Oscars 2008: The speeches

Missed the awards show coverage overnight? Don't worry, we've edited the best bits for you here

Didn’t manage to stay awake all night to watch the Oscars? Never mind, sitting through all those speeches can be pretty dull. To save you the bother, we’ve edited the best bits from all the speeches right here…

Tilda Swinton: ‘George Clooney, you know, the seriousness and the dedication to your art, seeing you climb into that rubber batsuit from Batman and Robin – the one with the nipples – every morning under your costume, on the set, off the set, hanging upside down at lunch. You rock, man.’

Daniel Day-Lewis: ‘My deepest thanks to the members of the Academy for whacking me with the handsomest bludgeon in town,’ (after being ‘knighted’ with his Oscar by Dame Helen Mirren).

Joel Coen: ‘I think whatever success we’ve had in this area has been entirely attributable to how selective we are. We’ve only adapted Homer and Cormac McCarthy.’

And from presenter Jon Stewart:
‘Tonight we look beyond the dark days to focus on happier fare – this year’s slate of Oscar-nominated psychopathic killer movies. Does this town need a hug? No Country For Old Men, Sweeney Todd, There Will Be Blood. All I can say is: thank God for teen pregnancy.’

‘Away From Her is about a woman who forgets about her husband. Hillary Clinton called it the feel-good movie of the year.’

‘According to the IMDb our next presenter is the star of the 2010 untitled Nicole Kidman project. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Nicole Kidman.’

‘In case you’re wondering what we do during the ad breaks. Mostly, we sit around and make catty remarks about what you’re wearing at home.’

‘There are three pregnant ladies with us tonight. Jessica Alba. Cate Blanchett. Nicole Kidman. And the baby goes to… Angelina Jolie. I’m stunned. Angelina couldn’t be with us tonight, it’s tough to get 17 babysitters on Oscar night.’

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