15 Things You Only Know If You’re A Scouser

Translation: Have ever lived in Liverpool, outside of Liverpool or just have family in Liverpool (mention the L word to anyone outside of Merseyside, and you're a scouser).

1. Forget Corrie and EastEnders, Brookside (or ‘Brookie’ as you affectionately called it) was by far the most superior soap. In fact you’re certain that signed photo of Ron Dixon is still knocking about somewhere.

2. It’s your (drunken) party trick to tell people you were in Brookside. And they believe you every time.

3. You know someone who once got an ASBO for putting their feet up on the seat of a Merseyrail train.

4. As a teenager it was a weekly, even daily occurrence to be kicked off on by a ‘scally’ on public transport. They stare, and stare, and stare until you glance back and then they accuse you of staring at them. Then, they’ll say something ridiculous like, ‘Have I got a F**kin’ telly on me head?’

5. When you’ve ‘seen your arse’ you haven’t actually turned around to take a peek at your derriere, you’re just really proper angry, like, livid.

6. No one in Liverpool actually says, ‘Calm down, calm down.’ That makes you see your arse.

7. Chester-based soap Hollyoaks is filmed in Liverpool. You know this because at least two people from your school year auditioned for it. Well, it beat double General Studies…

8. You miss the good ol’ days when it wasn’t illegal to take a bottle of ‘sh*tmix’ (vodka/gin/anything goes really) on a Merseyrail train before a night out. That was the best bit.

9. Your pursuit for the ultimate eyebrows has nothing to do Cara Delevingne. Hey, they don’t call it the ‘scouse-brow’ for nothing.

10. ‘One for yourself’ means take a tip of 20p. Not the cost of what you’re drinking (a large white wine if you’re asking). You’re not that generous.

11. You think it’s perfectly acceptable to wear cropped tops in the office. Come hail, rain or shine. It’s not a fleeting fashion trend, it’s a way of life, la.

12. You haven’t had a good night out in Liverpool if it hasn’t ended perched on the side of the pavement on Raneleigh Street eating a Maccy Ds. Your dress has lost a strap and reeks of Red Stripe. There’s no sign of your taxi and you don’t have a coat. Obviously.

13. Being ‘made up’, doesn’t mean you’ve caked on the foundation, it means you’re really happy about something. See also: ‘Go ‘ed’, ‘Is right’ and ‘Sound.’

14. You sometimes misspell crazy with a k. The Krazy House has a lot to answer for.

15. Every time you order drinks in a fancy cocktail bar, you bemoan the fact that in ‘Slaters: The College of Knowledge’ a double vodka, lime and soda only cost £1.15. And it probably still does.

Now, here are 18 things you’ll only know if you’re ginger.

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