shop our go-to sex toys now:

Ah, that age-old conundrum. Sex with your best friend would never happen—right? You've always been close, too close, to ever see them in a romantic light.

But then... it happens. Just like Jamie and Dylan in Friends With Benefits or Connell and Marianne in Normal People, Brits love a sex mishap. Surprisingly (or unsurprisingly), it's all too common, and so Google search for questions surrounding what happens after you have sex with a best friend is through the roof.

Does everything change? Should you tell your other mates? Can you maintain a close friendship after you've seen each other naked? Or will it all go south? 

To be completely realistic, just like being in an open relationship or having your first threesome, it totally depends on the situation and is likely different for each and every friendship. But reading other stories like the two below may help you work your way through the confusion if it does happen to you.

Don't miss our guides to what it feels like to have premature female ejaculation, while you're here. 

Sleeping with your best friend: your need-to-knows

How common is it to sleep with your best friend?

The question every wants to know the answer to. While the stats are scarce, a quick Google search draws up 773,000,000 results for "sex with best friend," which means, a bit like erectile dysfunction, that it's likely more common than you might think.

Realistically, if you're super close with someone and spend lots of time with them, chances are one night, after a few drinks, something could just happen - especially if there's underlying sexual chemistry or one of you hasn't had sex for a while.

While we don't have any solid stats, from our digging, it looks like it happens - a lot.

Here, Danielle* and Leah* share their stories, plus what they learnt from sleeping with their own best friends of ten and six years. Watch and learn...

"For the first time, I orgasmed from penetration alone - but it changed things"

For Danielle*, sleeping with her best mate was easy fun - but she only noticed further down the line that it changed their relationship irrevocably. 

"I didn’t have a sudden moment of waking up and realising that I’d slept with my oldest friend.. We’d had sex four times, and for the first time ever I’d orgasmed from penetration alone. The fact that it had all happened with a guy who I’d known for over ten years – and who I’d never been attracted to – only dawned on me three hours later, when we were dressed and sat on separate chairs on opposite sides of the living room."

"“I’m probably not going to mention this to anyone,” Sam said casually. “They don’t really need to know, right?” I laughed – a little too hard, perhaps. “Of course not,” I replied, feeling myself go red. His comment stung, and I wasn’t sure why."

"That afternoon, we hugged goodbye and later texted each other about unrelated, non-sexual things, as a conscious show of “seeing each other naked changes nothing”."

"Aside from predictably telling all to a mutual friend of ours later that week, I easily put the whole thing to the back of my mind. One-night stands in the past had come with a morning dose of guilt, like I’d sold myself short somehow. This felt different. I didn’t want a relationship with Sam, but it hadn’t been meaningless."

"When he rang me out of the blue six months later to say he’d tested positive for chlamydia and was worried he’d given it to me, our friendship made things easier again. I genuinely meant it when I said that I wouldn’t be angry if he had passed it on, and he knew he could believe me."

"It’s been three years since that night, but I’ve only recently realised that now when Sam stays in London, he no longer uses my floor as his crash pad. We’re both in long-term relationships and I don’t know if his girlfriend knows we slept together."

"When I told my boyfriend, he seemed unfazed – he’s slept with some of his female friends, too. But he still can’t make me orgasm through penetration, and when he asked me who had, I lied."

"The sex with Sam was great but we both know our long-standing friendship comes first. Boyfriends may come and go but real friends - especially the ones who have seen you naked - are friends for life."

"It didn't change anything - and the sex was great."

Leah*, on the other hand, slept with her best friend during freshers and maintains that it hasn't changed their relationship.

"Kate* and I were eighteen when we first met as freshers at Bristol University. We lived in the same flat together in student halls and quickly became close friends - despite her obsession with F1 and my complete lack of interest in most sports."

"She was great - always the first at the pub but also there to support you if you were going through a tough time, too. One night - after many pints, I may add - we drunkenly ended up kissing, stumbling back to her room, and sleeping together."

"The sex was incredible - easily the best I'd ever had - and knowing her as well as I did made things less awkward and a lot more exciting." 

"While we did sleep together a few more times, I think we both knew it was nothing serious and would never amount to anything. Plus, it was just before a long Easter break, which came in handy as it meant we spent a few months apart."

"When we did return to uni for the summer, things were totally normal but the sexual spark had fizzled out. There was no awkwardness or hard feelings as we both felt exactly the same - it had been a bit of drunken fun."

"We've now been best mates for years - she's a completely irreplaceable friend and I can't imagine my life without her. Our fresher's fun is rarely even mentioned, but we always just laugh it off if it is - we've spoken about it since. If anything, it brought us closer - I do maintain that you can sleep with a mate and keep things friendly if you're both 100% on the same page."

Shop toys to spice things up now

If you've Googled what is a threesome like, chances are, you've fantasised about having one yourself. But have you ever considered what an accidental threesome could be like?

A bit like your first threesome might be more daunting than, say, your tenth, the general consensus is that the more you plan, the better. But what about if a threesome just... happens? What if the opportunity presents itself, turns you on, and is too good to say no to?

That's what happened to Elissa* one night. Below, she shares her story, plus exactly why her accidental threesome came to be. Don't miss our guides to what it feels like to have premature female ejaculation, to sleep with your best friend, and to have your first threesome, while you're here. 

"I had an accidental threesome - we were like a bunch of excitable teenagers"

"All I did was say aloud what the three of us had already been thinking: ‘We’re going to have a threesome.’ It wasn’t a question or a demand; it was just a statement. My friend’s ex-boyfriend responded by asking where we were going. ‘Elissa’s apartment is just around the corner,’ my friend offered."

"Three hours earlier, I had been wearing my comfy jeans, at home in my Brooklyn apartment, eating nachos and binge-watching a show on Netflix about a vampire. I was mid-break-up, and when I say ‘mid’, I mean my then-boyfriend had said, ‘I love you, but I don’t want to live in New York with you. Goodbye.’"

"He had moved to Wyoming nine months earlier, which generally meant I should have moved on four months ago, or at least progressed beyond the nachos-and-Netflix phase. But I was still mentally replaying the jangle of his keys as he walked down the stairs and out of the door, the final kiss, and how I ran upstairs to throw away the unused condoms, knowing we would never have sex again. I might have used them one day with someone but those condoms were his and mine, so out they went. Then I tossed the sheets, pulled on my comfy jeans and there I was."

"For the past nine months I’d barely left the apartment, so it required heroic contortions of body and mind that night to sit in a basement theatre where my former house mate – an ebullient Chilean actress and musician with porcelain skin – performed in a play about hipsters and wasted youth."

How the accidental threesome came to be

"Her ex-girlfriend had written it, basing my friend’s character on her: bisexual and bawdy, an open and honest free spirit, wild and without shame. As my friend fake-drank beer onstage, I noticed a man in the audience she’d described to me years ago: a guy who looked and talked like Elvis and had crushed her emotionally. She confronted him later, and he cooed, ‘Baby, I ain’t been nothing but sweet to you.’"

"Later at the upstairs bar, when "Elvis" sat down on a stool next to us, bought us beers and whisky shots, and kept his face close to mine, I began to panic: was he flirting with me? Or was he flirting with her? I wondered when he brought up the subject of their sexual history. It would have been inappropriate of me to flirt with him, so instead I flirted with her, gently tickling her thigh as he talked."

"Of all my friends she was that friend, the one with whom you’d theoretically have a three-way. Alluring, playful, there was a lot of seductive energy - and whisky - swirling amongst us."

"None of us had any romantic aspirations – the guy had no hold on her heart – so the flirting was all low stakes and high velocity. That’s when I announced: ‘We’re going to have a threesome.’"

Why I decided to go for it

"It had never been on my sex wish list. I’d never had a threesome, nor fantasised about having one, nor stood within ten feet of anyone who’d had multi-tasking sex. Sex with one other person was arduous enough. I hadn’t even kissed a man for longer than ten seconds until I was 20 and, at 26 I hadn’t experimented much sexually. On top of that, I had pressed pause on the whole romantic-emotional-sexual side of myself since the break-up/meltdown."

"But the alchemy of this night – the wild-and-without-shame friend, the man who looked and acted like Elvis, their libidinous past, my shedding of the comfy jeans, the whisky, the apartment's proximity – sent me high-tailing it home to hurriedly tidy up while they stopped to buy beer."

Pushing through the first time nerves

"Once inside my apartment, I decided to cancel it. I wouldn’t let them in. But I then remembered that my buzzer was broken, the door downstairs was unlocked, and they showed up too fast. My friend sensed my nervousness, so she and I sojourned to the kitchen for a breather. She counselled me on the spot: ‘It’s OK. Inhale. This is just your body learning how sex can break the paralysis inflicted by the past. Exhale.’ We inhaled and exhaled together until we were inflated by courage."

"An infinite number of beers later I then suggested we play Truth of Dare, minus the truth part. ‘Kiss her passionately on the mouth,’ my friend dared her ex. We retained an almost theatrical innocence. ‘Pull each other’s hair,’ he now dared us. ‘Take off my underwear,’ I dare myself. She dared all of us to get into my bed. We were like a bunch of excitable teenagers on a bright, unexplored planet."

"Before this night, me and my friend often talked about our relationships, menstrual cycles and other personal and awkward things, but what exactly we did during sex was a subject even we, the closest and oldest of friends, couldn’t touch – until now. Seeing the way another woman had sex nudged me in new and unexpected directions. I witnessed her tell him what to do and what she liked. I paid very close attention: was she really enjoying herself? When her ex-boyfriend went down on her, I whispered, ‘are you getting off on this?’ She smiled at me, shook her head and whispered back, ‘Not even close.’ Same."

"‘Let me show you how this works,’ she intervened, instructing him. ‘You might like circular motions,’ she recommended to me. ‘Allow me to demo another way,’ she proposed to both of us with authority, before we folded into gymnastic-like positions and even got a little rough, just to see, just to know what it felt like."

"Throughout, my friend was my friend, meaning she was kind, encouraging, generous, thoughtful and complimentary. You know when a girlfriend says to you, ‘Nice haircut,’ or ‘I adore that dress on you’? This was just like that, but carnal, like, ‘You have a hot body,’ or ‘Let me turn off the light first so no one sees my scars or your stretch marks, which don’t exist anyway.'"

"The benefits of friendship transposed onto this night. We felt comfortable and unembarrassed getting naked in front of each other, and when she became tired, she'd motion to me, like a tag-team system, and I'd stimulate or get stimulated as she rested."

"Afterwards, as we lay cooling, smelling of three different types of sweat, it was how I envisioned it would be after a sexual revolution: no one jealous or insecure or hurt. For once, I didn't desire pledges of eternal fidelity or everlasting love. Sex was affirmative, friendly and fun. I'd learned new, illuminating things, which should be the whole point of sex - and I'd learned from a female friend, my inadvertent sex coach, who, within a few hours, had imparted her wisest sex life-skills."

"At around 4am, I gave her a look that said I'd like to be alone, and without hesitation, she said, 'Time to put on your pants,' to Elvis. 'I'm calling a cab for us.' In the darkness, we said goodnight, knowing the three of us would never be the three of us again."

"But the next day, I knew she would call me, because she's my friend, and the truly sacred relationship - our relationship - would always survive undamaged. And it did."

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If you've ever Googled, "Should I leave my husband for my lover?", chances are, you're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

While many won't actively endorse or agree with the idea of cheating on a partner, it still happens - and fairly regularly, at that. One survey found 46% of Brits have cheated on a partner at some point - that's nearly half of the population.

Know this: we're only human, and every single relationship scenario will be unique to you and your partner. Always do what feels right for you and try and work through the situation as a couple - with open ears, an open heart, and an open mind. 

When it's a drunken kiss or a one-night stand, it might be easier to patch things up with your existing partner. But what about if feelings develop for your new lover? And what about when thoughts about leaving your partner start to entertain every second of your every day? 

That's how Natasha* felt, at least - she'd been with her husband, Hugh*, for years, but knew she wasn't in love with him. Then, she met Aidan. But what about the children? And what about her marriage? Keep scrolling to read one woman's story of choosing between her husband and her lover.

Don't miss our first persons on what it feels like to experience premature female ejaculation, to sleep with your best friend, and to have your first threesome, while you're here. 

"Should I leave my husband for my lover? Well - I don't regret my affair."

Words by Natasha Green

At last I had cracked it. By the end of my heartbroken twenties, I’d finally found a kind, clever, funny man with a successful career and interesting friends, who loved me very much, and would be a good father to our children. I’d grown out of my silly infatuations with emotionally unavailable men and had chosen someone sensible and mature to be my life partner.

That was over a decade ago. And for most of those years, I would no more have deliberately jeopardised my marriage than have stepped out in front of a bus. I was not "in love" with Hugh, this is something I had acknowledged to myself from the start. But I loved him, and I was committed to him and to our marriage. Time passed in a blur of domestic, social and professional activity. 

While he worked, I put my career on hold to be a stay-at-home mum to our children. We functioned well as a couple - we worked hard in our respective domains, we entertained, we organized family holidays with other couples and their children, and we had sex, although not as frequently as my husband would have liked.

Then my husband decided to take voluntary redundancy in order to write a book – but somehow the first chapter never materialised. By now, I’d gone back to work, but I knew that my salary alone wouldn’t be enough to keep us, and my husband seemed in denial both about our financial situation and about himself. He had promised and failed so many times to lose weight, get fit, write his book proposal, tidy his study (actually our living room), start growing vegetables and teach our son to ride his bike that, in the end, I simply stopped taking him seriously.What I’d once told myself was a forgivable tendency to procrastinate now seemed infantile, delusional and, frankly, dishonest. It didn’t help that his congenital untidiness meant a rising of books, papers and unopened letters that spread out of his study and around the house, leaving me feeling as though I was drowning in someone else’s chaos.

Then there was the drinking. Sometimes I would wake up in the night and go downstairs to find him still slumped over the kitchen table, television blaring, another empty bottle of wine in front of him.

In the months and years to come, when I tried to locate the core of connection and intimacy in my marriage that told me "Here is where you belong," I found a sort of shocking emptiness. The physical pain when your partner is away, the safeness when you’re in his arms, the animal part of you that just wants him to take you, the holding hands as you walk along the street, the kisses for no reason, the looking into each other’s eyes as your bodies connect; without these things, a marriage, it seems to me, is simply a more or less adequate childcare arrangement.

Not that I knew any of this when I began my affair, which felt like the stupidest, richest and most exciting thing I’d ever done in my life. I’d known Aiden, a former work colleague, for three years when we met for a drink one night and ended up making out in the street at one in the morning. When I woke up the next day, I was consumed not by guilt but by the desire to see him again. I texted him, and his return message sent a jolt of electricity directly to my groin. At our next meeting, it became obvious to both of us that sex was a simple inevitably, and we agreed to cut short our dangerous liaison.

A month went by. I seriously considered voluntary work as a way of re-channelling my energy. But I couldn’t get Aiden out of my head and, in the end, I contacted him again. We met one late summer night at a wine bar on the Embankment in London and, as darkness fell, he kissed me. I uttered the fateful words, ‘I love you.’ It was only our third date and, mortified, I took them back right away, but looking back I see that they were, and remain, fundamentally true.

Over the course of the next year, we saw each other perhaps once every ten days and exchanged hundreds of chatty, erotic, loved-up and miserable emails and texts. My exciting new job gave me plenty of alibis - on the evenings I saw Aidan I would be "attending a work function" or "meeting a PR," although I would also use "dates with friends" as an excuse. The rest of the time I divided, like any other working mother, between office, home and early morning visits to the gym – my children, then ten and six, were often taken to school and picked up by their stay-at-home dad. I vividly remember Aiden saying: "There can be no happy ending to this." 

By then we were deeply, irrevocably, in love, but I, too, could see no way out. How could I possibly leave my husband? I already foresaw his utter devastation. Then there were the children. When would divorce be bearable for them? When they were both safely dispatched to University? As I made these mental calculations, I couldn’t help but weep.

On the one hand, Hugh discovering our affair was such a catastrophe, I shut it out entirely. But on the other, some part of me must have longed for it to be over; how else to explain the fact that I left my Blackberry, the same model as my husband’s, open at a damningly incriminating email? His subsequent fury and anguish were horrible to witness. I knew I had to give up Aiden and try to make a go of it with Hugh – for the sake of the children if nothing else – but if he’d told me then and there that he wanted a divorce, I would have felt intensely relieved.

As the child of a broken home, I know that divorce was a survivable catastrophe, and I felt confident that we could both continue to be effective, loving parents. Yet perhaps the long hard path we trod over the subsequent months was necessary for both of us, to work through the rage, pain and final acceptance that our marriage was over. We called each other the worst names imaginable, we had sex in a desperate attempt to reconnect, and we talked and talked, until nothing I said could adequately explain my behaviour to my husband.

There were times when I feared for my safety, times when I loathed him and times when I was filled with pity and remorse, but as the months passed and our marriage counselling failed to fix us, there was also a slow, sure, sad recognition that I no longer loved my husband enough to stay married to him.

Four long, anguished months after I’d said goodbye to my lover, promising I would never see him again, my husband did an extraordinary thing. He contacted Aidan and told him that we were over and that he, Aidan, was welcome to me. That weekend was one of the most momentous of my life. I’d gone to stay in my mother’s empty flat for a couple of nights for some respite, and I remember walking alone through Regent’s Park and up Primrose Hill. Some of my intense wretchedness lifted; my instincts told me my marriage was over, but I also realised that I would survive with or without Aidan. It was a critical realisation that allowed me to keep faith with my decision. Then on the Monday, I got an email from Aidan describing Hugh’s phone call and suggesting we meet. The man I’d said goodbye to, I thought forever, was back in my life, and I was never going to let him go again.

My divorce was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and, four years on, I’m deeply sorry for the hurt I caused my ex. I worry, too, about the impact our separation had and will continue to have on my children. But I couldn’t have stayed married to my husband to make him happy, and I don’t regret my affair. How could I? It bought me Aidan. Some might call our relationship unconventional; we live in separate houses close to each other in London but spend oodles of time together as a couple and with my children. It’s an arrangement that suits us down to the ground, giving Aidan the space and solitude he needs, and me time to focus entirely on my children. In the end, I make no apologies for choosing life, love and survival over unhappiness and self-denial. Ultimately, it is what we all must do.

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Dating can feel like a minefield at the best of times. Dating sites which are supposed to make it easier can, if anything, make things more complex. You might wonder why anyone would want to make it even more complicated by adding extra people into the mix - but among twenty- and thirty-somethings, the practice of polyamory, also known as an open relationship or ethical non-monogamy, is becoming increasingly popular.

At face value, you can see why. Being able to have a loving and committed relationship with someone while still enjoying the flirting and the nervous butterflies that come from a new relationship sounds like the best of both worlds, right? 

Well, the reality is a little more complicated than that - as one woman who was in an open relationship for four years explains. Here, she shares what navigating an open relationship is really like, plus details the most important lessons she learnt while being in one. Read what it feels like to have premature female ejaculation, to sleep with your best friend, and to have your first threesome, while you're here. 

What being in an open relationship is really like

What is an open relationship?

An open relationship simply means maintaining your current relationship while dating and having sexual relations with other people.

Professor of psychology David Barash from the University of Washington shares that the exact definition of an open relationship differs from person-to-person, relationship-to-relationship. "There are a wide variety of open-relationship models out there which can vary drastically from one couple to another," he shares.

"Having an open relationship can work really well for some people but not for others - as people, we're also inclined to be sexually jealous of a partner being with someone else. From a biological standpoint, we're resistant to that partner having another relationship," he continues.

"I was in an open relationship for four years - for a while, I loved it."

Laurie* found navigating an open relationship challenging - and share's it's not all fun and games.

"I was in an open relationship for four years before meeting my current partner and deciding to be monogamous. For a while, I loved it. My relationship became longer term and more domestic while I got to date and even sleep with other guys."

"In some ways, it was brilliant. I was at university in the States and my boyfriend was back in London, which, if we'd been monogamous, might have been difficult. While most relationships that pre-date university don't survive it, ours worked pretty well, on the basis that I could go out and have fun with my friends without feeling guilty if the dancing got a bit raunchy or I indulged a drunken kiss."

"The open nature of the relationship lent itself to us giving each other space and being allowed to get on with our lives."

"When you're non-monogamous, the first thing people ask you is always about jealousy, and I get it. When you're used to the idea that the person you're dating is only supposed to have eyes for you, it's hard to understand that you could be okay with it."

"The reality is that yes, of course you get jealous. Being open doesn't mean you've had the envy chip removed. It just means that you've decided jealousy, anger and sadness are all part of a normal emotional range. After all, people in monogamous relationships get jealous too. It's not about feeling it or not feeling it, it's about how you process it. In an open relationship, you're encouraged to communicate with your partner about your jealousy and discuss what's causing it. When it works, the process can leave you feeling closer than ever."

Why I ended up ditching polyamory for monogamy?

"Everyone has their wants and needs, and when the relationship is bigger those wants and needs increase. That can mean that sometimes you don't get your needs met."

"Then there's the issue of priority. Who are you supposed to put first? My ex was married, so it was pretty clear cut. His wife was equally committed to an open relationship (and had a boyfriend of her own) but she came first, because they'd committed their lives to each other."

"The pay-off for having my own life and university and being able to sleep with whoever I wanted, was that I couldn't demand my boyfriend's time or attention. It had to be scheduled in, and unless it was an emergency, I had to fit in around everyone else."

"For some people, particularly people who have multiple partners or a demanding career, the part time nature of open dating can be advantageous, but if you're someone who - like me - values constant communication and contact, it's really hard. So when it came to settling down with my other half, we felt that we would rather focus exclusively on each other."

Why do some open relationships work while others don't?

Of course, open relationships are just like any other relationship: sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

"I'm pretty sure that it's actually more about the people involved than the structure of the relationship itself. Whether you think non monogamy is a great idea, or your worst nightmare, the fact that different relationship type and structures are becoming socially acceptable has got to be a good thing - it means you've got the option when you're first seeing someone to discuss how you'd like things to work, rather than sleepwalking into a certain type of relationship."

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If you're on the hunt for fun sex ideas to spice up your next date night, you likely aren't alone. According to research from a 2021 poll by the dating app Paired, 49% of people think sex with their partner could be better - and 18% are completely unsatisfied with their sex life. 

It t might be a trope that long-term, monogamous relationships just do lose their spark, it doesn't have to be that way. That said, knowing how to spice up a relationship can feel daunting at the best of times - especially if sex games and sex card games aren't your cup of tea.

That's where this round-up of fun sex ideas will come in handy, packed with simple, enjoyable tips for making your love life that bit more exciting again. Because know this: while how often couples have sex often fluctuates and is very unique, spicing up your relationship, especially in the bedroom, is really important for your health and happiness. One 2016 study found that, in heterosexual couples, sexual satisfaction was a stronger predictor of relationship satisfaction. 

Longer-term routes to building a healthy sex life include good communication and feeling safe with your partner. If you're ready to get down right now, though, and feel like you're lacking inspiration - we've got top tips from the pros.

Who tested the fun sex ideas in this round up?

Good question. We picked the brains of the below pros for their go-to tips.

• Ness Cooper, clinical sexologist and therapist and resident expert at jejoue.co.uk, 
• Cecile Gasnault, brand director of Smile Makers
• Hope Flynn, head of content at iPlaySafe and founder of FeedMeFemale

10 fun sex ideas to try tonight

1. Power play

A survey of more than 4,000 Americans found one clear winner in the competition of sexual desires: domination. Almost every woman (93%) -and man (81%) have fantasised about being sexually dominated at some point, while 85% of men and 76% of women regularly fantasise about dominating. 

Know this: BDSM is an art form that requires a lot of research and discussion between partners (our guide to bondage for beginners might come in handy here). 

That said, you can start by introducing some elements of it into the bedroom. Try this: begin with vocal domination, meaning one person tells the other what to do. 

2. Get blindfolded

Another classic tool of BDSM? Restricting a sense to make touch feel even more powerful. 

"Using a blindfold and restricting sight increases the other senses making things a little more sensual and exciting," says Flynn. "It also requires you to put a lot of trust into your partner's hands which can strengthen your bond."

3. Temperature play

Ever heard of temperature play? In short, it's using objects with different temperatures across you or your partner's body during foreplay or intercourse to turn you on.

"A great introduction to temperature play is using ice - glide it over each other's bodies to experience the sensations you get from the cold. If heat is more your thing, use a massage candle to excite the nerves in new ways," explains Cooper. 

Did you know? Moving from hot to cold sensations in a localised area quickly also helps release nitrite oxide, a neurotransmitter that can help with orgasm and erection, shares the expert.

4. Go somewhere new

A last-minute hotel stay in your own neighbourhood sounds like a treat, but trying it somewhere new doesn't only have to be out of the home. 

"Why not have sex somewhere you've never done it before - on the sofa, the kitchen or in the hallway. Just take things out of your usual sex spot to make it more fun," says Flynn. 

5. Explore with porn

"Explore erotic audio, books or even porn as a couple," advises Cooper. "Viewing and reading sexual acts can excite many as well as give some ideas of what to do in the bedroom. For some, increasing arousal this way can be really helpful in helping making sex different too."

Gasnault suggests creating erotic works yourself, too. "Write an erotic short story or fantasy to your partner where you are the main characters and give it to them as a gift. I promise it will be a memorable night after that," she says. 

Remember there are loads of ethical porn sites out there to help you find something that turns you on, rather than off.

6. Use a sex toy

Despite how common sex toys are, there can still be something of a taboo around using them in partnered sex. Tonight, get turning them on, says Cooper: "They can help you feel different sensations during sex which lead to orgasm. They can also distract your busy mind, meaning you’re less focused on thoughts that pop into your head during non-tech-focused sex. It can make sex feel more physical, which can be what you need at a particular time."

Gasnault adds: "Trying out stimulations on other parts of the body, as well as the genitals, can be exciting. A vibrator can be used for a sensual massage before using it on the vulva and it can also work for the scrotum," she says. 

We have loads of roundups for the best sex toys, including the best vibrators, best anal toys and best dildos, in case you want to buy something together. 

7. Don't touch

That might sound like the least sexy thing ever but stay with us on this one. 

"If you want to build up desire and try something tantalising, agree on a no-touch zone and explore all other areas of the body," recommends Gasnault. "Pair that with eroticism - talking, using scented products like candles or reading sex stories - and you might end up feeling sexual energy rise in your whole body in a way that will feel very different where you are only focused on the genital area." 

Flynn also suggests no-touch solo play, saying: "Masturbating in front of your partner and letting them see how you pleasure yourself can be super bold. Stare them right in their eyes and show them exactly how you like it."

8. Look at yourselves

"Have you ever seen yourself have sex?" asks Flynn. 

If not, try this: you can position a mirror to see how sexy you look while making love. "This isn’t a moment to judge you or your partner's body but a moment to enjoy and experience your sexual connect from another perspective."

9. Practice edging

Ever heard of edging? It'll almost certainly get you going, share our experts.

"There’s nothing wrong with a quickie from time to time but when really trying to reconnect and build back the intimacy, edging is great," says Flynn. "This is when you or your partner are sexually stimulated to the point of orgasm, but you stop right before you climax. Make love for as long as possible and, when you eventually let yourselves orgasm, it will be mind-blowing." 

10. Find new positions

"Refer to the classic Kamasutra positions and try out some new sex positions," recommends Flynn. 

If you're reading the Kamasutra, you can open the book on a random page (or do an old-fashioned Google, if you don't happen to have the test lying around). Go with the first one that comes up - as long as it sounds good to both of you.

You'd assume that premature cumming isn't a life problem that'd top your "to sort" list. Far from it: again, you'd think that it'd be a good thing. Imagine it: being able to cum just minutes into sex. The stuff of dreams, right?

Sadly for the many that experience it, not really. For many women globally, cumming too soon is a guilt-riddled, shame-inducing problem that has plagued them for most of their adult lives. 

We're big on sexual wellness here at Marie Claire UK and passionate that working out your groove when it comes to sex and relationships is key to a happy life. While most of us have experienced climax a little sooner than we'd of liked at some stage – thanks to either a talented partner or one of the best sex toys – for some women, premature cumming is a chronic mood killer.

Below, we define what exactly premature ejaculation means, plus one woman shares her personal story. Read what it feels like to be in an open relationship, to sleep with your best friend, and to have your first threesome, while you're here. 

What female premature orgasm really feels like

How do you know if you're orgasming "too soon"?

FYI, there is no "normal" amount of time for a woman to reach orgasm, with most women reaching climax anywhere between five and 20 minutes into sex. If you're consistently coming one or two minutes in, you may be experiencing premature orgasm.

Sadly, as with most female health and sex issues, women prematurely cumming is nowhere near as researched as male premature ejaculation, but that doesn't mean it isn't happening. One preliminary Portuguese study into female premature orgasm found that 40% occasionally orgasm faster than intended during sex, and for 3% of those women, the problem is chronic.

On the findings, researcher Serafim Carvalho said: "For this group, female premature orgasm is more than bothersome. We think it causes as serious distress as in men."

Here, one woman tells her story—of premature cumming, of trying to explain it to her husband, and of overcoming her demons, once and for all. If you yourself are struggling with sexual dysfunction, do book an appointment with a specialist and know you are not alone. It's their job to help you get through it, and what you're going through is perfectly normal.

"I always come before my husband, but I'd really like to be able to last longer."

"On the sofa, two minutes into sex, me on top of him, and there it was – that telltale pulsing sensation. Then, boom – I’d orgasmed. “Did that just happen? Already?” my husband asked. There hadn’t even been any foreplay and I was done. A familiar guilt crept in."

"Men who ejaculate prematurely get a bad rap, and I can sympathise. I always come before my husband, and nine times out of ten it’s way before. In fact, I only last about five minutes, whereas he takes more like 20. My friends think I’m lucky, and I know what they mean, but sometimes I’d really like to be able to last longer. After all, I enjoy being intimate with him, and coming too fast often makes me feel like I’ve ruined the moment."

"Unlike a man who can't carry on after coming because he goes soft, technically I can, but we have to use lube or change position, otherwise the stimulation can be too much for me. And once I’ve come, it’s difficult for me to stay aroused. (I’m a "one and done" girl – I don’t often have multiples) so that 15-minute wait for him to orgasm can feel like forever."

"To speed him up, I’ll pinch his nipples or talk dirty. Occasionally, I find myself thinking, “Am I doing something wrong? Isn’t he attracted to me?” and sometimes we’ll just stop because he can tell that I’m not feeling it. I’ll give him a hand- or blow-job, or let him know it’s OK to use a Fleshlight. My speed doesn’t seem to bother him; he’s glad I can get off so fast. He’ll prance around the house for a good hour afterwards, feeling rather proud of himself."

"While there’s this idea women want a man who can last forever, I sometimes think it’d be nice if mine came within two minutes, too, so I’d be sure we were both satisfied. I get so aroused during foreplay that we only ever do it when we’ve been drinking because alcohol dulls the sensation a little. He likes foreplay but doesn’t need it, as such, though I do focus on him more than myself (blow-jobs, bob-jobs, spankings) – anything that will stimulate him so we’ll come closer in time when we do have sex."

"I’ve tried everything to delay coming, from shifting position to thinking about a dog that died. I won’t do that again. I’ve also tried to pretend that I haven’t orgasmed when I have. It doesn’t work – he can feel the contractions. I’m actually glad of this. After all, part of the intimacy of sex is how vulnerable you are when you orgasm and lose control of your body. Films and TV reinforce the idea that couples should come together, which isn’t real life. My husband says, “I don’t care if you finish first, just let go.”

"Being able to orgasm without a struggle is liberating, and I allow myself to have the good time I should. When we first got together, he always came first and it took me around 40 minutes. It wasn’t until I became comfortable with him that the tables turned. Not focusing on sucking in my stomach or worrying about how I looked. Women are taught to focus on a man’s pleasure, but once I started focusing on mine, the orgasm came. I remember the first time I orgasmed quickly, about six months in, and he asked, “Was I doing something different?” I said, “No – I was.”"

"Now my body is so tuned into getting aroused, there’s no stopping it. If I want a quick release, I can masturbate and come within minutes. We have sex more often now, as all it takes is my husband to come up behind me, push my hair aside and kiss my neck to get me excited, because I know I’m going to come. That’s a powerful feeling."

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If you're searching for the best lube, chances are, you're keen to make penetration that bit smoother in the bedroom.

Asking yourself, what is lube? In short, it's a gel used to minimise friction during sex which pros have long maintained can make intercourse more enjoyable. According to relationship expert Annabelle Knight, not only is lube great for slick entry, it's pretty much guaranteed to make sex better overall.

Knight explains: “It's a fact that people who use lubricant have better sex - not only does the slippery stuff ease penetration, it also makes external play much more enjoyable."

Worried it might not be for you? Don't, she advises. "Contrary to popular misconception, lube is for everyone, not just people whose bodies are struggling to produce natural lubrication. Even if you feel that your body is doing a great job without any assistance, you might be missing out on a whole lot of extra pleasure without knowing it."

You'll find that most condoms are lubricated, assisting smoother sex. But if you're not using condoms, lube might be the way to go. There's a whole range on offer, from water-based lubes to CBD-infused lubes. Scroll our edit of the best below, and don't miss our guides to the best lubes for anal, best lubes for sensitive skin, and how to use lube, while you're here.

How did MC UK test the best lube?

So, which brands of lube are worth your money and which, well, aren’t? 

I'm Ally Head, the Health and Relationships Editor here at Marie Claire UK, and I'm lucky to get to speak to some of the best experts in the business every day. 

We're big on sexual wellness here at MC, and so have enlisted an independent board of sex experts, intimacy coaches, and relationship therapists to share the brands they actually use at home (yes, all of the below products have been tested first-hand). This includes:

• Barbara Santini, psychologist, sex therapist and relationship adviser at Dime Piecela
• Julia Kotziamani, love, sex, and relationship coach 
• Annabelle Knight, Lovehoney sex expert 
• Cecile Gasnault, brand director of Smile Makers
• Georgia Di Mattos, co-founder of sexual wellness brand iPlaySafe App
• Ruby Payne, sex and relationships expert for UberKinky
• Alex Griffiths, co-founder of Roam
• Rachel Worthington, sex and relationship expert and sex toy tester at Bedbible. 

What was considered when testing for the best lube

Not all lubes are created equal, and the following was considered:

• Is it water, silicone, or oil-based?
• Is it skin safe and genital friendly - aka, is it suitable for all skin and genital types?
• Is it scented or non-scented, and is it sticky or smooth?
• Does it tingle or anaesthetise?
• Is it made from natural or synthetic ingredients?

Marin's advice? "Test new lubes on your forearm - you’re looking for slick and silky, not sticky or greasy, and you should be able to glide your fingers across your skin without noticing any tugging," she shares. "A quality lube won’t dry up right away, and will leave your skin feeling moisturised, too - a few drops should go a long way."

It might also be important to you to consider if the items are delivered in discreet packaging - which FYI, all of the below are. Curious about CBD lube and whether to use coconut oil as lube, too? Read our guides.

Best lube: 13 to buy now 

Best silicone lube:

Best for: A silicone-based lube that promises extra-long lasting power.

What the experts thought when testing: Ruby Payne, sex and relationships expert at UberKinky, says: "The Pjur Analyse me! lube is my favourite because it's made from natural ingredients and helped me relax muscles without compromising on sensation and anaesthetic effects. When I want to enhance my play - especially anal play - this is my go-to lube as it makes it as comfortable and pleasurable as possible in a natural way. Plus, I enjoy that it offers slicker and less stick as the silicone formulation makes it a non-sticky and smooth substance."

Vanessa Marin, sex therapist and author, agrees, adding: "My number one favourite is definitely Pjur - we are huge fans of using it in the bedroom as it's made without perfume, is dermatologically tested, and is great for anal sex."

Best natural lube:

Best for: An 100% plant-based, nasties-free lube.

What the experts thought when testing: Georgia Di Mattos, co-founder of iPlaySafe App, says: "Into the Wylde is one of my favourite lubricants. It's vulva-friendly, certified vegan and has an intimately balanced pH, which is important." 

Best water based lube:

Best for: A water-based lube blended using certified organic botanic extracts.

What the experts thought when testing: Barbara Santini, psychologist, sex therapist and relationship adviser at Dime Piecela, says: "I like the Sliquid Organics Water-based lube as it's water-based lubes and has organic ingredients. I found that it works effectively on all skin types and toy surfaces, and can be used on the vagina or anus, too. Plus, the lube is fragrance-free, contains hydrating properties, and is ideal for all skin types. It has a well-balanced pH, is less sticky, and doesn't dirty the sheets, either. My favourite lube."

Best non scented lube:

Best for: A water-based lubricant that's made with uber skin-safe ingredients.

What the experts thought when testing: Georgia Di Mattos, co-founder of iPlaySafe App, says: "I prefer using a water-based lube and one of my favourites is Smile Makers’ Generous Gel. It feels lightweight and silky and comes in a beautiful - and incredibly chic - bottle."

Cecile Gasnault, brand director of Smile Makers, says: "I love that the Generous Gel is a water-based lubricant (softer for skin), and that it's formulated with pharma-grade ingredients so safe for all vulva-owners, including during pregnancy. I find it absolutely essential for great sex." 

Best tingling lube:

Best for: An indulgent, water-based lubricant in a glass bottle.

What the experts thought when testing: Julia Kotziamani, a love, sex, and relationship coach, says: "In terms of all-time favourites, I love the Coco De Mer divine glow aqua lubricant. It's a water-based lube that I find great for use with toys." 

Best long-lasting lube:

Best for: A lube to counter vaginal dryness and maximise glide which only requires a few drops.

What the experts thought when testing: Julia Kotziamani, a love, sex, and relationship coach, says: "I love the above Coco De Mer option, but use Deo Doc Intimate Drops for a more durable (but not toy or latex condom-friendly) oil-based option."

Best cheap lube:

Best for: Coconut oil for use in the kitchen or the bedroom.

What the experts said thought when testing: Julia Kotziamani, a love, sex, and relationship coach, says: "In an emergency, you can't go wrong with good old coconut oil."

Best natural lube:

Best for: "Natural wetness in a bottle," according to the brand, made from skin-loving ingredients.

What the experts thought when testing: Alex Griffiths, co-founder of Roam, says: "I love this lube as it's 100% natural, vegan and water-based. It feels light, refreshing and hydrating and works well with both condoms and toys."

Best vegan lube:

Best for: Water-based, vegan-friendly lubricant for long-lasting enjoyment.

What the experts thought when testing: Rachel Worthington, sex and relationship expert and sex toy tester at Bedbible, says: "Lovehoney’s Enjoy lube is one of my go-to recommendations. It’s good-quality, water-based lube that is suitable for all sex toys and condoms, and is very affordable."

Best non-scented lube:

Best for: A silicone-based lube that promises to be both slick and odourless.

What the experts thought when testing: Rachel Worthington, sex and relationship expert and sex toy tester at Bedbible, says: "I found that Lovehoney’s Indulge lube - a silicone lube - is great when used correctly. It lasts longer than water-based lubes, but shouldn’t be used with silicone sex toys, as it can damage the surface and make it unsafe to use."

Best organic lube:

Best for: A lube designed for those with sensitive skin.

What the experts thought when testing: Rachel Worthington, sex and relationship expert and sex toy tester at Bedbible, says: "My personal favourite lube is the YES Organic Water-based lube, with an aloe vera base. It’s great for those with sensitive skin or those who are prone to yeast or bacterial infections. It might dry out a little quicker, but is easier reactivated with a bit of water (or saliva)."

Best lube for avoiding UTI:

Best for: A pH-balanced, gynaecologist-approved lube that's free from parabens and glycerin.

What the experts thought when testing: Cecile Gasnault, brand director of Smile Makers, says: "I like this lube. I appreciate the brand's attention to the safety of ingredients and their light-hearted approach to sexual wellness that reminds us of ours."

Best lube on Amazon:

Best for: A friction-reducing lube that's both unscented and water-friendly, so safe for use in the bath, shower and so on.

What the experts thought when testing: Vanessa Marin, sex therapist and author, recommends.

Frequently asked questions about the best lube