Gwyneth Paltrow is now selling psychic vampire repellent to ‘banish bad vibes’

Sure

Words by Jadie Troy-Pryde

Twenty years ago, Gwyneth Paltrow was perhaps better known for her infamous Oscars acceptance speech, and the Brad Pitt break-up that crushed our little nineties hearts.

Nowadays, she is the queen of unusual health hacks. The 44-year-old presents the world with her unique approach to wellness through her website, Goop, advocating everything from vaginal steaming to health cleanses that advise you to drink nothing but goats milk for eight days. Even Miranda Kerr is getting her Goop on by investing in the occasional leech facial.

However, Gwyneth’s most recent product push is perhaps one of the strangest yet – and all things considered, that’s saying something.

The actress-turned-health guru’s website is now selling Psychic Vampire Repellent, a ‘sprayable elixir’ that will not only ‘banish bad vibes’ but will also shield you from ‘the people who might be causing them.’

What a multi-purpose product! And all for the bargain price of $30 (£22).

gywneth paltrow

Credit: Goop

The full description of this must-have spritz reads: ‘A spray-able elixir we can all get behind, this protective mist uses a combination of gem healing and deeply aromatic therapeutic oils, reported to banish bad vibes (and shield you from the people who may be causing them). Fans spray generously around their heads to safeguard their auras.’

Who doesn’t need to safeguard their aura?

It also comes with handy instructions, explaining: ‘Spray around the aura to protect from psychic attack and emotional harm.’

While a ‘psychic attack’ sounds utterly terrifying, Dr Jen Gunter reckons we’ll probably be okay without the vampire spray. She wrote on her blog: ‘The psychic vampire repellent may not be FDA evaluated, but who cares when it has sonically tuned water, moonlight, love, reiki, and gem elixirs which is totally not left over water from a rock polisher.

‘I’m not sure how they get all that reiki in the bottle because reiki isn’t an object but no conversation needed here because ancient gem elixir physics, duh!

‘I mean that’s some potent, women empowering health shit right there, you know? Just don’t empower it into your lungs.’

Hmm. We’re probably gonna give this one a miss, Gwynny.

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